It is late Friday afternoon and the boys are just about to get out of school for the weekend. I have been running errands all day long and finally have a few minutes to sit in the office and to reflect. This week has been filled with ministry and much prayer and reflection.
As I sit here this afternoon my thoughts turn to seeking the Lord. There is no greater quest or worthy pursuit. I just long for His voice. It does not matter what He says but only that I meet with Him and hear from Him even on a late Friday afternoon. Most are preparing to go to ball games or making plans for the evening and the weekend. I just want to meet with the Lord and to hear from Him. That takes precedence over everything else in my life.
My day is not complete without hearing from the Lord. I hang on every word that He speaks. The trouble is sometimes I have a hard time discerning what He is trying to say to me. So in moments like this, when I am alone and I can be still before Him, I simply ask the Lord if there is anything He wants to say to me and I sit back to listen. The first place I turn to is His word.
These are the highlight of my days and weekends. Please speak Lord for your servant is listening. Please speak anything you want to speak for my ears are open and I am attentive to the words you speak in this place on a late Friday afternoon.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Through the Valley
There is a valley called Baca, filled with tears and much weeping,
Where pain is resides and darkness hides the path we're seeking,
It is a place where emotions run raw - pain and sorrows run deep,
Where doubts arise and fervent faith weakens and begins to seep,
In the valley - my God - you are here with me each step of the way,
In the valley - you supply renewed strength to strength for each day,
In this valley - you are a fountain of water springing up to life anew,
In this valley - you bring blessing in Baca though it's hard to continue,
You not only remain - you promise to see me through to the other side,
So in the valley of Baca to you alone I cling and seeking daily to abide,
One day I will cross over - this valley called life and the door of death,
I want to praise you faithful till then all I am to my last single breath.
- from Ps 84
ME 11-26-12
Where pain is resides and darkness hides the path we're seeking,
It is a place where emotions run raw - pain and sorrows run deep,
Where doubts arise and fervent faith weakens and begins to seep,
In the valley - my God - you are here with me each step of the way,
In the valley - you supply renewed strength to strength for each day,
In this valley - you are a fountain of water springing up to life anew,
In this valley - you bring blessing in Baca though it's hard to continue,
You not only remain - you promise to see me through to the other side,
So in the valley of Baca to you alone I cling and seeking daily to abide,
One day I will cross over - this valley called life and the door of death,
I want to praise you faithful till then all I am to my last single breath.
- from Ps 84
ME 11-26-12
Monday, November 19, 2012
Resolved
Once again I sat before You my Lord and King,
We talked about my burdens and sundry things,
While with you resolved in my heart I became,
To keep laboring for the glory of your name,
Resolved to keep trusting and the course to stay,
Even when faint of heart melancholy in a way,
Resolved to labor while I may with all my might,
Resolved to stay engaged to continue in the fight,
Resolved to trust when everything shouts to doubt,
Resolved to believe God always makes a way out,
On this day I am resolved to finish the laid out race,
And when death comes to enjoy a better better place.
- ME 11-19-12
We talked about my burdens and sundry things,
While with you resolved in my heart I became,
To keep laboring for the glory of your name,
Resolved to keep trusting and the course to stay,
Even when faint of heart melancholy in a way,
Resolved to labor while I may with all my might,
Resolved to stay engaged to continue in the fight,
Resolved to trust when everything shouts to doubt,
Resolved to believe God always makes a way out,
On this day I am resolved to finish the laid out race,
And when death comes to enjoy a better better place.
- ME 11-19-12
The Peace of God
I am sitting in my favorite spot at our rent house. I am on the back porch with a makeshift desk and wide open fields before my eyes. The wind is blowing gently making the temperature outside perfect. Overhead the skies are blue with a faint cloud here and there. Today it feels like Paradise in Paradise.
I have just spent the last hour or so praying and seeking God. I have felt His peace out here. Every time I make my way to this back porch I sense God's peace. None of my troubles have changed. In fact, some of them have increased. Still God has given me peace back here. I can hear the faint rustling of the trees in the wind. Earlier I saw a couple of butterflies. In the distance I can hear the echo of cars bustling by on the highway. There is peace in my soul as I sit in this lawn chair. To my left I can see a rose bush with roses still in bloom though we are nearing Thanksgiving. There is still a little green left in the grass though most of has faded into that tannish brown speaking of the coming winter months. In the midst of all this I am enjoying God's peace.
Last night we gathered for our prayer meeting. Instead of listing a long list of requests all I could do was give thanks. I thanked God for the chairs we all sat in and for the facilities He has provided for us to rent. I thanked God for Eddie and his family and the ministry he has in leading us in worship. I thanked God for Melanie and her family and the ministry she has with children. I thanked God for the office I have. I thanked God for relationships that have been forged over the course of the last year and a half. I thanked God for His word that gives us strength, comfort, direction, counsel, and rebuke.
Today I thank God for His peace. Sitting back here my troubles have faded. They do not loom large in my head. I am reminded of how big our God is. Able to handle everything that comes our way. I am thankful for His continuous provision for my family. I am thankful that we have not gone without one day of this journey. I am thankful that my family is under one roof and I no longer live in an r/v and they no longer live with a church member. I am thankful that the boys all made it through football season without being injured.
Yes, today I have God's peace. "Be anxious for nothing but with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." [Phil 4:6-7] It is that very peace that has settled over me as I have sat with Him on this back porch. Life is good back here. His mercies are new every morning. His compassions do not fail.
I am thankful for a tranquil mind and soul as I write this. I am thankful that His peace has calmed my inner man. His peace will carry me through the remainder of the day and into the night watches. Like sentries guarding the gates of my mind and soul peace stands watch.
I have just spent the last hour or so praying and seeking God. I have felt His peace out here. Every time I make my way to this back porch I sense God's peace. None of my troubles have changed. In fact, some of them have increased. Still God has given me peace back here. I can hear the faint rustling of the trees in the wind. Earlier I saw a couple of butterflies. In the distance I can hear the echo of cars bustling by on the highway. There is peace in my soul as I sit in this lawn chair. To my left I can see a rose bush with roses still in bloom though we are nearing Thanksgiving. There is still a little green left in the grass though most of has faded into that tannish brown speaking of the coming winter months. In the midst of all this I am enjoying God's peace.
Last night we gathered for our prayer meeting. Instead of listing a long list of requests all I could do was give thanks. I thanked God for the chairs we all sat in and for the facilities He has provided for us to rent. I thanked God for Eddie and his family and the ministry he has in leading us in worship. I thanked God for Melanie and her family and the ministry she has with children. I thanked God for the office I have. I thanked God for relationships that have been forged over the course of the last year and a half. I thanked God for His word that gives us strength, comfort, direction, counsel, and rebuke.
Today I thank God for His peace. Sitting back here my troubles have faded. They do not loom large in my head. I am reminded of how big our God is. Able to handle everything that comes our way. I am thankful for His continuous provision for my family. I am thankful that we have not gone without one day of this journey. I am thankful that my family is under one roof and I no longer live in an r/v and they no longer live with a church member. I am thankful that the boys all made it through football season without being injured.
Yes, today I have God's peace. "Be anxious for nothing but with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." [Phil 4:6-7] It is that very peace that has settled over me as I have sat with Him on this back porch. Life is good back here. His mercies are new every morning. His compassions do not fail.
