Today I sat at my desk with my head buried in my hands in tears crying out to God. I felt the pain in my soul deeply. I wept and cried out to God in anguish. My heart is broken. He alone knows the sorrows and burdens I carry. He alone can bring healing and relief.
Mine is a broken heart. I am not the first to pray in tears. "You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in your bottle, are they not in your book." [Ps 56:8] God notices the tears of His followers. He is aware of every single drop. We are also reminded in [Ps 30:5] "His anger is but for a moment, His favor for a lifetime; weeping may last for a night but a shout of joy comes in the morning."
My soul is heavy. Pained, burdened, sorrowed, and filled with weeping. 2012 has felt like one long year of weeping. Even now I fight them back. It has been one of the hardest years of my life personally. I feel alone, very alone. Mine is a private mental prison where I have marked time. I do believe joy will come in the morning. That might mean tomorrow and that might mean as I step over into eternity. Either way God will not forsake me or abandon me on this pilgrim path. If the shout of joy does not come until Heaven the nights of weeping will come to an end.
I have laid the sources of my sorrows at His feet and found comfort in His word. By faith I declare, "Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me: O Lord, be my helper. You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent, O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever. [Ps 30:10-12]
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Turning Old and Gray
I am not what I used to be. My workout today brought pain to my shoulder. I can barely find a position while sleeping where that shoulder does not bother me. It has bothered me for years. I am not as strong as I used to be. It seems I fall further behind with each passing year. I try to pacify myself by saying not many forty-six year olds are still in the weight room but this provides little comfort as I watch my youth flee away. It seems every month more of my hair turns gray. There are certain foods I can no longer eat at night if I want to sleep well. I had to start wearing reading glasses this year. I use them each Sunday and Wednesday I preach or teach. Speaking of sleep I sleep restlessly. Many nights I get up anywhere between 2:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. Normally I return to bed for a couple of hours but seldom feel caught up on my sleep. Once again last night I did not sleep through the whole night.
While reading in Psalms this morning I came across a verse that brought great comfort to me. "And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come." [Ps 71:18]
I know I am getting older. I feel my mortality more now than ever. When I look into the not too distant future I can see what the future holds. My body will weaken. People I love will die before me. I will cease being as useful as I once was. My world will eventually begin to shrink. My body will become more feeble. I will find myself living on a fixed income at some point unless God sustains my health to remain active in ministry. Yet God will not forsake me. He will sustain me. He will strengthen me to tell my grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren of God's unfailing strength. He will sustain me to tell of His power to the people to come. I will preach as long as God grants me physical and mental health to be of some use. I do not want to stay too long.
When others I love depart for eternity God will remain my closest companion. Just like my great uncle Buddy who is living out his last days now. His beloved wife has already gone on before Him. He knows his time on earth is short. I am taking all my boys to see him one last time tomorrow.
Regardless of where I live out my last days God will continue to meet with me day after day in the pages of His word and through the highway to heaven in prayer. He will not forsake me should my last days be lived out in loneliness. Should my memory and name fade with the passing of time God will still be with me. Should my phone never ring I will still get to commune with the Lord. Though I may live alone I do not have to be lonely even when I am old and gray.
I will have some purpose for living and a ministry among future generations long after I have preached my last sermon and have written my last book. This brings comfort to my aging soul. I hope it will to yours too.
While reading in Psalms this morning I came across a verse that brought great comfort to me. "And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come." [Ps 71:18]
I know I am getting older. I feel my mortality more now than ever. When I look into the not too distant future I can see what the future holds. My body will weaken. People I love will die before me. I will cease being as useful as I once was. My world will eventually begin to shrink. My body will become more feeble. I will find myself living on a fixed income at some point unless God sustains my health to remain active in ministry. Yet God will not forsake me. He will sustain me. He will strengthen me to tell my grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren of God's unfailing strength. He will sustain me to tell of His power to the people to come. I will preach as long as God grants me physical and mental health to be of some use. I do not want to stay too long.
When others I love depart for eternity God will remain my closest companion. Just like my great uncle Buddy who is living out his last days now. His beloved wife has already gone on before Him. He knows his time on earth is short. I am taking all my boys to see him one last time tomorrow.
Regardless of where I live out my last days God will continue to meet with me day after day in the pages of His word and through the highway to heaven in prayer. He will not forsake me should my last days be lived out in loneliness. Should my memory and name fade with the passing of time God will still be with me. Should my phone never ring I will still get to commune with the Lord. Though I may live alone I do not have to be lonely even when I am old and gray.
I will have some purpose for living and a ministry among future generations long after I have preached my last sermon and have written my last book. This brings comfort to my aging soul. I hope it will to yours too.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
A White Christmas and the Tender Mercies of God
The Edwards family enjoyed one of those picture perfect Christmas days. Taylor, Tucker, and Turner woke up at 1:00 a.m. They were so excited just staring at all the brightly colored packages delivered under the tree after they went to bed initially. I got up and told them we were not opening gifts that early. They never went back to bed.
Brenda and I got up at 6:00 a.m. We read from Luke 2 then went around the room praying. The boys prayed some really mature prayers. We then sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. Then the gift opening began. All the guys were so excited to see Brenda open her gifts. She got ear rings, a necklace, and a couple of watches. She also got a Nook tablet.
Later that morning it began to snow and it intensified as the day progressed. We had a couple inches of accumulation. I gathered the boys and told them in my forty-six years of living this was the first white Christmas Day I could remember. I told the boys to remember this day for they may never see it again.
We have a family tradition to go and see a movie on Christmas Day. We debated about going because of the snow but thought if we went to an afternoon movie we could get back home before it got too bad. All went well until we got the city of Rhome. While taking the exit ramp off Highway 287 to Highway 114 I hit ice. The Suburban slid out of control with the backend fishtailing. I took my foot off the breaks and steered the opposite direction of the backend which then began to slide out of control the opposite direction. I repeatedly tried to correct the car but realized I could not get it under control. Brenda began praying out loud and I said, "Jesus, please help us."
We careened off the road into the median where we eventually slid to a stop shaken but unharmed. God showed us tender mercy not only in protecting us from a crash but in our not getting stuck as we drove out of the grass back onto the highway. We decided at that point a movie was not worth the risk of continued driving on the adverse roads.
Nestled in my chair back in the living room I reflect on a great Christmas Day. God in His tender mercies blessed my family all year long and especially during this season. We were able to share Christmas gifts only because God shared His resources abundantly with us. His provision has been humbling. His tender mercies to send us a white Christmas is a memory I will long treasure with the boys. I also thank God for protecting my family in what good have been a far different outcome in our losing control in the vehicle today. God's tender mercies are indeed new every morning and especially on this white Christmas Day.
Brenda and I got up at 6:00 a.m. We read from Luke 2 then went around the room praying. The boys prayed some really mature prayers. We then sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. Then the gift opening began. All the guys were so excited to see Brenda open her gifts. She got ear rings, a necklace, and a couple of watches. She also got a Nook tablet.
Later that morning it began to snow and it intensified as the day progressed. We had a couple inches of accumulation. I gathered the boys and told them in my forty-six years of living this was the first white Christmas Day I could remember. I told the boys to remember this day for they may never see it again.
We have a family tradition to go and see a movie on Christmas Day. We debated about going because of the snow but thought if we went to an afternoon movie we could get back home before it got too bad. All went well until we got the city of Rhome. While taking the exit ramp off Highway 287 to Highway 114 I hit ice. The Suburban slid out of control with the backend fishtailing. I took my foot off the breaks and steered the opposite direction of the backend which then began to slide out of control the opposite direction. I repeatedly tried to correct the car but realized I could not get it under control. Brenda began praying out loud and I said, "Jesus, please help us."
We careened off the road into the median where we eventually slid to a stop shaken but unharmed. God showed us tender mercy not only in protecting us from a crash but in our not getting stuck as we drove out of the grass back onto the highway. We decided at that point a movie was not worth the risk of continued driving on the adverse roads.
Nestled in my chair back in the living room I reflect on a great Christmas Day. God in His tender mercies blessed my family all year long and especially during this season. We were able to share Christmas gifts only because God shared His resources abundantly with us. His provision has been humbling. His tender mercies to send us a white Christmas is a memory I will long treasure with the boys. I also thank God for protecting my family in what good have been a far different outcome in our losing control in the vehicle today. God's tender mercies are indeed new every morning and especially on this white Christmas Day.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Keeping Your Vows
"I will enter Your house with burnt offerings; I will pay You my vows that my lips promised and my mouth spoke during my distress." [Ps 66:13-14]
In times of distress people make all kind of promises to God. They bargain with Him saying if He will deliver them out of their distresses they will do this or that. While most of the time those vows are quickly forgotten by the men and women who made them God takes them more seriously.
Many years ago I preached a youth camp in July of 2001. I had preached several camps that summer and had not been home for some time. I will never forget the vow I made to God on July 28, 2001. I have referred to it often. I made that vow in some degree of distress. Yet that vow has governed my life, family, and ministry for the past twelve years.
I will not go into all the story. On that day I made a vow to God that I would go anywhere to do anything at anytime He called me. That vow has caused me to live my life on the altar of God. Because of that vow people have misunderstood me and my motives. They have not been able to see that my vow to follow God and obey Him regardless of logic or personal sacrifice governs my life. I will pay my vow I made to the Lord in the day of my distress.
On that day I made a promise to God. He has taken me up on it and I can tell you it has not always been easy. In fact there have been many times over the past twelve years I have felt like breaking the vow. Yet God has sustained me to keep it. While life in ministry has brought more joy, adventure, blessings, and delight than I could ever put into words, I can say on the other hand, there have been numerous trials, heartaches, sorrows, and heavy burdens also.
A vow is a vow regardless of trials, tragedies, or triumphs. When I stood at the altar and made a vow to Brenda and God on our wedding day that meant when we were young and when we are old. That means when we have abundance or when we live in leans times the vow remains.
So it is with God. Vows made in distress are binding. I wish many times I had a normal life. I wish my kids could of started and graduated in the same school with the same group of friends. I wish Brenda and I could have stayed in one church and in one house for the past twenty-one years of our marriage. Yet the vow to follow God anywhere to do anything at anytime has been binding and has guided all we have done. From leaving east Texas to follow God's call to Paradise, then to Seminole, and back to Paradise to start a church. I no longer take guesses at what the future holds. I obey from day to day knowing God has every right to call me from places of comfort and security to follow Him.
What vows have you made to God? Do they govern your life? We should take our vows to God very seriously. God does.
In times of distress people make all kind of promises to God. They bargain with Him saying if He will deliver them out of their distresses they will do this or that. While most of the time those vows are quickly forgotten by the men and women who made them God takes them more seriously.
Many years ago I preached a youth camp in July of 2001. I had preached several camps that summer and had not been home for some time. I will never forget the vow I made to God on July 28, 2001. I have referred to it often. I made that vow in some degree of distress. Yet that vow has governed my life, family, and ministry for the past twelve years.
I will not go into all the story. On that day I made a vow to God that I would go anywhere to do anything at anytime He called me. That vow has caused me to live my life on the altar of God. Because of that vow people have misunderstood me and my motives. They have not been able to see that my vow to follow God and obey Him regardless of logic or personal sacrifice governs my life. I will pay my vow I made to the Lord in the day of my distress.
On that day I made a promise to God. He has taken me up on it and I can tell you it has not always been easy. In fact there have been many times over the past twelve years I have felt like breaking the vow. Yet God has sustained me to keep it. While life in ministry has brought more joy, adventure, blessings, and delight than I could ever put into words, I can say on the other hand, there have been numerous trials, heartaches, sorrows, and heavy burdens also.
A vow is a vow regardless of trials, tragedies, or triumphs. When I stood at the altar and made a vow to Brenda and God on our wedding day that meant when we were young and when we are old. That means when we have abundance or when we live in leans times the vow remains.
So it is with God. Vows made in distress are binding. I wish many times I had a normal life. I wish my kids could of started and graduated in the same school with the same group of friends. I wish Brenda and I could have stayed in one church and in one house for the past twenty-one years of our marriage. Yet the vow to follow God anywhere to do anything at anytime has been binding and has guided all we have done. From leaving east Texas to follow God's call to Paradise, then to Seminole, and back to Paradise to start a church. I no longer take guesses at what the future holds. I obey from day to day knowing God has every right to call me from places of comfort and security to follow Him.
What vows have you made to God? Do they govern your life? We should take our vows to God very seriously. God does.
Christmas Eve
While I write this Brenda and the boys are still sleeping. They are all night owls but I adhere to the thought, "Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy and wise." It is Christmas Eve. The boys are all more excited about Brenda opening her gifts and than they are to open their own. This excites me. Jesus said it is more blessed to give than to receive. I want my boys to learn and to live this truth.
I have really contemplated the birth of Jesus this Christmas more than most Christmas seasons of the past. I am humbled by His provision for us over the course of the past year. We have been moved to tears over and over again. We are humbled by His continued blessings and expressions of love for the Edwards family. Great is His faithfulness and His mercies are new every morning. His compassion does not fail. All of this I owe to my Savior come to earth in a manger but risen from the dead to purchase my redemption. Hallelujah! Truly this is good news of great joy and I shout with the angels, "Glory to God in the highest."
On this Christmas Eve I will enjoy my Lord and my family. Those are my top priorities. I hope you will do the same. Merry CHRISTmas from the Edwards family.
I have really contemplated the birth of Jesus this Christmas more than most Christmas seasons of the past. I am humbled by His provision for us over the course of the past year. We have been moved to tears over and over again. We are humbled by His continued blessings and expressions of love for the Edwards family. Great is His faithfulness and His mercies are new every morning. His compassion does not fail. All of this I owe to my Savior come to earth in a manger but risen from the dead to purchase my redemption. Hallelujah! Truly this is good news of great joy and I shout with the angels, "Glory to God in the highest."
On this Christmas Eve I will enjoy my Lord and my family. Those are my top priorities. I hope you will do the same. Merry CHRISTmas from the Edwards family.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Blustery Winds
A front blew through last night. When I finished teaching our students and walked outside the wind had stirred up the dust. Tanner and I both commented how we felt like we were back in west Texas. The wind howled all night. I cannot remember a night when I heard the wind blow any harder than last night.
Sure enough the wind blew down several limbs from the trees in the yard. The boys had no sooner got those picked up than others were blown down when they went to school. It is not all that cold today in the mid forties but the windchill makes it feel brutally cold. This is not the kind of day you want to be working outside.
While reading my Bible this morning, as the winds howled, I thought about how often the Holy Spirit is symbolized with wind in the scripture. Ezekiel found himself in a valley of dry bones and God called him to prophesy to the breath from the four winds. God brought that army back to life. [Ez 37:1-10] In many places the churches of living God look like this valley of dry bones. Not only are they dead but they have been dead a long time.
What would happen if God blew the wind of His Spirit into individual lives and the corporate body of Christ? Churches would come back to life like an exceedingly great army. There is power in the wind. In parts of the country wind turbines are used to harness the power of the wind to convert it into energy people can use. Farmers have been using windmills for ages. Sail boats can take the power of the wind and use it to their advantage to power their boats forward.
If we could hoist the sails of our lives and catch the wind of God in our context mighty things would happen. We often spend so much time trying to plan, program, and empower our own lives and ministry we find the progress slow going. God did more when He ushered in the power of the Holy Spirit in Pentecost than could have been accomplished in decades of laboring without the Holy Spirit.
Wind is a force. Going with the wind is a great aid. Going against the wind is formidable obstacle. I have learned this over and over again riding my bike. I want the church of God to go with the wind. I want my life to go with the wind. The more blustery the wind of God becomes the more I want to see the kingdom of God advanced.
Maybe you feel spiritually dead. Maybe you are stuck in a church that is dead and going nowhere. Why not cry out to God today to send the blustery winds of His Spirit to bring you and your church back to life. Why not hoist the sails of your life and catch God's blustery winds and let Him propel you where ever He desires.
Sure enough the wind blew down several limbs from the trees in the yard. The boys had no sooner got those picked up than others were blown down when they went to school. It is not all that cold today in the mid forties but the windchill makes it feel brutally cold. This is not the kind of day you want to be working outside.
While reading my Bible this morning, as the winds howled, I thought about how often the Holy Spirit is symbolized with wind in the scripture. Ezekiel found himself in a valley of dry bones and God called him to prophesy to the breath from the four winds. God brought that army back to life. [Ez 37:1-10] In many places the churches of living God look like this valley of dry bones. Not only are they dead but they have been dead a long time.
What would happen if God blew the wind of His Spirit into individual lives and the corporate body of Christ? Churches would come back to life like an exceedingly great army. There is power in the wind. In parts of the country wind turbines are used to harness the power of the wind to convert it into energy people can use. Farmers have been using windmills for ages. Sail boats can take the power of the wind and use it to their advantage to power their boats forward.
If we could hoist the sails of our lives and catch the wind of God in our context mighty things would happen. We often spend so much time trying to plan, program, and empower our own lives and ministry we find the progress slow going. God did more when He ushered in the power of the Holy Spirit in Pentecost than could have been accomplished in decades of laboring without the Holy Spirit.
Wind is a force. Going with the wind is a great aid. Going against the wind is formidable obstacle. I have learned this over and over again riding my bike. I want the church of God to go with the wind. I want my life to go with the wind. The more blustery the wind of God becomes the more I want to see the kingdom of God advanced.
