2015: Not Sorry To See You Go

2015: I am not the least bit sorry to see you go,
Even though there were joys  we also saw woes,
We were knocked down many times over this year,
We laughed a lot but we also shed some painful tears,
We started the year with so many hugely high hopes,
We found ourselves often up pressed against the ropes,
We got knocked down and were pummeled to our knees,
 We sought You Lord asking for a quick relief please,
You sustained us through absolute worst and best days,
You revealed Your purposes and Your mysterious ways,
You were our defender, deliverer and our  protective shield,
You have been our strength when strength we couldn't wield,
We longed for the passing of the onslaught trials  in haste,
The sorrow and confusion to quickly be all totally erased,
There were days when faith gave way to my  endless doubts,
When I no longer trusted but often sat with a painful pout,
Each time You sustained me with Your divine Holy Bible,
Reminding me over and over again You always are reliable,
Because of that alone I endured to this night to the year end,
Looking for better days ahead in 2016 daring to hope again.

Who Made The Journey With You

The older I get the more I value the relationships of family and close friends. I value those people who journey with me through life. I treasure those trusted few that stand with me in the hard times and help me press on to victory.

Nobody does that more than my wife Brenda. She is my greatest prayer warrior and my greatest encourager. Many times she prays of me in the late night hours. She asks God to help me have wisdom, to persevere over the mountains and to trust God in the trials. While people often tell me how God used a message I preached they never thank her for her faithful prayers that God answers giving fresh revelation and insight into His word. She laughs at my jokes, is patient with me when I am irritable, believes in me when I don't believe in myself and constantly encourages me. I cannot imagine doing life without her.

Sometimes at night she reaches out to touch my back or arm while we sleep. It is comforting knowing that she is by my side in the bed as well as my partner in life and ministry.  I am blessed to journey with her. I do not take her for granted. I know life in ministry has not been easy for her. I certainly want her to have an easier path. She has willingly taken every faith step with me even if it stretched her. So many of my grand dreams have not been fulfilled yet she patiently trusts God and inspires me not to give up. She compliments me often. She is my best friend and my soul mate.

I am also thankful for my four sons who teach me more than they know. I am thankful for Taylor. He has always been driven and disciplined. Even as I write this on New Year's Eve he is at the weight room lifting to prepare for next football season at Howard Payne. Taylor is a warrior. He has overcome many disappointments in life athletically. He does not give up. Repeatedly since he has been home for the Christmas break I have seen him running up the hill near our house. He does these things on his own. He is a hard worker and disciplined in his studies at college. He aspires to coach and teach history.

He teaches me so much. To be perfectly honest, my ministry has been disappointing. It is hard to even have dreams since so many have been shattered. Yet Taylor inspires me to keep believing, keep working and not to give up. He did not get to step on the field one time this year at college. Instead of giving up he is even more dedicated to work toward those dreams. How can I do less.

I am thankful for Tanner. He amazes me. He is extremely disciplined. I saw him get up early in the morning to go get his weight workouts in before joining his basketball team for a tournament. Twice he left the house on Christmas break before 7:30 a.m. in the morning. He has goals and has worked extremely hard to achieve those goals. He is a fighter who does not quit. Even though his football team did not make the playoffs, Tanner played hard every play. He practiced hard. He is not a vocal leader but his example and work ethic speaks volumes. He also aspires to play college football. He has never played on a wining ball team from childhood to today. He has not given up. He knows what he wants to do for a career. He plans to also coach and teach high school English.

As I watch him not give up, though he has been dealt disappointment, he inspires me not to lose heart but to give my best effort.

Tucker amazes me. As I watch him battling back from season ending injury and surgery ,I am most impressed with his attitude. When the doctor said Tucker could start doing upper body workouts yesterday Tucker went with Taylor to lift today. He smiles, laughs. encourages others and has many friends. He has set goals to come back stronger than before. He has not moped. I have not seen him down and out one time since the surgery. He inspires me to battle back from the hardships of life. What a blessing to have a son with such a good attitude.

Turner is extremely outgoing. He is a friend to many. He is filled with life. I see his eyes dance with excitement for living. He has learned to work hard watching the examples of all his older brothers. He is bold in his faith. Turner is a pretty happy child, except in the early mornings. He is definitely a night owl like his mother. He is a happy person. Most of the time when I see him after school he walks to my truck with a smile on his face. I wish I had his joy.

It is a blessing from the Lord that I get to share life with each of them. On this New Year's Eve I am well contented to sit at home with them to ring in the New Year (if I stay up that late.) God uses each of them to help me keep going. I have never known and experienced love like I share with them. I thank God for getting to journey with them through life.

I have some close friends which I will not take the time to name here. They know who they are. These are the few I lean on. They counsel me. They pray for me. They support me. They believe in me. They challenge me and when needed rebuke me. Many have stood with us in lean financial times. I am who I am and am enabled to do what I do because those faithful friends keep journeying with me.

As 2015 quickly winds down I am most grateful for those who make the journey with me. I am thankful those same people will journey with me into 2016. I also anticipate by faith God will add others along the way. I praise God for beautiful relationships that make life richer.

Who has God put with you to share the journey of life. Take some time to tell them.

At Church Yesterday

I saw you at church yesterday singing so loudly,
You strutted to your pew in a show so proudly,
I saw you feverishly clapping and raising hands,
Yet ignoring the Bible truth of  God's commands ,
I also saw you outside of church this past week,
I saw the corrupted company that you still keep,
I saw how you lived last week - how you're walking,
It did not match up to your church way of talking,
I don't care how high you're jumping on each Sunday,
It matters not if you're not walking straight on Monday.

I Don't Care How High You Jump On Sunday

On Sundays across America you will find all manner of people enthusiastic in worship. Some will clap loudly. Others will shout. People will raise their hands. Some will kneel. You will start dancing. Some will help the preacher preach with "amens". There are also those who jump up down.

I don't care how high you jump on Sunday. How straight do you walk on Monday and the other days of the week. Preachers can shout with the best of them and put forth a theatrical sermon of eloquence. He can wow the  listeners and draw quite a crowd week after week.  He can also live like the Devil on Monday. He can treat staff members poorly. He can suffer from egotism. He can by a tyrant. Degenerate behavior can spiral downward from there.

Musicians and soloists can play and sing flawlessly hitting every note with perfection in their performance. They can inspire and move the crowds with their performance. They can also live in hypocrisy the rest of the week dishonoring the Lord and the message they played and sang in worship.

Sunday School teachers can teach with deep insight and stir the hearts, minds and imaginations of their classes. They can also curse like a sailor on the job and use unscrupulous methods in their business dealings like pagans do.

College students can worship with whole hearts abandoned in passionate singing and expressions. They can also engage in sinful behavior on campus, on dates and in private that dishonor the Lord.

We put so much emphasis on what happens in the Sunday service. God puts equal emphasis on what happens the other days of the week. Why is there so little written or preached about holiness these days. The modern church is anything but holy.