I am thankful for a tranquil mind and soul as I write this. I am thankful that His peace has calmed my inner man. His peace will carry me through the remainder of the day and into the night watches. Like sentries guarding the gates of my mind and soul peace stands watch.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Do They Care?
I preached my heart out this morning with a burden for our nation,
The crowds left without a burden rather with laughter - great elation,
It feels like I labored and preached your word totally in vain,
The truth seemed hard to swallow - rejected and disdained,
I stayed at the altar seeking you for nation and community,
I did not feel the kindred spirits from those who wanted immunity,
This great nation so blessed by you is headed for big time trouble,
We have embraced sin - will America perish into a pile of rubble,
Do your people care - does your truth not pierce hearts hardened,
Have they forgotten the plight of those you have not yet pardoned,
Do we care that your judgment of doom is dangerously impending,
Are we concerned that on you this nation is no longer depending,
I feel the weight of your concern a heavy laden burden of sadness,
A self indulgent nation turned from you engulfed in sinful gladness,
Homosexuality - abortion - idolatry draw away so many people,
From you, from truth, from worship under all the shiny steeples,
Do people care that we have insulted - offended you and your glory,
Like Carthage, Rome, - will the States fall - the same fate of their stories,
I am but one - I keep hoeing this little corner of the field in Paradise,
Wondering if I am making any difference with labors and sacrifice,
It seems few care - hearts are iron hard like the Rock of Gibraltar,
While I lay my tender heart once again an offering on your altar,
I don't know what I am supposed to do - where you have assigned,
To you all my life, world goods - and family I've willingly resigned,
If no one else still cares you see I do with my whole surrendered being,
Please lead this nation to repent and change what you so abhor seeing.
The crowds left without a burden rather with laughter - great elation,
It feels like I labored and preached your word totally in vain,
The truth seemed hard to swallow - rejected and disdained,
I stayed at the altar seeking you for nation and community,
I did not feel the kindred spirits from those who wanted immunity,
This great nation so blessed by you is headed for big time trouble,
We have embraced sin - will America perish into a pile of rubble,
Do your people care - does your truth not pierce hearts hardened,
Have they forgotten the plight of those you have not yet pardoned,
Do we care that your judgment of doom is dangerously impending,
Are we concerned that on you this nation is no longer depending,
I feel the weight of your concern a heavy laden burden of sadness,
A self indulgent nation turned from you engulfed in sinful gladness,
Homosexuality - abortion - idolatry draw away so many people,
From you, from truth, from worship under all the shiny steeples,
Do people care that we have insulted - offended you and your glory,
Like Carthage, Rome, - will the States fall - the same fate of their stories,
I am but one - I keep hoeing this little corner of the field in Paradise,
Wondering if I am making any difference with labors and sacrifice,
It seems few care - hearts are iron hard like the Rock of Gibraltar,
While I lay my tender heart once again an offering on your altar,
I don't know what I am supposed to do - where you have assigned,
To you all my life, world goods - and family I've willingly resigned,
If no one else still cares you see I do with my whole surrendered being,
Please lead this nation to repent and change what you so abhor seeing.
A Burr Under My Saddle
I have had a burr under my saddle ever since the presidential election. No, my candidate did not win but that is not the burr. I am more concerned with what I saw in our country. More states legalized homosexual marriages. Wisconsin voted in the first openly gay Senator in Tammy Baldwin. One hundred-twenty one other gay or lesbian candidates were voted into various offices across the country. Our country as much as ever has not only turned her back on God but openly embraced sin.
With all the talk about homosexuality you would think gay and lesbians make up a significant portion of our population. I researched this and found that only 4% of the United States population is homosexual. That means that 96% of the population is not but most of these are silent or have been fooled into believing homosexuality is larger segment of our society than it really is. The 4% are making noise forcing their sinful lifestyles down our throats. Television sitcoms almost always have a gay character and now openly gay couples on their shows. The homosexual agenda is everywhere.
We have programming called "The New Normal", "The Modern Family", and "Happily Divorced" just to name a few. The silent majority sit back content to let the vocal minority take over everything in society. They seek to reeducate the way we think, react, live, and what we find offensive and tolerable. If you see, hear, and watch enough gay and lesbian activity you begin to think it is normal. Not according to the Bible, [Rom 1:18-28] [I Tim 1:8-10] [I Cor 6:9-11] [Lev 18:22] [Lev 18:29] It is abnormal.
Yet our country continues to promote this sin and readily embrace it. I realize I am and will always be considered intolerant. I am not with the times. I am marching to the beat of a different drummer than our society. I continue to wonder how deeply we have offended God. He destroyed Sodom for such wickedness [Gen 19] and other nations have fallen as well. Rome seemed invincible at one point. History tells us the tragic story of a nation who embraced debauchery and self indulgence. While doing some research I found a fact that men often paid as much as $1,000 in our currency for young boys for their sexual pleasures while caviare sold for only $300. There is something really disturbing about that fact.
Why don't the rest of the 96% take a stand and make their voices heard. Now the Boy Scouts are getting banned from sponsors because they do not include gays. When will the people of God ever wake up, stand up, and speak up? What is it going to take?
Our nation is on a collision course with the judgment and wrath of God. It has happened before. Look at Israel's history. It will happen again. Nations have come and gone but God alone has ruled supremely. There is a burr under my saddle and I am not going to sit by contentedly while my children get robbed of the truth in their minds. I am not going to sit by idly while our nation commits suicide on a course of rebellion and defiance against the laws of God.
Only repentance and a heaven sent revival can save this nation. I once read a book by Leonard Ravenhill titled America is Too Young to Die. He wrote the book in 1979. He saw the writing on the wall thirty-three years ago. He called for the church and nation to repent of sin. What would he think if he could see things today. He is long gone but I wonder who is the prophet today sounding the warning. Maybe that is my role. I will do what I can where I am with what He has entrusted to me.
With all the talk about homosexuality you would think gay and lesbians make up a significant portion of our population. I researched this and found that only 4% of the United States population is homosexual. That means that 96% of the population is not but most of these are silent or have been fooled into believing homosexuality is larger segment of our society than it really is. The 4% are making noise forcing their sinful lifestyles down our throats. Television sitcoms almost always have a gay character and now openly gay couples on their shows. The homosexual agenda is everywhere.
We have programming called "The New Normal", "The Modern Family", and "Happily Divorced" just to name a few. The silent majority sit back content to let the vocal minority take over everything in society. They seek to reeducate the way we think, react, live, and what we find offensive and tolerable. If you see, hear, and watch enough gay and lesbian activity you begin to think it is normal. Not according to the Bible, [Rom 1:18-28] [I Tim 1:8-10] [I Cor 6:9-11] [Lev 18:22] [Lev 18:29] It is abnormal.
Yet our country continues to promote this sin and readily embrace it. I realize I am and will always be considered intolerant. I am not with the times. I am marching to the beat of a different drummer than our society. I continue to wonder how deeply we have offended God. He destroyed Sodom for such wickedness [Gen 19] and other nations have fallen as well. Rome seemed invincible at one point. History tells us the tragic story of a nation who embraced debauchery and self indulgence. While doing some research I found a fact that men often paid as much as $1,000 in our currency for young boys for their sexual pleasures while caviare sold for only $300. There is something really disturbing about that fact.