Maybe you feel spiritually dead. Maybe you are stuck in a church that is dead and going nowhere. Why not cry out to God today to send the blustery winds of His Spirit to bring you and your church back to life. Why not hoist the sails of your life and catch God's blustery winds and let Him propel you where ever He desires.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Open the Word for Me
The parking lot fills as they come for a word from you,
No entertainment, frills, or vain philosophy will do,
They come hungry wanting to study and go deeper,
They are men, women, and children truth seekers,
They cry out, "Open the Word of God help me see,
Closer to God I long to grow more intimately,
They come with Bibles in hand and hearts aglow,
Wanting more truth and wanting continually to grow,
So Lord please open your truth our eyes to behold,
May we ever hunger for truth even as we grow old.
- ME
- 12-19-12
- Paradise, TX
No entertainment, frills, or vain philosophy will do,
They come hungry wanting to study and go deeper,
They are men, women, and children truth seekers,
They cry out, "Open the Word of God help me see,
Closer to God I long to grow more intimately,
They come with Bibles in hand and hearts aglow,
Wanting more truth and wanting continually to grow,
So Lord please open your truth our eyes to behold,
May we ever hunger for truth even as we grow old.
- ME
- 12-19-12
- Paradise, TX
God Has Not Given Us a Spirit of Fear
What are you afraid of? Really. Everybody is afraid of something. As for me I do not like snakes. They frighten me. When in elementary school a guy from the zoo brought in several snakes to show our class. He walked around with one of them so people could touch it. I had no interest in touching that snake and was glad my chair was the last in the row in the far corner of the room. I watched as boys and girls nervously touched that snake. I knew if I didn't touch it my friends would tease me to no end about being afraid. I willed myself to act calm and collected and touched that snake though everything in me wanted to run the other direction. To this day I make myself go to the snake exhibits when I visit a zoo. I face my fears.
Satan paralyzes people with fear. Some live in fear they will get a terminal disease. Some fear for their children and take every precaution to guard and double guard them. Some fear losing their pensions, others fear losing their jobs. Some fear losing their homes and some fear driving on the highways and byways.
What is it that you fear? Most people fear public speaking. I know many who are fearful about praying in public. Most Christians are afraid of witnessing to the lost or totally surrendering their lives to Christ. Many are fearful of going on a mission trip. There are countless things that scare and intimidate people.
In [II Tim 1:7] read this, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear (timidity) but of power and love and discipline." Hmmmm. If God did not give us a spirit of fear where does fear come from? I think Satan uses fear against the people of God continually. What is the opposite of fear? Courage. God gives us courage as we trust Him.
We all know there are many times we do not trust Him and that is when fear takes over and dominates our thoughts. If I live, think, act, and react in fear then Satan is having his way with me. When I operate in faith courage naturally follows and Satan is defeated.
God does not regenerate us to be cowards. He redeems us to be warriors. Men and women of courage. I am thinking now the of the countless widows I have known who bravely battle through the last years of their lives without their husbands they loved so dearly. They get up each day and get through the day. Many of them seek to be a blessing to others. Many radiate the joy of the Lord though they go to bed each night alone in a dark house and get up to a lonely breakfast. Courageously they continue to love and serve God. On my recent bike ride in west Texas God used two widows to minister to my every need for close to five hours. They served me and the people of Honduras by driving behind me to protect me from traffic and having food and Gatorade when I took some breaks. Those two ladies gave up a whole Saturday to minister to me. They both are filled with life and courage and I love them dearly.
I know many people who courageously serve the Lord despite trying circumstances. They are faithful even when the trials are stacked against them. I know many who give out of sacrifice. None more so than many farmers I love in Seminole, TX. Even when the cotton crops are bad they still give courageously and and sacrificially while they do not give into fear. I thank God for each of them.
God did not give a spirit of fear. He is a God of courage. I urge you today to find courage in Him and live life in trust and not in fear. Let thoughts of faith and trust saturate your mind while working diligently to dismiss thoughts of fear. This is the will of God.
Satan paralyzes people with fear. Some live in fear they will get a terminal disease. Some fear for their children and take every precaution to guard and double guard them. Some fear losing their pensions, others fear losing their jobs. Some fear losing their homes and some fear driving on the highways and byways.
What is it that you fear? Most people fear public speaking. I know many who are fearful about praying in public. Most Christians are afraid of witnessing to the lost or totally surrendering their lives to Christ. Many are fearful of going on a mission trip. There are countless things that scare and intimidate people.
In [II Tim 1:7] read this, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear (timidity) but of power and love and discipline." Hmmmm. If God did not give us a spirit of fear where does fear come from? I think Satan uses fear against the people of God continually. What is the opposite of fear? Courage. God gives us courage as we trust Him.
We all know there are many times we do not trust Him and that is when fear takes over and dominates our thoughts. If I live, think, act, and react in fear then Satan is having his way with me. When I operate in faith courage naturally follows and Satan is defeated.
God does not regenerate us to be cowards. He redeems us to be warriors. Men and women of courage. I am thinking now the of the countless widows I have known who bravely battle through the last years of their lives without their husbands they loved so dearly. They get up each day and get through the day. Many of them seek to be a blessing to others. Many radiate the joy of the Lord though they go to bed each night alone in a dark house and get up to a lonely breakfast. Courageously they continue to love and serve God. On my recent bike ride in west Texas God used two widows to minister to my every need for close to five hours. They served me and the people of Honduras by driving behind me to protect me from traffic and having food and Gatorade when I took some breaks. Those two ladies gave up a whole Saturday to minister to me. They both are filled with life and courage and I love them dearly.
I know many people who courageously serve the Lord despite trying circumstances. They are faithful even when the trials are stacked against them. I know many who give out of sacrifice. None more so than many farmers I love in Seminole, TX. Even when the cotton crops are bad they still give courageously and and sacrificially while they do not give into fear. I thank God for each of them.
God did not give a spirit of fear. He is a God of courage. I urge you today to find courage in Him and live life in trust and not in fear. Let thoughts of faith and trust saturate your mind while working diligently to dismiss thoughts of fear. This is the will of God.
Christmas Past
On a ministry trip recently I found myself back in east Texas in the hometown where I grew up. I turned off the loop to the old Ford Chapel Road and then made a left on Jones Street. I almost stopped at the top of Jones Hill. My friends and I used to race our bikes down that hill. One day we got the bright idea of tying a rope onto a wagon behind one of our bikes. All went well until we tried to make the right hand turn onto Cunningham Street where the passenger in the wagon took a great spill. The end resulted in blood and scrapes. We never tried that again.
Just two houses down on the left after turning onto Cunningham Street is the house where I grew up. I stopped in front and could visualize the brightly lit Christmas tree in our living room. I recalled years and years of gathering in that room and opening gifts. There is my mother all aglow from her favorite time of year. Then my grandfather and grandmother along with my brother and sister. We lost my sister in 1976 in a drowning. She was only four years old. I recall years where I received bikes, football uniforms, a Mr. Quarterback, bb guns, boots and my all time favorite gift of an electric typewriter when I was in high school because I dreamed of being a writer. My dream has come true. I also remember the times I stole away into that living room to read one of my grandmother's hundreds of books. I took a crack at such authors as Charles Dickens and then read the Bible a little off and on.
I spent most of my growing up years in that house. Wonderful memories still fill my mind. As I drove on past the house I drove around the neighborhood where I rode my bike every square mile of the Englewood Subdivision. I saw the evidence of those who decorate their houses. Our whole neighborhood got in on this. People from all over Lufkin drove to our neighborhood to look at the lights. When Brenda and I lived in the area and had children we did the same. We would pile the boys in the car and drive around while they drank hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. This is a tradition we still do today even though Taylor is seventeen, Tanner is fourteen, Tucker is thirteen, and Turner is nine.
I spent less than five hours in my hometown but I am thankful for the memories. There are so many people who touched my life. I am grateful for those who invested in my life spiritually. I am thankful for the people of Denman Avenue Baptist Church who trained me, loved me, believed in me, prayed for me, and ministered to me over the years. I still call that church home. I have not been there in a year and a half but those people mean the world to me. My pastor Charles Roberts did so much for me. All those who taught me Sunday School, Church Training, and special Bible studies. I am grateful for all those who supported me along the years with more prayers and financial gifts as I started out in ministry. You may take this boy out of east Texas but you cannot take the east Texas out of this boy.
There were some sad times in that home. Like the first Christmas without my grandfather after we lost him to leukemia. After I went to college they sold the house and Christmas never seemed the same again. I always remember that house on Cunningham Street and the wonderful memories of Christmas past.
Just two houses down on the left after turning onto Cunningham Street is the house where I grew up. I stopped in front and could visualize the brightly lit Christmas tree in our living room. I recalled years and years of gathering in that room and opening gifts. There is my mother all aglow from her favorite time of year. Then my grandfather and grandmother along with my brother and sister. We lost my sister in 1976 in a drowning. She was only four years old. I recall years where I received bikes, football uniforms, a Mr. Quarterback, bb guns, boots and my all time favorite gift of an electric typewriter when I was in high school because I dreamed of being a writer. My dream has come true. I also remember the times I stole away into that living room to read one of my grandmother's hundreds of books. I took a crack at such authors as Charles Dickens and then read the Bible a little off and on.
I spent most of my growing up years in that house. Wonderful memories still fill my mind. As I drove on past the house I drove around the neighborhood where I rode my bike every square mile of the Englewood Subdivision. I saw the evidence of those who decorate their houses. Our whole neighborhood got in on this. People from all over Lufkin drove to our neighborhood to look at the lights. When Brenda and I lived in the area and had children we did the same. We would pile the boys in the car and drive around while they drank hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. This is a tradition we still do today even though Taylor is seventeen, Tanner is fourteen, Tucker is thirteen, and Turner is nine.
I spent less than five hours in my hometown but I am thankful for the memories. There are so many people who touched my life. I am grateful for those who invested in my life spiritually. I am thankful for the people of Denman Avenue Baptist Church who trained me, loved me, believed in me, prayed for me, and ministered to me over the years. I still call that church home. I have not been there in a year and a half but those people mean the world to me. My pastor Charles Roberts did so much for me. All those who taught me Sunday School, Church Training, and special Bible studies. I am grateful for all those who supported me along the years with more prayers and financial gifts as I started out in ministry. You may take this boy out of east Texas but you cannot take the east Texas out of this boy.
There were some sad times in that home. Like the first Christmas without my grandfather after we lost him to leukemia. After I went to college they sold the house and Christmas never seemed the same again. I always remember that house on Cunningham Street and the wonderful memories of Christmas past.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Listening
I yearn to hear God speak to me. I know many people are content to go about their lives rarely if ever hearing God speak. I want to hear Him speak often if not daily. This has proven to be a great frustration. I cannot even begin to tell you how many hours I have spent in solitude and silence longing to hear a fresh word from God.
I have read scripture. Not just a verse here or there. I have read through the entire Bible nearly twice in a year. That is not to brag. I have been that desperate just to hear God speak. I have knelt before Him in silence and sat before Him in silence for hours on end only to get up disappointed. I have read numerous books hoping God might use something in one of them to speak to me. I have received truth. Yet to know the satisfaction of hearing Him speak to me day in and day out has been a foreign experience of late.
There were times when I have sought Him for direction. There were times when I needed a clear word from Him like right now. Through several circumstances I have wrestled in recent days about going back to seminary through a correspondence school. I have prayed and prayed over this matter. I have sought the counsel of three people. I have gotten mixed answers. What I long for is to hear a clear word from God on this. Not a hint as to His will on this matter.
I have sought the Lord for messages, direction for the church, vision, and many other things. God for the most part has remained silent. He has impressed on me what to preach or teach weekly but this week even that has been a struggle. It is late Friday afternoon and I still do not have any clear direction. I am listening. He has my undivided attention and truthfully all I want to do is hear from Him. It does not matter what He says. My agenda is to do His agenda. Yet so often I walk away from my quiet times still wondering why I can't hear Him speak more clearly.
Most Christians content themselves to rush into God's presence and do all the talking. The most important thing to me is hear what He wants to say to me. For reasons I cannot understand God is choosing to be silent. I want to listen. I want to hear fresh words from Him. I do not know of anything else to do but to keep coming into His presence, reading His word, and listening. Sooner or later He will speak. O how my soul longs for that day. I anticipate it will the greatest longing. Hearing God speak to me brings a joy this world can never reproduce. Until that day I continue listening and want to continue in that habit until my last breath.
I have read scripture. Not just a verse here or there. I have read through the entire Bible nearly twice in a year. That is not to brag. I have been that desperate just to hear God speak. I have knelt before Him in silence and sat before Him in silence for hours on end only to get up disappointed. I have read numerous books hoping God might use something in one of them to speak to me. I have received truth. Yet to know the satisfaction of hearing Him speak to me day in and day out has been a foreign experience of late.
There were times when I have sought Him for direction. There were times when I needed a clear word from Him like right now. Through several circumstances I have wrestled in recent days about going back to seminary through a correspondence school. I have prayed and prayed over this matter. I have sought the counsel of three people. I have gotten mixed answers. What I long for is to hear a clear word from God on this. Not a hint as to His will on this matter.
I have sought the Lord for messages, direction for the church, vision, and many other things. God for the most part has remained silent. He has impressed on me what to preach or teach weekly but this week even that has been a struggle. It is late Friday afternoon and I still do not have any clear direction. I am listening. He has my undivided attention and truthfully all I want to do is hear from Him. It does not matter what He says. My agenda is to do His agenda. Yet so often I walk away from my quiet times still wondering why I can't hear Him speak more clearly.
Most Christians content themselves to rush into God's presence and do all the talking. The most important thing to me is hear what He wants to say to me. For reasons I cannot understand God is choosing to be silent. I want to listen. I want to hear fresh words from Him. I do not know of anything else to do but to keep coming into His presence, reading His word, and listening. Sooner or later He will speak. O how my soul longs for that day. I anticipate it will the greatest longing. Hearing God speak to me brings a joy this world can never reproduce. Until that day I continue listening and want to continue in that habit until my last breath.
Seated at Your Feet
Lord, once I again I find myself seated at your feet,
Waiting - listening - longing again to hear you speak,
Do you have a word - a message directed just for me,
Do you have counsel - direction this my fervent plea,
The hours have passed slowly while I have waited,
I have prayed, read your word, so far all ill fated,
You remain silent through these long dark nights,
When just one word my parched seeking soul delights,
Lord I resolve to remain seated firmly at your feet,
Not contented until a fresh word you finally speak.
- ME
- 12-14-12
- Paradise, TX
Waiting - listening - longing again to hear you speak,
Do you have a word - a message directed just for me,
Do you have counsel - direction this my fervent plea,
The hours have passed slowly while I have waited,
I have prayed, read your word, so far all ill fated,
You remain silent through these long dark nights,
When just one word my parched seeking soul delights,
Lord I resolve to remain seated firmly at your feet,
Not contented until a fresh word you finally speak.
- ME
- 12-14-12
- Paradise, TX
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Life is Good
Yesterday was a busy day. I had several appointments throughout the day leaving me running from one event to the next all day. I had a son want me to bring him lunch for the first time all year. I had two messages to prepare. I needed to squeeze in a work out before church started. As usual I taught our adults first and then taught our students. On top of all this I slept fitfully all night.
Yet, when I woke up on this Thursday morning I did so with an eagerness to start the day. I decided to make homemade biscuits for the boy's breakfast. I eagerly showered and got dressed. When I put my key into the lock of the office door it dawned on me how eager I was to get in and to get started. There are prayers to pray, scripture to study, planning to do, things to write, books to read and I am eager to do all of it.
Somedays I wake up so groggy I feel like I can barely function. Other days I wake up with alertness and ready to attack the day. What makes the difference? I think the answer can be found in [Eccl 2:24] "There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen, that it is from the hand of God."
When I wake up groggy and wanting to pull the covers over my head I usually have lost focus. I can let my schedule or problems dominate my first waking thoughts. This tends to lead me to feeling overwhelmed and reluctant to start the day. I convince myself life is not good but hard and painful.
On the other hand when I woke up this morning at first I felt tired. I thought about crawling back into bed after taking Tucker to his early morning practice. Instead I started making breakfast. I woke the other boys up and we enjoyed the morning together before they went off to school and me to work. Today I enjoyed life. I enjoyed the mixing of the biscuits. I enjoyed the cooking of eggs and sausage. I enjoyed watching the boys eat, (all they left me were two biscuits.) I enjoyed seeing them off to school. The goodness of God surrounded me this morning just like every morning. I have good food to cook and eat with my family. I had a hot shower this morning. I had a choice of many different style of clothes to wear. I opted for jeans and boots. Life is good.
God gave each of us a life. It is my job to enjoy this life to the fullest and to make the most of it. I believe that my labor is not in vain. Not when I taught adults and students last night. Not when I got to talk to two sisters who will be celebrating baptism on January 6th. Not when I visited with adults and teens just getting a little closer to them. I do not labor in vain when I write. I have no idea who will read this and what impact it will have on a life. I write believing it will help someone along the way. Life is good. My work is good.
I get it. I know many of you are going through tough times. You know the things my family has to deal with. None of us has an easy road. We have burdens and concerns that weigh us down. We can still enjoy life. I have the opportunity to walk outside and notice the tree in the front yard. I can see the handiwork of God in that tree and look all around me and see creation and worship God. I can come into this office and could go through the motions or I can thank God for the cushioned chair I sit in. I can thank God for the computer I type these sentences on. I can thank God for the Bible laid open before me and for the bookshelves lined with books I get to read. I can thank God for adults who came to study the word of God last night and I can thank God for multitude of teenagers who come to laugh and learn week after week. Life is good. My work is good. With these I can be satisfied as I go through this day and life.
I can thank God for the meal I enjoyed with my wife at lunch yesterday. I can thank God for the woman I have shared the last twenty-one years of my life with finding a soul mate and a best friend. I can thank God for the recliner I sat in to relax after church last night and the time I had with Tanner watching his favorite NBA team. I can thank God for the workout I enjoyed with Taylor and Tanner after school and thank God for sleeping in a comfortable bed next to my college sweetheart. I can thank God for the hug I received from Turner as he stumbled into the kitchen this morning wrapped in his blanket. Life is good.