In churches today members engage in homosexuality, adultery, fornication, pornography, alcoholism, drug use, embezzlement, investment fraud, slander, gossip, idolatry and abortion. At the same these same members avoid such things as; missions, evangelism, discipleship, tithes and offerings, service, sacrifice, presenting their bodies as a living sacrifice, seeking closeness with God, discovering and following the will of God and avoiding the appearance of evil.

Hypocrisy abounds in the church while holiness is nearly extinct. We are challenged at this point.

Matthew 23:13-36 (NASB) 
¹³  "But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people; for you do not enter in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.
¹⁴  ["Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you devour widows' houses, and for a pretense you make long prayers; therefore you will receive greater condemnation.]
¹⁵  "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.
¹⁶  "Woe to you, blind guides, who say, 'Whoever swears by the temple, that is nothing; but whoever swears by the gold of the temple is obligated.'
¹⁷  "You fools and blind men! Which is more important, the gold or the temple that sanctified the gold?
¹⁸  "And, 'Whoever swears by the altar, that is nothing, but whoever swears by the offering on it, he is obligated.'
¹⁹  "You blind men, which is more important, the offering, or the altar that sanctifies the offering?
²⁰  "Therefore, whoever swears by the altar, swears both by the altar and by everything on it.
²¹  "And whoever swears by the temple, swears both by the temple and by Him who dwells within it.
²²  "And whoever swears by heaven, swears both by the throne of God and by Him who sits upon it.
²³  "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.
²⁴  "You blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!
²⁵  "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence.
²⁶  "You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.
²⁷  "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness.
²⁸  "So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
²⁹  "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous,
³⁰  and say, 'If we had been living in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partners with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.'
³¹  "So you testify against yourselves, that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets.
³²  "Fill up, then, the measure of the guilt of your fathers.
³³  "You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?
³⁴  "Therefore, behold, I am sending you prophets and wise men and scribes; some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will scourge in your synagogues, and persecute from city to city,
³⁵  so that upon you may fall the guilt of all the righteous blood shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah, the son of Berechiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar.
³⁶  "Truly I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation.

1 Peter 1:15-16 (NASB)
¹⁵  but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior;
¹⁶  because it is written, "YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY."

Hebrews 12:9-10 (NASB)
⁹  Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?

¹⁰  For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.

I could fill up pages and pages with other  scriptures calling the people of God to holiness. Should holiness not be highly prioritized in the lives of followers of Jesus. Should holiness not characterize the lives of Christians. Shouldn't preachers preach on holiness more and songs focus on holiness. Shouldn't the altars often be filled  with repentant people. Shouldn't authors write about holiness challenging the people of God to live Christ honoring lives. 

Like I said in the beginning, I don't care how high you jump on Sunday. How straight are you walking on Monday and other days of the week between worship services.

19-2-1-1

I for one am not sad to see 2015 go. It was not our best year. We encountered many trials and tests as a family. We learned a lot about disappointment, unanswered and answered prayers and  how to keep getting back up when knocked down.

The numbers 19-2-1-1 mark some of the lowlights of this past year. 19 is the number of eye injections I had to have in my eyes. The injections are very expensive. Prayers for healing have not brought a miracle. at least of the supernatural sort.  Through the miracle of medicine I am able to see. One nurse told me I should be thankful, for just a few years ago, these injections were not available. I am scheduled to go again next month. It is unnerving to see a needle coming directly to your eye and to have your eye clamped open so you cannot close it. People wonder if it hurts. I assure you it is not comfortable. After the injections I am not productive for the remainder of the day. I have often asked God for healing. I know I am not in control. If He wants and chooses to heal me I am waiting and eager. He has the power to do so and I believe He can if He is willing. To this point He has not been willing. And please spare all the sermons about if I just had more faith. I have watched many people suffer over the years with disease who had faith. We prayed for them, and on a few occasions at the request of families gathered some elders, anointed people with oil and prayed over them. In each case the healing did not come and on a number of occasions I preached the funerals of those people. God is sovereign. He does what He purposes. I cannot force Him to do what I want. My job is to trust Him and to overcome whatever tests I have do deal with in this life.

The number 2 represents the number of times Tucker injured his left knee this year. The first time occurred in August in the very first football scrimmage. The MRI revealed he tore his ACL. It took the wind out of our sails as a family. Tucker cried and I cried silently for Him. All the hard work he put in that summer came to nothing. He missed the next six weeks. As I blogged earlier this year, it appeared to us that God healed Tucker. He believed it as well as us. He finished out the last five games of the season playing with a brace for precaution. He eventually earned more and more playing time. He felt so confident going into basketball he chose not to wear the brace. He reasoned if God truly healed him he did not need a brace. He played 10 games all out showing not the slightest bit of injury to the knee. He ran. He cut. He exploded into acceleration on the court. Then, in a game right before Thanksgiving, he took a jump shot and when he landed he fell to the floor. I knew it was bad. Another doctor's visit and another MRI revealed the ACL was still torn as well as a slight tear in his meniscus. Brenda and I have always prayed for our boys' protection while playing sports. To say we were disappointed in the initial injury and to learn God had not healed him is an understatement.

The number 1 represents the surgery Tucker underwent a week before Christmas. That also reflects another unanswered prayer that I asked of God years ago that nobody in my family would ever have to be in the hospital or have surgery other than to visit and minister to other people. In the end we are learning to overcome medical setbacks like so many others do each year. Tucker is still on crutches and hoping to be off of them in anther couple of weeks as he starts his rehab, which will take a minimum of six months.

The last number 1 represents the crash Turner and I survived by God protective hand. The motor blew in the jeep we had just bought Tanner causing us to lose control. We ended up rolling it as Turner and I were on our way to Wednesday evening church. Only by God's mercy did Turner and I walk away from that horrific wreck without a scratch. We know it could so easily have gone the other way. After talking with the police and assuring them we were okay Brenda picked me up and drove me to church where God graciously allowed me to teach that night without anybody being the wiser about what had just happened. After meditating on the goodness of God protecting Turner and I over the past eight months since the wreck, I have also lived with disappointment that we have been unable to get Tanner a decent vehicle. The Lord did a great miracle to even allow us to buy the jeep outright that Tanner wanted. We were able to pay cash for it. Just like that,  in a puff of smoke along with broken glass and dented metal, that miracle money was gone and Tanner had nothing to show for his faithful prayers. He has been disappointed but been remarkably mature about the whole thing. We still hope and pray God will intervene and before he graduates make a way to get Tanner a dependable vehicle for college.

There were many other trials of the garden variety type like most people face. There were other disappointments. In the end what can I say. God never left us or forsook us. Things did not always turn out the way we wanted. God never failed me or my family. He did not always answer my prayers the way I wanted. He did remain faithful. He is still trustworthy. He did prove Himself dependable. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NASB) 
²⁴  Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

I would have never chosen the trials we encountered this past year. Not any of them. These are tests put before us. Our choice is to either give up and fail the tests or to keep believing and pass the tests.

