I walked into the sanctuary and climbed on the stage near the pulpit. I sank to my knees and then buried my face in the carpet where I prayed this simple prayer, "Lord, please speak to me. Please show me what to do. Please open my ears, my heart, and my spirit to hear from you. You know more than anything I want a fresh word from you." After that I waited. I waited some more. I waited longer. In the end I came away with nothing.
I read scripture looking for direction. While I received instruction about many things in my life I did not get fresh words of direction.
I walked into that sanctuary periodically for over two years praying that same prayer and each time I left frustrated because I did not hear God speak. I did the same thing in my home office, my office at the church, and in my living room. I cried out to God in desperation but each time God was silent.
The longer God kept silent the more it frustrated me. I could not understand. I quoted [Jer 33:3] Call to Me and I will show you great and mighty things you do not know. I recalled [Jer 29:13] You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I still suffered in God's silence.
Oddly enough, I received clarity on messages. In fact, over the past four years, I believe God has given me the greatest messages I have ever preached and the most inspired insights into His word I have ever had. Yet when it came to God speaking to me on a personal level I endured the silence of God in a desert season.
I have never been through anything like it. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I read scripture. I read Christian books. At one point I read four different devotion books each day but still God did not give me clear direction.
At times it seemed like all my praying and waiting on God seemed in vain. There were days when I quit seeking. They did not last long as I would climb back on that sanctuary stage and plead with God to speak. Sometimes I waited a few minutes. At other times I waited on the Lord for up to two hours. The end result was always the same.
I did not doubt God loved me. I knew the problem had to be on my part. I repeatedly repented of sin so as to have clear channels of communication. Things remained the same.
I kept coming back to the prayer closet day after day. Eventually my greatest desire in prayer became wanting God to speak to me. I cried at times. I pleaded. I begged. I grabbed hold of the horns of the altar determined to hear a fresh word from the Lord but repeatedly I left disappointed and disillusioned.
The silence of God baffled me. Hearing from Him consumed me. I began having a series of dreams but in the end those dreams did not pan out the way they played out in my mind. So I prayed even harder for clarity and direction but continued to endure God's silent treatment. The long dark night of the soul engulfed me. I had never experienced anything like it. It lasted for well over two years.
Each Sunday I would preach some message from scripture and people would often tell me how God had spoken through me. They had no idea how deeply I longed to be in the place where God spoke to me. I got nuggets of truth and there were times in message preparation and delivery where I could see how certain points applied to my life. In all there was not a defining moment when I could say God broke His silence. God did not speak to me about direction in my life, direction in ministry, or give me vision. For the first time in my life I lived day in and day out without a dream. All of my dreams were shattered and there were no new ones to take their place.
I kept coming to the Lord and pleading for Him to speak. I kept reading His word. Then there was a small breakthrough at a Chris Tomlin concert. It is not what you are thinking. I did not even see Chris Tomlin live. I left the theater because I felt so crowded and sat in the lobby. While seated there I could hear the music though the walls but my focus turned to pleading with God to speak to me.
Eventually I decided to head to the car to wait on my family and to be alone with God asking Him to speak to me again. Then it happened. There was a brief vision and God's admonition for me to devote my life to prayer.
Then yesterday morning I prostrate myself before the Lord asking Him to speak to me after meditation on [Rom 4:18-22]. It took a few moments to still my mind. In the beginning it felt just like every other time I was met with God's silence. I almost got up but decided to linger a little longer and pray a little harder.
Suddenly God broke His silence. I will not go into detail here but suffice it to say after years of seeking and pleading God broke His silence. He gave me direction. God revealedc lear and compelling vision . He painted His dream for ministry on the canvas of my heart and mind.
The crazy thing is that new vision proved to be exactly the same as something I received back in January of 2012. The two visions are identical. It was almost as if God were saying to me, "I have already given you direction. Nothing has changed. You chose to forget and not to believe Me for what I have already told you I want to do."
With that experience I came away with some clear admonitions from the Lord. I have a new, or I should say an old dream revived, to give me clarity and direction.
Praise the He broke the silence.
I share my experience because I think there could be some of you reading this going through your own long dark night of the soul. God may be silent in your life right now. I want to encourage you to not to lose heart. God will break His silence one day.
In the period between the Old Testament and the New Testament God was silent. After centuries He broke the silence when He sent John the Baptist. John the Baptist experienced the silence of God in prison before he sent messengers to Jesus to ask if Jesus were really the Messiah. Jesus broke the silence giving John the courage and faith to finish strong.
He will not be silent forever. He will not forsake you. DO NOT INTERPRET THE SILENCE OF GOD AS HIS ABSENCE. He is with you. He has His reasons. Keep showing up. Keep seeking Him. Keep reading scripture. Keep praying. Keep listening. Never give up. God will break the silence and when He does His message will revive your soul.
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