Why don't the rest of the 96% take a stand and make their voices heard. Now the Boy Scouts are getting banned from sponsors because they do not include gays. When will the people of God ever wake up, stand up, and speak up? What is it going to take?
Our nation is on a collision course with the judgment and wrath of God. It has happened before. Look at Israel's history. It will happen again. Nations have come and gone but God alone has ruled supremely. There is a burr under my saddle and I am not going to sit by contentedly while my children get robbed of the truth in their minds. I am not going to sit by idly while our nation commits suicide on a course of rebellion and defiance against the laws of God.
Only repentance and a heaven sent revival can save this nation. I once read a book by Leonard Ravenhill titled America is Too Young to Die. He wrote the book in 1979. He saw the writing on the wall thirty-three years ago. He called for the church and nation to repent of sin. What would he think if he could see things today. He is long gone but I wonder who is the prophet today sounding the warning. Maybe that is my role. I will do what I can where I am with what He has entrusted to me.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Silent
I cried out to you tonight with all my pain and broken heart,
I pleaded for answers to show my role to assign my part,
I waited for hours crying for answers it appears all in vain,
You were silent again - not a word nor whisper for my pain,
I sit stunned and wondering why you choose not to speak,
Why I am forced to endear this nightmare turned so bleak,
You say you are here - you will never forsake me or leave,
But you feel so distant when I draw near to wanting to cleave,
You hold the keys - the answers so long sought after and for,
You have all wisdom and the healing for my heart deeply torn,
I have waited hours, day upon day without stopping my plea,
I know you love and I know you must still have a word for me,
Yet you are still silent, no sound, not a word falls to my soul,
Until I hear from you I shall never again be completely whole.
ME - 11-17-12
I pleaded for answers to show my role to assign my part,
I waited for hours crying for answers it appears all in vain,
You were silent again - not a word nor whisper for my pain,
I sit stunned and wondering why you choose not to speak,
Why I am forced to endear this nightmare turned so bleak,
You say you are here - you will never forsake me or leave,
But you feel so distant when I draw near to wanting to cleave,
You hold the keys - the answers so long sought after and for,
You have all wisdom and the healing for my heart deeply torn,
I have waited hours, day upon day without stopping my plea,
I know you love and I know you must still have a word for me,
Yet you are still silent, no sound, not a word falls to my soul,
Until I hear from you I shall never again be completely whole.
ME - 11-17-12
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The Voice
Amidst the chaos and confusion of this age I long for the voice,
Not one from celebrities who continually make many a bad choice,
Not the voice from television reminding me of all the doom and gloom,
Not the voice of philosophy or some other sitting in an academic room,
I don't need the voice of some preacher echoing the sentiments of the day,
I am not interested in what the all the best selling authors really have to say,
There is only one voice I crave down in the depths of longing in my soul,
Only one voice can take my brokenness and once again make me whole,
Only one voice can bring me through the crucible of this midnight hour,
Only one voice can offer comfort and refuge like a strong mighty tower,
So I come again broken in shambles - pain all crashing down at your feet,
Seeking to listen for your voice quiet, strong, tender, and ever so sweet,
Please do not delay or cast my longing heart carelessly to the left or right,
Like a shining sunbeam I plead for your piercing through the weeping night,
Open my soul and ears until your voice comes at last crashing on through,
The only voice I need and crave is the one that belongs my Lord to You.
- ME 11-15-12
Not one from celebrities who continually make many a bad choice,
Not the voice from television reminding me of all the doom and gloom,
Not the voice of philosophy or some other sitting in an academic room,
I don't need the voice of some preacher echoing the sentiments of the day,
I am not interested in what the all the best selling authors really have to say,
There is only one voice I crave down in the depths of longing in my soul,
Only one voice can take my brokenness and once again make me whole,
Only one voice can bring me through the crucible of this midnight hour,
Only one voice can offer comfort and refuge like a strong mighty tower,
So I come again broken in shambles - pain all crashing down at your feet,
Seeking to listen for your voice quiet, strong, tender, and ever so sweet,
Please do not delay or cast my longing heart carelessly to the left or right,
Like a shining sunbeam I plead for your piercing through the weeping night,
Open my soul and ears until your voice comes at last crashing on through,
The only voice I need and crave is the one that belongs my Lord to You.
- ME 11-15-12
Out of the Boat - What Now?
Many years ago I committed my life to following Jesus anywhere at anytime and to do anything. That decision has been costly to Brenda and I as well as our boys.
It always appears exciting when God calls me to follow Him out of the boat. I love believing Him for impossible things but I have noticed a pattern. Though taking those initial steps out of the boat to stand on the water can be frightening that is easy compared to maintaining faith. Just because you get out of the boat does not mean the storm calms, the trials go away, and you do not face distractions.
It was exciting to get out of the boat two years ago to believe God to raise the money for the hospital in Honduras. Two years later I feel the grind and frustration of how slowly the money has come in. In a few weeks I will travel to Seminole to attempt a 100 mile bike ride. That also seemed exciting when planned but now in the middle of training it is not near so exciting. It is had work. Starting a church seemed exciting in the beginning but a year and a half later the trials continue to swell and engulf my faith. It has been harder in someways than I first imagined. Progress we made. I no longer have to get up early with the boys to set things up.
Many of you find yourselves in the same place. You trusted and obeyed God into some risky stuff. You are now out of the boat and things have not gone according to plan. Doubts arise as you nervously look around you and you feel like going under. What now?
Simple. Focus on Jesus and keep trusting. Jesus bid Peter to come out of the boat in Matthew 14. Keep looking to Him and trust Him. When we stepped out of the safe and familiar boat of FBC Seminole we knew we would be taking a significant reduction in pay. We stepped out anyway. Sure enough the financial trials came. As we have kept looking to Jesus and trusting Him the financial provision has continued to come as well. We have not gone under. Like the ravens bringing Elijah food at the brook Cherith, God has also sent us provision in our mail box.
It feels like I have lived much of the past two decades out of the boat. Remember in the Matthew 14 story that was where Jesus was. I want to be where Jesus is and I find Him often out of the boat. Sadly many times I have taken my eyes off the Lord and immediately begun to sink into depression and the like. Each time He has reached out to pull me back up and to rescue me.
For me, yes, I am out of the boat and the question begs itself, "What now?" I respond with I keep gazing at Jesus and trusting Him for victory. It really is that simple. Keep gazing at Jesus and keep trusting Him and His promises.
It always appears exciting when God calls me to follow Him out of the boat. I love believing Him for impossible things but I have noticed a pattern. Though taking those initial steps out of the boat to stand on the water can be frightening that is easy compared to maintaining faith. Just because you get out of the boat does not mean the storm calms, the trials go away, and you do not face distractions.
It was exciting to get out of the boat two years ago to believe God to raise the money for the hospital in Honduras. Two years later I feel the grind and frustration of how slowly the money has come in. In a few weeks I will travel to Seminole to attempt a 100 mile bike ride. That also seemed exciting when planned but now in the middle of training it is not near so exciting. It is had work. Starting a church seemed exciting in the beginning but a year and a half later the trials continue to swell and engulf my faith. It has been harder in someways than I first imagined. Progress we made. I no longer have to get up early with the boys to set things up.