Let me close with some words from Tucker. I have been most impressed by Tucker's positive attitude.  Even the day of his surgery he made jokes and laughed with us. I told him how proud I have been about his positive attitude. He responded, "Well, whether I have a good attitude or a bad attitude I am still hurt. A bad attitude doesn't change that so I might as well have a good attitude."

Pretty sound advice to approach the tests of 2016.

Are You A Plodder

We live in a day of quick fixes, fast food, get rich quick money schemes and instant access to information. People want to graduate from college and go straight to the top of their profession. Fewer and fewer people are willing to pay the dues to get ahead. Newly weds get married and want everything it took their parents decades to earn and accumulate. Few want to wait. Few want to persevere. Even fewer are willing to plod.

The word plod can be defined as "to trudge, to move laboriously, to work with constant perseverance." It is that last definition that suits me. Plodding involves working. It also involves constant perseverance.

Plodding is not flashy. It is not glamorous. Plodding is blue collar. It speaks to a life of toil. It speaks to pushing forward by the sweat of the brow. It speaks to staying the course through exciting days as well as monotonous days, in victory as well as in defeat and triumphantly easy days as well as days of trials. Plodding is slowly pushing forward, never giving up, putting one foot in front of the other and completing the task at hand.

Plodding does not happen instantaneously. I am plodding through a 795 page book on the life of Martyn Lloyd Jones. You do not finish such a reading in one sitting. If you plan to rad through the Bible plodding will come in handy if you read all 1,189 chapters in 66 different books comprising both the Old and New Testaments. Plodding will serve you well over the years in daily devotions through every season of life. Plodding will help you overcome, breakthrough, learn, grow, and succeed. Slowly inching forward is not exciting but it is still progress. By plodding even the slug reached the ark.

Plodding aids the student in school who keeps persevering to write the paper, study for the test and finish the homework even though they are bone weary tired. Plodding helps the athlete strive to get better each day through working out. Plodding helps the parent raising headstrong and strong willed children to keep going and not give up. Plodding is useful in marriage long after the honeymoon is over. Plodding helps the employee keep working with excellence when the luster of the job has long faded away into a daily grind. Plodding helps the minster stand weekly to minister when they feel bankrupt spiritually and have so little to give to help anyone. Plodding helps the missionary wake each day with hope that the long awaited breakthrough will come.

Is this a trait parents teach their children? Is this a trait pastors teach their flocks? Is plodding something we admire in others.? Do we applaud those who have modeled plodding for us? Do we value the men and women who show up day in and day out to perform their work duties with no special recognition or compensation? Do we honor those faithful people who commit to a ministry at church and faithfully serve in their post come rain or shine? Do we ever pat those ministers on the back that are there for us in times of triumph as well as tragedy?Do we appreciate the faithful pastors who plod through exegetical messages teaching the whole counsel of God's word?

It is easy to take plodders for granted. Their progress is slow. Yet over time how much good ground can the plodder gain by constant perseverance. Think on this for a moment. What good could be accomplished through your life if you plodded ahead.

How great would your marriage be. How close would you get to God. How much could you advance the Kingdom of God. How far could you progress in your career. How much money could you earn, save and give away. We underestimate the power of plodding.

I guarantee you plodders do not always feel like plodding but they do it anyway. They have learned to deny destructive feelings. They execute their duties whether they feel like it or not. They honor their commitments whether it is convenient to do so or not. They stay the course until the job is done and then they will show up again the next day to work again.

Are you a plodder? The church and society could use more of them.

A Tribute To My First Lady

 I saw you walking across the campus of Howard Payne,
You caught my attention though I didn't know your name,
I saw you in the evenings on some of your campus runs,
Your brown hair and brown eyes left me totally stunned,
One day I asked if you knew you were A #1 good lucking,
Not knowing then in the future my dinner you'd be cooking,
I convinced you to go out with me on a supposed study date,
You brought all your books - me questions about your faith,
You blew me away with your devotion and love for the Lord,
Right then I determined I wanted to get to know you more,
We started dating spending time together after our classes,
Sad at each parting at curfew by how fast the time passes,
Sadly for awhile we chose to both go our separate ways,
Those were my saddest, most trying and difficult days,
You home to work after completing the work for your degree,
Me to finish at HPU broken hearted but trying for fancy free,
You came back that May to get your degree and to graduate,
We ended up talking late that night a catch up sort of date,
The sparks flew, my love had never waned, I still wanted you,
My brown eyed beauty girl that I met on the campus of HPU,
The romance blossomed and soon we set our wedding date,
Believing God brought us together again through divine fate,
Nearly a quarter of a century later with four sons of our own,
You're my glue that holds us all together making house a home,
I loved you then back as a college starry eyed preacher boy,
I love you more now for decades you've filled me with joy,
I used to stand and sing beneath your dormitory window,
This poem another verse to that love song crescendoed..

In The Quiet Place

Lord, here I sit once again in our quiet place. Nobody else in the house is awake. It is just the two of us. I love these times with You. I love that You want to meet with me. Who am I that You should be mindful of me. I am lower than dirt for dirt never rebelled against you and sinned. I am nothing apart from You and Your amazing grace. I can only approach You and come boldly before Your throne because of Your blood Jesus. That makes me want to worship. It makes me want to shout. It makes me say, "Thank You Jesus. You are worthy of all glory."

On this cold December morning I ask You to ignite fresh fire in my soul. I do not want to be lukewarm. I want to be boiling over in my love for You. I want to have renewed passion to love, seek and serve You. I don't know what all that entails or ultimately where it will lead me and what adventures I will experience. I only know I love You and I need You.

O, how I need You. I need You to help me reject apathy. I need You to help me resist temptation. I need You to reveal more of Yourself to me. I need You to give insight into Your word. I need You to light my path and shine Your word as a lamp unto my feet. I need You to strengthen me for the trials and tests that lie ahead. I need You to shore of my faith when it wanes. I need You to anoint my mind, heart, and fingers to write. I need You to anoint my mind, heart and mouth to preach. I need You to give me wisdom beyond my ability to reason. I also need You to help me love my wife as You love the church. Help me love my kids with an unconditional love like You love me.

I thank You for this quiet place where we can commune without distraction. In this place there is solace. I am most content in this place. You teach me contentment in our times together. You often speak to me in this quiet place and I thank You for those times. I ask You to do it again today.

I pray my love for You and my love for meeting with You in this quiet place will ever increase. Like Moses I cried out, "Show me Your glory Lord.," I cry out to know and experience more of You.  I am not satisfied to know about You. I want to know You and commune closer and closer to You and with You. I am not content to worship form afar. I want to draw near and prepare for holy collisions as you in turn draw near to me. I pray for private and personal encounters with You each day. I ask you deeper my thirst for You like a deer panting for water. I ask You to increase my appetite for You and not be easily distracted with lesser things that can never satisfy.

