A Wounded Servant's Prayer

Father,

You know all things and you certainly know my heart. I am confused, broken, tired, and desperate to hear a word from you. My heart is crushed and you know the circumstances. The battle has been long and hard. I am wounded. I know you alone are the true source of healing and strength to keep fighting. You alone are the true source of peace in my turbulent world.

I have waited on you. At times it feels like I have waited a long time. So very little has changed in our outward circumstances. In some instances they have grown worse. There have been changes in my internal circumstances and they have not all been good. Depression has hung around me like a fog. Doubts have lingered like the stench of a decaying carcass. Hopelessness has set in like a ravaging fever diseasing my mind.

Never in all my years of serving you have I faced more battles in my mind. Certain days you usher in the victory. Other days I falter. I thank you for sustaining me and binding my wounds. I could not have made it thus far without your timely words and your faithful provision sent my way. Those have nourished my soul and strengthened me to keep going.

Tuesday I sat in tears. Today I sit with resolve to hear from you. My emotions have played on me like a yo-yo. They are up and down. I long for the peace of your voice to speak in the middle of my private pain. You are really the only one I can run to.

Today I come to hobbling more than running. I come to your throne of grace in my time of need to find help and mercy. I need mercy because I cannot shake the sins of doubt, depression, anger, frustration, and lack of joy. I need mercy to cleanse me thoroughly and keep me on the right track. I need help. I need help to stay the course. Running seems easier than staying. Flight looks more appealing than enduring. Anxiety is edging out peace. I need your help to have hope again. Truth be known I have given up ever getting in a better housing situation. It angers me to pay rent on a storage building every month because where we live cannot contain the rest of our furniture. It frustrates me how long these trials have lasted.

Yet, when I limp into your presence and offer you my wounds you bring healing. You touch me at the point of my pain. You reassure me with your words of comfort. You step in and save the day with your mighty hand. Though wounded I have learned how trustworthy you are. I long for these trials to end but I long to meet with you and to know you more.

Yes, you above all know I am a wounded servant. I have sought to masquerade the pain. You alone know the true contents of my heart and the broken condition of my soul. I come without pretense today. I come without a show. I come as a hurting child just needing to climb onto your lap. I need you to hold me and comfort me. I need you to rescue me from the destructive thoughts that combat your truth. I need your healing and gentle touch. Then and only then can I continue to battle. Then and only then can I live in peace. In Jesus name, amen.