Many of you find yourselves in the same place. You trusted and obeyed God into some risky stuff. You are now out of the boat and things have not gone according to plan. Doubts arise as you nervously look around you and you feel like going under. What now?
Simple. Focus on Jesus and keep trusting. Jesus bid Peter to come out of the boat in Matthew 14. Keep looking to Him and trust Him. When we stepped out of the safe and familiar boat of FBC Seminole we knew we would be taking a significant reduction in pay. We stepped out anyway. Sure enough the financial trials came. As we have kept looking to Jesus and trusting Him the financial provision has continued to come as well. We have not gone under. Like the ravens bringing Elijah food at the brook Cherith, God has also sent us provision in our mail box.
It feels like I have lived much of the past two decades out of the boat. Remember in the Matthew 14 story that was where Jesus was. I want to be where Jesus is and I find Him often out of the boat. Sadly many times I have taken my eyes off the Lord and immediately begun to sink into depression and the like. Each time He has reached out to pull me back up and to rescue me.
For me, yes, I am out of the boat and the question begs itself, "What now?" I respond with I keep gazing at Jesus and trusting Him for victory. It really is that simple. Keep gazing at Jesus and keep trusting Him and His promises.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Are You Still There
When my path is confusing and my way unsure,
When your will seems distant - cloudy - obscure,
I cry out and wonder, "God are You still there?"
In the dark, this load seems way heavy to bear,
I confess your will I can't always understand,
What you purpose and what you command,
Like a child standing frightened in the night,
When my fears would soon put me to flight,
I ask, "Are You still there Jesus, God my King?"
I must find refuge in the shadow of your wing,
The tempest in my mind leaves me confused,
My faith wounded, scarred, seriously contused,
By trials, Satan, and your own sovereign will,
Calm the storm in me saying, "Peace be still"
In the dark I reach by faith to find your fingers,
And the comfort knowing my God still lingers,
Let your voice sound - please help me to hear,
Open my mind, my heart, please open my ears,
Like a child groping in the dark midnight hour,
I need and yearn for your comfort and your power,
You are here - I sense you abiding right beside me,
You are here -though blind but by faith now I see,
You never left me - even when life slowly unwound,
You reached out to bring me from the pit to rebound.
- ME 11-13-12
When your will seems distant - cloudy - obscure,
I cry out and wonder, "God are You still there?"
In the dark, this load seems way heavy to bear,
I confess your will I can't always understand,
What you purpose and what you command,
Like a child standing frightened in the night,
When my fears would soon put me to flight,
I ask, "Are You still there Jesus, God my King?"
I must find refuge in the shadow of your wing,
The tempest in my mind leaves me confused,
My faith wounded, scarred, seriously contused,
By trials, Satan, and your own sovereign will,
Calm the storm in me saying, "Peace be still"
In the dark I reach by faith to find your fingers,
And the comfort knowing my God still lingers,
Let your voice sound - please help me to hear,
Open my mind, my heart, please open my ears,
Like a child groping in the dark midnight hour,
I need and yearn for your comfort and your power,
You are here - I sense you abiding right beside me,
You are here -though blind but by faith now I see,
You never left me - even when life slowly unwound,
You reached out to bring me from the pit to rebound.
- ME 11-13-12
The Journey
Life is a journey. Mine has taken me down some paths I never dreamed I would see. To this point I have preached in three different countries and ten different states. I have seen some beautiful landscapes. I have also walked the back streets of dirty villages and filthy towns in Honduras and Cuba. I have repeatedly packed suitcases and driven or flown to destinations to preach Christ and Him crucified.
This is my fifth church to pastor. Each church holds a special place in my heart. There are great memories of God's faithfulness and answers to prayer. I still rejoice when I think on those who were saved, called to the ministry, or really set on fire for Christ. On the other hand my heart is saddened from the many who fell away from the faith. Some may have never truly been saved in the first place. Others have backslidden.
I am reminded of the many ways God has come through for my family. He has comforted us when people disliked us and wanted to remove us from our place of service. He has strengthened us during times of trials. He has held us steadfast in times of uncertainty. He has provided for us when the times were lean. He has empowered us to serve when we were weak and weary.
My life has been quite a journey. There have been many ups. There have also been some tough times. For the past year and a half our journey has taken us to starting Faith Community Church. We have faced many trials. I have shed many tears of frustration, confusion, and despair. Some fell in the r/v I stayed in for the first three months of this journey. Some have fallen in our rent house we have lived in for the past year. Others have fallen in the seclusion of my truck and still others in my office.
The idealistic dream of starting a church has long since faded into the grind of persevering this leg of the journey. The dream of starting a church seems more like a journey to climb to the summit of a mountain. It has been tough going at times and I am not ashamed to say my family has sacrificed in many ways to make this climb. Often times joy has been choked by my sinful attitude. There have been times when the pastor of Faith Community Church could barely muster the faith to preach a sermon like one Sunday morning in December of 2011. Much of the time the journey has left me numb.
I can't explain it but while making this journey from day to day somewhere I quit feeling things deeply. I quit hurting as deeply at the troubling and confusing things but I also quit feeling euphoric in the high times like our high attendance Sunday. I smiled when told the attendance count but it did not stir me emotionally.
What is the point? Through all of it, I have kept going. I got up this morning and started my journey through prayer and scripture reading as I have done most mornings for the past twenty something years. I got dressed eager to get to the office and do my work. Part of that work is writing this blog and work on another book. Part of that work is preparing for messages. Part of that work is interceding for the hurting flock.
I don't know where this journey will take me next. I could remain right here for the remainder of my days serving God. He could uproot me again as He has done so many times before. Here is the thing. I am not the master of this journey. I do not get to determine the stopping points along the way or the final destination. I have set my eyes on Christ and my journey is to get closer to Him. Along the way He has assignments for me to carry out. One of those is to write to comfort, challenge, and inspire others on their journey.
Many of my friends tell me privately my journey has been hard and they would not have been able to endure many of the trials Brenda and I have faced. Perhaps I brought some of those on myself. Perhaps some of those trials were ordained by God to try and strengthen my faith. Over and over again we have seen God come through.
Most of our trials on the journey have centered around lack of finances. Brenda reminded me the other day I have chosen a different path than many other in ministry. Money has not been my motivation. I have never asked a church what they could pay me. It never mattered. All that mattered to me is whether God called us to serve in those churches. At times we have lived below the poverty level and we prayed for everything from tanks of gas, to groceries, to lunch money for the kids and Christmas money. Faithfully God has come through on the journey. Somedays He gave us just enough for that day. Other days He has given in abundance. We have been paid little and we have been paid abundantly by different churches. We have learned first hand God can be trusted when it comes to meeting our needs.
Recently God has used people from Seminole to meet a great need in our lives as well as a family from east Texas. If our living by faith encourages other people to do the same then I am glad for the trials and the hardships on the journey. God shines brightest against the darkness of adversity.
If my journey takes me through trials like that so that other people can be encouraged to keep trusting God, then I have to keep pressing on. God has provided marvelously for my family. In recent days we have been given meat, financial provision, and a great deal of prayers.