This small quiet place means much to me because You meet me here. This is holy ground. This is sacred ground because You visit me here. You encourage me here. You convict and chastise me here. You reveal Your plans and inspire new messages here. I thank You for this quiet place but more so I thank You for meeting me here. In Jesus name, amen.

Lord, What Do You Have To Say?

Lord, I am most interested in what You have to say,
As I awake and prepare to start another busy day,
I yearn for You to speak specific words of direction,
As I journey through life coming upon intersections,
I ask You to show me which roads to take - where to go,
Speaking truth with clarity until Your will I clearly know,
You are my Master and my true Guiding Light in darkness,
Your word sustains and strengthens me in life's harshness,
You use Your word to counsel in confusion and to console,
You are still Omnipotent when it appears You've lost control,
Today I am most interested in whatever You have to speak
For it is Yo,u O God, and Your voice alone I diligently seek.

The Habit Of Getting Back Up.

Pastor Hil got fired as a pastor. The experience discouraged and demoralized him, at least initially. He said something that we can all learn from. "The fact that you have been knocked down is interesting, but the length of time you remain down is important." 

There are many of you reading this that have been knocked down. Though difficult, some of you chose to get back up again. In fact, you have made a habit of climbing back to your feet after having been knocked down by adversity time and time again. You model perseverance and grit. You plod ahead after getting knocked down with dogged determination.

The word habit is defined as:an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary:

Getting back up is a desirable quality. A habit to develop. A Pattern to follow. A behavior to learn. Getting back up is harder than staying down. 

I am thankful for a generation of senior adults that have modeled the habit of getting back up. Even though senior adulthood often brings declining health I have witnessed many get back up. Getting up from a broken hip is not harder than enduring the Great Depression. Getting back up from pneumonia is not tougher than storming the beaches of Normandy. Getting back up from cancer is not more trying than surviving the death of a child or spouse. Repeatedly I have seen men and women advanced in years get back up again with God's strength. 

It is my hope that those of you reading this that have been knocked down will get back up. Maybe God will use these simple words to inspire you not to give up. We are inspired by people who make the habit of getting back up. Isn't that why the mythical prize fighter, Rocky Balboa, became so popular in the series of ROCKY movies. No matter how hard he got hit he kept getting back up. He did not always win but he kept getting back up. 

If I mention the name Max Lucado many of you will think of the multiple books he has penned. He is a best selling author. Did you know it did not start out that way. 15 different publishers turned Lucado down for publishing his first book. Lucado once said, "In the beginning nobody wanted to publish my stuff." When asked if he got discouraged Lucado responded, "No. Every time I got a manuscript back, I thought, well I will just try another one." He kept getting back up and today is a best selling author because he did not give up. 

Writing is a lonely business. Since 2008 I have written over 1,200 blogs. I rarely get  feedback whether God uses them. Many of my days are spent isolated in my office with God, an open Bible, and my mind swirling with ideas. Many hours have been spent pounding the key board of a computer writing a devotional, book, or blog. I do not get much feedback positive or negative. 

This past year I got knocked down thinking my writing did not matter. I grew discouraged and went through a dry spell. It lasted for nearly four months. In fact, my first blog of 2015 did happen until April. Even after that I seldom wrote thinking it really did not make much of a difference. 

Then God would inspire something and, once again, I stroke the computer keys writing. I've never written for money. Money is not my motivation. I have also not been motivated by fame. I know I am no Max Lucado nor desire to be. All I ever wanted to do through writing was to help and challenge people. The temptation to give up nearly won this year because I became convinced what I wrote did not truly help people. That is the truth. This is not my attempt to fish for compliments. I became convinced I was a failure as a writer. Nothing anybody said from time to time convinced me otherwise. 

God pulled me up from the canvas many times this past year and put a message in my heart I had to write. Preaching two to three times a week was not enough. I needed to write the message to get it out to more people. I can only preach in one place at a time. God can minister to people all over the world through writing at the same time. 

A couple of weeks ago I received a message that made it all worthwhile. A lady from my hometown wrote to encourage me and inform me she was sending me a financial love offering in the mail. Here is what she wrote, " You are truly one of God's anointed for "such a time as this". I appreciate your heart for the lost (and for the saved) who just need to hear truth written and spoken clearly. Certainly, you have ministered to me through your writings. Thank you again for being a light.You have the ability to not only impart God's word through your writing, but show real life application. What a life legacy!"

That fueled my fire to get back up and seated before the computer screen help people again. Her words inspired me to get back up and to keep doing what God called me to do since I was a child.

Many people are pummeled to the canvas by life. Many are tempted to stay down. It takes less faith and effort to stay down. Sometimes it hurts less to give up and stay down. For everyone of you who has chosen to get back up in 2015 I salute you. Many of you have done it in front of me. You fight the cancer. You press through depression. You forgive those who wronged you. You refuse to give into financial set backs. You have made a habit of getting back up. We all need more of that.

Crucified

I remember well the blessed day of my salvation,
I also look forward to the day of my glorification,
Those days are forever etched deeply in my mind,
They are not the daily trouble I continue to find,
It is not salvation that troubles me nor glorification,
My trouble comes from day to day sanctification,
I do not always live the way a follower should,
Some days I act badly more than I perform good,
Some days I wander and in the battles get defeated,
Not living out the redemptive work Christ completed,
Sometimes I lose hope in the shadows of my mountains,
Not rejoicing from not drinking of God's holy fountain,
There are days when my love for God grows icily cold,
When I defiantly rebel repeatedly against what I'm told,
I get in my way, obscure the path to life joyfulyl abundant,
Repeating the same mistakes - all ridiculously redundant,
So here I sit needing the pain of my life forever crucified,
To take up my cross and follow Him my will and way denied.

I Have A Problem With Somone

It is confession time. I have a real problem with someone. Every time I see him negative feelings surface. Anger and resentment just to name a few. It would be much easier if I could avoid this man. Living in a small community you do not always have control over who comes across your path.

I want to tell him off. I've had imaginary conversations with this man giving him a piece of my mind. He has caused me much pain and heartache. He has undermined me. More than once he tried to oppose all the good work I tried to do. He is no friend of mine. I consider him a foe.

I can't hide this truth any longer. I can't pretend things are okay. So today I will identify this individual publicly in an attempt to confess my sin and get things right.

The person I have a problem with is ................ well it is.............. the person I stare in the mirror each day. The person who causes me the most trouble is ME. I am my own worst enemy. I sabotage my own plans. I am my own biggest troubler. Today I am calling me out. To the death gallows with Matt Edwards. There is only one way to victory.

Galatians 2:20 (NASB)
²⁰  "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.


If I want to live in victory and honor Christ with my life then Matt has to be put to death daily. Matt has to be crucified so Christ can live through me. There is no other way. To death with Matt Edwards and let Christ live in and through me to my dying day.

7 Reasons To Rejoice

Romans 12:12 (NASB)
¹²  rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer,

The word rejoicing is rich with meaning. It obviously comes from the root word joy. Joy can be defined as "gladness, or exceeding gladness."  While we all live in less than ideal circumstances we still have multiple reasons for rejoicing. Paul admonishes us to rejoice in the Lord always in [Phil 4:4] Here are just a few reasons why we should rejoice in hope.

