Though He Slay Me

Yesterday is one of those days I would just as soon forget ever existed. It started with a glorious prayer time like I have not experienced in a long while. It ended with tears in my eyes and a faith strained to the fullest extent. God's blows pummeled me to the ground yesterday.

The eye doctor's visit did not go well. He confirmed I will lose my eye sight unless something is done. He also confirmed I do have diabetes.

After the drama of that visit our worship pastor called to tell me he is resigning. This is the second time in less than a year we have lost a worship pastor. That took the wind right out of my sails.

Mixed with several other trials and private pains I spent as much time in tears today as in prayer. I am resolved to say with Job, "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him." 

The word "hope" in that verse means to wait with confident expectation. This is easier said than done. When blow after blow comes and you find yourself asking, "God, what are you doing?" You loose your footing and get tossed by the tumultuous waves of the storm. Like a child tossed in the surf, it is hard to get back on your feet.

The words in prayer today were few. There were groans and tears but not many words. Like a frightened child I came to my Father for help and for hope. Truth be known I am crumbling on the inside. Yet, in the midst of it all I am resolved to say though God continue to slay me I will yet hope in Him and still praise His name. I do not understand and my faith is battered and shaken. I am clinging to hope barely but I am clinging.