Listening

I yearn to hear God speak to me. I know many people are content to go about their lives rarely if ever hearing God speak. I want to hear Him speak often if not daily. This has proven to be a great frustration. I cannot even begin to tell you how many hours I have spent in solitude and silence longing to hear a fresh word from God.

I have read scripture. Not just a verse here or there. I have read through the entire Bible nearly twice in a year. That is not to brag. I have been that desperate just to hear God speak. I have knelt before Him in silence and sat before Him in silence for hours on end only to get up disappointed. I have read numerous books hoping God might use something in one of them to speak to me. I have received truth. Yet to know the satisfaction of hearing Him speak to me day in and day out has been a foreign experience of late.

There were times when I have sought Him for direction. There were times when I needed a clear word from Him like right now. Through several circumstances I have wrestled in recent days about going back to seminary through a correspondence school. I have prayed and prayed over this matter. I have sought the counsel of three people. I have gotten mixed answers. What I long for is to hear a clear word from God on this. Not a hint as to His will on this matter.

I have sought the Lord for messages, direction for the church, vision, and many other things. God for the most part has remained silent. He has impressed on me what to preach or teach weekly but this week even that has been a struggle. It is late Friday afternoon and I still do not have any clear direction.  I am listening. He has my undivided attention and truthfully all I want to do is hear from Him. It does not matter what He says. My agenda is to do His agenda. Yet so often I walk away from my quiet times still wondering why I can't hear Him speak more clearly.

Most Christians content themselves to rush into God's presence and do all the talking. The most important thing to me is hear what He wants to say to me. For reasons I cannot understand God is choosing to be silent. I want to listen. I want to hear fresh words from Him. I do not know of anything else to do but to keep coming into His presence, reading His word, and listening. Sooner or later He will speak. O how my soul longs for that day. I anticipate it will the greatest longing. Hearing God speak to me brings a joy this world can never reproduce. Until that day I continue listening and want to continue in that habit until my last breath.