Thursday, April 30, 2015

Breaking The Silence

I walked into the sanctuary and climbed on the stage near the pulpit. I sank to my knees and then buried my face in the carpet where I prayed this simple prayer, "Lord, please speak to me. Please show me what to do. Please open my ears, my heart, and my spirit to hear from you. You know more than anything I want a fresh word from you." After that I waited. I waited some more. I waited longer. In the end I came away with nothing.

I read scripture looking for direction. While I received instruction about many things in my life I did not get fresh words of direction.

I walked into that sanctuary periodically for over two years praying that same prayer and each time I left frustrated because I did not hear God speak. I did the same thing in my home office, my office at the church, and in my living room. I cried out to God in desperation but each time God was silent.

The longer God kept silent the more it frustrated me. I could not understand. I quoted [Jer 33:3] Call to Me and I will show you great and mighty things you do not know. I recalled [Jer 29:13] You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I still suffered in God's silence.

Oddly enough, I received clarity on messages. In fact, over the past four years, I believe God has given me the greatest messages I have ever preached and the most inspired insights into His word I have ever had. Yet when it came to God speaking to me on a personal level I endured the silence of God in a desert season.

I have never been through anything like it. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I read scripture. I read Christian books. At one point I read four different devotion books each day but still God did not give me clear direction.

At times it seemed like all my praying and waiting on God seemed in vain. There were days when I quit seeking. They did not last long as I would climb back on that sanctuary stage and plead with God to speak. Sometimes I waited a few minutes. At other times I waited on the Lord for up to two hours. The end result was always the same.

I did not doubt God loved me. I knew the problem had to be on my part. I repeatedly repented of sin so as to have clear channels of communication. Things remained the same.

I kept coming back to the prayer closet day after day. Eventually my greatest desire in prayer became wanting God to speak to me. I cried at times. I pleaded. I begged. I grabbed hold of the horns of the altar determined to hear a fresh word from the Lord but repeatedly I left disappointed and disillusioned.

The silence of God baffled me. Hearing from Him consumed me. I began having a series of dreams but in the end those dreams did not pan out the way they played out in my mind. So I prayed even harder for clarity and direction but continued to endure God's silent treatment. The long dark night of the soul engulfed me. I had never experienced anything like it. It lasted for well over two years.

Each Sunday I would preach some message from scripture and people would often tell me how God had spoken through me. They had no idea how deeply I longed to be in the place where God spoke to me. I got nuggets of truth and there were times in message preparation and delivery where I could see how certain points applied to my life. In all there was not a defining moment when I could say God broke His silence. God did not speak to me about direction in my life, direction in ministry, or give me vision. For the first time in my life I lived day in and day out without a dream. All of my dreams were shattered and there were no new ones to take their place.

I kept coming to the Lord and pleading for Him to speak. I kept reading His word. Then there was a small breakthrough at a Chris Tomlin concert. It is not what you are thinking. I did not even see Chris Tomlin live. I left the theater because I felt so crowded and sat in the lobby. While seated there I could hear the music though the walls but my focus turned to pleading with God to speak to me.

Eventually I decided to head to the car to wait on my family and to be alone with God asking Him to speak to me again. Then it happened. There was a brief vision and God's admonition for me to devote my life to prayer.

Then yesterday morning I prostrate myself before the Lord asking Him to speak to me after meditation on [Rom 4:18-22]. It took a few moments to still my mind. In the beginning it felt just like every other time I was met with God's silence. I almost got up but decided to linger a little longer and pray a little harder.

Suddenly God broke His silence. I will not go into detail here but suffice it to say after years of seeking and pleading God broke His silence. He gave me direction. God revealedc lear and compelling  vision . He painted His dream for ministry on the canvas of my heart and mind.

The crazy thing is that new vision proved to be exactly the same as something I received back in January of 2012. The two visions are identical. It was almost as if God were saying to me, "I have already given you direction. Nothing has changed. You chose to forget and not to believe Me for what I have already told you I want to do."

With that experience I came away with some clear admonitions from the Lord. I have a new, or I should say an old dream revived, to give me clarity and direction.

Praise the He broke the silence.

I share my experience because I think there could be some of you reading this going through your own long dark night of the soul. God may be silent in your life right now. I want to encourage you to not to lose heart. God will break His silence one day.

In the period between the Old Testament and the New Testament God was silent. After centuries He broke the silence when He sent John the Baptist. John the Baptist experienced the silence of God in prison before he sent messengers to Jesus to ask if Jesus were really the Messiah. Jesus broke the silence giving John the courage and faith to finish strong.

