Much of Friday is a blur. The day included the “Mighty Men of Prayer” meeting. Once again I awoke early to seek the Lord for this continued revival and His word. I thought I had a message from the Lord out of the book of Acts but the more I studied the passage the more I became convinced God had something else in mind. The rest of the day I prayed without ceasing to know God’s heart and message for the people. It did not come easily.
Let me fast forward. With just minutes before the service began I still struggled with what to preach. I began feeling that the John 11 passage was the word God wanted but I had less than five minutes to look it over. Over the years I have jotted down different notes in the margins but definitely did not have any time to study.
The essence of the message dealt with persevering through trials and confusion when you feel like God has let you down. In many ways that is where I am on this revival. We have lost the intensity we had at the beginning. The crowds are shrinking. When the service began I buried my head in my hands crying out to God and not understanding. Over and over again I felt the revival had run its course. It seemed from everything I could see that the move of God had ended.
Right before walking into the sanctuary I prayed one of those silly prayers you pray when you are desperate. It had been overcast during the day and as I rounded the corner headed for the sanctuary I cried out to God, “If you want this revival to continue I ask you to send rain.” Some of the first words I was greeted with after the service were from a farmer telling me it had been raining for the past couple of hours.
Before that as I sat on the front pew crying out to God for clear direction about what to preach and His plans for the future of the revival, I looked down at something I wrote back in 2002. It reads, “Will you quit or believe God for something better? [Gal 6:9] “ Let us not lose heart in doing good for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.”
I am weary but it is not the kind of weary you think. I have slept little over the course of the past few weeks. That is not what has worn me down. I am worn down by the spiritual battle to pray for Seminole. Lately no matter how hard we pray we are not seeing it translate into spiritual victories at the revival. We have not had a one person saved or celebrated on baptism in three days. I have fought oppression in my mind for the past week and a half. I am mentally exhausted seeking to discern if God wants to keep working or if the revival meetings should come to an end.
As I sat on that front pew on Friday night none of the things I had prayed for to happen in that service had happened. I prayed for an overflow crowd but we did not even half of the bottom level filled. I prayed for the lost to be present but I am not sure there were any lost present in that service. I asked God to draw multitudes from other cities but that did not take place either.
An old familiar feeling began to surface in my mind and heart. I did not want to preach. I lost heart in those moments. When I thought about all the praying and all the labor over the past near three weeks but sat in a pretty lifeless service with maybe a hundred to a hundred and fifty people, it sure did not feel like revival to me. It felt like defeat and spiritual death.
I wrestled with preaching John 11 about the death and resurrection of Lazarus. In those moments I truly wished God had called someone else to preach that night. All I could dwell on was that the revival was over. In my mind I planned on gutting out Saturday night and everything going back to normal on Sunday.
The worship and praise ended too fast for me. I wanted more time to collect my thoughts and summon strength from the Lord. As I climbed the steps and stood behind the pulpit my spirit did not feel revived. Trusting God to help I opened my Bible and preached from John 11.
I recall at times being surprised how the message flowed as I mixed scriptural truth along with some of my personal journey about being tried and tested and fighting through thoughts about God being unfaithful. I could tell God’s hand was on me. In large part I attribute this to the many people who are praying for me both in Seminole and around the nation. A few responded during the invitation by going to the altar to pray. There were a few tears. By my account the service had been good but not revival.
One of our men came to me and told me he needed to talk to the church. I know what God has been doing in Him and therefore trusted God had something to say through him. He testified about working through losing his daughter. She would have been twelve this year. He believed that God would heal her on earth but God chose to heal her by taking her to heaven. She suffered from the day she was born with some brain damage. He said he got up early the morning she died and spent some time with her. He kissed her and told her he loved her before heading off to a real estate class. She died while he was at the class.
To put it in his words, “I was mad at God and wanted to square off with Him.” Through many prayers and God’s help he worked through it. He shared how the Lord had given them two sons. Eleven days after each of the boys was born something tragic happened. This father lost his father whom he considered his best friend on the earth. After the birth of their second son his father in law took his own life. In the end though, he testified that God is faithful even through the painful times. God helped him through feelings of anger, confusion, and grief.
The whole time he testified Sean softly played his guitar in the background. After the testimony I almost stood to my feet until Sean looked down and told me he needed to say something to the church. It was two years ago Friday that the Decker family buried their son Levi. Levi was five months old and died in the womb. Sean said over and over again, “Today has been a hard day.”
While he talked I flashed back in my mind to a scene a few minutes earlier when Sean’s wife and eleven year old son were both kneeling at the altar weeping. Suddenly it all made sense. Through the pain they have seen God be faithful as the Lord blessed them with a new baby girl.
As Sean talked I sat back stunned that the Lord had planned that message to minister to the Decker family. Others were touched too. I received an email from a lady whom needed to hear that clear word from the Lord later that night. The night was not wasted. God still worked.
Instead of canceling the revival services we continue to meet in hope that God will keep working. We have met for twenty straight days. In some ways it does not seem that long and in other ways it does. The thing I keep hearing from people is that God is not through working yet. By faith we press on believing if we do not quit we will see greater things.
Amber and I talked later that night about how that message was tailor-made just for us. It had been a rough couple of days - two days prior, on the 18th, we remembered that day in the doctor's office when we found out our little boy wasn't alive. A flood of memories came over me during the Lazarus sermon as I was taken right back to labor and delivery where we had to go through the same labor, epidural, and everything else that expecting moms had to go through. The only thing is we did not get to take our baby home. I told God, just as Mary and Martha did, "If you would have been here, Levi wouldn't have died." God has shown His glory through our loss time and time again. We were reminded of that last Friday. On a really hard day, God moved specifically for us. Thank you Matt for listening to Him, and Thank you God for knowing just what we needed for that day.
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