When I left Seminole, TX July 22, 2011 my faith was strong. I left without any doubts that starting a new church was God's will for me. I did not understand it. It hurt and still hurts to leave people Brenda and I have grown to love even more. Still, I had faith and entered the task of starting Faith Community Church with passion and confidence.
The challenges began immediately. Many of them you are familiar with if you have kept up with these posts. Some challenges I never saw coming. I attacked them like I always do with persistent prayer. Only this time the answers did not come. They did not come in a month, in six months in a year nor in a year and a half.
Somewhere along the way this supposed great prayer warrior and man of faith lost heart and faith. My prayers took on a different twist. I could pray about seeking God and yearning for Him to speak to me but I could not find faith to pray for miracles. It became increasingly difficult to pray for the church. When I say I lost faith this is no exaggeration. After hour upon hour spent in prayer so many things remain unchanged in and around in my life. I in turn gave up taking on the mentality what's the use praying. God is choosing not to answer.
I began battling severe bouts with depression. I would at times sit in the cafe, library, and eventually my office and stare at the walls. Soon I began mowing. Day in and day out I did my duty but I did not have faith. It felt lost forever. I sunk into deeper fits of depression and Brenda could not pull me out of it. In those days I willed myself to study, to preach, to have devotions and to simply show up each day just do life.
I am sad to report that season in my life lasted for nearly a year. Last week I was sitting in my office reading a book. I had been seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading for months but had no clear word from Him. Something in that book hit me. I can't even remember the line but in my heart something changed. It was like I said, "Okay I have had enough of this. It is time to recommit myself to this task of starting this church and to believe in God through prayer again no matter how long it takes." With that I made a decision to make a fresh start.
Shortly after that I made the hundred mile bike ride in west Texas. While there I had been invited to teach a Bible study to a few people in a living room. I felt impressed to teach from Rom 4:17-21 about the faith Abraham had toward God making him the father of many nations and giving him a child though advanced in age. "yet with respect to the promise of God he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith giving glory to God."[Rom 4:20]
For a year I wavered in unbelief and grew weaker and weaker. In that time God kept providing for Brenda and I in miraculous fashion. God used the loving, generous, and faithful people of Gaines County to send us $29,000 in provision without our ever asking for it. Though my faith proved to be faithless God continued to show Himself faithful. Though I floundered in depression God continued to save the lost. We continued to celebrate baptisms.
In the past week God not only recaptured my faith but has also begun to rebuild that faith. Though my circumstances have not changed I have renewed my dedication to this work. I have refocused my praying for the church asking God to send us people with a mind to work, pray, and to give. I have started praying for a house again in this community. I have resolved that with a son about to be a senior next year I cannot move him again. So God has recaptured my lost faith and begun the process of rebuilding it.
When Brenda asked me what I wanted for Christmas I only had one answer. A house. That might sound far fetched to those of you reading this who enjoy the homes you live in. I have a son who will be graduating in a year and a half. He and I cannot sit down together with the rest of the family and enjoy a meal at the family table because we do not have one in our rent house. There is not room. Our dining table sits in storage where month after month I pay to store it along with our couch and other furniture. This is not acceptable to me. This is not God's destiny for us. Though I struggled for a long while whether God really called me to start this church I have come to settle that He did. Therefore, He wills my family to be here. I also believe He wills my family to live in a bigger house than we do. God owns everything. He owns the house I have in Seminole. He can sell it any moment He wants to. God has all the provision I need to get into a new house. Hundreds and even thousands of dollars are not a problem for Him. They may look like mountains to us but not to Him. So I ask God to do for my family what so many of you have taken for granted. I ask and believe Him for a home where all my family can sit in the living room without someone sitting on the floor. I ask Him for a home where we can all sit at our dining table and enjoy meals and conversation together. I ask Him for a home where we can entertain and use the home for ministry. I ask Him for our third miracle house. I have seen God do it twice before when we had nothing. Now, I am believing Him to do it a third time for His glory. I will testify about it. I will write about it and cast all glory onto the Lord Almighty. I do not know how or when it will happen but just as sure as I sit here writing I believe God has a house for my family.
I also believe God has a plan for Faith Community Church. We should become a church of multiple hundreds impacting Wise County and beyond. Though leaving is easier than staying I recommit myself to this church. Whether I am compensated by the church or not I put my hand to the wheel of this ship and set the course for the future. If I go down I will down with the ship believing God for miracles. Once our home has been secured I will set my sights on land and God's plan for building in the future.
I thank God for recapturing my lost faith and rebuilding it. Starting this church has been hard. God has sustained me in the good times as well as the bad. From the outside looking in you may not get it. You may not see what has been so hard. You may even criticize my lack of faith. I have opened myself up for that to happen and you would be correct. Unbelief and doubt in my book are sins. Sins that have clung to me like shackles and chains. God has unlocked the shackles and I am learning to be free again. Would you continue to join with me and pray with me believing God for a third miracle house and a miracle church? I thank God for recapturing and rebuilding my trust in Him and His goodness.
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