God has given so much in life to enjoy. Relationships. Creation. Worship. Bible study. Food. I could go on and on. When I wake up with the wonder of a child to begin a brand new day I know it is a gift of God. My life and labor are good. This makes me eager to start the day.
Yet, when I woke up on this Thursday morning I did so with an eagerness to start the day. I decided to make homemade biscuits for the boy's breakfast. I eagerly showered and got dressed. When I put my key into the lock of the office door it dawned on me how eager I was to get in and to get started. There are prayers to pray, scripture to study, planning to do, things to write, books to read and I am eager to do all of it.
Somedays I wake up so groggy I feel like I can barely function. Other days I wake up with alertness and ready to attack the day. What makes the difference? I think the answer can be found in [Eccl 2:24] "There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen, that it is from the hand of God."
When I wake up groggy and wanting to pull the covers over my head I usually have lost focus. I can let my schedule or problems dominate my first waking thoughts. This tends to lead me to feeling overwhelmed and reluctant to start the day. I convince myself life is not good but hard and painful.
On the other hand when I woke up this morning at first I felt tired. I thought about crawling back into bed after taking Tucker to his early morning practice. Instead I started making breakfast. I woke the other boys up and we enjoyed the morning together before they went off to school and me to work. Today I enjoyed life. I enjoyed the mixing of the biscuits. I enjoyed the cooking of eggs and sausage. I enjoyed watching the boys eat, (all they left me were two biscuits.) I enjoyed seeing them off to school. The goodness of God surrounded me this morning just like every morning. I have good food to cook and eat with my family. I had a hot shower this morning. I had a choice of many different style of clothes to wear. I opted for jeans and boots. Life is good.
God gave each of us a life. It is my job to enjoy this life to the fullest and to make the most of it. I believe that my labor is not in vain. Not when I taught adults and students last night. Not when I got to talk to two sisters who will be celebrating baptism on January 6th. Not when I visited with adults and teens just getting a little closer to them. I do not labor in vain when I write. I have no idea who will read this and what impact it will have on a life. I write believing it will help someone along the way. Life is good. My work is good.
I get it. I know many of you are going through tough times. You know the things my family has to deal with. None of us has an easy road. We have burdens and concerns that weigh us down. We can still enjoy life. I have the opportunity to walk outside and notice the tree in the front yard. I can see the handiwork of God in that tree and look all around me and see creation and worship God. I can come into this office and could go through the motions or I can thank God for the cushioned chair I sit in. I can thank God for the computer I type these sentences on. I can thank God for the Bible laid open before me and for the bookshelves lined with books I get to read. I can thank God for adults who came to study the word of God last night and I can thank God for multitude of teenagers who come to laugh and learn week after week. Life is good. My work is good. With these I can be satisfied as I go through this day and life.
I can thank God for the meal I enjoyed with my wife at lunch yesterday. I can thank God for the woman I have shared the last twenty-one years of my life with finding a soul mate and a best friend. I can thank God for the recliner I sat in to relax after church last night and the time I had with Tanner watching his favorite NBA team. I can thank God for the workout I enjoyed with Taylor and Tanner after school and thank God for sleeping in a comfortable bed next to my college sweetheart. I can thank God for the hug I received from Turner as he stumbled into the kitchen this morning wrapped in his blanket. Life is good.
God has given so much in life to enjoy. Relationships. Creation. Worship. Bible study. Food. I could go on and on. When I wake up with the wonder of a child to begin a brand new day I know it is a gift of God. My life and labor are good. This makes me eager to start the day.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Help Me Understand
Lord, I ask for you to help me to understand,
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
Sometimes the way is obscure and confusing,
The trials have wounded and left some bruising,
At times the future looks bleak a little unsure,
Leaving me battered and a little bit insecure,
I know you rule, you hold all firmly in control,
And in your word you comfort and you console,
Lord, again I ask for you to help me to understand,
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
I sit here praying - trying to learn lessons to be content,
Determined to follow - never to back down or relent,
You can do all things - you can move every mountain,
You refresh my soul as I drink deep from your fountain,
I may not always see or all your ways not understand,
I do trust you have a purpose and my life you've planned.
- Matt Edwards
- 12-12-12
- Paradise, TX
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
Sometimes the way is obscure and confusing,
The trials have wounded and left some bruising,
At times the future looks bleak a little unsure,
Leaving me battered and a little bit insecure,
I know you rule, you hold all firmly in control,
And in your word you comfort and you console,
Lord, again I ask for you to help me to understand,
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
I sit here praying - trying to learn lessons to be content,
Determined to follow - never to back down or relent,
You can do all things - you can move every mountain,
You refresh my soul as I drink deep from your fountain,
I may not always see or all your ways not understand,
I do trust you have a purpose and my life you've planned.
- Matt Edwards
- 12-12-12
- Paradise, TX
A Higher Purpose
I sat down to finish the last few chapters of the book of Job this morning. Few have ever suffered like Job suffered. He held fast his integrity but at one point he did curse the day he was born and thought it would be better if he had never seen the light of the day. Who can blame him?
Not only did he grieve the loss of a child but the loss of all his children on the same day. On top of that he had to deal with losing his possessions and loyal workers. In a few moments Job lost everything but his wife and health. Not long afterward he lost his health. Yet the Bible is clear that Job did not sin.
He hurt. He felt like God's target of fury. Job knew he had not sinned though others continually made accusations. Job could not understand. Job's purpose was to find relief from the suffering and sorrow. God's purposes were higher.
In the last few chapters of Job God gives a stinging rebuke about His sovereignty. When the Lord finished talking hear what Job said in response in Job 42:2. "I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."
What I often find is that God's purposes and mine are not the same. My purposes include a blessed life, a life of few trials and smooth sailing. I want a life with few trials and fewer hardships. God has a higher purpose. God's ultimate purpose in the universe is to bring more glory to Himself. Sometimes the best way for Him to get glory is when we suffer. I know you don't like reading that anymore than I enjoy writing it but it is true.
God often uses the backdrop of suffering to paint portraits of His power and faithfulness. If God's ultimate purpose is for me to glorify Him by being stretched through hardships that demonstrate how faithful and strong God is then I have to submit to His purpose over mine.
Brenda and I are so humbled over the past twenty-one years we have been married at how often God has used people (common ordinary people) to support us financially. We committed ourselves to living by faith and to obey God no matter where it led or what it cost. It has led to some uncomfortable places and believe me when I say it has cost us plenty. We do not have the luxury of living like many people get to. Yet, I write honestly God is my Provider! He always comes through. I trust Him. He gets the glory for my leaving Seminole totally on faith and a year and a half later I stand to shout God is faithful! He has not abandoned the Edwards family. He has come through over and over again.
When I testify about that guess who gets the glory. It is not Brenda and me. We have often been reduced to needy children crying out to our Heavenly Father for help and rescue in times of trouble. He has come through over and over again. He gets the glory and that is the higher purpose.
Not only did he grieve the loss of a child but the loss of all his children on the same day. On top of that he had to deal with losing his possessions and loyal workers. In a few moments Job lost everything but his wife and health. Not long afterward he lost his health. Yet the Bible is clear that Job did not sin.
He hurt. He felt like God's target of fury. Job knew he had not sinned though others continually made accusations. Job could not understand. Job's purpose was to find relief from the suffering and sorrow. God's purposes were higher.
In the last few chapters of Job God gives a stinging rebuke about His sovereignty. When the Lord finished talking hear what Job said in response in Job 42:2. "I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."
What I often find is that God's purposes and mine are not the same. My purposes include a blessed life, a life of few trials and smooth sailing. I want a life with few trials and fewer hardships. God has a higher purpose. God's ultimate purpose in the universe is to bring more glory to Himself. Sometimes the best way for Him to get glory is when we suffer. I know you don't like reading that anymore than I enjoy writing it but it is true.
God often uses the backdrop of suffering to paint portraits of His power and faithfulness. If God's ultimate purpose is for me to glorify Him by being stretched through hardships that demonstrate how faithful and strong God is then I have to submit to His purpose over mine.
Brenda and I are so humbled over the past twenty-one years we have been married at how often God has used people (common ordinary people) to support us financially. We committed ourselves to living by faith and to obey God no matter where it led or what it cost. It has led to some uncomfortable places and believe me when I say it has cost us plenty. We do not have the luxury of living like many people get to. Yet, I write honestly God is my Provider! He always comes through. I trust Him. He gets the glory for my leaving Seminole totally on faith and a year and a half later I stand to shout God is faithful! He has not abandoned the Edwards family. He has come through over and over again.
When I testify about that guess who gets the glory. It is not Brenda and me. We have often been reduced to needy children crying out to our Heavenly Father for help and rescue in times of trouble. He has come through over and over again. He gets the glory and that is the higher purpose.
Monday, December 10, 2012
I Believe
Lord, I read your promise and choose to believe,
You tell me to ask, seek, knock - then to receive,
For such a long time I chose doubt over you,
I chose unbelief not what you promised to do,
I basked in depression instead of bathing prayer,
I carried my burdens believing you did not care,
That has all changed - my faith you have revived,
By your mercy the trials of faith I have survived,
Now I make a choice of the will - I choose belief,
I've lived far too long in doubt and crushing grief,
You see my need for my family we ask a new home,
Where laugher and joy abide and faith freely roams,
A place of comfort in sorrow and we celebrate joys,
A place where we both abide along with the boys,
I am believing you for a miracle, a home in Paradise,
Though out of our reach to you not a great sacrifice,
Father, today in this sacred moment I choose to believe,
I stand my heart faith filled ready to hear and to receive.
ME
12-10-12
Paradise, TX
You tell me to ask, seek, knock - then to receive,
For such a long time I chose doubt over you,
I chose unbelief not what you promised to do,
I basked in depression instead of bathing prayer,
I carried my burdens believing you did not care,
That has all changed - my faith you have revived,
By your mercy the trials of faith I have survived,
Now I make a choice of the will - I choose belief,
I've lived far too long in doubt and crushing grief,
You see my need for my family we ask a new home,
Where laugher and joy abide and faith freely roams,
A place of comfort in sorrow and we celebrate joys,
A place where we both abide along with the boys,
I am believing you for a miracle, a home in Paradise,
Though out of our reach to you not a great sacrifice,
Father, today in this sacred moment I choose to believe,
I stand my heart faith filled ready to hear and to receive.
ME
12-10-12
Paradise, TX
The Loss Recapturing and Rebuilding of Faith
When I left Seminole, TX July 22, 2011 my faith was strong. I left without any doubts that starting a new church was God's will for me. I did not understand it. It hurt and still hurts to leave people Brenda and I have grown to love even more. Still, I had faith and entered the task of starting Faith Community Church with passion and confidence.
The challenges began immediately. Many of them you are familiar with if you have kept up with these posts. Some challenges I never saw coming. I attacked them like I always do with persistent prayer. Only this time the answers did not come. They did not come in a month, in six months in a year nor in a year and a half.
Somewhere along the way this supposed great prayer warrior and man of faith lost heart and faith. My prayers took on a different twist. I could pray about seeking God and yearning for Him to speak to me but I could not find faith to pray for miracles. It became increasingly difficult to pray for the church. When I say I lost faith this is no exaggeration. After hour upon hour spent in prayer so many things remain unchanged in and around in my life. I in turn gave up taking on the mentality what's the use praying. God is choosing not to answer.
I began battling severe bouts with depression. I would at times sit in the cafe, library, and eventually my office and stare at the walls. Soon I began mowing. Day in and day out I did my duty but I did not have faith. It felt lost forever. I sunk into deeper fits of depression and Brenda could not pull me out of it. In those days I willed myself to study, to preach, to have devotions and to simply show up each day just do life.
I am sad to report that season in my life lasted for nearly a year. Last week I was sitting in my office reading a book. I had been seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading for months but had no clear word from Him. Something in that book hit me. I can't even remember the line but in my heart something changed. It was like I said, "Okay I have had enough of this. It is time to recommit myself to this task of starting this church and to believe in God through prayer again no matter how long it takes." With that I made a decision to make a fresh start.
Shortly after that I made the hundred mile bike ride in west Texas. While there I had been invited to teach a Bible study to a few people in a living room. I felt impressed to teach from Rom 4:17-21 about the faith Abraham had toward God making him the father of many nations and giving him a child though advanced in age. "yet with respect to the promise of God he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith giving glory to God."[Rom 4:20]
For a year I wavered in unbelief and grew weaker and weaker. In that time God kept providing for Brenda and I in miraculous fashion. God used the loving, generous, and faithful people of Gaines County to send us $29,000 in provision without our ever asking for it. Though my faith proved to be faithless God continued to show Himself faithful. Though I floundered in depression God continued to save the lost. We continued to celebrate baptisms.
In the past week God not only recaptured my faith but has also begun to rebuild that faith. Though my circumstances have not changed I have renewed my dedication to this work. I have refocused my praying for the church asking God to send us people with a mind to work, pray, and to give. I have started praying for a house again in this community. I have resolved that with a son about to be a senior next year I cannot move him again. So God has recaptured my lost faith and begun the process of rebuilding it.
When Brenda asked me what I wanted for Christmas I only had one answer. A house. That might sound far fetched to those of you reading this who enjoy the homes you live in. I have a son who will be graduating in a year and a half. He and I cannot sit down together with the rest of the family and enjoy a meal at the family table because we do not have one in our rent house. There is not room. Our dining table sits in storage where month after month I pay to store it along with our couch and other furniture. This is not acceptable to me. This is not God's destiny for us. Though I struggled for a long while whether God really called me to start this church I have come to settle that He did. Therefore, He wills my family to be here. I also believe He wills my family to live in a bigger house than we do. God owns everything. He owns the house I have in Seminole. He can sell it any moment He wants to. God has all the provision I need to get into a new house. Hundreds and even thousands of dollars are not a problem for Him. They may look like mountains to us but not to Him. So I ask God to do for my family what so many of you have taken for granted. I ask and believe Him for a home where all my family can sit in the living room without someone sitting on the floor. I ask Him for a home where we can all sit at our dining table and enjoy meals and conversation together. I ask Him for a home where we can entertain and use the home for ministry. I ask Him for our third miracle house. I have seen God do it twice before when we had nothing. Now, I am believing Him to do it a third time for His glory. I will testify about it. I will write about it and cast all glory onto the Lord Almighty. I do not know how or when it will happen but just as sure as I sit here writing I believe God has a house for my family.
I also believe God has a plan for Faith Community Church. We should become a church of multiple hundreds impacting Wise County and beyond. Though leaving is easier than staying I recommit myself to this church. Whether I am compensated by the church or not I put my hand to the wheel of this ship and set the course for the future. If I go down I will down with the ship believing God for miracles. Once our home has been secured I will set my sights on land and God's plan for building in the future.
I thank God for recapturing my lost faith and rebuilding it. Starting this church has been hard. God has sustained me in the good times as well as the bad. From the outside looking in you may not get it. You may not see what has been so hard. You may even criticize my lack of faith. I have opened myself up for that to happen and you would be correct. Unbelief and doubt in my book are sins. Sins that have clung to me like shackles and chains. God has unlocked the shackles and I am learning to be free again. Would you continue to join with me and pray with me believing God for a third miracle house and a miracle church? I thank God for recapturing and rebuilding my trust in Him and His goodness.
The challenges began immediately. Many of them you are familiar with if you have kept up with these posts. Some challenges I never saw coming. I attacked them like I always do with persistent prayer. Only this time the answers did not come. They did not come in a month, in six months in a year nor in a year and a half.
Somewhere along the way this supposed great prayer warrior and man of faith lost heart and faith. My prayers took on a different twist. I could pray about seeking God and yearning for Him to speak to me but I could not find faith to pray for miracles. It became increasingly difficult to pray for the church. When I say I lost faith this is no exaggeration. After hour upon hour spent in prayer so many things remain unchanged in and around in my life. I in turn gave up taking on the mentality what's the use praying. God is choosing not to answer.
I began battling severe bouts with depression. I would at times sit in the cafe, library, and eventually my office and stare at the walls. Soon I began mowing. Day in and day out I did my duty but I did not have faith. It felt lost forever. I sunk into deeper fits of depression and Brenda could not pull me out of it. In those days I willed myself to study, to preach, to have devotions and to simply show up each day just do life.
I am sad to report that season in my life lasted for nearly a year. Last week I was sitting in my office reading a book. I had been seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading for months but had no clear word from Him. Something in that book hit me. I can't even remember the line but in my heart something changed. It was like I said, "Okay I have had enough of this. It is time to recommit myself to this task of starting this church and to believe in God through prayer again no matter how long it takes." With that I made a decision to make a fresh start.
Shortly after that I made the hundred mile bike ride in west Texas. While there I had been invited to teach a Bible study to a few people in a living room. I felt impressed to teach from Rom 4:17-21 about the faith Abraham had toward God making him the father of many nations and giving him a child though advanced in age. "yet with respect to the promise of God he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith giving glory to God."[Rom 4:20]
For a year I wavered in unbelief and grew weaker and weaker. In that time God kept providing for Brenda and I in miraculous fashion. God used the loving, generous, and faithful people of Gaines County to send us $29,000 in provision without our ever asking for it. Though my faith proved to be faithless God continued to show Himself faithful. Though I floundered in depression God continued to save the lost. We continued to celebrate baptisms.
In the past week God not only recaptured my faith but has also begun to rebuild that faith. Though my circumstances have not changed I have renewed my dedication to this work. I have refocused my praying for the church asking God to send us people with a mind to work, pray, and to give. I have started praying for a house again in this community. I have resolved that with a son about to be a senior next year I cannot move him again. So God has recaptured my lost faith and begun the process of rebuilding it.