He will not be silent forever. He will not forsake you. DO NOT INTERPRET THE SILENCE OF GOD AS HIS ABSENCE. He is with you. He has His reasons. Keep showing up. Keep seeking Him. Keep reading scripture. Keep praying. Keep listening. Never give up. God will break the silence and when He does His message will revive your soul.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Fully Convinced

What are you fully convinced of today? Are you convinced that your burdens are too heavy? Are your mountains too big? Is your disease too severe? Is your financial situation too far gone? Are you convinced your heart is too broken? Are you convinced in light of your circumstances that your faith is shattered beyond repair.

I read these verses this morning, He did not waver in unbelief at God's promise, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God., because he was full yconvinced that what He had promised He was able to perform. [Rom 4:20-21]

I am shamed to admit this. I have spent much of the past few years battling unbelief. Some days my faith would soar on wings like an eagle believing God for the impossible. There have been many other days when my faith crashed and burned in an unbelieving heap of doubt and self pity. I have faced crisis after crisis and often lost hope. I became convinced our house in west Texas would never sell  when we first moved back to Paradise. Nights spent in an R?V and the house of a church member fully convinced me God had forgotten us. . God did not forget about our house for sale. It did sell after two years. I became convinced we would never have our own home again. I am writing this now in my home office. God did allow us to purchase a home again we have enjoyed for the past two years. I became convinced we would never be able find a way to pay for Taylor to get a truck. God made provision. I became convinced we could never afford Taylor to go to college. He is about to finish his first year at Howard Payne University. God has met Taylor's every need. I became convinced Faith Community Church would implode. God has sustained us for nearly four years. I have become convinced that we were going to financially sink and yet over and over again during the past few years God has sent us over $62,000 from individuals from Seminole, TX at just the right times for car repairs, home repairs, school shopping, Christmas and even Valentines dates. I became convinced I would lose my eye sight but I am seeing better now than I have in several years. Glory to God for all of these things and so much more.

God is doing a reviving work in my heart especially as it relates to faith. I am fully convinced that God is the original promise keeper. I am fully convinced that4 what God purposes He does. I am fully convinced that God arranges the circumstances of our lives in such a way that He can step in and get the most glory. I am fully convinced that delays in answering prayer does not always mean "no" but often are a trial teaching us to persevere and to press through with tenacity.

I am fully convinced God is in control. I am fully convinced that nothing is impossible with God. I am also convinced that God plants audaciously big dreams in the hearts of  His people that are impossible to accomplish without God's intervention. I am convinced that Satan opposes these dreams and loves to get believers to lose heart and give up. I am also fully convinced that God has defeated Satan and loves to glorify His own name when God does the impossible.

I am convinced God wants to do more in us and through us than we can imagine. [Eph 3:20] I am convinced that salvation is secure through Jesus Christ, holiness of life is possible through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and there will never be a need so large God cannot provide for it.

I am fully convinced this day that God has earned the right in all our lives to be rusted and considered trustworthy. Today I am fully convinced.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Jesus Help Us

The ways of God are marvelously mysterious as He deals with us. Jus about the time we think we have Him and His ways figured out He does something that throws us for a loop. With that thought in mind I want to share a testimony that is still in the making.

Our second son Tanner has been praying for a vehicle. Weeks ago he and I sat down on the couch together and prayed about this matter. Our prayer session did not last long. We did pray sincerely. What happened next is nothing short of a miracle.

The next day I received a phone call that a sizable gift would soon be sent to me. Only days later I opened an envelope and held the answer to Tanner's prayer in my hands. Our whole family rejoiced that God had worked in such a dramatic and tangible way so quickly.

Tanner began researching vehicles and found an older one that had been restored. The old jeep had been rebuilt but had that classic look Tanner likes so much. We made the deal and I drove over to the metroplex to pick it up. I surprised Tanner at the end of school by picking him and his brothers up in that jeep. He beamed as he showed his friends. I continued to be awe at how God had put it all together.

Tanner experienced pure joy as he drove us all home later that day. He excitedly showed Brenda, who admittedly, was a little nervous about her son driving a jeep. As a father I also wanted Tanner to be safe and lectured him on the dangers and responsibility of driving a jeep. On the other hand, I could not have been more excited for it brought back memories of my first vehicle which happened to be a jeep.