1.  God is the ultimate source of joy and the ultimate cause for rejoicing. Nothing in this universe can delight the soul like God. No other source known to man can produce abounding, bubbling over, infinite joy like God Himself. Psalm 16:11 (NASB) 
¹¹  You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. 

In God's presence is fullness or excess and plentiful joy. C.S. Lewis wrote, "We are half-hearted creatures fooling around with drink and sex and ambition, when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the affair of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." 

The greatest pleasure we can ever know and the ultimate joy we will ever experience is to know God and walk closely with Him. Everything else pales in comparison.

2.  Christ has redeemed us.  Galatians 3:13 (NASB)
¹³  Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us—for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE"

 The word redeemed means to "To pay ransom or rescue from lost." That is what Jesus did for us. He paid our ransom on the cross for our sin. We deserved the wrath of God and eternal damnation. Through Jesus our ransom was paid and we were rescued. HALLELUJAH! 

3.  Through Christ we have been declared righteous. 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NASB) 

²¹  He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

 I do not know how to add to this. It sums it all up. Jesus took our sin in exchange for His righteousness. Of no merit of our own we have been declared righteous before a holy God. This should be cause for endless rejoicing and forever hope.

4.  Because Christ redeemed us Heaven awaits us.  Philippians 1:21 (NASB)
²¹  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 

The word gain in this passage means "profitable, advantageous." Can death really be looked at as joyful and in hope can we really trust death for a follower of Jesus is profitable and advantageous. 

   

Mrs. James Roveleson certainly thought so. She and her husband were sentenced to die for their faith in 1543. Mr. Roveleson was sentenced to be burned at the stake. Mrs. Roveleson was sentenced to be drowned even though she was pregnant. Her last words to her husband pierce the soul. "Husband, rejoice for we have lived together many joyful days; but this day, in which we must die, ought to be most joyful unto us both, because we must have joy forever. Therefore, I will not bid you good night, for we shall suddenly meet with joy in the kingdom of Heaven."  

That lady saw Heaven as gain. Departing from her husband and never getting the joy of  holding her child were but small sacrifices for the gain she anticipated in Heaven. She thought of everlasting life as joy forever. Joy forever. How can we even wrap our mind around that concept. 

5.  God has granted us access to His word.  Psalm 119:50 (NASB)
⁵⁰  This is my comfort in my affliction, That Your word has revived me.

 How often has God used the truth in the Bible to comfort, encourage, strengthen, guide, and provide hope for you in difficult days. We should never take having access to His truth for granted. We should rejoice always that those of us who have copies of the Bible can read it, meditate on it, study it, memorize it, share it, teach it, and preach it. This is another reason for rejoicing and hope. 

6.  We get to assemble together with other believers.  Hebrews 10:24-25 (NASB)
²⁴  and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
²⁵  not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. 

We all need encouragement from time to time. We all need a shoulder to lean on. We all need prayer. We all need people to inspire us to keep going  and to keep serving. That is what the people who make up local churches are supposed to do for one another. Thank the Lord for those people and rejoice because God put them in your life. 

7.  Jesus Lives.  John 20:11-18 (NASB)
¹¹  But Mary was standing outside the tomb weeping; and so, as she wept, she stooped and looked into the tomb;
¹²  and she *saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying.
¹³  And they *said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She *said to them, "Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him."
¹⁴  When she had said this, she turned around and *saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus.
¹⁵  Jesus *said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" Supposing Him to be the gardener, she *said to Him, "Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him, and I will take Him away."
¹⁶  Jesus *said to her, "Mary!" She turned and *said to Him in Hebrew, "Rabboni!" (which means, Teacher).
¹⁷  Jesus *said to her, "Stop clinging to Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, 'I ascend to My Father and your Father, and My God and your God.'"
¹⁸  Mary Magdalene *came, announcing to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and that He had said these things to her. 

Jesus is alive. He speaks. He listens. He works. He forgives. He loves. He redeems. He saves. All of this because He is alive. This also is reason for rejoicing and hope.We are not serving a lifeless idol. We are not involved in a dead religion. Jesus is alive. He is active. He is forever with us through life's journey. He is available for us. 

Remember these things in the tough times. Remind yourself continually that Christians always have a reason to rejoice and maintain hope. I hope and pray these truths comfort you today on your journey.
 

Insomnia

It is 3:53 a.m. I have already been up for some time. For years like clock work I wake up each day between 2:30-3:30 a.m. and cannot go back to sleep. I get up. Many times I pray. Sometimes I read. I also use this time to write. On occasion I watch television hoping to finally be able to go back to sleep. Usually around 5:00-6:00 a.m. I am able to go back to sleep briefly before the start of the day.

Yesterday I awoke to a flash of lightening and loud thunder. The clock read 2:30 a.m. Other times my eyes just open for no apparent reason. Many times I get up to go to the rest room and am unable to go back to sleep. There are times when I want to sleep through the night and try to remain in bed hoping to drift back into peaceful slumber. This seldom ever happens. I toss and turn. I think. Eventually I get up.

I know I am not the only person who lives with some version of insomnia. It is miserable to feel so tired but be unable to sleep. The reasons are varied. It could be intense stress. It could be chronic pain that keeps you awake. It might be depressing thoughts running through your mind. It could be anxiety. It could be God calling you to seek Him. Most dangerous of all, it could be demonic induced temptation.

For whatever reason one night David could not sleep. He walked up on the roof of his palace when he saw beautiful Bathsheba bathing. Lust engulfed the king. He threw caution to the wind and indulged in a night of passion in what he thought would be a one night stand.

Bathsheeba got pregnant. David tried to cover it up by brining Uriah, her husband, from the war. Uriah did not cooperate by sleeping with his wife so David had him murdered on the battlefield. After the appropriate time of grieving David showed up to marry Bathsheba. Nobody was the wiser but God and his prophet Nathan.

Nathan confronted David and, though David's sin was forgiven, he lived with the consequences of those sins for the rest of his days. He had a son rape his step sister. He had another son murder the rapist. The murderer even tried to usurp David on the throne causing David to flee the palace to preserve his life. Eventually that wicked son was killed by David's soldiers. That night of insomnia and that one night stand costs David more than he ever wanted to pay.

That is the way it is with sin. Sin will take you further than you ever wanted to do and cost you more than you ever wanted to pay. While Satan touts the pleasures of sins he never reveals the price. He did not to Adam and Even in the Garden of Eden and he does not you and me. He most certainly does not show the price of sin to insomniacs.

I think about that story this morning while I cannot sleep. What if David had chosen the harp and to engage in worship rather than to lust. How things would have been different if David has chosen to lead his troops out on the battlefield. He still might have suffered from insomnia but he would not have been seduced by a naked woman bathing. I do not think David walked the roof hoping to see a naked woman bathing unless he had seen one before. It appears to me David simply couldn't sleep. He had a little insomnia that night. That fateful night changed everything. David did not handle his insomnia correctly.