I can't say in hindsight I would have chosen this journey of faith for myself. I can say I have seen the faithfulness of God every step of the way. Regardless of where you find yourself on life's journey I want to exhort you to keep trusting God. You may not understand anymore than I have understood the ways of God in my life. Continue to trust Him and wait on Him to show up for you. It might be in the form of a hug from a friend, a text or note of encouragement, a prayer sent up on your behalf, or a chapter in a book. God may reveal Himself through the music and lyrics of a song or through a message preached.
God never told us the journey would be easy. It gets downright hard at times. Quitting would be easier than finishing. Running away appears to be more tempting than staying. Stay the course. By faith keep putting one foot in front of the other. Quit looking around you and just keep your eyes focused downward where God's word is a light unto your path and a lamp unto your feet. [Ps 119:11] Fix your eyes on Jesus who perfected the journey and has laid out yours. Be inspired by His joy even when it meant enduring the cross. [Heb 12:2-3] Keep walking. Keep running. Keep pedaling. Keep climbing. Keep overcoming.
In every journey there is a final destination. Mine as well as yours is Heaven if Jesus Christ has redeemed you. No matter how tough the journey gets it will be worth it when we make it home.
Many times after preaching a revival or camp I have made the long trip home in the wee hours of the morning. There were times I felt I could not travel another mile and my eye lids felt weighted down as I fought to keep them open. At times I pulled over and ran around the car, I slapped myself repeatedly, pinched myself, yelled out loud, drank gallons of tea and ate bags of sunflower seeds until my mouth became raw all in an effort to stay awake. You know what? It was all worth it a thousand times when I walked through the door and made my way to each of the boys' room where they slept and finally climbed beneath the covers of my bed next to Brenda.
A million times more it will be worth it when at the end of our journey we finally get home with Jesus in Heaven for eternity. That thought alone inspires me to keep up the pace on this journey. The finish line is closer for me than it has ever been. I've come too far to turn back now. Upward and onward on the journey.
This is my fifth church to pastor. Each church holds a special place in my heart. There are great memories of God's faithfulness and answers to prayer. I still rejoice when I think on those who were saved, called to the ministry, or really set on fire for Christ. On the other hand my heart is saddened from the many who fell away from the faith. Some may have never truly been saved in the first place. Others have backslidden.
I am reminded of the many ways God has come through for my family. He has comforted us when people disliked us and wanted to remove us from our place of service. He has strengthened us during times of trials. He has held us steadfast in times of uncertainty. He has provided for us when the times were lean. He has empowered us to serve when we were weak and weary.
My life has been quite a journey. There have been many ups. There have also been some tough times. For the past year and a half our journey has taken us to starting Faith Community Church. We have faced many trials. I have shed many tears of frustration, confusion, and despair. Some fell in the r/v I stayed in for the first three months of this journey. Some have fallen in our rent house we have lived in for the past year. Others have fallen in the seclusion of my truck and still others in my office.
The idealistic dream of starting a church has long since faded into the grind of persevering this leg of the journey. The dream of starting a church seems more like a journey to climb to the summit of a mountain. It has been tough going at times and I am not ashamed to say my family has sacrificed in many ways to make this climb. Often times joy has been choked by my sinful attitude. There have been times when the pastor of Faith Community Church could barely muster the faith to preach a sermon like one Sunday morning in December of 2011. Much of the time the journey has left me numb.
I can't explain it but while making this journey from day to day somewhere I quit feeling things deeply. I quit hurting as deeply at the troubling and confusing things but I also quit feeling euphoric in the high times like our high attendance Sunday. I smiled when told the attendance count but it did not stir me emotionally.
What is the point? Through all of it, I have kept going. I got up this morning and started my journey through prayer and scripture reading as I have done most mornings for the past twenty something years. I got dressed eager to get to the office and do my work. Part of that work is writing this blog and work on another book. Part of that work is preparing for messages. Part of that work is interceding for the hurting flock.
I don't know where this journey will take me next. I could remain right here for the remainder of my days serving God. He could uproot me again as He has done so many times before. Here is the thing. I am not the master of this journey. I do not get to determine the stopping points along the way or the final destination. I have set my eyes on Christ and my journey is to get closer to Him. Along the way He has assignments for me to carry out. One of those is to write to comfort, challenge, and inspire others on their journey.
Many of my friends tell me privately my journey has been hard and they would not have been able to endure many of the trials Brenda and I have faced. Perhaps I brought some of those on myself. Perhaps some of those trials were ordained by God to try and strengthen my faith. Over and over again we have seen God come through.
Most of our trials on the journey have centered around lack of finances. Brenda reminded me the other day I have chosen a different path than many other in ministry. Money has not been my motivation. I have never asked a church what they could pay me. It never mattered. All that mattered to me is whether God called us to serve in those churches. At times we have lived below the poverty level and we prayed for everything from tanks of gas, to groceries, to lunch money for the kids and Christmas money. Faithfully God has come through on the journey. Somedays He gave us just enough for that day. Other days He has given in abundance. We have been paid little and we have been paid abundantly by different churches. We have learned first hand God can be trusted when it comes to meeting our needs.
Recently God has used people from Seminole to meet a great need in our lives as well as a family from east Texas. If our living by faith encourages other people to do the same then I am glad for the trials and the hardships on the journey. God shines brightest against the darkness of adversity.
If my journey takes me through trials like that so that other people can be encouraged to keep trusting God, then I have to keep pressing on. God has provided marvelously for my family. In recent days we have been given meat, financial provision, and a great deal of prayers.
I can't say in hindsight I would have chosen this journey of faith for myself. I can say I have seen the faithfulness of God every step of the way. Regardless of where you find yourself on life's journey I want to exhort you to keep trusting God. You may not understand anymore than I have understood the ways of God in my life. Continue to trust Him and wait on Him to show up for you. It might be in the form of a hug from a friend, a text or note of encouragement, a prayer sent up on your behalf, or a chapter in a book. God may reveal Himself through the music and lyrics of a song or through a message preached.
God never told us the journey would be easy. It gets downright hard at times. Quitting would be easier than finishing. Running away appears to be more tempting than staying. Stay the course. By faith keep putting one foot in front of the other. Quit looking around you and just keep your eyes focused downward where God's word is a light unto your path and a lamp unto your feet. [Ps 119:11] Fix your eyes on Jesus who perfected the journey and has laid out yours. Be inspired by His joy even when it meant enduring the cross. [Heb 12:2-3] Keep walking. Keep running. Keep pedaling. Keep climbing. Keep overcoming.
In every journey there is a final destination. Mine as well as yours is Heaven if Jesus Christ has redeemed you. No matter how tough the journey gets it will be worth it when we make it home.
Many times after preaching a revival or camp I have made the long trip home in the wee hours of the morning. There were times I felt I could not travel another mile and my eye lids felt weighted down as I fought to keep them open. At times I pulled over and ran around the car, I slapped myself repeatedly, pinched myself, yelled out loud, drank gallons of tea and ate bags of sunflower seeds until my mouth became raw all in an effort to stay awake. You know what? It was all worth it a thousand times when I walked through the door and made my way to each of the boys' room where they slept and finally climbed beneath the covers of my bed next to Brenda.