I did not let Tanner drive it to school the next day because we wanted to make sure it was covered by our insurance and there was a threat of some bad weather. At the end of the school day both Tanner and Tucker stayed after school to work out so Turner and I went home. When it came time to go pick them up before church I decided at the las minute to drive the jeep.

It was loud when I cranked it with the dual exhaust. As I drove through the neighborhood I saw several men take a double take as Turner and I rolled by. I knew the jeep caught people's attention and I smiled as I thought about Tanner driving it .

We turned left out of our neighborhood onto highway 380 to head back to Paradise. We were driving about sixty miles per hour when suddenly I heard a loud noise, saw white smoke everywhere and lost control of the jeep. Before I knew what was happening we were skidding into the wrong lane of oncoming traffic.

I did not have time to voice any other prayer but to repeatedly say, "JESUS HELP US!" I corrected the wheel to get us back into our lane but over corrected and eventually we got back in our lane but drifted to the shoulder and skidded backwards off the shoulder and onto the grass.. At that point I knew I could not recover the jeep. Once the tires went from the pavement to the grass everything seem to happen in slow motion.

With my hands still on the wheel and still voicing my desperate prayer the jeep flipped. I saw it all. I never closed my eyes and saw the sky and then the ground. I saw the front windshield shatter. When everything settled the jeep came to a stop on its side with Turner's side up in the air. held in his seat by his seat belt.

When everything settled I accessed any physical damage to myself and Turner. Nothing hurt on me. I did not see blood anywhere. Turner said he was okay even though the seat bet was binding him as he sat strapped dangling above me in the seat.

Immediately several people came to our aid. It took some time for me to wedge myself out then several men helped Turner slop out of his seat belt. I expected one of us to be bleeding. I saw no blood on Turner and he told me he was not hurt. I had no blood or even dirt on me. We both walked away from that accident without even a scratch by the grace of God.

Some of the men noticed the problem. The motor had blown while we were driving puncturing the oil pan and spilling oil everywhere. This is what caused me to lose control. This all happened about 5:30 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon.  After realizing Turner and I were okay my thoughts next turned to I needed to call Brenda and hurry to get to church.

First the police came to make an accident report. The fire department came to treat the road for the oil spill. Eventually a wrecker came to tow the jeep.

My heart broke when I told Tanner the sad news that his jeep had been wrecked. He did not get mad. He did not complain. He did not become sullen. He handled the whole situation maturely.

 Turner did not go to church that night. The whole ordeal scared him and left him in a mild case of shock.

I instructed the boys not tell anyone what happened. At 6:30 p.m. by the sheer grace of God I sat at church to teach through the book of I Samuel as I have been doing for the past eight months. I never made reference to the wreck as I expounded the truth of I Samuel.

Later that night, I could not sleep as I relived that scene over and over again. I began to clearly see the hand of God in the whole ordeal. Firs,t I thanked God Tanner was not driving. I am not an expert driver by any means but I am definitely more experienced than my teenaged son. Secondly, I thanked God for no oncoming traffic when I skidded into the wrong lane. I shuddered when I thought of how easily we could have been in a head on collision. Next, I marveled at the fact that Turner and I both walked away from that wreck without even a scratch. Then, I give all glory to God that less than hour later God allowed me to be at church expounding His word and not at a hospital. Simply amazing.

It was not until the next day that I saw further evidence of the hand of God. That wreck happened in the only place on that highway where there was a large grassy area off the shoulder with no trees and no ditches. If it would have taken place anywhere else the wreck would have been significantly worse. I thought about how just moments before we flipped how Turner had his right arm out the window letting it be blown by the wind. How easily he could have lost his arm as the jeep rolled over..

I don't know why God spared us. I know other people who have lost loved ones in crashes like the one we were in. Why did not God spare us? Why did we not receive even the slightest injury other than marks from the seat belts? Our lives are not better or more valuable than others who were called to eternity after their crashes. Why did the shattered glass not cut us? Why were our bones not broken? GOD PROTECTED US. GOD ANSWERED THAT SHORT SIMPLE PRAYER I REPEATED OUT LOUD OVER AND OVER AGAIN, "JESUS HELP US." He did. He still does.

I am reminded of a scriptures. [Ps 50:15] Call out to Me in the day of trouble and I will rescue you and you will honor Me. I did not have time to voice a formal prayer. Yet the first thing that came to my mind and out of my mouth proved to be a prayer asking Jesus to help. I am awed that He was available and immediately came to our aid.