There are many dangers lurking in the dark hours when the rest of the world sleeps. Sleazy smut fills the silver screen in those hours. Temptations abound. Drugs and alcohol allure. Seductive internet sites beckon. Late night binge eating can prove irresistible. FLEE brothers and sisters. Run from sin and temptation as fast as you can. There is no safe harbor there. The Siren seductive calls of Satan have sunk many a ship of unsuspecting insomniacs.

It might be true that you cannot sleep. THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO SIN. You can pray. You can read. You can worship. You can write. You can send email and text prayers of encouragement. YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO GIVE INTO TEMPTATION AND SIN.

What you choose to do with your insomnia is crucial. If you do not channel those unwelcome waking hours properly it could lead to your doom. For me I write. This is my second blog this morning. I wrote a poem earlier. I may never enjoy full nights of sleep again but by the grace of God I hope to redeem this time for Him and His purposes. Be encouraged sleep deprived brothers and sisters. You are not alone. Our God is an eternal insomniac. Redeem these times with Him.

What Happened - You Were Running So Well

What happened child, you were running so well,
Before you were tripped headlong and you fell,
Sustaining severe cuts and a whole lot of bruising,
Leaving you wounded - disoriented with confusion,
When you needed help many turned to walk away,
Leaving your once peaceful little world in disarray,
Now you bind your wounds continuing with a limp,
Where you once strode strong now you have a gimp,
You now run alone forced to press on ahead in isolation,
Gritting out your days with fierce dogged determination,
Child, you are not running the race with no companions,
Many have fallen through the ages but ran like champions.
Amazing grace has strengthened each and every stride,
Running with a Redeemer Savior right by your side.

From Epic Failure To Mighty Miracle

Have you ever failed? You planned well. You worked the plan. You labored hard. You used precision. In the end, the desired result did not come. You came up empty handed, downtrodden and ready to throw in the towel. You have nothing to show for your efforts.

That is exactly how Peter felt in Luke 5:1-11 after a long night of fishing and not catching anything. They washed their nets when Jesus showed up on the scene teaching. They were tired, hungry and frustrated. Washing the nets indicated these seasoned fisherman had thrown in the towel. They had called it a day and were ready to go home.

Some of you reading this are washing your nets even now. You failed and now you are ready to give up. You are so preoccupied washing your nets and quitting you are not even aware that Jesus is speaking. Please pay attention.

In those moments Jesus saw two ordinary fishing boats and some worn out fisherman. Interesting that what we see as ordinary can be a platform for the extraordinary when Jesus intends to do a miracle. Jesus sees things and people much differently than we see. A few loaves and fish in the eyes of men looked like a buffet to Jesus. A little bread and some wine looked insignificant to the disciples but in the eyes of Jesus they were the element so communion to be partaken of in remembrance of what He did on the cross. In the hands of Jesus ordinary can become extraordinary.

Jesus got in the boa of Petert to finish His message and then says, Luke 5:4 (NASB)

4 When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, "Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch."

Peter and his companions were tired. The nets were clean. Going out in the deeper water required effort and letting down the nets was inconvenient. Jesus has the right to help Himself to our lives and interrupt them any time He wants. That is true whether you believe it or not. Peter's response was, "I will do what You say."

It did not make sense to go fish the same waters they had fished in all night and caught nothing. They failed. Still Peter responded to Jesus saying, "I will do what You say." Will you do that today? Will you simply do what Jesus tells you to do? Will you go, stay, give, sacrifice, serve, love, witness and step out in faith. Even after you've failed will you trust Jesus and do what He says?

After Peter obeyed a miracle occurred. We often want to turn the tables and rationalize with God that we will obey after we see the miracle first. Miracles happen on the other side of faith filled obedience. The net filled with so many fish when they finally landed them the catch nearly swamped two boats. AMAZING!

Jesus can do more in a few seconds than we can do in a lifetime of working in our own strength and ability. We need to hear that.

The most amazing verse to me in this passage is verse 11. Read it. Luke 5:11 (NASB)

11 When they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him.

In verse 10 Jesus redefined their purpose and mission. In verse 11 they left everything. Boats, Nets. The largest catch of fish in their careers. Everything. They laid it all down and followed Jesus. Those ordinary fishing boats were center stage for a miracle and invitation to become fishers of men.

You may have failed but Jesus still has something to say. It very we'll may be the sight of your biggest failure might also prove to be the platform for a mighty miracle of God in your life.

Don't put those nets away just yet. Don't lose heart today. Let Jesus have His say and way in your life. Prepare to be amazed.

The Gift That Keeps Giving

Well, the gifts have been exchanged. The wrapping paper strewn across living rooms. Gasps and joyous elations have been heard. Countless pictures and videos have been taken. Parents are busy trying to assemble those gifts coming with the famous words, s"Some assembly required." New clothes have been modeled. Holiday breakfast feasts have been consumed. Memories have been made. A few tears have been shed over the loss of those who have gone onto to eternity before us.

Sooner or later the let down will also happen. That feeling that comes after all the build up to Christmas morning is over. When all the presents are opened and there is nothing to look forward to. There is the let down that comes from people not getting what they wanted. There is also the heartache of families who fell through the cracks and nobody came to their aid this Christmas season. Little children awoke this morning to nothing under the tree. All their prayers and hopes for Christmas morning were dashed. Downhearted moms and dads look into the tear filled eyes of their little ones and feel the pain and shame of not being able to provide what most children take for granted on Christmas morning.

Before long the Christmas spirit will fade into discontentment. Electronics will not work. Clothes will not fit. Outfits will be discarded as unfashionable. Toys will break. The discontentment will take a little longer for some. Clothes will fade with use and go out of fashion. The once latest and greatest will get pushed to the back corner in favor of the newest and improved versions of those same items to come out in 2016.

When those things are the focus of Christmas there will always be a let down. When the true focus of Christmas is Jesus you can rest assured He will be at work in and around your life all year long [John 5:17] . In the saddest times He will be there to strengthen. [Phil 4:13] In the depressing times Jesus will bring hope to the discouraged. [John 14:1-2] Jesus will be there to move mountain like obstacles. [Mark 11:23-24] Everyday of the year and every year of your life Jesus will be there.

Jesus will never get old. He never goes out of fashion. He never breaks down. Following Him is a greater adventure than hundreds of Christmas mornings. Jesus truly is the reason for the season.

Christmas Memories

It is early Christmas morning. My family is still asleep. I saw earlier Turner had made his way to the couch sometime during the night. I recall as a child being so excited on Christmas Eve I could barely sleep. I would often awaken around 2:00 a.m. to stare at the gifts. Over the years my boys have done the same. Sometimes I forget to look at Christmas though the eyes of a child. I remember all too well how exciting Christmas was for me as a child.