When Brenda asked me what I wanted for Christmas I only had one answer. A house. That might sound far fetched to those of you reading this who enjoy the homes you live in. I have a son who will be graduating in a year and a half. He and I cannot sit down together with the rest of the family and enjoy a meal at the family table because we do not have one in our rent house. There is not room. Our dining table sits in storage where month after month I pay to store it along with our couch and other furniture. This is not acceptable to me. This is not God's destiny for us. Though I struggled for a long while whether God really called me to start this church I have come to settle that He did. Therefore, He wills my family to be here. I also believe He wills my family to live in a bigger house than we do. God owns everything. He owns the house I have in Seminole. He can sell it any moment He wants to. God has all the provision I need to get into a new house. Hundreds and even thousands of dollars are not a problem for Him. They may look like mountains to us but not to Him. So I ask God to do for my family what so many of you have taken for granted. I ask and believe Him for a home where all my family can sit in the living room without someone sitting on the floor. I ask Him for a home where we can all sit at our dining table and enjoy meals and conversation together. I ask Him for a home where we can entertain and use the home for ministry. I ask Him for our third miracle house. I have seen God do it twice before when we had nothing. Now, I am believing Him to do it a third time for His glory. I will testify about it. I will write about it and cast all glory onto the Lord Almighty. I do not know how or when it will happen but just as sure as I sit here writing I believe God has a house for my family.
I also believe God has a plan for Faith Community Church. We should become a church of multiple hundreds impacting Wise County and beyond. Though leaving is easier than staying I recommit myself to this church. Whether I am compensated by the church or not I put my hand to the wheel of this ship and set the course for the future. If I go down I will down with the ship believing God for miracles. Once our home has been secured I will set my sights on land and God's plan for building in the future.
I thank God for recapturing my lost faith and rebuilding it. Starting this church has been hard. God has sustained me in the good times as well as the bad. From the outside looking in you may not get it. You may not see what has been so hard. You may even criticize my lack of faith. I have opened myself up for that to happen and you would be correct. Unbelief and doubt in my book are sins. Sins that have clung to me like shackles and chains. God has unlocked the shackles and I am learning to be free again. Would you continue to join with me and pray with me believing God for a third miracle house and a miracle church? I thank God for recapturing and rebuilding my trust in Him and His goodness.
The Ride for Honduras
The ride started at 7:30 a.m. with temperatures hovering around thirty-six degrees. I rode alone with the exception of car following me to protect me from traffic and carry fluids and food. In the initial hours my hands began to tingle from the cold temperatures. The first leg of the ride was forty-two miles from Seminole to Lamesa. I had hoped to ride faster but cross winds slowed me a ten mile per hour pace.
I ate a sandwich and a banana while downing some gatorade once arriving in Lamesa. Then it was off the small community of Welch. I pedaled thinking of all the people praying for me. I pedaled thinking of the doctors in Honduras and their need to remove the $35,000 debt. I pedaled thinking about my boys and wanting to set an example of being a finisher and not a quitter for them.
My back ached, my bottom ached, my legs began to tighten but with God's help I kept pedaling. At times it did not appear I was making much progress especially after reaching Welch and turning west to head for Loop and Seagraves. At this turn I began riding into a stiff headwind. The winds picked up after about twenty miles to twenty-five miles per hour. When I arrived in Loop for a scheduled rest I began calculating how slow I was riding. I knew I would not finish before the sun went down if I kept riding into the wind. At this point I began to lose heart. I had been about eighty miles and the thought of fighting that wind another twenty miles seemed unbearable.
It was suggested I ride the last twenty miles with the wind at my back. It had not been at my back the whole day. I agreed and turned around. For most of the day I had ridden at a ten mile per hour pace. When I rode the last twenty miles I averaged about eighteen miles per hour. I reached mile one hundred somewhere between Welch and O'Donnell. There were no cheering crowds. It was just the Lord, me, and the two people following me in the truck. That was fitting. I never rode for the applause of people. I rode for the hope we could see the financial mountain of debt left on the hospital removed. I rode for the glory of God. He finished in me!
The whole ride took me nine and a half hours. My back felt every bit of it. Not long after getting off the bike my legs began to tighten and to cramp. I am thankful for great advice I received before hand on how to handle this. I am thankful for nutritional advice received for how to prepare pre ride, during the ride, and post ride. I rode two days ago and thank the Lord I have felt very little pain or soreness even today.
That ride proved to be so much more than a ride. It proved to be an analogy for my life and ministry starting Faith Community Church. God used that ride to refocus me on the task at hand. There were a couple of times I felt tempted to quit the ride especially when facing the adversity of the wind. There have been numerous times when I have contemplated quitting this church but God is calling me to finish.
I got through every mile by praying and continuously pedaling. I just keep turning those pedals over and over mile after mile. I seldom felt winded but my lower back ached. My legs got tired and tightened. My bottom ached being much larger than the small bicycle seat. No matter how I shifted I could not get relief the final sixty miles. It just hurt but plodding ahead and leaning on God for strength we made it.
In the same way I have to keep plodding ahead in planting this church. We have many challenges not the least being lack of finances to keep advancing. Yet, daily God provides for this church and for my family. Monday after Monday, week after week, Sunday after Sunday we press on. We continue to labor. God continues to save the lost especially among students. God continues to draw new people. I continue to pray, study, preach, teach, and lead trusting God for breakthrough. I continue to serve these people and this community one day at a time. I keep seeking God for changes in our housing situation one day at a time. I am determined to see this change.
In the pictures when I finished the ride I found it interesting that in one picture where I have my hands raised there is a yield sign behind me. I do not feel that was coincidence. I feel that was God speaking to me and reminding me to yield to Him. I have to stay the course here for now.
So I got my mind right on the drive back home the next day. I resolved to continue my labor here regardless of financial compensation. Despite the challenges I keep pedaling ahead at Faith Community with prayer, labor, and preaching. Failure is not an option.
To all of you who prayed for me during the ride I thank you. To my two angels who followed me the majority of the ride thank you for your love, words of encouragements and help in keeping me hydrated and nourished. For my hosts for the weekend thank you for your love, service in planning the ride and hospitality but most of all for telling me to ride with the wind to finish. To all who have stood with us prayerfully and financially in the work of starting Faith Community Church I thank you. Please do not cease praying with us now.
It was amazing how the smoothly the last twenty miles of that ride went when I rode with the wind and not against it. That is the primary lesson I am taking from that ride for my life and ministry here. I want to raise the sails of this church and my life and catch the wind of God at my back to ride with Him and not against Him.
For too long I have fought God on remaining here. I don't know how long God will have me here but for this time this is where I am and where I am to remain faithful. I am to labor here to keep pedaling forward in faith. The rest is up to God.
I ate a sandwich and a banana while downing some gatorade once arriving in Lamesa. Then it was off the small community of Welch. I pedaled thinking of all the people praying for me. I pedaled thinking of the doctors in Honduras and their need to remove the $35,000 debt. I pedaled thinking about my boys and wanting to set an example of being a finisher and not a quitter for them.
My back ached, my bottom ached, my legs began to tighten but with God's help I kept pedaling. At times it did not appear I was making much progress especially after reaching Welch and turning west to head for Loop and Seagraves. At this turn I began riding into a stiff headwind. The winds picked up after about twenty miles to twenty-five miles per hour. When I arrived in Loop for a scheduled rest I began calculating how slow I was riding. I knew I would not finish before the sun went down if I kept riding into the wind. At this point I began to lose heart. I had been about eighty miles and the thought of fighting that wind another twenty miles seemed unbearable.
It was suggested I ride the last twenty miles with the wind at my back. It had not been at my back the whole day. I agreed and turned around. For most of the day I had ridden at a ten mile per hour pace. When I rode the last twenty miles I averaged about eighteen miles per hour. I reached mile one hundred somewhere between Welch and O'Donnell. There were no cheering crowds. It was just the Lord, me, and the two people following me in the truck. That was fitting. I never rode for the applause of people. I rode for the hope we could see the financial mountain of debt left on the hospital removed. I rode for the glory of God. He finished in me!
The whole ride took me nine and a half hours. My back felt every bit of it. Not long after getting off the bike my legs began to tighten and to cramp. I am thankful for great advice I received before hand on how to handle this. I am thankful for nutritional advice received for how to prepare pre ride, during the ride, and post ride. I rode two days ago and thank the Lord I have felt very little pain or soreness even today.
That ride proved to be so much more than a ride. It proved to be an analogy for my life and ministry starting Faith Community Church. God used that ride to refocus me on the task at hand. There were a couple of times I felt tempted to quit the ride especially when facing the adversity of the wind. There have been numerous times when I have contemplated quitting this church but God is calling me to finish.
I got through every mile by praying and continuously pedaling. I just keep turning those pedals over and over mile after mile. I seldom felt winded but my lower back ached. My legs got tired and tightened. My bottom ached being much larger than the small bicycle seat. No matter how I shifted I could not get relief the final sixty miles. It just hurt but plodding ahead and leaning on God for strength we made it.
In the same way I have to keep plodding ahead in planting this church. We have many challenges not the least being lack of finances to keep advancing. Yet, daily God provides for this church and for my family. Monday after Monday, week after week, Sunday after Sunday we press on. We continue to labor. God continues to save the lost especially among students. God continues to draw new people. I continue to pray, study, preach, teach, and lead trusting God for breakthrough. I continue to serve these people and this community one day at a time. I keep seeking God for changes in our housing situation one day at a time. I am determined to see this change.
In the pictures when I finished the ride I found it interesting that in one picture where I have my hands raised there is a yield sign behind me. I do not feel that was coincidence. I feel that was God speaking to me and reminding me to yield to Him. I have to stay the course here for now.
So I got my mind right on the drive back home the next day. I resolved to continue my labor here regardless of financial compensation. Despite the challenges I keep pedaling ahead at Faith Community with prayer, labor, and preaching. Failure is not an option.
To all of you who prayed for me during the ride I thank you. To my two angels who followed me the majority of the ride thank you for your love, words of encouragements and help in keeping me hydrated and nourished. For my hosts for the weekend thank you for your love, service in planning the ride and hospitality but most of all for telling me to ride with the wind to finish. To all who have stood with us prayerfully and financially in the work of starting Faith Community Church I thank you. Please do not cease praying with us now.
It was amazing how the smoothly the last twenty miles of that ride went when I rode with the wind and not against it. That is the primary lesson I am taking from that ride for my life and ministry here. I want to raise the sails of this church and my life and catch the wind of God at my back to ride with Him and not against Him.
For too long I have fought God on remaining here. I don't know how long God will have me here but for this time this is where I am and where I am to remain faithful. I am to labor here to keep pedaling forward in faith. The rest is up to God.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Time to Teach
In just about eight minutes I will step out of this office and make my way to the meeting room where our adults will embark on the last study in our series through the book of I Timothy. It stirs my heart and mind that I have been given this sacred trust to break open the bread of life and to feed the flock God has entrusted to me.
The size of the crowd does not matter. I will most assuredly have taught and preached to more than will assemble tonight. That does not matter. What really matters is that I get to teach the word of God and hopefully help people advance further in the kingdom of God.
I am grateful for God's revelation of truth to me personally so I can in turn share that truth with those who come to feed their souls. It is a sacred trust that I take seriously. I have asked God to reveal truth and to bring about life transformation tonight. I have asked for God's fresh anointing. I relish this opportunity to labor in the word of life.
It is time to teach. Even as I write these final words I can hear the conversations of those who have gathered. I know they come hungry. Their souls are starving for truth and I trust the Lord will not disappoint them. I must go for it is time to teach.
The size of the crowd does not matter. I will most assuredly have taught and preached to more than will assemble tonight. That does not matter. What really matters is that I get to teach the word of God and hopefully help people advance further in the kingdom of God.
I am grateful for God's revelation of truth to me personally so I can in turn share that truth with those who come to feed their souls. It is a sacred trust that I take seriously. I have asked God to reveal truth and to bring about life transformation tonight. I have asked for God's fresh anointing. I relish this opportunity to labor in the word of life.
It is time to teach. Even as I write these final words I can hear the conversations of those who have gathered. I know they come hungry. Their souls are starving for truth and I trust the Lord will not disappoint them. I must go for it is time to teach.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
A New Beginning
Lord, you met with me today seated at this desk table,
Reminding me through prayer and reading you're able,
To wash away the past, the doubts, fears, and the pain,
To let me start over - erasing the past - beginning again,
It has been a difficult journey - a long tumultuous walk,
I have preached faith - I've continually talked the talk,
Now you call me to live in truth and to persevere in belief,
You call me to unload my burdens while enjoying your relief,
This is a new beginning - not built up or based on emotions,
More resolve born out of times sitting with you in devotion,
I want to finish those things you have put deep in my heart,
I want to complete by faith what you have called me to start,
I start over, begin afresh, gain new perspective and beginning,
With faith and joy no longer to fail but pressing on till winning.
- ME
12-4-12
Paradise, TX
Reminding me through prayer and reading you're able,
To wash away the past, the doubts, fears, and the pain,
To let me start over - erasing the past - beginning again,
It has been a difficult journey - a long tumultuous walk,
I have preached faith - I've continually talked the talk,
Now you call me to live in truth and to persevere in belief,
You call me to unload my burdens while enjoying your relief,
This is a new beginning - not built up or based on emotions,
More resolve born out of times sitting with you in devotion,
I want to finish those things you have put deep in my heart,
I want to complete by faith what you have called me to start,
I start over, begin afresh, gain new perspective and beginning,
With faith and joy no longer to fail but pressing on till winning.
- ME
12-4-12
Paradise, TX
A Fresh Start
Today I made several critical decisions all involving a fresh start. One of those is to renew myself in the labor of Faith Community Church. I am unclear if I will labor here for decades or for a few years. What I do know is this is where I am this is where I am to be faithful. This is where I live, serve, preach, teach, love, shepherd, invest, and labor.
I have spent a good deal of time in recent days re-examing my call to start this church. What seemed so absolutely clear and mandated from God at the time has become more obscure and confusing through the lenses of adversity. Regardless I renew myself to this task. I have asked God for clear confirmation but not received it other than He keeps providing for my family and this church when times get lean. I renew myself to the tasks of preaching, prayer, loving, and leading this flock.
I also renewed myself to the hope of getting a new home here in Paradise. I gave up on that dream back in the summer and quit praying about it. I have a son who will be a senior next year. He sleeps in a room with a curtain for a door. God has better for my family than that. I am not rich monetarily but in the past I have been rich in faith. In the past I have bought cars and homes on faith and it is my full ambition to do that again. I am resolved to start this prayer pursuit all over. God has better than where we live for my family. I am convinced of it. He has all the money I will ever need and standing on the promises of Ps 37:4, Heb 11:6 and I Jn 5:14-15 I intend to see this mountain moved. So I renew myself to persevere in prayer not only for my house to sell in Seminole but also for God to provide a way to get into a house here in Paradise.
There is another area I have chosen to get a fresh start in. I am not at liberty to share it at this time but suffice it to say God has stirred something in me that has been dormant for a long while. When I say a long while I am talking about a decade. This is something I am to pursue. I feel His peace about it and set my mind and heart to complete this task.
So today is a day for a fresh start in a lot of ways. It feels good. The air seems fresher. My steps seem lighter. My spirit free. My attitude is filled with hope. My faith has been renewed even I see the journey ahead as long with many trials but with God's help we will prevail.
I have not written about Faith Community Church in some time. We are not growing as much but we have been but we do have a solid group on Sunday mornings. We have the highest consistent numbers in the history of our church. We are having the largest crowds of adults on Wednesday nights we have ever had. We have nearly doubled this group as we study God's word verse by verse. We are just about to conclude our study of I Timothy this Wednesday night. We have between a dozen and two dozen children on Wednesday nights and the largest group of teenagers I have ever personally led. I keep hammering them with God's word and they keep coming in droves. It has been amazing. We rejoice that one week ago God saved four more teenagers. Three weeks ago we celebrated the baptism of three high school boys. All glory to God.
Financially the church has struggled. Money has been very tight. Yet, God has continually provided. He has used people from all over the state of Texas to partner with us in this work. Again all the glory goes to God.
The work is not easy and the challenges remain monumental. God has been and continues to be and will always remain faithful. We persevere with Him. I find great joy in sharing His word. He continues to work through the preaching and teaching ministries. Again all glory goes to God. He sustains me, provides for me, counsels me, renews me, and strengthens me for the work. He is also the one who brought me to a place of fresh start today.
There are no heightened emotions in this decision. It is Tuesday afternoon and while praying and reading I simply made the decision to start afresh in several areas of my life. It is more of a resolve than emotions. A decision born out of necessity and determination. There is work to be done and I intend to be involved in that work. Please continue to pray with us and for us.
I have spent a good deal of time in recent days re-examing my call to start this church. What seemed so absolutely clear and mandated from God at the time has become more obscure and confusing through the lenses of adversity. Regardless I renew myself to this task. I have asked God for clear confirmation but not received it other than He keeps providing for my family and this church when times get lean. I renew myself to the tasks of preaching, prayer, loving, and leading this flock.
I also renewed myself to the hope of getting a new home here in Paradise. I gave up on that dream back in the summer and quit praying about it. I have a son who will be a senior next year. He sleeps in a room with a curtain for a door. God has better for my family than that. I am not rich monetarily but in the past I have been rich in faith. In the past I have bought cars and homes on faith and it is my full ambition to do that again. I am resolved to start this prayer pursuit all over. God has better than where we live for my family. I am convinced of it. He has all the money I will ever need and standing on the promises of Ps 37:4, Heb 11:6 and I Jn 5:14-15 I intend to see this mountain moved. So I renew myself to persevere in prayer not only for my house to sell in Seminole but also for God to provide a way to get into a house here in Paradise.