A million times more it will be worth it when at the end of our journey we finally get home with Jesus in Heaven for eternity. That thought alone inspires me to keep up the pace on this journey. The finish line is closer for me than it has ever been. I've come too far to turn back now. Upward and onward on the journey.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Clouds of Confusion
Father, you have a will and you have a purpose and a way,
I confess I cannot see or discern them very clearly today,
I have sought you in prayer for hours and hours on end,
I have read your word hoping revelation you would send,
I have waited at your feet longing to hear your quiet voice,
If only it would come from you how my soul would rejoice,
Instead I sit here in confusion wondering what you're doing,
I wait on you eyes toward the hills my hope, faith viewing,
The clouds of confusion are thick I have lost your hot trail,
My faith has been tried - at times feels like has been derailed,
I know you are there though you are silent and delay,
My soul is not always steadfast but sometimes dismayed,
How long will you make me wait as I pour my soul out,
The longer I wait my faith evaporates more into doubt,
You are faithful, you are tried and you are always true,
What must I do to once again hear a fresh word from you?
I love you Father - your ways I cannot guess to understand,
Is this the path you purposed - is this what you had planned?
Shore up my faith - strengthen my resolve I fervently plead,
This confused soul remains before you desperately in need.
- ME 11-12-12
I confess I cannot see or discern them very clearly today,
I have sought you in prayer for hours and hours on end,
I have read your word hoping revelation you would send,
I have waited at your feet longing to hear your quiet voice,
If only it would come from you how my soul would rejoice,
Instead I sit here in confusion wondering what you're doing,
I wait on you eyes toward the hills my hope, faith viewing,
The clouds of confusion are thick I have lost your hot trail,
My faith has been tried - at times feels like has been derailed,
I know you are there though you are silent and delay,
My soul is not always steadfast but sometimes dismayed,
How long will you make me wait as I pour my soul out,
The longer I wait my faith evaporates more into doubt,
You are faithful, you are tried and you are always true,
What must I do to once again hear a fresh word from you?
I love you Father - your ways I cannot guess to understand,
Is this the path you purposed - is this what you had planned?
Shore up my faith - strengthen my resolve I fervently plead,
This confused soul remains before you desperately in need.
- ME 11-12-12
Seek and Serve
David gave his son Solomon some words of counsel before he took over as king. I Chron 28:9] In essence here is the short version. Seek to know God. Serve God with a loyal heart.
In our age we often get this wrong. We want to serve before we seek to get to know Him. There are many people in churches of all sizes and denominations who fill their calendars with busy activity but who seldom take the time to seek to know God. There are people packed in the pews who know a lot about God but they do not really know God.
How about you? What category do you fall in? Are you busy doing but somewhere deep inside you are not being a follower of Christ? You would not be alone. Many teach, lead, volunteer, head up projects, but seldom ever set aside significant quiet time to seek the Lord. In essence these people lead on empty. They pretend to be walking closely with God but nobody knows the truth. They do not seek God and are not close to Him.
Seeking to know God has to remain our top priority. You will notice I am not referring to a little time of devotion heavy on tradition but light on divine encounters. If you are going to know the Lord it is going to take long sustained times in His presence. It will also mean a deep desire and ravenous hunger for more of God. David wrote of this is [Ps 63:1-3] and [Ps 42:1]. That has to be the heart of someone genuinely seeking more of God.
When we seek God we discern His will and direction. [Ps 119:11] We gain His power to serve. [Phil 4:13] We are given purpose and vision. [Prov 29:18] When these things come from human wisdom and resources the soul is bankrupted and the fruit of OUR labors will not last. When God is the object of our seeking contentment follows [Phil 4:11-12] along with His wisdom to make decisions. [James 1:5]
Serving without seeking can lead to foolish decisions, burn out, hollow experiences, and eventually resentment and bitterness for not being recognized for your accomplishments. When you seek God and His kingdom first, you will not be offended by the lack of recognition because all the glory will go to God.
I hope you are seeking. I hope this is leading to you serving also. Don't get the order wrong. Seek first and then serve faithfully.
In our age we often get this wrong. We want to serve before we seek to get to know Him. There are many people in churches of all sizes and denominations who fill their calendars with busy activity but who seldom take the time to seek to know God. There are people packed in the pews who know a lot about God but they do not really know God.
How about you? What category do you fall in? Are you busy doing but somewhere deep inside you are not being a follower of Christ? You would not be alone. Many teach, lead, volunteer, head up projects, but seldom ever set aside significant quiet time to seek the Lord. In essence these people lead on empty. They pretend to be walking closely with God but nobody knows the truth. They do not seek God and are not close to Him.
Seeking to know God has to remain our top priority. You will notice I am not referring to a little time of devotion heavy on tradition but light on divine encounters. If you are going to know the Lord it is going to take long sustained times in His presence. It will also mean a deep desire and ravenous hunger for more of God. David wrote of this is [Ps 63:1-3] and [Ps 42:1]. That has to be the heart of someone genuinely seeking more of God.
When we seek God we discern His will and direction. [Ps 119:11] We gain His power to serve. [Phil 4:13] We are given purpose and vision. [Prov 29:18] When these things come from human wisdom and resources the soul is bankrupted and the fruit of OUR labors will not last. When God is the object of our seeking contentment follows [Phil 4:11-12] along with His wisdom to make decisions. [James 1:5]
Serving without seeking can lead to foolish decisions, burn out, hollow experiences, and eventually resentment and bitterness for not being recognized for your accomplishments. When you seek God and His kingdom first, you will not be offended by the lack of recognition because all the glory will go to God.
I hope you are seeking. I hope this is leading to you serving also. Don't get the order wrong. Seek first and then serve faithfully.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Shepherd - Evangelist
I recently asked well over a dozen people whether they thought of me more as a pastor or an evangelist. The overwhelming majority said they thought of me as more of an evangelist. A couple of people thought of me more as a pastor. All I want is to know what God has called me.
After considerable prayer I came to the conclusion I am both. A recent day will illustrate this. A few weeks ago a lady in our church had surgery in Dallas on a Wednesday. I drove over and had prayer with her and her husband and then went out to the waiting room to sit with the family. I stayed as long as I could before having to head back to beat traffic and to begin studying for both our adult and student Bible studies.
I enjoyed teaching the adults later that evening as we continued our journey through the book of 1 Timothy. Afterward I walked across the parking lot to the warehouse where I preached to several dozen students. We had planned an evangelistic night and students brought their friends. We had our highest attendance ever. When the invitation was extended for people to trust Christ for salvation five people responded! What a night.
Later on I headed home exhausted. I looked forward to some dinner and a good night of sleep. We received word that one our young mothers was about to deliver her baby. I made my way to the hospital and prayed with this young family and waited with them until their baby boy entered this world.
In that one day I experienced both the joys of serving as a pastor or shepherd to our people and as an evangelist calling the lost to salvation. So it is with my ministry. God has gifted and called me to do both. My primary calling is to serve as a pastor. I do this through shepherding the flock and nourishing their souls with messages from the Bible. This next week I will have the opportunity to travel to a nearby church and preach to some students. I will share the message God impresses on my heart and trust God to accomplish His purpose on those students hearts. Pastor and evangelist. I am one man with two callings and two giftings.
Since the elections God has weighed an increasing and intensifying burden on my heart for our nation. I am deeply concerned that two more states legalized same sex marriage. The Bible calls this homosexuality. I am also deeply concerned that an openly homosexual woman was elected to public office in our nation's congress. Some other states voted to legalize abortion. I feel the prophetic calling in me welling up. I am not sure what my role is to be at this point other than remaining faithful where I am. I do sense God is calling me to something deeper though the details of that calling have not been revealed yet. Regardless this pastor - evangelist will remain ready to do what the Lord beckons me to do.