I think back to my childhood Christmases with great fondness. I lived in the Englewood Terrace Subdivision in Lufkin, TX. That neighborhood was famous for going all out with Christmas decorations. Nearly every home in the neighbored decorated their yards and homes with bright lights. As a child it felt like entering a magical land when all the lights came on. There was not one road I had not ridden my bike down in that neighborhood but at Christmas time it felt like a magical winter wonderland. People drove from all over town to come and look at Christmas lights. Brenda and I kept that same tradition when we lived in the Lufkin area with our boys.

I recall getting to watch Christmas specials. Those clay animation movies fascinated me like Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, The Year Without A Santa Claus, Frosty The Snow Man, Charlie Brown Christmas Special and my favorite The Little Drummer Boy. There was no such thing as 25 days of Christmas movies. Those classics are nearly forgotten today.

I recall getting toys that made me use my imagination or got me outside to play. I cherished things like footballs and football uniforms. I could not wait for the sun to come out so I could put on my uniform and go out to play. None of my friends loved football as much as me. So I played imaginary games against giant pine tree defenders and wheel barrow obstacles to the goal line. I sat up obstacle courses in the back yard and played imaginary games until sweat soaked through my jersey and left my hair wringing wet underneath that Dallas Cowboys plastic helmet.

I played with action figures like Big Jim and G.I. Joe. I spent hours lost in my little make believe world of adventure. I did not need to be entertained. I did not sit glued to a television nor video game screen for hours on end. The only video game available in my early childhood was called Pong. Children would laugh at that primitive game today.

 I recall getting a BMX racing bike one Christmas. I spent hours and hours on that bike. I felt punished when I had come inside for the evening. My friends and I would play games like cops and robbers all over the neighborhood. We made makeshift ramps seeing how far we could fly in the air on those bikes. Owning a bicycle gave me a taste of freedom. I played with childhood friends Kevin Cook and David Campbell. We built forts and dirt racing tracks. We explored the woods around our house where houses now have been built.

I've often told this tale but no gift meant more to me over the years than when I got an electric typewriter. Computers were not household items back then. That typewriter started me on a journey into my imagination with words and stories that continues to this day. I was either in 5th or 6th grade when I received that gift. It is the most special one from my childhood and this morning I go back in my mind to the delight I felt when I tore off the wrapping paper for that gift.

I worked many odd jobs as child. I mowed yards, raked leaves, collected bottles to be recycled, recycled newspapers and helped out with paper routes. I loved earning my own money to be able to buy my mother, grandparents, siblings, uncles, aunts, and cousins gifts. They were cheap inexpensive gifts but I gave from the heart.

I also recall those big family Christmas Day dinners. We sure had a time and that world seemed simpler back then. Nobody had ever heard of terrorist. We did not fear mass shootings unless it was in the woods from multiple hunters on the opening day of white tail deer season. People who came out of the closet did so after getting dressed not to proclaim their sexual persuasion. Police officers were respected. Very few Christmas gifts were electronic. Family meant everything. And for a little boy growing up in Lufkin, TX, getting to cross paths with any Lufkin Panther football player or coach, proved nearly overwhelming to this young impressionable pudgy little dreamer.

Now I have three boys sixteen or older of my own and a fourth about to enter his teenage years. I am most excited this Christmas morning for the boys and Brenda to open their gifts.

I am so grateful for all Jesus has done for us.Christmas means so much more to me now as a child of God than it did when I was a child. Today I am thankful for His presence more than the presents. No greater gift have ever received than God's free gift of salvation through Jesus. John 3:16 (NASB) 
¹⁶  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Edwards Family Christmas Traditions

All Edwards family Christmas traditions are on schedule. The boys and I did our annual Christmas Eve shopping trip for Brenda. We started out before the sun rose. We always shop for her Christmas Eve together. Each year we get some surprises. Four stores and two meals later with a car full of sleeping Edwards boys we returned home victorious. 

Next, we ordered our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of pizza. Soon we will be off to look at Christmas lights and most will choose hot chocolate as the beverage of choice, eve though a glass of cold chocolate milk might be more appropriate this unseasonably warm year. 

We will return to watch THE CHRISTMAS STORY. Eventually we will all drift off to bed and you can bet at 6:00 a.m. the boys will be ready to open gifts.

I will read the Christmas story in the morning. We will all pray around the living room thanking God for HIs provision. We will sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and then one by one go around in a circle opening gifts. All this will be followed by a family trip to the movie theater to watch a movie of our choosing. 

The routine has not changed in 20 years of having kids. They are older now but I am amazed from oldest to the youngest how much they enjoy and remind me of these time treasured traditions. I enjoy them because I get to share them with my favorite people in the world. Brenda, Taylor, Tanner, Tucker, and Turner Edwards.

Held Hostage

Tucker had a doctor appointment this morning. He was the only one of his brothers up early so we decided to grab breakfast before the appointment. He chose IHOP.

He devoured his breakfast of scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage and french toast. His appetite is slowly returning after the surgery. When I reached for my wallet  after we both finished, I panicked. I left the house and forgot it. I did not have any cash with me. On the table in front of me sat our bill. I had no way of paying that bill. I did not have a debit or credit card. I did not know anyone in the restaurant. My mind began to reel as to what I could do.

I thought of talking to the waitress and telling her I would come back to pay the bill. I had nothing to leave her for insurance that I would return. I did not figure she would trust me. Then an idea hit me. I could leave Tucker. It would take me close to thirty minutes to drive to Brenda's work, get some money and return to pay the bill.

I told the waitress my dilemma. She laughed when I told her I would leave Tucker. She commented, "We will hold him hostage." Embarrassed I scurried out the door and headed to see Brenda.

Her comment, "We will hold him hostage," bounced around in my mind. I realized a great spiritual truth in that moment.

Sin held all of us hostage. Each of us owed a debt we could not pay like I owed a breakfast bill I had no means to cover. While we like to make comparisons of different types of sin it is all offensive to God. We were helpless. We had no ability of our own to pay that sin debt. Sins like lying, cursing, gossiping, slander, immorality, idolatry and hypocrisy held us hostage. Each sin holding the knife of spiritual death to our throats and we  were helpless to defend ourselves. We needed a rescuer. Someone to redeem us.

Enter Jesus. He paid the debt we could not pay for ourselves. He offered His perfection for our imperfection. He took on our wretched unrighteousness so we could be declared righteous in Him.

2 Corinthians 5:21 (NASB) 
²¹  He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 

He bore the consequences for our transgressions. He suffered for our sin. Jesus rescued and still rescues sinners from spiritual death and eternal damnation.

Brenda gave me the money to pay the bill getting chuckled at my situation.. That allowed me to rescue Tucker from being held hostage at IHOP. Jesus rescues people from even the most heinous sins. No sin debt is too large. No sin burden is so heavy He cannot lift it and cast it as far as the east is from the west.

 Psalm 103:12 (NASB) 
¹²  As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. 

Therefore, because of Jesus, His death on the cross and His resurrection we are no longer held hostage. 