There is another area I have chosen to get a fresh start in. I am not at liberty to share it at this time but suffice it to say God has stirred something in me that has been dormant for a long while. When I say a long while I am talking about a decade. This is something I am to pursue. I feel His peace about it and set my mind and heart to complete this task.
So today is a day for a fresh start in a lot of ways. It feels good. The air seems fresher. My steps seem lighter. My spirit free. My attitude is filled with hope. My faith has been renewed even I see the journey ahead as long with many trials but with God's help we will prevail.
I have not written about Faith Community Church in some time. We are not growing as much but we have been but we do have a solid group on Sunday mornings. We have the highest consistent numbers in the history of our church. We are having the largest crowds of adults on Wednesday nights we have ever had. We have nearly doubled this group as we study God's word verse by verse. We are just about to conclude our study of I Timothy this Wednesday night. We have between a dozen and two dozen children on Wednesday nights and the largest group of teenagers I have ever personally led. I keep hammering them with God's word and they keep coming in droves. It has been amazing. We rejoice that one week ago God saved four more teenagers. Three weeks ago we celebrated the baptism of three high school boys. All glory to God.
Financially the church has struggled. Money has been very tight. Yet, God has continually provided. He has used people from all over the state of Texas to partner with us in this work. Again all the glory goes to God.
The work is not easy and the challenges remain monumental. God has been and continues to be and will always remain faithful. We persevere with Him. I find great joy in sharing His word. He continues to work through the preaching and teaching ministries. Again all glory goes to God. He sustains me, provides for me, counsels me, renews me, and strengthens me for the work. He is also the one who brought me to a place of fresh start today.
There are no heightened emotions in this decision. It is Tuesday afternoon and while praying and reading I simply made the decision to start afresh in several areas of my life. It is more of a resolve than emotions. A decision born out of necessity and determination. There is work to be done and I intend to be involved in that work. Please continue to pray with us and for us.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Friday Afternoon
It is late Friday afternoon and the boys are just about to get out of school for the weekend. I have been running errands all day long and finally have a few minutes to sit in the office and to reflect. This week has been filled with ministry and much prayer and reflection.
As I sit here this afternoon my thoughts turn to seeking the Lord. There is no greater quest or worthy pursuit. I just long for His voice. It does not matter what He says but only that I meet with Him and hear from Him even on a late Friday afternoon. Most are preparing to go to ball games or making plans for the evening and the weekend. I just want to meet with the Lord and to hear from Him. That takes precedence over everything else in my life.
My day is not complete without hearing from the Lord. I hang on every word that He speaks. The trouble is sometimes I have a hard time discerning what He is trying to say to me. So in moments like this, when I am alone and I can be still before Him, I simply ask the Lord if there is anything He wants to say to me and I sit back to listen. The first place I turn to is His word.
These are the highlight of my days and weekends. Please speak Lord for your servant is listening. Please speak anything you want to speak for my ears are open and I am attentive to the words you speak in this place on a late Friday afternoon.
As I sit here this afternoon my thoughts turn to seeking the Lord. There is no greater quest or worthy pursuit. I just long for His voice. It does not matter what He says but only that I meet with Him and hear from Him even on a late Friday afternoon. Most are preparing to go to ball games or making plans for the evening and the weekend. I just want to meet with the Lord and to hear from Him. That takes precedence over everything else in my life.
My day is not complete without hearing from the Lord. I hang on every word that He speaks. The trouble is sometimes I have a hard time discerning what He is trying to say to me. So in moments like this, when I am alone and I can be still before Him, I simply ask the Lord if there is anything He wants to say to me and I sit back to listen. The first place I turn to is His word.
These are the highlight of my days and weekends. Please speak Lord for your servant is listening. Please speak anything you want to speak for my ears are open and I am attentive to the words you speak in this place on a late Friday afternoon.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Through the Valley
There is a valley called Baca, filled with tears and much weeping,
Where pain is resides and darkness hides the path we're seeking,
It is a place where emotions run raw - pain and sorrows run deep,
Where doubts arise and fervent faith weakens and begins to seep,
In the valley - my God - you are here with me each step of the way,
In the valley - you supply renewed strength to strength for each day,
In this valley - you are a fountain of water springing up to life anew,
In this valley - you bring blessing in Baca though it's hard to continue,
You not only remain - you promise to see me through to the other side,
So in the valley of Baca to you alone I cling and seeking daily to abide,
One day I will cross over - this valley called life and the door of death,
I want to praise you faithful till then all I am to my last single breath.
- from Ps 84
ME 11-26-12
Where pain is resides and darkness hides the path we're seeking,
It is a place where emotions run raw - pain and sorrows run deep,
Where doubts arise and fervent faith weakens and begins to seep,
In the valley - my God - you are here with me each step of the way,
In the valley - you supply renewed strength to strength for each day,
In this valley - you are a fountain of water springing up to life anew,
In this valley - you bring blessing in Baca though it's hard to continue,
You not only remain - you promise to see me through to the other side,
So in the valley of Baca to you alone I cling and seeking daily to abide,
One day I will cross over - this valley called life and the door of death,
I want to praise you faithful till then all I am to my last single breath.
- from Ps 84
ME 11-26-12
Monday, November 19, 2012
Resolved
Once again I sat before You my Lord and King,
We talked about my burdens and sundry things,
While with you resolved in my heart I became,
To keep laboring for the glory of your name,
Resolved to keep trusting and the course to stay,
Even when faint of heart melancholy in a way,
Resolved to labor while I may with all my might,
Resolved to stay engaged to continue in the fight,
Resolved to trust when everything shouts to doubt,
Resolved to believe God always makes a way out,
On this day I am resolved to finish the laid out race,
And when death comes to enjoy a better better place.
- ME 11-19-12
We talked about my burdens and sundry things,
While with you resolved in my heart I became,
To keep laboring for the glory of your name,
Resolved to keep trusting and the course to stay,
Even when faint of heart melancholy in a way,
Resolved to labor while I may with all my might,
Resolved to stay engaged to continue in the fight,
Resolved to trust when everything shouts to doubt,
Resolved to believe God always makes a way out,
On this day I am resolved to finish the laid out race,
And when death comes to enjoy a better better place.
- ME 11-19-12
The Peace of God
I am sitting in my favorite spot at our rent house. I am on the back porch with a makeshift desk and wide open fields before my eyes. The wind is blowing gently making the temperature outside perfect. Overhead the skies are blue with a faint cloud here and there. Today it feels like Paradise in Paradise.
I have just spent the last hour or so praying and seeking God. I have felt His peace out here. Every time I make my way to this back porch I sense God's peace. None of my troubles have changed. In fact, some of them have increased. Still God has given me peace back here. I can hear the faint rustling of the trees in the wind. Earlier I saw a couple of butterflies. In the distance I can hear the echo of cars bustling by on the highway. There is peace in my soul as I sit in this lawn chair. To my left I can see a rose bush with roses still in bloom though we are nearing Thanksgiving. There is still a little green left in the grass though most of has faded into that tannish brown speaking of the coming winter months. In the midst of all this I am enjoying God's peace.
Last night we gathered for our prayer meeting. Instead of listing a long list of requests all I could do was give thanks. I thanked God for the chairs we all sat in and for the facilities He has provided for us to rent. I thanked God for Eddie and his family and the ministry he has in leading us in worship. I thanked God for Melanie and her family and the ministry she has with children. I thanked God for the office I have. I thanked God for relationships that have been forged over the course of the last year and a half. I thanked God for His word that gives us strength, comfort, direction, counsel, and rebuke.
Today I thank God for His peace. Sitting back here my troubles have faded. They do not loom large in my head. I am reminded of how big our God is. Able to handle everything that comes our way. I am thankful for His continuous provision for my family. I am thankful that we have not gone without one day of this journey. I am thankful that my family is under one roof and I no longer live in an r/v and they no longer live with a church member. I am thankful that the boys all made it through football season without being injured.
Yes, today I have God's peace. "Be anxious for nothing but with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." [Phil 4:6-7] It is that very peace that has settled over me as I have sat with Him on this back porch. Life is good back here. His mercies are new every morning. His compassions do not fail.
I am thankful for a tranquil mind and soul as I write this. I am thankful that His peace has calmed my inner man. His peace will carry me through the remainder of the day and into the night watches. Like sentries guarding the gates of my mind and soul peace stands watch.
I have just spent the last hour or so praying and seeking God. I have felt His peace out here. Every time I make my way to this back porch I sense God's peace. None of my troubles have changed. In fact, some of them have increased. Still God has given me peace back here. I can hear the faint rustling of the trees in the wind. Earlier I saw a couple of butterflies. In the distance I can hear the echo of cars bustling by on the highway. There is peace in my soul as I sit in this lawn chair. To my left I can see a rose bush with roses still in bloom though we are nearing Thanksgiving. There is still a little green left in the grass though most of has faded into that tannish brown speaking of the coming winter months. In the midst of all this I am enjoying God's peace.
Last night we gathered for our prayer meeting. Instead of listing a long list of requests all I could do was give thanks. I thanked God for the chairs we all sat in and for the facilities He has provided for us to rent. I thanked God for Eddie and his family and the ministry he has in leading us in worship. I thanked God for Melanie and her family and the ministry she has with children. I thanked God for the office I have. I thanked God for relationships that have been forged over the course of the last year and a half. I thanked God for His word that gives us strength, comfort, direction, counsel, and rebuke.
Today I thank God for His peace. Sitting back here my troubles have faded. They do not loom large in my head. I am reminded of how big our God is. Able to handle everything that comes our way. I am thankful for His continuous provision for my family. I am thankful that we have not gone without one day of this journey. I am thankful that my family is under one roof and I no longer live in an r/v and they no longer live with a church member. I am thankful that the boys all made it through football season without being injured.
Yes, today I have God's peace. "Be anxious for nothing but with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." [Phil 4:6-7] It is that very peace that has settled over me as I have sat with Him on this back porch. Life is good back here. His mercies are new every morning. His compassions do not fail.
I am thankful for a tranquil mind and soul as I write this. I am thankful that His peace has calmed my inner man. His peace will carry me through the remainder of the day and into the night watches. Like sentries guarding the gates of my mind and soul peace stands watch.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Do They Care?
I preached my heart out this morning with a burden for our nation,
The crowds left without a burden rather with laughter - great elation,
It feels like I labored and preached your word totally in vain,
The truth seemed hard to swallow - rejected and disdained,
I stayed at the altar seeking you for nation and community,
I did not feel the kindred spirits from those who wanted immunity,
This great nation so blessed by you is headed for big time trouble,
We have embraced sin - will America perish into a pile of rubble,
Do your people care - does your truth not pierce hearts hardened,
Have they forgotten the plight of those you have not yet pardoned,
Do we care that your judgment of doom is dangerously impending,
Are we concerned that on you this nation is no longer depending,
I feel the weight of your concern a heavy laden burden of sadness,
A self indulgent nation turned from you engulfed in sinful gladness,
Homosexuality - abortion - idolatry draw away so many people,
From you, from truth, from worship under all the shiny steeples,
Do people care that we have insulted - offended you and your glory,
Like Carthage, Rome, - will the States fall - the same fate of their stories,
I am but one - I keep hoeing this little corner of the field in Paradise,
Wondering if I am making any difference with labors and sacrifice,
It seems few care - hearts are iron hard like the Rock of Gibraltar,
While I lay my tender heart once again an offering on your altar,
I don't know what I am supposed to do - where you have assigned,
To you all my life, world goods - and family I've willingly resigned,
If no one else still cares you see I do with my whole surrendered being,
Please lead this nation to repent and change what you so abhor seeing.
The crowds left without a burden rather with laughter - great elation,
It feels like I labored and preached your word totally in vain,
The truth seemed hard to swallow - rejected and disdained,
I stayed at the altar seeking you for nation and community,
I did not feel the kindred spirits from those who wanted immunity,
This great nation so blessed by you is headed for big time trouble,
We have embraced sin - will America perish into a pile of rubble,
Do your people care - does your truth not pierce hearts hardened,
Have they forgotten the plight of those you have not yet pardoned,
Do we care that your judgment of doom is dangerously impending,
Are we concerned that on you this nation is no longer depending,
I feel the weight of your concern a heavy laden burden of sadness,
A self indulgent nation turned from you engulfed in sinful gladness,
Homosexuality - abortion - idolatry draw away so many people,
From you, from truth, from worship under all the shiny steeples,
Do people care that we have insulted - offended you and your glory,
Like Carthage, Rome, - will the States fall - the same fate of their stories,
I am but one - I keep hoeing this little corner of the field in Paradise,
Wondering if I am making any difference with labors and sacrifice,
It seems few care - hearts are iron hard like the Rock of Gibraltar,
While I lay my tender heart once again an offering on your altar,
I don't know what I am supposed to do - where you have assigned,
To you all my life, world goods - and family I've willingly resigned,
If no one else still cares you see I do with my whole surrendered being,
Please lead this nation to repent and change what you so abhor seeing.
A Burr Under My Saddle
I have had a burr under my saddle ever since the presidential election. No, my candidate did not win but that is not the burr. I am more concerned with what I saw in our country. More states legalized homosexual marriages. Wisconsin voted in the first openly gay Senator in Tammy Baldwin. One hundred-twenty one other gay or lesbian candidates were voted into various offices across the country. Our country as much as ever has not only turned her back on God but openly embraced sin.
With all the talk about homosexuality you would think gay and lesbians make up a significant portion of our population. I researched this and found that only 4% of the United States population is homosexual. That means that 96% of the population is not but most of these are silent or have been fooled into believing homosexuality is larger segment of our society than it really is. The 4% are making noise forcing their sinful lifestyles down our throats. Television sitcoms almost always have a gay character and now openly gay couples on their shows. The homosexual agenda is everywhere.
We have programming called "The New Normal", "The Modern Family", and "Happily Divorced" just to name a few. The silent majority sit back content to let the vocal minority take over everything in society. They seek to reeducate the way we think, react, live, and what we find offensive and tolerable. If you see, hear, and watch enough gay and lesbian activity you begin to think it is normal. Not according to the Bible, [Rom 1:18-28] [I Tim 1:8-10] [I Cor 6:9-11] [Lev 18:22] [Lev 18:29] It is abnormal.
Yet our country continues to promote this sin and readily embrace it. I realize I am and will always be considered intolerant. I am not with the times. I am marching to the beat of a different drummer than our society. I continue to wonder how deeply we have offended God. He destroyed Sodom for such wickedness [Gen 19] and other nations have fallen as well. Rome seemed invincible at one point. History tells us the tragic story of a nation who embraced debauchery and self indulgence. While doing some research I found a fact that men often paid as much as $1,000 in our currency for young boys for their sexual pleasures while caviare sold for only $300. There is something really disturbing about that fact.
Why don't the rest of the 96% take a stand and make their voices heard. Now the Boy Scouts are getting banned from sponsors because they do not include gays. When will the people of God ever wake up, stand up, and speak up? What is it going to take?
Our nation is on a collision course with the judgment and wrath of God. It has happened before. Look at Israel's history. It will happen again. Nations have come and gone but God alone has ruled supremely. There is a burr under my saddle and I am not going to sit by contentedly while my children get robbed of the truth in their minds. I am not going to sit by idly while our nation commits suicide on a course of rebellion and defiance against the laws of God.
Only repentance and a heaven sent revival can save this nation. I once read a book by Leonard Ravenhill titled America is Too Young to Die. He wrote the book in 1979. He saw the writing on the wall thirty-three years ago. He called for the church and nation to repent of sin. What would he think if he could see things today. He is long gone but I wonder who is the prophet today sounding the warning. Maybe that is my role. I will do what I can where I am with what He has entrusted to me.
With all the talk about homosexuality you would think gay and lesbians make up a significant portion of our population. I researched this and found that only 4% of the United States population is homosexual. That means that 96% of the population is not but most of these are silent or have been fooled into believing homosexuality is larger segment of our society than it really is. The 4% are making noise forcing their sinful lifestyles down our throats. Television sitcoms almost always have a gay character and now openly gay couples on their shows. The homosexual agenda is everywhere.
We have programming called "The New Normal", "The Modern Family", and "Happily Divorced" just to name a few. The silent majority sit back content to let the vocal minority take over everything in society. They seek to reeducate the way we think, react, live, and what we find offensive and tolerable. If you see, hear, and watch enough gay and lesbian activity you begin to think it is normal. Not according to the Bible, [Rom 1:18-28] [I Tim 1:8-10] [I Cor 6:9-11] [Lev 18:22] [Lev 18:29] It is abnormal.
Yet our country continues to promote this sin and readily embrace it. I realize I am and will always be considered intolerant. I am not with the times. I am marching to the beat of a different drummer than our society. I continue to wonder how deeply we have offended God. He destroyed Sodom for such wickedness [Gen 19] and other nations have fallen as well. Rome seemed invincible at one point. History tells us the tragic story of a nation who embraced debauchery and self indulgence. While doing some research I found a fact that men often paid as much as $1,000 in our currency for young boys for their sexual pleasures while caviare sold for only $300. There is something really disturbing about that fact.
Why don't the rest of the 96% take a stand and make their voices heard. Now the Boy Scouts are getting banned from sponsors because they do not include gays. When will the people of God ever wake up, stand up, and speak up? What is it going to take?
Our nation is on a collision course with the judgment and wrath of God. It has happened before. Look at Israel's history. It will happen again. Nations have come and gone but God alone has ruled supremely. There is a burr under my saddle and I am not going to sit by contentedly while my children get robbed of the truth in their minds. I am not going to sit by idly while our nation commits suicide on a course of rebellion and defiance against the laws of God.