He is also available to you. In your troublesome moments He is available. He helps those battling cancer through the fears, surgeries, treatments, and at times even in the last moments of life as He ushers His people into eternity. He is available to the homemaker when keeping house and raising kids makes her feel she is about to lose her sanity. He is available to the financially destitute, the brokenhearted, to the burned out minister, and the senior adult living out the last days of their lives without their soul mate who died before them.

Jesus comes to our rescue when we are tempted by sin as He makes a way of escape. He is there for us to bring peace to our minds and hearts when all around us is chaos. He is there for us when we are so weary and heavy laden we do not know how we can possibly get through another day. He is there for us in the midnight hours when sleep will not come. He is there for us when we grieve the loss of a family member or dear friend. He is there for us when the doctor gives us a bad medical report.

In this life we are going to have trouble. You can count on it. You can also count on Jesus being there.

As I hva reflected on our wreck I have also thought about that song made popular a  few years ago, "Jesus Take The Wheel."  We all need Him to do that. As much as we think we are in control it does not take long for that myth to be shattered by the bitter circumstances of life. Even in those horrid moments Jesus is available to help us.

In less than an hour I will be driving the older boys to their early morning work out. I have done this Monday-Thursday this entire school year. It is easy to take life for granted. It is easy to take God's protection and blessings for granted. There will come in all our lives when we need to utter that matter of fact prayer, "Jesus help us." When that time comes He will. Praise and honor to Him for His help in our troubled times of need.

Monday, April 27, 2015

In The Dark

A few days ago I found myself at home alone. Brenda and the boys were gone and I settled in for a day of praying and reading. I had just nestled into my chair to begin when I noticed how dark the room seemed. From my chair I looked out the small window located above our front door. I could see the ominous clouds building outside.

I only had the lamp lit next to my chair which had been sufficient earlier. As the clouds thickened I got up to look out our dining table window. A storm was brewing. Soon it began to sprinkle, rain, and then the thunder and torrential downpour ensued. Before long it appeared like night outside. I had to turn on more light in the living room.

How many are groping through life in the dark trying to find their way. They calculate decisions weighing the odds but at best they take only educated guesses Many times they guess wrong in career choices, the spouses they marry, how they invest their money, and what they do with their lives. The consequences of such living will be fully realized in eternity.

Hell is eternal darkness. There is no light. Eternal black. An abyss of never ending night. This is the place reserved for every soul without a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

Yet, even believers can find themselves in the dark. Lurking in the shadows engrossed in sin. Chained in bondage to lives of shame. Many doing the very things they hate and not doing the things they ought.

Many unsaved love the dark for it is in the dark they do their evil deeds. In fact not only do such people love the dark but they hate the light and therefore hate the Light of the World.  [Jn 3:19-21]

Where are you as you read this? Are you hiding in the dark trying to find your way with no clear sense of purpose? Do you need the light of God's word to give direction for your path [Ps 119:105] and eternal hope for your soul [Jn 8:12]

Do you read this as a child of God yet lurking in the shadows of sin, hypocrisy, and rebellion? Do you need to repent to start walking in the light as a child of the light? [I Jn 1:7]

Jesus is Light. Jesus dispels darkness for the lost as well as the saved. Amen.

The Long Journey Back

Since December I have not written anything other than a few hand written letters and sermons.

I've not had a computer for the past five months. In time I learned to live without that luxury and to a life without writing. In recent days I began to get inquiries as to what happened to my writing blogs. It seems some people missed reading them.

Like so many times  in my life God intervened. My great friend, Eric Adcock, bought a new computer and passed his old one on to me Thus, here I am again seated at the keyboard to post my thoughts and messages God inspires.

Over the past several months being disconnected was troubling in the beginning. I missed having access to email. I missed being able to surf the internet for sermon studies. In time I learned to adjust to the new reality. I went back to studying using hard back books and turning pages the old fashioned way. I hand wrote out every message. In time I seldom even thought about not having a computer.

Some of the world's greatest preachers and authors did not have a computer or even a typewriter. Yet they produced volumes of writings and sermons with magnificent depth handwriting both. If they could be so productive without the help of computers then I have no excuse.

I am way behind not having posted one blog for the entire 2015 year but that changes tonight as I rededicate myself to ministering to the flock of God at large though these writings. Your prayers for inspiration would be greatly appreciated.  I'm back and ready to redeem the time.

Thank you Eric for making this ministry possible. Thank you Tami for your expertise in getting me back on line. Thank you Lord for this opportunity. God I ask you to help me redeem the time and make the most of this gift you have entrusted to me.