After considerable prayer I came to the conclusion I am both. A recent day will illustrate this. A few weeks ago a lady in our church had surgery in Dallas on a Wednesday. I drove over and had prayer with her and her husband and then went out to the waiting room to sit with the family. I stayed as long as I could before having to head back to beat traffic and to begin studying for both our adult and student Bible studies.
I enjoyed teaching the adults later that evening as we continued our journey through the book of 1 Timothy. Afterward I walked across the parking lot to the warehouse where I preached to several dozen students. We had planned an evangelistic night and students brought their friends. We had our highest attendance ever. When the invitation was extended for people to trust Christ for salvation five people responded! What a night.
Later on I headed home exhausted. I looked forward to some dinner and a good night of sleep. We received word that one our young mothers was about to deliver her baby. I made my way to the hospital and prayed with this young family and waited with them until their baby boy entered this world.
In that one day I experienced both the joys of serving as a pastor or shepherd to our people and as an evangelist calling the lost to salvation. So it is with my ministry. God has gifted and called me to do both. My primary calling is to serve as a pastor. I do this through shepherding the flock and nourishing their souls with messages from the Bible. This next week I will have the opportunity to travel to a nearby church and preach to some students. I will share the message God impresses on my heart and trust God to accomplish His purpose on those students hearts. Pastor and evangelist. I am one man with two callings and two giftings.
Since the elections God has weighed an increasing and intensifying burden on my heart for our nation. I am deeply concerned that two more states legalized same sex marriage. The Bible calls this homosexuality. I am also deeply concerned that an openly homosexual woman was elected to public office in our nation's congress. Some other states voted to legalize abortion. I feel the prophetic calling in me welling up. I am not sure what my role is to be at this point other than remaining faithful where I am. I do sense God is calling me to something deeper though the details of that calling have not been revealed yet. Regardless this pastor - evangelist will remain ready to do what the Lord beckons me to do.
Sitting With the Lord
I have been spending a lot of time sitting with the Lord in recent days. This has culminated with a greater desire to listen than to talk. Last night after a day with the family I made my way out to the back porch where I nestled into my rustic rocking chair.
I really had no other agenda than sit with the Lord alone. The winds were blustery but the temperature mild. I contented myself in that rocking chair for close to an hour. Mainly I just wanted to enjoy God and to hear from Him. I sat and rocked while seeking to discern God's still small voice. At the end of that time I did not get a clear message from God. I did enjoy time with Him.
This morning I got up early and longed to be in God's presence. I poured out my heart in prayer and got up after some time to look out the window outside my office. There is a front blowing in today. Changes are coming. The skies are dark with ominous clouds. The winds are still blustery. Soon rain will pelt the earth and the temperatures will plummet. While standing looking out the window suddenly I sensed the Lord speaking. I hurried back to my office where I could write down His instructions. They were clear and unmistakable. They also revived my heart.
Have you ever noticed how little we sit with people anymore much less the Lord. I have seen others do it and have done it myself when seated with people in conversation and I wanted to leave what did I do? I edged to the front of the seat and eventually stood to my feet giving off the non verbal communication the conversation was coming to an end.
What is worse is how we do this to God. Truth is very few of us even sit with Him anymore. We can have our devotions emailed to our phones in order to read on the run. Our devotion times are so rushed. We fly through the scripture and a prayer so we can get on with the rest of our day. I find what God has to say to me through His word and Spirit are much more valuable than anything I have to say to Him. In fact it was while reading His word God showed me the value of sitting with Him. "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord..." [I Chronicles 17:16] God had just spoken something very profound to David and what did David do in response. He went and sat before the Lord.
That takes time. It is an unhurried response to God. It means devotion times last longer than ten to fifteen minutes. I never know how long my times with the Lord will last. It depends on what He wants to do in my life. I only know I have an increasing desire to sit before Him and with Him to listen more than to talk.
God is giving me much more the heart of Mary than Martha. Martha remained busy and distracted by the meal preparation when she invited Jesus to eat. Mary contented herself at the feet of Jesus listening to His every word. That is where I long to be. Seated with Jesus and listening to everything He has to say.
I really had no other agenda than sit with the Lord alone. The winds were blustery but the temperature mild. I contented myself in that rocking chair for close to an hour. Mainly I just wanted to enjoy God and to hear from Him. I sat and rocked while seeking to discern God's still small voice. At the end of that time I did not get a clear message from God. I did enjoy time with Him.
This morning I got up early and longed to be in God's presence. I poured out my heart in prayer and got up after some time to look out the window outside my office. There is a front blowing in today. Changes are coming. The skies are dark with ominous clouds. The winds are still blustery. Soon rain will pelt the earth and the temperatures will plummet. While standing looking out the window suddenly I sensed the Lord speaking. I hurried back to my office where I could write down His instructions. They were clear and unmistakable. They also revived my heart.
Have you ever noticed how little we sit with people anymore much less the Lord. I have seen others do it and have done it myself when seated with people in conversation and I wanted to leave what did I do? I edged to the front of the seat and eventually stood to my feet giving off the non verbal communication the conversation was coming to an end.
What is worse is how we do this to God. Truth is very few of us even sit with Him anymore. We can have our devotions emailed to our phones in order to read on the run. Our devotion times are so rushed. We fly through the scripture and a prayer so we can get on with the rest of our day. I find what God has to say to me through His word and Spirit are much more valuable than anything I have to say to Him. In fact it was while reading His word God showed me the value of sitting with Him. "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord..." [I Chronicles 17:16] God had just spoken something very profound to David and what did David do in response. He went and sat before the Lord.
That takes time. It is an unhurried response to God. It means devotion times last longer than ten to fifteen minutes. I never know how long my times with the Lord will last. It depends on what He wants to do in my life. I only know I have an increasing desire to sit before Him and with Him to listen more than to talk.
God is giving me much more the heart of Mary than Martha. Martha remained busy and distracted by the meal preparation when she invited Jesus to eat. Mary contented herself at the feet of Jesus listening to His every word. That is where I long to be. Seated with Jesus and listening to everything He has to say.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Heart to Heart
Father,
On this morning I come to have a heart to heart with you. More than anything on this earth I want to know you. You know that is the truth. I confess there are times I do not like the path getting to know you takes me down. If the end result is I really getting to know you I want to keep on this journey.
My soul is troubled. It has been for some time. I have sought you and sought you. Often confusion clouds my mind keeping me from seeing you and your purposes. I would have never chosen this path for myself while a college student dreaming about the future. It has not been an easy journey. You have tried and tested me over and over again. My foolish choices have added adversity into our lives. My stubborn pride has brought your severe chastisement. Yet you have been faithful every step of the way.
Here I am. Just you and me alone in this office on this Saturday morning. I am drawing near to you to have a heart to heart because I honestly do not know what you are up to. Many of my prayers have gone unanswered in the way I would have liked. Most of my burdens have been internal. At times when I thought I heard from you clearly it turned out I did not hear from you at all. This only brings additional confusion to my mind.