Only repentance and a heaven sent revival can save this nation. I once read a book by Leonard Ravenhill titled America is Too Young to Die. He wrote the book in 1979. He saw the writing on the wall thirty-three years ago. He called for the church and nation to repent of sin. What would he think if he could see things today. He is long gone but I wonder who is the prophet today sounding the warning. Maybe that is my role. I will do what I can where I am with what He has entrusted to me.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Silent
I cried out to you tonight with all my pain and broken heart,
I pleaded for answers to show my role to assign my part,
I waited for hours crying for answers it appears all in vain,
You were silent again - not a word nor whisper for my pain,
I sit stunned and wondering why you choose not to speak,
Why I am forced to endear this nightmare turned so bleak,
You say you are here - you will never forsake me or leave,
But you feel so distant when I draw near to wanting to cleave,
You hold the keys - the answers so long sought after and for,
You have all wisdom and the healing for my heart deeply torn,
I have waited hours, day upon day without stopping my plea,
I know you love and I know you must still have a word for me,
Yet you are still silent, no sound, not a word falls to my soul,
Until I hear from you I shall never again be completely whole.
ME - 11-17-12
I pleaded for answers to show my role to assign my part,
I waited for hours crying for answers it appears all in vain,
You were silent again - not a word nor whisper for my pain,
I sit stunned and wondering why you choose not to speak,
Why I am forced to endear this nightmare turned so bleak,
You say you are here - you will never forsake me or leave,
But you feel so distant when I draw near to wanting to cleave,
You hold the keys - the answers so long sought after and for,
You have all wisdom and the healing for my heart deeply torn,
I have waited hours, day upon day without stopping my plea,
I know you love and I know you must still have a word for me,
Yet you are still silent, no sound, not a word falls to my soul,
Until I hear from you I shall never again be completely whole.
ME - 11-17-12
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The Voice
Amidst the chaos and confusion of this age I long for the voice,
Not one from celebrities who continually make many a bad choice,
Not the voice from television reminding me of all the doom and gloom,
Not the voice of philosophy or some other sitting in an academic room,
I don't need the voice of some preacher echoing the sentiments of the day,
I am not interested in what the all the best selling authors really have to say,
There is only one voice I crave down in the depths of longing in my soul,
Only one voice can take my brokenness and once again make me whole,
Only one voice can bring me through the crucible of this midnight hour,
Only one voice can offer comfort and refuge like a strong mighty tower,
So I come again broken in shambles - pain all crashing down at your feet,
Seeking to listen for your voice quiet, strong, tender, and ever so sweet,
Please do not delay or cast my longing heart carelessly to the left or right,
Like a shining sunbeam I plead for your piercing through the weeping night,
Open my soul and ears until your voice comes at last crashing on through,
The only voice I need and crave is the one that belongs my Lord to You.
- ME 11-15-12
Not one from celebrities who continually make many a bad choice,
Not the voice from television reminding me of all the doom and gloom,
Not the voice of philosophy or some other sitting in an academic room,
I don't need the voice of some preacher echoing the sentiments of the day,
I am not interested in what the all the best selling authors really have to say,
There is only one voice I crave down in the depths of longing in my soul,
Only one voice can take my brokenness and once again make me whole,
Only one voice can bring me through the crucible of this midnight hour,
Only one voice can offer comfort and refuge like a strong mighty tower,
So I come again broken in shambles - pain all crashing down at your feet,
Seeking to listen for your voice quiet, strong, tender, and ever so sweet,
Please do not delay or cast my longing heart carelessly to the left or right,
Like a shining sunbeam I plead for your piercing through the weeping night,
Open my soul and ears until your voice comes at last crashing on through,
The only voice I need and crave is the one that belongs my Lord to You.
- ME 11-15-12
Out of the Boat - What Now?
Many years ago I committed my life to following Jesus anywhere at anytime and to do anything. That decision has been costly to Brenda and I as well as our boys.
It always appears exciting when God calls me to follow Him out of the boat. I love believing Him for impossible things but I have noticed a pattern. Though taking those initial steps out of the boat to stand on the water can be frightening that is easy compared to maintaining faith. Just because you get out of the boat does not mean the storm calms, the trials go away, and you do not face distractions.
It was exciting to get out of the boat two years ago to believe God to raise the money for the hospital in Honduras. Two years later I feel the grind and frustration of how slowly the money has come in. In a few weeks I will travel to Seminole to attempt a 100 mile bike ride. That also seemed exciting when planned but now in the middle of training it is not near so exciting. It is had work. Starting a church seemed exciting in the beginning but a year and a half later the trials continue to swell and engulf my faith. It has been harder in someways than I first imagined. Progress we made. I no longer have to get up early with the boys to set things up.
Many of you find yourselves in the same place. You trusted and obeyed God into some risky stuff. You are now out of the boat and things have not gone according to plan. Doubts arise as you nervously look around you and you feel like going under. What now?
Simple. Focus on Jesus and keep trusting. Jesus bid Peter to come out of the boat in Matthew 14. Keep looking to Him and trust Him. When we stepped out of the safe and familiar boat of FBC Seminole we knew we would be taking a significant reduction in pay. We stepped out anyway. Sure enough the financial trials came. As we have kept looking to Jesus and trusting Him the financial provision has continued to come as well. We have not gone under. Like the ravens bringing Elijah food at the brook Cherith, God has also sent us provision in our mail box.
It feels like I have lived much of the past two decades out of the boat. Remember in the Matthew 14 story that was where Jesus was. I want to be where Jesus is and I find Him often out of the boat. Sadly many times I have taken my eyes off the Lord and immediately begun to sink into depression and the like. Each time He has reached out to pull me back up and to rescue me.
For me, yes, I am out of the boat and the question begs itself, "What now?" I respond with I keep gazing at Jesus and trusting Him for victory. It really is that simple. Keep gazing at Jesus and keep trusting Him and His promises.
It always appears exciting when God calls me to follow Him out of the boat. I love believing Him for impossible things but I have noticed a pattern. Though taking those initial steps out of the boat to stand on the water can be frightening that is easy compared to maintaining faith. Just because you get out of the boat does not mean the storm calms, the trials go away, and you do not face distractions.
It was exciting to get out of the boat two years ago to believe God to raise the money for the hospital in Honduras. Two years later I feel the grind and frustration of how slowly the money has come in. In a few weeks I will travel to Seminole to attempt a 100 mile bike ride. That also seemed exciting when planned but now in the middle of training it is not near so exciting. It is had work. Starting a church seemed exciting in the beginning but a year and a half later the trials continue to swell and engulf my faith. It has been harder in someways than I first imagined. Progress we made. I no longer have to get up early with the boys to set things up.
Many of you find yourselves in the same place. You trusted and obeyed God into some risky stuff. You are now out of the boat and things have not gone according to plan. Doubts arise as you nervously look around you and you feel like going under. What now?
Simple. Focus on Jesus and keep trusting. Jesus bid Peter to come out of the boat in Matthew 14. Keep looking to Him and trust Him. When we stepped out of the safe and familiar boat of FBC Seminole we knew we would be taking a significant reduction in pay. We stepped out anyway. Sure enough the financial trials came. As we have kept looking to Jesus and trusting Him the financial provision has continued to come as well. We have not gone under. Like the ravens bringing Elijah food at the brook Cherith, God has also sent us provision in our mail box.
It feels like I have lived much of the past two decades out of the boat. Remember in the Matthew 14 story that was where Jesus was. I want to be where Jesus is and I find Him often out of the boat. Sadly many times I have taken my eyes off the Lord and immediately begun to sink into depression and the like. Each time He has reached out to pull me back up and to rescue me.
For me, yes, I am out of the boat and the question begs itself, "What now?" I respond with I keep gazing at Jesus and trusting Him for victory. It really is that simple. Keep gazing at Jesus and keep trusting Him and His promises.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Are You Still There
When my path is confusing and my way unsure,
When your will seems distant - cloudy - obscure,
I cry out and wonder, "God are You still there?"
In the dark, this load seems way heavy to bear,
I confess your will I can't always understand,
What you purpose and what you command,
Like a child standing frightened in the night,
When my fears would soon put me to flight,
I ask, "Are You still there Jesus, God my King?"
I must find refuge in the shadow of your wing,
The tempest in my mind leaves me confused,
My faith wounded, scarred, seriously contused,
By trials, Satan, and your own sovereign will,
Calm the storm in me saying, "Peace be still"
In the dark I reach by faith to find your fingers,
And the comfort knowing my God still lingers,
Let your voice sound - please help me to hear,
Open my mind, my heart, please open my ears,
Like a child groping in the dark midnight hour,
I need and yearn for your comfort and your power,
You are here - I sense you abiding right beside me,
You are here -though blind but by faith now I see,
You never left me - even when life slowly unwound,
You reached out to bring me from the pit to rebound.
- ME 11-13-12
When your will seems distant - cloudy - obscure,
I cry out and wonder, "God are You still there?"
In the dark, this load seems way heavy to bear,
I confess your will I can't always understand,
What you purpose and what you command,
Like a child standing frightened in the night,
When my fears would soon put me to flight,
I ask, "Are You still there Jesus, God my King?"
I must find refuge in the shadow of your wing,
The tempest in my mind leaves me confused,
My faith wounded, scarred, seriously contused,
By trials, Satan, and your own sovereign will,
Calm the storm in me saying, "Peace be still"
In the dark I reach by faith to find your fingers,
And the comfort knowing my God still lingers,
Let your voice sound - please help me to hear,
Open my mind, my heart, please open my ears,
Like a child groping in the dark midnight hour,
I need and yearn for your comfort and your power,
You are here - I sense you abiding right beside me,
You are here -though blind but by faith now I see,
You never left me - even when life slowly unwound,
You reached out to bring me from the pit to rebound.
- ME 11-13-12
The Journey
Life is a journey. Mine has taken me down some paths I never dreamed I would see. To this point I have preached in three different countries and ten different states. I have seen some beautiful landscapes. I have also walked the back streets of dirty villages and filthy towns in Honduras and Cuba. I have repeatedly packed suitcases and driven or flown to destinations to preach Christ and Him crucified.
This is my fifth church to pastor. Each church holds a special place in my heart. There are great memories of God's faithfulness and answers to prayer. I still rejoice when I think on those who were saved, called to the ministry, or really set on fire for Christ. On the other hand my heart is saddened from the many who fell away from the faith. Some may have never truly been saved in the first place. Others have backslidden.
I am reminded of the many ways God has come through for my family. He has comforted us when people disliked us and wanted to remove us from our place of service. He has strengthened us during times of trials. He has held us steadfast in times of uncertainty. He has provided for us when the times were lean. He has empowered us to serve when we were weak and weary.
My life has been quite a journey. There have been many ups. There have also been some tough times. For the past year and a half our journey has taken us to starting Faith Community Church. We have faced many trials. I have shed many tears of frustration, confusion, and despair. Some fell in the r/v I stayed in for the first three months of this journey. Some have fallen in our rent house we have lived in for the past year. Others have fallen in the seclusion of my truck and still others in my office.
The idealistic dream of starting a church has long since faded into the grind of persevering this leg of the journey. The dream of starting a church seems more like a journey to climb to the summit of a mountain. It has been tough going at times and I am not ashamed to say my family has sacrificed in many ways to make this climb. Often times joy has been choked by my sinful attitude. There have been times when the pastor of Faith Community Church could barely muster the faith to preach a sermon like one Sunday morning in December of 2011. Much of the time the journey has left me numb.
I can't explain it but while making this journey from day to day somewhere I quit feeling things deeply. I quit hurting as deeply at the troubling and confusing things but I also quit feeling euphoric in the high times like our high attendance Sunday. I smiled when told the attendance count but it did not stir me emotionally.
What is the point? Through all of it, I have kept going. I got up this morning and started my journey through prayer and scripture reading as I have done most mornings for the past twenty something years. I got dressed eager to get to the office and do my work. Part of that work is writing this blog and work on another book. Part of that work is preparing for messages. Part of that work is interceding for the hurting flock.
I don't know where this journey will take me next. I could remain right here for the remainder of my days serving God. He could uproot me again as He has done so many times before. Here is the thing. I am not the master of this journey. I do not get to determine the stopping points along the way or the final destination. I have set my eyes on Christ and my journey is to get closer to Him. Along the way He has assignments for me to carry out. One of those is to write to comfort, challenge, and inspire others on their journey.
Many of my friends tell me privately my journey has been hard and they would not have been able to endure many of the trials Brenda and I have faced. Perhaps I brought some of those on myself. Perhaps some of those trials were ordained by God to try and strengthen my faith. Over and over again we have seen God come through.
Most of our trials on the journey have centered around lack of finances. Brenda reminded me the other day I have chosen a different path than many other in ministry. Money has not been my motivation. I have never asked a church what they could pay me. It never mattered. All that mattered to me is whether God called us to serve in those churches. At times we have lived below the poverty level and we prayed for everything from tanks of gas, to groceries, to lunch money for the kids and Christmas money. Faithfully God has come through on the journey. Somedays He gave us just enough for that day. Other days He has given in abundance. We have been paid little and we have been paid abundantly by different churches. We have learned first hand God can be trusted when it comes to meeting our needs.
Recently God has used people from Seminole to meet a great need in our lives as well as a family from east Texas. If our living by faith encourages other people to do the same then I am glad for the trials and the hardships on the journey. God shines brightest against the darkness of adversity.
If my journey takes me through trials like that so that other people can be encouraged to keep trusting God, then I have to keep pressing on. God has provided marvelously for my family. In recent days we have been given meat, financial provision, and a great deal of prayers.
I can't say in hindsight I would have chosen this journey of faith for myself. I can say I have seen the faithfulness of God every step of the way. Regardless of where you find yourself on life's journey I want to exhort you to keep trusting God. You may not understand anymore than I have understood the ways of God in my life. Continue to trust Him and wait on Him to show up for you. It might be in the form of a hug from a friend, a text or note of encouragement, a prayer sent up on your behalf, or a chapter in a book. God may reveal Himself through the music and lyrics of a song or through a message preached.
God never told us the journey would be easy. It gets downright hard at times. Quitting would be easier than finishing. Running away appears to be more tempting than staying. Stay the course. By faith keep putting one foot in front of the other. Quit looking around you and just keep your eyes focused downward where God's word is a light unto your path and a lamp unto your feet. [Ps 119:11] Fix your eyes on Jesus who perfected the journey and has laid out yours. Be inspired by His joy even when it meant enduring the cross. [Heb 12:2-3] Keep walking. Keep running. Keep pedaling. Keep climbing. Keep overcoming.
In every journey there is a final destination. Mine as well as yours is Heaven if Jesus Christ has redeemed you. No matter how tough the journey gets it will be worth it when we make it home.
Many times after preaching a revival or camp I have made the long trip home in the wee hours of the morning. There were times I felt I could not travel another mile and my eye lids felt weighted down as I fought to keep them open. At times I pulled over and ran around the car, I slapped myself repeatedly, pinched myself, yelled out loud, drank gallons of tea and ate bags of sunflower seeds until my mouth became raw all in an effort to stay awake. You know what? It was all worth it a thousand times when I walked through the door and made my way to each of the boys' room where they slept and finally climbed beneath the covers of my bed next to Brenda.
A million times more it will be worth it when at the end of our journey we finally get home with Jesus in Heaven for eternity. That thought alone inspires me to keep up the pace on this journey. The finish line is closer for me than it has ever been. I've come too far to turn back now. Upward and onward on the journey.
This is my fifth church to pastor. Each church holds a special place in my heart. There are great memories of God's faithfulness and answers to prayer. I still rejoice when I think on those who were saved, called to the ministry, or really set on fire for Christ. On the other hand my heart is saddened from the many who fell away from the faith. Some may have never truly been saved in the first place. Others have backslidden.
I am reminded of the many ways God has come through for my family. He has comforted us when people disliked us and wanted to remove us from our place of service. He has strengthened us during times of trials. He has held us steadfast in times of uncertainty. He has provided for us when the times were lean. He has empowered us to serve when we were weak and weary.
My life has been quite a journey. There have been many ups. There have also been some tough times. For the past year and a half our journey has taken us to starting Faith Community Church. We have faced many trials. I have shed many tears of frustration, confusion, and despair. Some fell in the r/v I stayed in for the first three months of this journey. Some have fallen in our rent house we have lived in for the past year. Others have fallen in the seclusion of my truck and still others in my office.
The idealistic dream of starting a church has long since faded into the grind of persevering this leg of the journey. The dream of starting a church seems more like a journey to climb to the summit of a mountain. It has been tough going at times and I am not ashamed to say my family has sacrificed in many ways to make this climb. Often times joy has been choked by my sinful attitude. There have been times when the pastor of Faith Community Church could barely muster the faith to preach a sermon like one Sunday morning in December of 2011. Much of the time the journey has left me numb.
I can't explain it but while making this journey from day to day somewhere I quit feeling things deeply. I quit hurting as deeply at the troubling and confusing things but I also quit feeling euphoric in the high times like our high attendance Sunday. I smiled when told the attendance count but it did not stir me emotionally.
What is the point? Through all of it, I have kept going. I got up this morning and started my journey through prayer and scripture reading as I have done most mornings for the past twenty something years. I got dressed eager to get to the office and do my work. Part of that work is writing this blog and work on another book. Part of that work is preparing for messages. Part of that work is interceding for the hurting flock.
I don't know where this journey will take me next. I could remain right here for the remainder of my days serving God. He could uproot me again as He has done so many times before. Here is the thing. I am not the master of this journey. I do not get to determine the stopping points along the way or the final destination. I have set my eyes on Christ and my journey is to get closer to Him. Along the way He has assignments for me to carry out. One of those is to write to comfort, challenge, and inspire others on their journey.