Tucker was plenty happy when I returned. His face delighted when he saw me walk around the corner. Our whole countenance delighted when Jesus stood up in the courtroom of God to take our punishment and pay the debt for isn we could never pay ourselves. Hallelujah and glory to God forever and ever. We have been set free. Our chains are gone. We are no longer held hostage. 

The Orphan's Prayer

Lord, are You real, are You actually really out there,
Do You see and know me, of my pain are You aware,
Do You know my secret dreams and my many  fears,
Do really record in Your book all my ceaseless tears,
If You collect all those tears they must make a lake,
When adoptive parents continually refuse me to take,
I sit here praying for a family but I am still all alone,
This unloving orphanage all I have to call my home,
All I want for Christmas does not include dainty dolls,
I do not even long for the joy of playing with some ball,
No, all I want is a father and a mother for my very own,
To be adopted and grow up in their loving family home,
You are a father to the fatherless to orphans just like me,
Would You give me a father with skin on my only plea.

I Rock Myself To Sleep

Growing up without a father definitely scarred me. When I say growing up without a father, I mean not ever having a father present in my formative childhood years, in my turbulent teenage years, into young adulthood, and now middle age.

No father ever watched me play little league. I had no father to teach me to throw, to catch,  to hunt, to fish, to mow a yard or to manage money. I did have a maternal grandfather who meant the world to me. When he died of leukemia my sophomore year I cried uncontrollably. The pain and grief were nearly unbearable. He was the closest thing to a father I ever knew. He was a great athlete and I wanted nothing more than to please him and make him proud. The last football season he watched me I sat the bench the whole year. I never played and the fact that he came to those games made me feel  like I let him down. I vowed I would never sit the bench again and did not. He did not live long enough to see it though.

Being fatherless wounded me. I suffered from low self esteem. I fought and scrapped with most everyone to prove I belonged. My first day of varsity football practice in high school I got in a fight with an upperclassman. I had to prove I belonged. I had to prove I was not scared.

When I decided I to marry Brenda I had no father to seek his counsel. When each of the four boys were born there was no father to rejoice with me in those moments. My boys have never known what it is like to have a grandfather. Brenda's dad only met my boys once. He died several years ago.

The lack of a father in my life impacts me to this day. It is why I've strived to tell my boys I love them, am proud of them and tried to be there for them. I know what it feels like to grow up fatherless.

Yet, I cannot say I know what it is like to grow up parentless. My mother loved me and my siblings. She sacrificed for us. She provided for us. She did the best she could. I am sad she only met Taylor and Tanner. She held Tanner one time before she died when he was only three months old.

This week my family met Mike and Julie Carter for supper in Weatherford. There are no words to describe the depth of love we have for the Carters. They were on their way to the airport to pick up some orphans from Ukraine. They, along with many others, are host families for these orphans desperately seeking adoptions in the States.

Many of these orphans are up against a deadline. If they do not get adopted within a certain time frame they are sentenced to a miserable life in the Ukraine. The males are either turned out on the streets  or put in the military where they will serve on the front lines because they are expendable.

Tanner once had a friend who was adopted from Romania. He spent the night in our home once. Before going to sleep he warned Tanner, "Don't get scared. I rock myself to sleep." The thought of that grieves my soul. A child so lonely the only comfort he could find was in rocking himself. He grew up in the orphanage without warm hugs. Without the reassurance of unconditional love. Without  nurture. Though his adoptive parents did all they could to love him the damage had already been done. His teenage years have been turbulent.

Growing up fatherless I desperately wanted love and approval. I wanted someone to be proud of me. I  latched onto any words of affirmation and gravitated toward those who spoke them. I cannot imagine the pain of growing up in an environment where a child gets lost in the crowd. While basic needs are met none of their emotional needs are met.

Fear. Insecurity. Lack of trust. A survival mentality is deeply engrained in these orphans. They have to survive the pecking order in orphanages where the strong can dominate the weak. I wonder how many grow up without hope especially as they age in the orphanage. They lose hope of ever having a family of their own.

How many longingly ache for things most children take for granted. A gentle pat on the head. A reassuring and loving embrace. To sit on a parent's lap. To be a part of a family around the dinner table. To be fussed over on a birthday. To have a book read to them. To be overjoyed on a Christmas morning. To have tears tenderly wiped from their cheeks.

How many countless orphans or foster kids rock themselves to sleep at night because they have nobody else to do it. It is tragic and sad.

My only comfort. Psalm 68:5 (NASB) 
⁵  A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation.

The word fatherless in this verse can also be translated as "orphan." God is a father to the orphans. In the scary night watches when fears float and despair devastates God is there. He has not forgotten the orphans not even those who will never be adopted. He is available to hug, to comfort, to reassure, to heal, to bless, to love, to counsel, and yes even to gently rock to sleep.

God the Father has been every bit a father to me more so than any earthy father could ever have been. That is my hope and prayer for those Ukrainian orphans and others around the world.

Father, You see how many children are fatherless. Yo see their pain. You are aware of the loneliness. You see the tears and You know every single scar on their wounded and battered hearts. You are able to penetrate their psyche. Lord, I ask You to give them homes with families who fear and know You. I also ask, for those who have to rock themselves to sleep at night, that You somehow reveal and manifest Yourself. I ask You to comfort them as only You can do. In Jesus name, amen.

Snapshots Of The Heart

What a blessed day. I watched all four of the boys go into Tucker's and Turner's room to play a video game tournament. They laughed and got along. They talked trash to one another and none of them like losing. Where did they get that from. But they were all four together. They enjoyed one another. They laughed together and blessed their mom and dad in the process without knowing it. 

Then they went outside. Taylor, Tanner, and Turner all played basketball while Tucker, Brenda and I watched. Tanner provided the comedian relief during the games. Taylor wanted to win at all costs keeping things serious and competitive.. Each of them won a game. Tucker provided the play by play commentary from the sidelines. And in the end Turner pulled out a prayer and actually beat his two oldest brothers in a game. He was so excited he took a victory lap down the driveway. In all fairness in the next game the older brothers reminded Turner of the pecking order. 

No fussing. No fighting. Just all six of the Edwards together in one place enjoying this Christmas season and one another. The Lord has allowed me to have one on one time with each of the boys. 

I can see Taylor's maturity after a year and a half in college. As usual he has set goals for his future and is working toward them diligently. 

Tanner finished his senior season highlight video to send to colleges. He had an outstanding year. I look forward to seeing him playing at the next level. 

Even though Tucker had ACL surgery I could not be prouder of his positive attitude and willingness to still make jokes and keep th family laughing. Everyone has pitched him to help him during this difficult time. 

Turner and I have spent much time together. He was most concerned when he finally saw Tucker in the emergency room. He loves his brothers. 

They still bicker from time to time but this has been enjoyable. Last night we all sat around the living room and watched some Christmas movies. I enjoyed that time for all six of us to be together. I do not want to take these moments for granted. These past two days I have taken many snapshots with my heart. Priceless memories to be treasured. 

Brenda and I sit back taking in the blessing of the day. Our hearts are full.