Turning Old and Gray

I am not what I used to be. My workout today brought pain to my shoulder. I can barely find a position while sleeping where that shoulder does not bother me. It has bothered me for years. I am not as strong as I used to be. It seems I fall further behind with each passing year. I try to pacify myself by saying not many forty-six year olds are still in the weight room but this provides little comfort as I watch my youth flee away. It seems every month more of my hair turns gray. There are certain foods I can no longer eat at night if I want to sleep well. I had to start wearing reading glasses this year. I use them each Sunday and Wednesday I preach or teach. Speaking of sleep I sleep restlessly. Many nights I get up anywhere between 2:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. Normally I return to bed for a couple of hours but seldom feel caught up on my sleep. Once again last night I did not sleep through the whole night.

While reading in Psalms this morning I came across a verse that brought great comfort to me. "And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come." [Ps 71:18]

I know I am getting older. I feel my mortality more now than ever. When I look into the not too distant future I can see what the future holds. My body will weaken. People I love will die before me. I will cease being as useful as I once was. My world will eventually begin to shrink. My body will become more feeble. I will find myself living on a fixed income at some point unless God sustains my health to remain active in ministry. Yet God will not forsake me. He will sustain me. He will strengthen me to tell my grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren of God's unfailing strength. He will sustain me to tell of His power to the people to come. I will preach as long as God grants me physical and mental health to be of some use. I do not want to stay too long.

When others I love depart for eternity God will remain my closest companion. Just like my great uncle Buddy who is living out his last days now. His beloved wife has already gone on before Him. He knows his time on earth is short. I am taking all my boys to see him one last time tomorrow.

Regardless of where I live out my last days God will continue to meet with me day after day in the pages of His word and through the highway to heaven in prayer. He will not forsake me should my last days be lived out in loneliness. Should my memory and name fade with the passing of time God will still be with me. Should my phone never ring I will still get to commune with the Lord. Though I may live alone I do not have to be lonely even when I am old and gray.

I will have some purpose for living and a ministry among future generations long after I have preached my last sermon and have written my last book. This brings comfort to my aging soul. I hope it will to yours too.