Many of my friends tell me privately my journey has been hard and they would not have been able to endure many of the trials Brenda and I have faced. Perhaps I brought some of those on myself. Perhaps some of those trials were ordained by God to try and strengthen my faith. Over and over again we have seen God come through.
Most of our trials on the journey have centered around lack of finances. Brenda reminded me the other day I have chosen a different path than many other in ministry. Money has not been my motivation. I have never asked a church what they could pay me. It never mattered. All that mattered to me is whether God called us to serve in those churches. At times we have lived below the poverty level and we prayed for everything from tanks of gas, to groceries, to lunch money for the kids and Christmas money. Faithfully God has come through on the journey. Somedays He gave us just enough for that day. Other days He has given in abundance. We have been paid little and we have been paid abundantly by different churches. We have learned first hand God can be trusted when it comes to meeting our needs.
Recently God has used people from Seminole to meet a great need in our lives as well as a family from east Texas. If our living by faith encourages other people to do the same then I am glad for the trials and the hardships on the journey. God shines brightest against the darkness of adversity.
If my journey takes me through trials like that so that other people can be encouraged to keep trusting God, then I have to keep pressing on. God has provided marvelously for my family. In recent days we have been given meat, financial provision, and a great deal of prayers.
I can't say in hindsight I would have chosen this journey of faith for myself. I can say I have seen the faithfulness of God every step of the way. Regardless of where you find yourself on life's journey I want to exhort you to keep trusting God. You may not understand anymore than I have understood the ways of God in my life. Continue to trust Him and wait on Him to show up for you. It might be in the form of a hug from a friend, a text or note of encouragement, a prayer sent up on your behalf, or a chapter in a book. God may reveal Himself through the music and lyrics of a song or through a message preached.
God never told us the journey would be easy. It gets downright hard at times. Quitting would be easier than finishing. Running away appears to be more tempting than staying. Stay the course. By faith keep putting one foot in front of the other. Quit looking around you and just keep your eyes focused downward where God's word is a light unto your path and a lamp unto your feet. [Ps 119:11] Fix your eyes on Jesus who perfected the journey and has laid out yours. Be inspired by His joy even when it meant enduring the cross. [Heb 12:2-3] Keep walking. Keep running. Keep pedaling. Keep climbing. Keep overcoming.
In every journey there is a final destination. Mine as well as yours is Heaven if Jesus Christ has redeemed you. No matter how tough the journey gets it will be worth it when we make it home.
Many times after preaching a revival or camp I have made the long trip home in the wee hours of the morning. There were times I felt I could not travel another mile and my eye lids felt weighted down as I fought to keep them open. At times I pulled over and ran around the car, I slapped myself repeatedly, pinched myself, yelled out loud, drank gallons of tea and ate bags of sunflower seeds until my mouth became raw all in an effort to stay awake. You know what? It was all worth it a thousand times when I walked through the door and made my way to each of the boys' room where they slept and finally climbed beneath the covers of my bed next to Brenda.
A million times more it will be worth it when at the end of our journey we finally get home with Jesus in Heaven for eternity. That thought alone inspires me to keep up the pace on this journey. The finish line is closer for me than it has ever been. I've come too far to turn back now. Upward and onward on the journey.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Clouds of Confusion
Father, you have a will and you have a purpose and a way,
I confess I cannot see or discern them very clearly today,
I have sought you in prayer for hours and hours on end,
I have read your word hoping revelation you would send,
I have waited at your feet longing to hear your quiet voice,
If only it would come from you how my soul would rejoice,
Instead I sit here in confusion wondering what you're doing,
I wait on you eyes toward the hills my hope, faith viewing,
The clouds of confusion are thick I have lost your hot trail,
My faith has been tried - at times feels like has been derailed,
I know you are there though you are silent and delay,
My soul is not always steadfast but sometimes dismayed,
How long will you make me wait as I pour my soul out,
The longer I wait my faith evaporates more into doubt,
You are faithful, you are tried and you are always true,
What must I do to once again hear a fresh word from you?
I love you Father - your ways I cannot guess to understand,
Is this the path you purposed - is this what you had planned?
Shore up my faith - strengthen my resolve I fervently plead,
This confused soul remains before you desperately in need.
- ME 11-12-12
I confess I cannot see or discern them very clearly today,
I have sought you in prayer for hours and hours on end,
I have read your word hoping revelation you would send,
I have waited at your feet longing to hear your quiet voice,
If only it would come from you how my soul would rejoice,
Instead I sit here in confusion wondering what you're doing,
I wait on you eyes toward the hills my hope, faith viewing,
The clouds of confusion are thick I have lost your hot trail,
My faith has been tried - at times feels like has been derailed,
I know you are there though you are silent and delay,
My soul is not always steadfast but sometimes dismayed,
How long will you make me wait as I pour my soul out,
The longer I wait my faith evaporates more into doubt,
You are faithful, you are tried and you are always true,
What must I do to once again hear a fresh word from you?
I love you Father - your ways I cannot guess to understand,
Is this the path you purposed - is this what you had planned?
Shore up my faith - strengthen my resolve I fervently plead,
This confused soul remains before you desperately in need.
- ME 11-12-12
Seek and Serve
David gave his son Solomon some words of counsel before he took over as king. I Chron 28:9] In essence here is the short version. Seek to know God. Serve God with a loyal heart.
In our age we often get this wrong. We want to serve before we seek to get to know Him. There are many people in churches of all sizes and denominations who fill their calendars with busy activity but who seldom take the time to seek to know God. There are people packed in the pews who know a lot about God but they do not really know God.
How about you? What category do you fall in? Are you busy doing but somewhere deep inside you are not being a follower of Christ? You would not be alone. Many teach, lead, volunteer, head up projects, but seldom ever set aside significant quiet time to seek the Lord. In essence these people lead on empty. They pretend to be walking closely with God but nobody knows the truth. They do not seek God and are not close to Him.
Seeking to know God has to remain our top priority. You will notice I am not referring to a little time of devotion heavy on tradition but light on divine encounters. If you are going to know the Lord it is going to take long sustained times in His presence. It will also mean a deep desire and ravenous hunger for more of God. David wrote of this is [Ps 63:1-3] and [Ps 42:1]. That has to be the heart of someone genuinely seeking more of God.
When we seek God we discern His will and direction. [Ps 119:11] We gain His power to serve. [Phil 4:13] We are given purpose and vision. [Prov 29:18] When these things come from human wisdom and resources the soul is bankrupted and the fruit of OUR labors will not last. When God is the object of our seeking contentment follows [Phil 4:11-12] along with His wisdom to make decisions. [James 1:5]
Serving without seeking can lead to foolish decisions, burn out, hollow experiences, and eventually resentment and bitterness for not being recognized for your accomplishments. When you seek God and His kingdom first, you will not be offended by the lack of recognition because all the glory will go to God.
I hope you are seeking. I hope this is leading to you serving also. Don't get the order wrong. Seek first and then serve faithfully.
In our age we often get this wrong. We want to serve before we seek to get to know Him. There are many people in churches of all sizes and denominations who fill their calendars with busy activity but who seldom take the time to seek to know God. There are people packed in the pews who know a lot about God but they do not really know God.
How about you? What category do you fall in? Are you busy doing but somewhere deep inside you are not being a follower of Christ? You would not be alone. Many teach, lead, volunteer, head up projects, but seldom ever set aside significant quiet time to seek the Lord. In essence these people lead on empty. They pretend to be walking closely with God but nobody knows the truth. They do not seek God and are not close to Him.
Seeking to know God has to remain our top priority. You will notice I am not referring to a little time of devotion heavy on tradition but light on divine encounters. If you are going to know the Lord it is going to take long sustained times in His presence. It will also mean a deep desire and ravenous hunger for more of God. David wrote of this is [Ps 63:1-3] and [Ps 42:1]. That has to be the heart of someone genuinely seeking more of God.
When we seek God we discern His will and direction. [Ps 119:11] We gain His power to serve. [Phil 4:13] We are given purpose and vision. [Prov 29:18] When these things come from human wisdom and resources the soul is bankrupted and the fruit of OUR labors will not last. When God is the object of our seeking contentment follows [Phil 4:11-12] along with His wisdom to make decisions. [James 1:5]
Serving without seeking can lead to foolish decisions, burn out, hollow experiences, and eventually resentment and bitterness for not being recognized for your accomplishments. When you seek God and His kingdom first, you will not be offended by the lack of recognition because all the glory will go to God.
I hope you are seeking. I hope this is leading to you serving also. Don't get the order wrong. Seek first and then serve faithfully.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Shepherd - Evangelist
I recently asked well over a dozen people whether they thought of me more as a pastor or an evangelist. The overwhelming majority said they thought of me as more of an evangelist. A couple of people thought of me more as a pastor. All I want is to know what God has called me.
After considerable prayer I came to the conclusion I am both. A recent day will illustrate this. A few weeks ago a lady in our church had surgery in Dallas on a Wednesday. I drove over and had prayer with her and her husband and then went out to the waiting room to sit with the family. I stayed as long as I could before having to head back to beat traffic and to begin studying for both our adult and student Bible studies.
I enjoyed teaching the adults later that evening as we continued our journey through the book of 1 Timothy. Afterward I walked across the parking lot to the warehouse where I preached to several dozen students. We had planned an evangelistic night and students brought their friends. We had our highest attendance ever. When the invitation was extended for people to trust Christ for salvation five people responded! What a night.
Later on I headed home exhausted. I looked forward to some dinner and a good night of sleep. We received word that one our young mothers was about to deliver her baby. I made my way to the hospital and prayed with this young family and waited with them until their baby boy entered this world.
In that one day I experienced both the joys of serving as a pastor or shepherd to our people and as an evangelist calling the lost to salvation. So it is with my ministry. God has gifted and called me to do both. My primary calling is to serve as a pastor. I do this through shepherding the flock and nourishing their souls with messages from the Bible. This next week I will have the opportunity to travel to a nearby church and preach to some students. I will share the message God impresses on my heart and trust God to accomplish His purpose on those students hearts. Pastor and evangelist. I am one man with two callings and two giftings.
Since the elections God has weighed an increasing and intensifying burden on my heart for our nation. I am deeply concerned that two more states legalized same sex marriage. The Bible calls this homosexuality. I am also deeply concerned that an openly homosexual woman was elected to public office in our nation's congress. Some other states voted to legalize abortion. I feel the prophetic calling in me welling up. I am not sure what my role is to be at this point other than remaining faithful where I am. I do sense God is calling me to something deeper though the details of that calling have not been revealed yet. Regardless this pastor - evangelist will remain ready to do what the Lord beckons me to do.
After considerable prayer I came to the conclusion I am both. A recent day will illustrate this. A few weeks ago a lady in our church had surgery in Dallas on a Wednesday. I drove over and had prayer with her and her husband and then went out to the waiting room to sit with the family. I stayed as long as I could before having to head back to beat traffic and to begin studying for both our adult and student Bible studies.
I enjoyed teaching the adults later that evening as we continued our journey through the book of 1 Timothy. Afterward I walked across the parking lot to the warehouse where I preached to several dozen students. We had planned an evangelistic night and students brought their friends. We had our highest attendance ever. When the invitation was extended for people to trust Christ for salvation five people responded! What a night.
Later on I headed home exhausted. I looked forward to some dinner and a good night of sleep. We received word that one our young mothers was about to deliver her baby. I made my way to the hospital and prayed with this young family and waited with them until their baby boy entered this world.
In that one day I experienced both the joys of serving as a pastor or shepherd to our people and as an evangelist calling the lost to salvation. So it is with my ministry. God has gifted and called me to do both. My primary calling is to serve as a pastor. I do this through shepherding the flock and nourishing their souls with messages from the Bible. This next week I will have the opportunity to travel to a nearby church and preach to some students. I will share the message God impresses on my heart and trust God to accomplish His purpose on those students hearts. Pastor and evangelist. I am one man with two callings and two giftings.
Since the elections God has weighed an increasing and intensifying burden on my heart for our nation. I am deeply concerned that two more states legalized same sex marriage. The Bible calls this homosexuality. I am also deeply concerned that an openly homosexual woman was elected to public office in our nation's congress. Some other states voted to legalize abortion. I feel the prophetic calling in me welling up. I am not sure what my role is to be at this point other than remaining faithful where I am. I do sense God is calling me to something deeper though the details of that calling have not been revealed yet. Regardless this pastor - evangelist will remain ready to do what the Lord beckons me to do.
Sitting With the Lord
I have been spending a lot of time sitting with the Lord in recent days. This has culminated with a greater desire to listen than to talk. Last night after a day with the family I made my way out to the back porch where I nestled into my rustic rocking chair.
I really had no other agenda than sit with the Lord alone. The winds were blustery but the temperature mild. I contented myself in that rocking chair for close to an hour. Mainly I just wanted to enjoy God and to hear from Him. I sat and rocked while seeking to discern God's still small voice. At the end of that time I did not get a clear message from God. I did enjoy time with Him.
This morning I got up early and longed to be in God's presence. I poured out my heart in prayer and got up after some time to look out the window outside my office. There is a front blowing in today. Changes are coming. The skies are dark with ominous clouds. The winds are still blustery. Soon rain will pelt the earth and the temperatures will plummet. While standing looking out the window suddenly I sensed the Lord speaking. I hurried back to my office where I could write down His instructions. They were clear and unmistakable. They also revived my heart.
Have you ever noticed how little we sit with people anymore much less the Lord. I have seen others do it and have done it myself when seated with people in conversation and I wanted to leave what did I do? I edged to the front of the seat and eventually stood to my feet giving off the non verbal communication the conversation was coming to an end.
What is worse is how we do this to God. Truth is very few of us even sit with Him anymore. We can have our devotions emailed to our phones in order to read on the run. Our devotion times are so rushed. We fly through the scripture and a prayer so we can get on with the rest of our day. I find what God has to say to me through His word and Spirit are much more valuable than anything I have to say to Him. In fact it was while reading His word God showed me the value of sitting with Him. "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord..." [I Chronicles 17:16] God had just spoken something very profound to David and what did David do in response. He went and sat before the Lord.
That takes time. It is an unhurried response to God. It means devotion times last longer than ten to fifteen minutes. I never know how long my times with the Lord will last. It depends on what He wants to do in my life. I only know I have an increasing desire to sit before Him and with Him to listen more than to talk.
God is giving me much more the heart of Mary than Martha. Martha remained busy and distracted by the meal preparation when she invited Jesus to eat. Mary contented herself at the feet of Jesus listening to His every word. That is where I long to be. Seated with Jesus and listening to everything He has to say.
I really had no other agenda than sit with the Lord alone. The winds were blustery but the temperature mild. I contented myself in that rocking chair for close to an hour. Mainly I just wanted to enjoy God and to hear from Him. I sat and rocked while seeking to discern God's still small voice. At the end of that time I did not get a clear message from God. I did enjoy time with Him.
This morning I got up early and longed to be in God's presence. I poured out my heart in prayer and got up after some time to look out the window outside my office. There is a front blowing in today. Changes are coming. The skies are dark with ominous clouds. The winds are still blustery. Soon rain will pelt the earth and the temperatures will plummet. While standing looking out the window suddenly I sensed the Lord speaking. I hurried back to my office where I could write down His instructions. They were clear and unmistakable. They also revived my heart.
Have you ever noticed how little we sit with people anymore much less the Lord. I have seen others do it and have done it myself when seated with people in conversation and I wanted to leave what did I do? I edged to the front of the seat and eventually stood to my feet giving off the non verbal communication the conversation was coming to an end.
What is worse is how we do this to God. Truth is very few of us even sit with Him anymore. We can have our devotions emailed to our phones in order to read on the run. Our devotion times are so rushed. We fly through the scripture and a prayer so we can get on with the rest of our day. I find what God has to say to me through His word and Spirit are much more valuable than anything I have to say to Him. In fact it was while reading His word God showed me the value of sitting with Him. "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord..." [I Chronicles 17:16] God had just spoken something very profound to David and what did David do in response. He went and sat before the Lord.
That takes time. It is an unhurried response to God. It means devotion times last longer than ten to fifteen minutes. I never know how long my times with the Lord will last. It depends on what He wants to do in my life. I only know I have an increasing desire to sit before Him and with Him to listen more than to talk.
God is giving me much more the heart of Mary than Martha. Martha remained busy and distracted by the meal preparation when she invited Jesus to eat. Mary contented herself at the feet of Jesus listening to His every word. That is where I long to be. Seated with Jesus and listening to everything He has to say.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Heart to Heart
Father,
On this morning I come to have a heart to heart with you. More than anything on this earth I want to know you. You know that is the truth. I confess there are times I do not like the path getting to know you takes me down. If the end result is I really getting to know you I want to keep on this journey.
My soul is troubled. It has been for some time. I have sought you and sought you. Often confusion clouds my mind keeping me from seeing you and your purposes. I would have never chosen this path for myself while a college student dreaming about the future. It has not been an easy journey. You have tried and tested me over and over again. My foolish choices have added adversity into our lives. My stubborn pride has brought your severe chastisement. Yet you have been faithful every step of the way.
Here I am. Just you and me alone in this office on this Saturday morning. I am drawing near to you to have a heart to heart because I honestly do not know what you are up to. Many of my prayers have gone unanswered in the way I would have liked. Most of my burdens have been internal. At times when I thought I heard from you clearly it turned out I did not hear from you at all. This only brings additional confusion to my mind.
So here I am. All that I am I bring before you. My triumphs and my Titanic failures. I have nothing hide for you know it all. I want to know you even it means through the fellowship of your sufferings. I want to walk with you even it means I find myself walking at odds with my generation. I find myself feeling more alone than I have in the past twenty years. You have never left me. Though at the present you are silent I trust you are not absent.
