Who Am I?

Who am I to be a child of God? Just a guy from deep east Texas rowing up with a great deal of baggage. A victim of sexual abuse and physical abuse on one occasion but who found victory in Jesus. Who am I to be a recipient of God's amazing grace. A sullen angry sinner. A teenager slow to trust others and quick to sever relationships. A shy insecure teenager God chose to preach with no great intellect, charisma, or eloquence. I am sure my public surrender to ministry raised a few eye brows around Denman Avenue Baptist Church back in the summer of 1985.

Who am I to be given a wife who has took with me through thick and thin over the past 26 years? Whom am I that she should choose to love me and stay with me though I have seldom given her much provision or a life of ease and comfort. No. My life has been filled with as many sorrows as joys. Our faith has been tested and tested. More severely tested now than ever before.  She still stays. She could have packed up and left for an easier life years ago. She has demonstrated she is in this for the long haul come what may. She has loved me for better or worse and in sickness and in health.

Who am I that God would choose me to take His truth to Kermit? There are dozens of other preachers who have devoted years of their lives to that city. They are faithful shepherds. They have plowed the hard ground. They have proclaimed God's word. Who am I to go into their territory and labor for revival? I am a nobody. I have no great string of successes. No long list of accomplishments to impress others. I have failed multiple times in ministry. I fight my own demons. Who am I to go to Kermit? I am no revival expert. I am no celebrity to draw a crowd.

I am just Matt. A flawed follower of Jesus. I have committed my life to His service wherever that takes me and in just over two weeks that will take me west to the oil field town of Kermit, TX. No man invited me to go but God commanded it. I have no large bankroll to fall back on. I only have the call of God and the assurance He is my provider. I also go with the full knowledge, if God does not show up and move powerfully, the entire meetings will flop. My personality, skills, and experience are not sufficient to usher in days of true revival.

I am more painfully aware of my shortcomings than ever. Like Moses, I question who I am that I should be chosen to go. [Ex 3:11]I wish this great burden for Kermit fell on someone else. Someone more likable, more gregarious, more warm, less intense, and more connected. Many times I tried to pull back. Each time God pushed me back into this adventure and intensified the burden. So I am resolved to go. But I cannot help but ask, "Who am I?"

I have nothing to offer Kermit but Jesus, His word, and prayer. I have nothing else to contribute to that town. I am not wealthy. I am not well connected. I am nothing more than one of the sheep in His pasture. [Ps 100:3] I am His. [I Cor 6:19-20] [II Cor 5:14-15] He owns me. My life is forever laid on His altar. [Rom 12:1] He can do with me as He pleases and send me where He pleases. My motivation is to please Him and obey Him. If that means I please and help people along the way I glorify Him. Should my obeying God offend others I must bear the criticism and march on in the midst of their disapproval and opposition.

Who am I? He created me. He put passion in me. He gives me insight into His truth. He has kept His hand on me all these decades. He has heard and answered my prayers. He has forgiven my sin. Out of many other more qualified sheep He chose me for the grand work of preaching. I have not earned the right. I do not deserve to stand before a crowd of any size to share His word.

It will be a privilege to stand before students next week for Mission 58 Camp on the campus of Dallas Baptist University. I am not the main camp speaker. I am the morning Bible teacher. It is so much more than I deserve. I take that invitation seriously. Once camp ends I will have just a week before I make my pilgrimage west to Kermit.

More and more I am wrestling with God's call on my life and what the future looks like. Many close to me, in fact the majority of trusted friends, all think I'm most equipped and gifted to travel and preach. With Faith Community Church facing an uncertain future and the constant financial challenge to keep the doors open I really wonder if this Kermit revival is a transition to a whole new ministry. A traveling revival ministry? Again who am I that God should choose to use me. I lay my life, my family, and my ministry before Him.

Who am I? I am His. Chosen by God. Called by Him. Devoted to Him. Surrendered to Him. Let Him lead and take me where He pleases. That is who I am.