Last night was mysterious. Sherman had no more than got into the second song before I began having doubts about the message I had prepared. Before long I sunk back on the pew and cried out to God for direction the remainder of the song service. I begged God to give me clarity. With my head buried in hands I cried out to God to show me what He wanted preached.
The night before I kept sensing the word “holiness” after the service and before I went to bed. During my prayer and studies yesterday I received no message on holiness. I felt led in a different direction but every song Sherman led the congregation in dealt with holiness I suddenly I had no peace about my prepared message. This is not a new thing for me. God does this to me periodically. I get frustrated that I cannot hear from Him more clearly. I think there are times God doesn’t want me to hear but to trust Him. Last night was one of those nights. I had spent at least two hours in prayer and more time in study in addition to that.
When Sherman finished the last song I was still wrestling in prayer. In fact, I had been praying that God would move him to sing something else so I could buy a little more time. That did not happen and so I slowly arose and mounted the stairs to the pulpit not knowing what I was going to do. I just stood there silently for a while looking at my Bible. Finally I began praying and telling the Lord I needed Him to show me what to do. I refused to preach until He made it clear what I was supposed to do. I acknowledged the truth that perhaps God did not want me to preach. Perhaps someone else had a word or Sherman had another song. I then informed the church we would sit before the Lord silently until God showed us what to do.
I stepped down from the pulpit and knelt at my front pew. There was complete silence. Tears formed and I began heaving in brokenness. I have been carrying this burden for revival for months. I yearned for God to move and felt embarrassed and like a fool that I did not have a clear message for the people who had come out to hear from the Lord.
Chad Hallum got up to testify. Chad lost his wife on July 12th at family camp tragically on a horse ride. He testified about how she was right with God and prepared. He had no regrets. He challenged people to come to Jesus for salvation. Another lady named Riki followed Chad who had been on that same horse ride with her family. She testified about how God has used this in her life. She also called people to come to Jesus.
A dear brother and one of our deacons got up and came knelt beside me praying for me. When he prayed for me as his pastor I was even more broken. Another deacon came and showed me some scripture. He told me to go on and preach what God had put in my heart. At that time I was beginning to feel settled I was to preach on the bride of Christ and God’s desire for an unspotted bride. A third man came and knelt before me praying for me and laying hands on me.
I preached on two passages talking about God’s love for His bride but how we have treated Him so irreverently and committed spiritual adultery. I reiterated that God will not lower His standards for His church in these modern times. He wants a pure bride. He wants us to live in holiness and to adjust our lives according to His word and not the times we live in.
I extended the invitation. A few responded but it was not like the night before. You could feel God’s presence on Monday night. It was different on Tuesday night. All I wanted to do was to leave. When the last person left the altar I motioned for Sherman to close us in prayer. As soon as he started praying I left and went home to be alone. I felt humiliated and wanted to climb under a rock. I felt my emotional outburst and inability to discern what to preach had grieved God’s move for everyone. In my mind it felt like momentum that had been building on Sunday and Monday came to a grinding halt on Tuesday. I climbed in bed and fell asleep feeling like I failed to hear clearly from God. I kept asking the Lord, “So, what was happening in there?”
I had no answers and determined I would get away from all distractions to make sure that did not happen again on Wednesday. That is what I have done today. I drove out of town about thirteen miles to an old farm house I have been graciously given access to for days just like today. My goal was to give God my undivided attention and to remove all distractions.
I have sought the Lord in prayer. I have heard Him speak and He has picked me up off the canvas after Satan knocked me down. I have received a few messages from people back in town informing that God did move last night. God’s clear message to me today was, “Are you willing to look like a fool for my sake? My ways are higher than your ways. You do not know what I did last night and am still doing today. You must trust me.”
That is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to go back to church tonight and worship. I will stand behind the sacred desk and preach what I believe to be God’s word tonight. I have asked God for His anointing on that message. I think I have God’s direction for tomorrow night as well. Other than that I will keep seeking, praying, and trusting God to bring true revival. I also trust His bride will be cleansed and unspotted anxiously awaiting the return of Jesus.
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