You are here with me in this moment. You see my heart. You know my every thought. Before I form the next word on my tongue you know it. You know the secret tears and you are aware of my every need. Because you are with me there is no reason for me to fear, to be anxious, heavy laden, or discouraged. You are my help. No matter the need you are my help. I can lay every single burden onto your massively broad shoulders. They are all yours to manage, solve, and fix. Every burden, trial, affliction, and problem I lay at your feet.
Today I choose peace. I choose faith. I choose hope. I choose abundant life. I choose to overcome, prevail, and to conquer. In short I choose you. In your name, amen.
On this morning I come to have a heart to heart with you. More than anything on this earth I want to know you. You know that is the truth. I confess there are times I do not like the path getting to know you takes me down. If the end result is I really getting to know you I want to keep on this journey.
My soul is troubled. It has been for some time. I have sought you and sought you. Often confusion clouds my mind keeping me from seeing you and your purposes. I would have never chosen this path for myself while a college student dreaming about the future. It has not been an easy journey. You have tried and tested me over and over again. My foolish choices have added adversity into our lives. My stubborn pride has brought your severe chastisement. Yet you have been faithful every step of the way.
Here I am. Just you and me alone in this office on this Saturday morning. I am drawing near to you to have a heart to heart because I honestly do not know what you are up to. Many of my prayers have gone unanswered in the way I would have liked. Most of my burdens have been internal. At times when I thought I heard from you clearly it turned out I did not hear from you at all. This only brings additional confusion to my mind.
So here I am. All that I am I bring before you. My triumphs and my Titanic failures. I have nothing hide for you know it all. I want to know you even it means through the fellowship of your sufferings. I want to walk with you even it means I find myself walking at odds with my generation. I find myself feeling more alone than I have in the past twenty years. You have never left me. Though at the present you are silent I trust you are not absent.
You are here with me in this moment. You see my heart. You know my every thought. Before I form the next word on my tongue you know it. You know the secret tears and you are aware of my every need. Because you are with me there is no reason for me to fear, to be anxious, heavy laden, or discouraged. You are my help. No matter the need you are my help. I can lay every single burden onto your massively broad shoulders. They are all yours to manage, solve, and fix. Every burden, trial, affliction, and problem I lay at your feet.
Today I choose peace. I choose faith. I choose hope. I choose abundant life. I choose to overcome, prevail, and to conquer. In short I choose you. In your name, amen.
Friday, November 2, 2012
A Wounded Servant's Prayer
Father,
You know all things and you certainly know my heart. I am confused, broken, tired, and desperate to hear a word from you. My heart is crushed and you know the circumstances. The battle has been long and hard. I am wounded. I know you alone are the true source of healing and strength to keep fighting. You alone are the true source of peace in my turbulent world.
I have waited on you. At times it feels like I have waited a long time. So very little has changed in our outward circumstances. In some instances they have grown worse. There have been changes in my internal circumstances and they have not all been good. Depression has hung around me like a fog. Doubts have lingered like the stench of a decaying carcass. Hopelessness has set in like a ravaging fever diseasing my mind.
Never in all my years of serving you have I faced more battles in my mind. Certain days you usher in the victory. Other days I falter. I thank you for sustaining me and binding my wounds. I could not have made it thus far without your timely words and your faithful provision sent my way. Those have nourished my soul and strengthened me to keep going.
Tuesday I sat in tears. Today I sit with resolve to hear from you. My emotions have played on me like a yo-yo. They are up and down. I long for the peace of your voice to speak in the middle of my private pain. You are really the only one I can run to.
Today I come to hobbling more than running. I come to your throne of grace in my time of need to find help and mercy. I need mercy because I cannot shake the sins of doubt, depression, anger, frustration, and lack of joy. I need mercy to cleanse me thoroughly and keep me on the right track. I need help. I need help to stay the course. Running seems easier than staying. Flight looks more appealing than enduring. Anxiety is edging out peace. I need your help to have hope again. Truth be known I have given up ever getting in a better housing situation. It angers me to pay rent on a storage building every month because where we live cannot contain the rest of our furniture. It frustrates me how long these trials have lasted.
Yet, when I limp into your presence and offer you my wounds you bring healing. You touch me at the point of my pain. You reassure me with your words of comfort. You step in and save the day with your mighty hand. Though wounded I have learned how trustworthy you are. I long for these trials to end but I long to meet with you and to know you more.
Yes, you above all know I am a wounded servant. I have sought to masquerade the pain. You alone know the true contents of my heart and the broken condition of my soul. I come without pretense today. I come without a show. I come as a hurting child just needing to climb onto your lap. I need you to hold me and comfort me. I need you to rescue me from the destructive thoughts that combat your truth. I need your healing and gentle touch. Then and only then can I continue to battle. Then and only then can I live in peace. In Jesus name, amen.
You know all things and you certainly know my heart. I am confused, broken, tired, and desperate to hear a word from you. My heart is crushed and you know the circumstances. The battle has been long and hard. I am wounded. I know you alone are the true source of healing and strength to keep fighting. You alone are the true source of peace in my turbulent world.
I have waited on you. At times it feels like I have waited a long time. So very little has changed in our outward circumstances. In some instances they have grown worse. There have been changes in my internal circumstances and they have not all been good. Depression has hung around me like a fog. Doubts have lingered like the stench of a decaying carcass. Hopelessness has set in like a ravaging fever diseasing my mind.
Never in all my years of serving you have I faced more battles in my mind. Certain days you usher in the victory. Other days I falter. I thank you for sustaining me and binding my wounds. I could not have made it thus far without your timely words and your faithful provision sent my way. Those have nourished my soul and strengthened me to keep going.
Tuesday I sat in tears. Today I sit with resolve to hear from you. My emotions have played on me like a yo-yo. They are up and down. I long for the peace of your voice to speak in the middle of my private pain. You are really the only one I can run to.
Today I come to hobbling more than running. I come to your throne of grace in my time of need to find help and mercy. I need mercy because I cannot shake the sins of doubt, depression, anger, frustration, and lack of joy. I need mercy to cleanse me thoroughly and keep me on the right track. I need help. I need help to stay the course. Running seems easier than staying. Flight looks more appealing than enduring. Anxiety is edging out peace. I need your help to have hope again. Truth be known I have given up ever getting in a better housing situation. It angers me to pay rent on a storage building every month because where we live cannot contain the rest of our furniture. It frustrates me how long these trials have lasted.
Yet, when I limp into your presence and offer you my wounds you bring healing. You touch me at the point of my pain. You reassure me with your words of comfort. You step in and save the day with your mighty hand. Though wounded I have learned how trustworthy you are. I long for these trials to end but I long to meet with you and to know you more.
Yes, you above all know I am a wounded servant. I have sought to masquerade the pain. You alone know the true contents of my heart and the broken condition of my soul. I come without pretense today. I come without a show. I come as a hurting child just needing to climb onto your lap. I need you to hold me and comfort me. I need you to rescue me from the destructive thoughts that combat your truth. I need your healing and gentle touch. Then and only then can I continue to battle. Then and only then can I live in peace. In Jesus name, amen.
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Perfect and Permissive Will of God
Most Christians I know want to live and do the will of God. They seek God in prayer and scripture reading to determine direction. This might include large things such as a vocation, what town to live in, what house to buy and where the kids go to college. It also includes the day to day things such as charitable giving, where to find a church home, what ministry to get involved with, and how to best steward time.
If I understand the perfect will of God it means getting in tune with God's plan for an individual's life and following that plan to its conclusion. What happens if you make a wrong turn and get off the plan. What happens say if you marry the wrong person, choose the wrong career, make an unwise financial investment that backfires, or pull a Jonah and rebel against God's promptings. Is the rest of your life sentenced to doom and gloom?
In some instances personal decisions have lasting ramifications. Ask Abraham and Ismael. Still that one bad choice did not keep God from using Abraham to become the father of the nation of Israel. Some of you may find yourself stuck. Stuck in a loveless marriage. Stuck in a dead end job. Stuck in heartache and misery of your own creation. If so what do you do now? It is not like you go back and undo every decision to get yourself back on track.
I am thankful for the wisdom of God to not only have His perfect will but also to have the contingent plan of His permissive will where He factors in those wrong turns in our lives and how to get us from where we are to where He wills us to be. There is good news here. If you did make a wrong turn along the way God is not finished with you. If you seek Him and follow His leadership He will faithfully guide you to where He wills you to be.
Early on in my pastoral ministry I was stuck in a dead end church. In hindsight I do not believe God willed me to serve that church but all I cared about was the fact that a door opened for me to pastor a church. I jumped through it. A little research would have told me I was not a good fit for that church and the church was not a good fit for me. I served that flock longer than I have served anywhere else at five years. Those were five tough years. The church split. The finances dwindled. My salary had to be cut twice. Attendance plummeted. I prayed my heart out during those years.
In the middle of all of that a church from Tyler, TX sent me a letter requesting my resume. Foolishly I shut that door by telling them to pray and seek God's man and refused to send a resume. I really was interested and even drove to Tyler to find the church. I hoped they would come back and revisit me. They never did and I had to endure another two and a half years of pain filled ministry. I am convinced God was offering me a way out of a difficult situation to get my life on track. What resulted. I spent another seven years in that area starting a full time traveling ministry and then starting a church. We experienced more trials than I can tell. Though we went through painful times God did not forsake us. He used that time to break me and then to rebuild me.
God's perfect will I don't believe would have ever lead me to that first church I served to begin with. God's permissive will allowed me to persevere and He used those years to teach me a lot about what it means to be a pastor. While I do not believe that was God's perfect will for the Edwards family I know in His permissive will He used that time to teach me and grow me. He used the whole twelve years we lived in that area.
Maybe you can identify the exact moment you got off the tracks of God's perfect will. You see it clear as day. What now? Acknowledge that and keep seeking God day in and day out. You may have to repent. You may have to face the facts that the difficulties you are facing are your own doing. Remain faithful where you are. Work at the marriage trusting God to make it a mutual blessing for you and your spouse. Keep doing your best at your job patiently trusting the Lord to put you where He wants you in His time by opening doors. Keep working trusting God to build your finances back and to dig you out of a financial hole.
Eph 3:20 says God is able. He is able to accomplish His purposes even when we get off track. He is able to forgive our mistakes and to sew a tapestry where all it gets woven together to create the purpose of His design.
Where are you today. If you one of those living out God's designs for your life and walking in His perfect will God bless you. Keep seeking, listening, and following. Surely your life is blessed and brimming with satisfaction. If you are not one of those people do not fret. Simply ask God to accomplish His will in your life right now where you are. Either way our Father is exceedingly able to work out His plans for us if we submit and are willing to obediently follow Him.
If I understand the perfect will of God it means getting in tune with God's plan for an individual's life and following that plan to its conclusion. What happens if you make a wrong turn and get off the plan. What happens say if you marry the wrong person, choose the wrong career, make an unwise financial investment that backfires, or pull a Jonah and rebel against God's promptings. Is the rest of your life sentenced to doom and gloom?
In some instances personal decisions have lasting ramifications. Ask Abraham and Ismael. Still that one bad choice did not keep God from using Abraham to become the father of the nation of Israel. Some of you may find yourself stuck. Stuck in a loveless marriage. Stuck in a dead end job. Stuck in heartache and misery of your own creation. If so what do you do now? It is not like you go back and undo every decision to get yourself back on track.
I am thankful for the wisdom of God to not only have His perfect will but also to have the contingent plan of His permissive will where He factors in those wrong turns in our lives and how to get us from where we are to where He wills us to be. There is good news here. If you did make a wrong turn along the way God is not finished with you. If you seek Him and follow His leadership He will faithfully guide you to where He wills you to be.
Early on in my pastoral ministry I was stuck in a dead end church. In hindsight I do not believe God willed me to serve that church but all I cared about was the fact that a door opened for me to pastor a church. I jumped through it. A little research would have told me I was not a good fit for that church and the church was not a good fit for me. I served that flock longer than I have served anywhere else at five years. Those were five tough years. The church split. The finances dwindled. My salary had to be cut twice. Attendance plummeted. I prayed my heart out during those years.
In the middle of all of that a church from Tyler, TX sent me a letter requesting my resume. Foolishly I shut that door by telling them to pray and seek God's man and refused to send a resume. I really was interested and even drove to Tyler to find the church. I hoped they would come back and revisit me. They never did and I had to endure another two and a half years of pain filled ministry. I am convinced God was offering me a way out of a difficult situation to get my life on track. What resulted. I spent another seven years in that area starting a full time traveling ministry and then starting a church. We experienced more trials than I can tell. Though we went through painful times God did not forsake us. He used that time to break me and then to rebuild me.
God's perfect will I don't believe would have ever lead me to that first church I served to begin with. God's permissive will allowed me to persevere and He used those years to teach me a lot about what it means to be a pastor. While I do not believe that was God's perfect will for the Edwards family I know in His permissive will He used that time to teach me and grow me. He used the whole twelve years we lived in that area.
Maybe you can identify the exact moment you got off the tracks of God's perfect will. You see it clear as day. What now? Acknowledge that and keep seeking God day in and day out. You may have to repent. You may have to face the facts that the difficulties you are facing are your own doing. Remain faithful where you are. Work at the marriage trusting God to make it a mutual blessing for you and your spouse. Keep doing your best at your job patiently trusting the Lord to put you where He wants you in His time by opening doors. Keep working trusting God to build your finances back and to dig you out of a financial hole.
Eph 3:20 says God is able. He is able to accomplish His purposes even when we get off track. He is able to forgive our mistakes and to sew a tapestry where all it gets woven together to create the purpose of His design.
Where are you today. If you one of those living out God's designs for your life and walking in His perfect will God bless you. Keep seeking, listening, and following. Surely your life is blessed and brimming with satisfaction. If you are not one of those people do not fret. Simply ask God to accomplish His will in your life right now where you are. Either way our Father is exceedingly able to work out His plans for us if we submit and are willing to obediently follow Him.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Keep Your Eyes on the Prize
Where is your gaze? What is the focal point of your eyes? It should be on the finish line of Heaven looking to Jesus. I am not saying we should not seek to live the abundant life on life's journey in the here and now. I just know that life down here is filled with pain, confusion, heartache, disappointments as well as joy, triumph, healing, direction, and hope.
It is easy to get sidetracked by gazing at the pain. Many have stood by the freshly dug grave of a loved one still brokenhearted not wanting to go on in life without them. Others have forced themselves out of bed to deal with life's disappointments. There are some who will themselves to work and take care of daily responsibilities. If these are things you focus on it will only serve to drag you down to defeat.
Our eyes must continually look heavenward. No matter how hard it gets down here there is a finish line. There is a day when we the redeemed will step out of the sorrows, the heartaches, the pain, the trials, and adversity of this life as we step into life everlasting in eternity. As the winds of adversity blow against you know that they won't blow forever. One day the mortal will put on immorality and the corruptible put on the incorruptible.
Once again while riding my bike earlier this morning I had to climb up hill into a headwind to finish the ride. I kept my eyes trained toward the top of the last hill. I knew when I reached the top of that hill it would be down hill riding the rest of the way to the driveway. Life is hill we have to climb. Death for the child of God is the down hill ride into eternity. I press on up the hill looking to the finish line where everything after will be like one eternal downhill ride.
As you turn your gaze heavenward, be reminded all we have to do is get through this day. We do not concern ourselves with tomorrow. God will give us sufficient strength tomorrow for tomorrow's battles. Let's set our gaze on Jesus in order to get through this day. One day at a time.
I am looking to Jesus who not only authored the faith but also perfected it with joy though He had to embrace the cross. [Heb 12:2-3] None of our trials can match that. If I keep my eyes on Jesus first and foremost everything else falls into place. He is the prize my eyes are on. I keep pedaling through life seeking Him, longing for Him, being inspired by Him, and receiving strength from Him.
Today my eyes are on Jesus. My eyes are on the prize. I pedal against the wind and find peace, hope, and joy in the Lord. I hope you are able to do the same.
It is easy to get sidetracked by gazing at the pain. Many have stood by the freshly dug grave of a loved one still brokenhearted not wanting to go on in life without them. Others have forced themselves out of bed to deal with life's disappointments. There are some who will themselves to work and take care of daily responsibilities. If these are things you focus on it will only serve to drag you down to defeat.
Our eyes must continually look heavenward. No matter how hard it gets down here there is a finish line. There is a day when we the redeemed will step out of the sorrows, the heartaches, the pain, the trials, and adversity of this life as we step into life everlasting in eternity. As the winds of adversity blow against you know that they won't blow forever. One day the mortal will put on immorality and the corruptible put on the incorruptible.
Once again while riding my bike earlier this morning I had to climb up hill into a headwind to finish the ride. I kept my eyes trained toward the top of the last hill. I knew when I reached the top of that hill it would be down hill riding the rest of the way to the driveway. Life is hill we have to climb. Death for the child of God is the down hill ride into eternity. I press on up the hill looking to the finish line where everything after will be like one eternal downhill ride.
As you turn your gaze heavenward, be reminded all we have to do is get through this day. We do not concern ourselves with tomorrow. God will give us sufficient strength tomorrow for tomorrow's battles. Let's set our gaze on Jesus in order to get through this day. One day at a time.
I am looking to Jesus who not only authored the faith but also perfected it with joy though He had to embrace the cross. [Heb 12:2-3] None of our trials can match that. If I keep my eyes on Jesus first and foremost everything else falls into place. He is the prize my eyes are on. I keep pedaling through life seeking Him, longing for Him, being inspired by Him, and receiving strength from Him.
Today my eyes are on Jesus. My eyes are on the prize. I pedal against the wind and find peace, hope, and joy in the Lord. I hope you are able to do the same.
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