The battle was long yesterday. I continually felt the attack of the enemy causing doubts in my heart about whether God would still move. After the staff finished praying before the service I still had no peace. In fact, I struggled so much I did not even go into the sanctuary until twenty minutes after the service started. I stayed hidden to pray more.
I have to admit disappointment surfaced when it came time to preach and for the first time I saw the smallest crowd we have had for the entire revival. I had not expected that. I had expected the Lord would increase the attendance. The night before we had several in attendance and some from other towns. When I stepped behind the pulpit and saw all the empty pews I did a double take. I preached from Luke 15 on the Prodigal Son. It did not feel anointed. It seemed every word was forced and it did not flow smoothly. Preaching seemed like a battle last night.
During the invitation a handful teenagers responded by kneeling at the altar to pray. During the preaching my eyes had locked onto two different people whom seemed to be under conviction. Neither responded publicly. That does not mean God was not at work. There did not seem to be much visible evidence God worked. I was told after the service many wept during the worship song after song. I missed all of that.
After the service ended a teenaged girl asked if she could talk to me. She told the sad tale of how after God worked in her heart, especially over the past couple of weeks, her best friend had told her she no longer wanted to be friends because of the changes and stands the other was making. I looked deep into the eyes of this broken teen and saw the pain flowing from down deep in the form of tears. We pulled aside and prayed together.
When I left my office later and headed wearily to my truck the parking lot was nearly empty except for Jase’s truck and one truck backed in next to mine. When I rounded the corner a burdened father stepped out of his truck and unloaded his burden amidst tears. We looked into the scriptures and prayed for God to bring a miracle in his situation.
I drove home slowly fighting off the thoughts that we had lost momentum on night twelve. Typically I begin blaming myself that something in my life hindered God from moving but I did not sense there had been anything that quenched the spirit. I got up early yesterday morning to pray. I remained prayerfully open to what the Lord wanted me to preach. I preached dependent on Him to save the lost and call backsliders back home. In the end the service seemed flat to me. Something was amiss.
This revival has taken many twists and turns. I have battled night after night and early morning after early morning convinced God wants to do more. After more battling in prayer the Atens have felt the Lord calling them to come back to Seminole. This decision taxed them spiritually as they sought the Lord for what to do. They had to cancel an engagement they had set for this coming Sunday. They will be here for the service tonight. I am excited but battle thoughts that nobody will come. Many people are out of town for one last getaway before school starts. High School football and volleyball are getting into full swing this weekend. Our coaches have responsibilities that will keep them away tonight. I know the people are tired.
How do I combat all of this? I continue to battle in prayer. I feel like I am in a war for this town and for west Texas. Every night when the service ends I am drained. All I can think about is getting home and getting into bed. Each night I justify in my mind why I need to sleep in but every morning God sounds the alarm in my head to get up and go back to battle.
As I write this I am once again at my post in my office where I will cry out to God to move again giving Him no rest until He Shakes this City. When I look back at my life before the Lord summoned me to this revival, I recall a life of moderate leisure. Since this clarion call I have lived with a burden for this town I cannot shake. I have not slept well. The battle in my mind to believe God for more, or to wave the white flag of surrender and to end all of the meetings, rages on.
I know the enemy wants this all to end. There are times when my flesh does too. I still feel the Lord has much more He wants to do and I cannot quit. So we pray on and prepare for night thirteen. This is Friday. There should be no reason why people would come to church on a Friday night. No reason except the Lord draws them to come. I still believe God has a mighty work to do. Though weary I battle on. We must continue to fight the good fight. More Lord.
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