So here I am. All that I am I bring before you. My triumphs and my Titanic failures. I have nothing hide for you know it all. I want to know you even it means through the fellowship of your sufferings. I want to walk with you even it means I find myself walking at odds with my generation. I find myself feeling more alone than I have in the past twenty years. You have never left me. Though at the present you are silent I trust you are not absent.
You are here with me in this moment. You see my heart. You know my every thought. Before I form the next word on my tongue you know it. You know the secret tears and you are aware of my every need. Because you are with me there is no reason for me to fear, to be anxious, heavy laden, or discouraged. You are my help. No matter the need you are my help. I can lay every single burden onto your massively broad shoulders. They are all yours to manage, solve, and fix. Every burden, trial, affliction, and problem I lay at your feet.
Today I choose peace. I choose faith. I choose hope. I choose abundant life. I choose to overcome, prevail, and to conquer. In short I choose you. In your name, amen.
On this morning I come to have a heart to heart with you. More than anything on this earth I want to know you. You know that is the truth. I confess there are times I do not like the path getting to know you takes me down. If the end result is I really getting to know you I want to keep on this journey.
My soul is troubled. It has been for some time. I have sought you and sought you. Often confusion clouds my mind keeping me from seeing you and your purposes. I would have never chosen this path for myself while a college student dreaming about the future. It has not been an easy journey. You have tried and tested me over and over again. My foolish choices have added adversity into our lives. My stubborn pride has brought your severe chastisement. Yet you have been faithful every step of the way.
Here I am. Just you and me alone in this office on this Saturday morning. I am drawing near to you to have a heart to heart because I honestly do not know what you are up to. Many of my prayers have gone unanswered in the way I would have liked. Most of my burdens have been internal. At times when I thought I heard from you clearly it turned out I did not hear from you at all. This only brings additional confusion to my mind.
So here I am. All that I am I bring before you. My triumphs and my Titanic failures. I have nothing hide for you know it all. I want to know you even it means through the fellowship of your sufferings. I want to walk with you even it means I find myself walking at odds with my generation. I find myself feeling more alone than I have in the past twenty years. You have never left me. Though at the present you are silent I trust you are not absent.
You are here with me in this moment. You see my heart. You know my every thought. Before I form the next word on my tongue you know it. You know the secret tears and you are aware of my every need. Because you are with me there is no reason for me to fear, to be anxious, heavy laden, or discouraged. You are my help. No matter the need you are my help. I can lay every single burden onto your massively broad shoulders. They are all yours to manage, solve, and fix. Every burden, trial, affliction, and problem I lay at your feet.
Today I choose peace. I choose faith. I choose hope. I choose abundant life. I choose to overcome, prevail, and to conquer. In short I choose you. In your name, amen.
Friday, November 2, 2012
A Wounded Servant's Prayer
Father,
You know all things and you certainly know my heart. I am confused, broken, tired, and desperate to hear a word from you. My heart is crushed and you know the circumstances. The battle has been long and hard. I am wounded. I know you alone are the true source of healing and strength to keep fighting. You alone are the true source of peace in my turbulent world.
I have waited on you. At times it feels like I have waited a long time. So very little has changed in our outward circumstances. In some instances they have grown worse. There have been changes in my internal circumstances and they have not all been good. Depression has hung around me like a fog. Doubts have lingered like the stench of a decaying carcass. Hopelessness has set in like a ravaging fever diseasing my mind.
Never in all my years of serving you have I faced more battles in my mind. Certain days you usher in the victory. Other days I falter. I thank you for sustaining me and binding my wounds. I could not have made it thus far without your timely words and your faithful provision sent my way. Those have nourished my soul and strengthened me to keep going.
Tuesday I sat in tears. Today I sit with resolve to hear from you. My emotions have played on me like a yo-yo. They are up and down. I long for the peace of your voice to speak in the middle of my private pain. You are really the only one I can run to.
Today I come to hobbling more than running. I come to your throne of grace in my time of need to find help and mercy. I need mercy because I cannot shake the sins of doubt, depression, anger, frustration, and lack of joy. I need mercy to cleanse me thoroughly and keep me on the right track. I need help. I need help to stay the course. Running seems easier than staying. Flight looks more appealing than enduring. Anxiety is edging out peace. I need your help to have hope again. Truth be known I have given up ever getting in a better housing situation. It angers me to pay rent on a storage building every month because where we live cannot contain the rest of our furniture. It frustrates me how long these trials have lasted.
Yet, when I limp into your presence and offer you my wounds you bring healing. You touch me at the point of my pain. You reassure me with your words of comfort. You step in and save the day with your mighty hand. Though wounded I have learned how trustworthy you are. I long for these trials to end but I long to meet with you and to know you more.
Yes, you above all know I am a wounded servant. I have sought to masquerade the pain. You alone know the true contents of my heart and the broken condition of my soul. I come without pretense today. I come without a show. I come as a hurting child just needing to climb onto your lap. I need you to hold me and comfort me. I need you to rescue me from the destructive thoughts that combat your truth. I need your healing and gentle touch. Then and only then can I continue to battle. Then and only then can I live in peace. In Jesus name, amen.
You know all things and you certainly know my heart. I am confused, broken, tired, and desperate to hear a word from you. My heart is crushed and you know the circumstances. The battle has been long and hard. I am wounded. I know you alone are the true source of healing and strength to keep fighting. You alone are the true source of peace in my turbulent world.
I have waited on you. At times it feels like I have waited a long time. So very little has changed in our outward circumstances. In some instances they have grown worse. There have been changes in my internal circumstances and they have not all been good. Depression has hung around me like a fog. Doubts have lingered like the stench of a decaying carcass. Hopelessness has set in like a ravaging fever diseasing my mind.
Never in all my years of serving you have I faced more battles in my mind. Certain days you usher in the victory. Other days I falter. I thank you for sustaining me and binding my wounds. I could not have made it thus far without your timely words and your faithful provision sent my way. Those have nourished my soul and strengthened me to keep going.
Tuesday I sat in tears. Today I sit with resolve to hear from you. My emotions have played on me like a yo-yo. They are up and down. I long for the peace of your voice to speak in the middle of my private pain. You are really the only one I can run to.
Today I come to hobbling more than running. I come to your throne of grace in my time of need to find help and mercy. I need mercy because I cannot shake the sins of doubt, depression, anger, frustration, and lack of joy. I need mercy to cleanse me thoroughly and keep me on the right track. I need help. I need help to stay the course. Running seems easier than staying. Flight looks more appealing than enduring. Anxiety is edging out peace. I need your help to have hope again. Truth be known I have given up ever getting in a better housing situation. It angers me to pay rent on a storage building every month because where we live cannot contain the rest of our furniture. It frustrates me how long these trials have lasted.
Yet, when I limp into your presence and offer you my wounds you bring healing. You touch me at the point of my pain. You reassure me with your words of comfort. You step in and save the day with your mighty hand. Though wounded I have learned how trustworthy you are. I long for these trials to end but I long to meet with you and to know you more.
Yes, you above all know I am a wounded servant. I have sought to masquerade the pain. You alone know the true contents of my heart and the broken condition of my soul. I come without pretense today. I come without a show. I come as a hurting child just needing to climb onto your lap. I need you to hold me and comfort me. I need you to rescue me from the destructive thoughts that combat your truth. I need your healing and gentle touch. Then and only then can I continue to battle. Then and only then can I live in peace. In Jesus name, amen.
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