Monday Mornings

It is Monday morning. This is the Monday after Spring Break. The Monday after I preached through a difficult passage it took the majority of the week for me to get clarity on. It is the Monday morning after the church sponsored a blood drive and my appointment ran an hour and a half late and missing lunch with my family. It is the Monday morning after I had the joyous experience of leading a second grade boy to faith in Christ and talking with him and entire family about baptism right before Sunday School. It is Monday morning after another committee meeting to determine direction about future space issues here at the church. It is the Monday morning after leading our sixth week of Experiencing God and then entertaining twenty-six people in our home after church. It is Monday morning.

I got up early and started my day with the Lord this morning. It was a refreshing time in His presence focusing on His call on our lives to walk by faith. In fact the last thing I laid my eyes on last night before drifting off to sleep was a framed verse located over my night stand with [II Cor 5:7] written on it, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” My devotion this morning was a reiteration of that truth. [Heb 11:6] is the verse I meditated on, “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” Afterwards I opened up a book of meditations from a renowned theologian and pastor and read a few chapters. Then it was time to cook breakfast, wake the boys hugging them and telling them I loved them, personally get ready, and now here I sit in my office.

Mondays are normally tiring days. Sundays are both exhilarating and draining. It is exhilarating to preach the Word of God and worship with the congregation. It is draining because I preach with my whole self. I preached with all my heart and mind yesterday but still walked away feeling like I failed. I have to trust that God does not allow His word to return void. [Is 55:11] As today starts to unfold, my focus is on spiritually being refreshed, start studying for next Sunday’s message, and rigorously exercising both my mind and my body. Later on today I will go to the Fitness Center for weight training and cardio vascular exercises. What I also want to do today is to challenge my mind with some deep and weighty thoughts to shake off the doldrums and cobwebs from a Monday morning. I do not want to give into the path of least resistance. It might be a Monday morning but that does not mean that I cannot rigorously exercise my mind in contemplation upon God and scripture.

Many Christians lives their whole lives like it is Monday morning. If the Bible is read by these people, it is lightly skimmed over rather than given serious reflection. Weighty theological volumes are discarded in favor of more practical books. I want to be a thinker. I want to wrestle with the word of God in order to be more Christ-like and dive deeper in my understanding of it and Him. I want to fight off the mental lethargy and spiritual apathy with all that I have in me by wearing the harness of discipline by reading the red oak books of theology that have withstood the test of time. I do not want to shrink back from the mentally daunting task of reading books that bend the mind. Just as I exercise my body I must exercise my mind and spirit to keep progressing and advancing in my relationship with the Lord. Yes, even on Monday mornings.

Prisoner of Promise

On July, 31, of 2006 I received an anonymous note. The first line of that note reads, “You are a prisoner of promise!” As I was rummaging through some old boxes in my office yesterday I came across that note and read it again. It is a note of encouragement and prophecy over my life and ministry.

I am chewing on what the phrase “prisoner of promise” means. I am a dreamer. I have always been a dreamer. God has always given me vision for the places I have served Him. Those visions have been accompanied with various promises about what the Lord was going to do in and through me. At times those vision have been embarrassingly large. So much so that I have rarely talked about them in private or public. God has been the one to put those dreams and visions in me but as of yet, I have not seen many of them come true, especially as it relates to my writing ministry.

I am thinking about a prayer retreat I was on standing by a lake when the Lord poured an almost overwhelming vision of my life as a pastor, preacher, and author. There was a similar experience when our family was on vacation many years ago. I got up early and had my quiet time at a picnic table overlooking Lake Palestine. God used [Eph 2:10] to confirm His call and His destiny for my life. Similar experiences have occurred in hotel rooms, at conferences, in my vehicle while driving over and over again. Each time the message was the same; God is going to use me in significant ways beyond what I can fathom as a pastor and as an author.

I cannot put the depth of the call the Lord has put on my life to write. I am sitting at my desk and the desire to write has consumed me. I am already prepared for our mid-week message tonight and so in the time I have before lunch I feel compelled to write. I want my writing to point people toward God and be the catalyst that gives people a greater hunger for Him and His word. I find myself pounding the keys of this computer writing as fast as my fingers will type, hoping, praying, trusting, that it will all make sense to someone and that God would use this in people’s lives for the glory of His name. For the most part I never know if the Lord is using these writings. Still I am compelled to compose sentence after sentence, blog after blog, and book after book.

When I think about the phrase “prisoner of promise” that is a painful phrase for me. Though I have been writing since I was a child I have never enjoyed success as an author. I never have written anything with the motivation to get rich or to be famous. I simply have these messages that get into my mind and heart and I have to get them out. So I write for Him alone. Part of that prisoner of promise thing is the hope and belief that God will use my writings on a broader scale. You see I have a clear vision for writing.

I want to have the ability to have my resources printed and distributed all over the world. I also want the freedom to be able to give those books away to people who truthfully cannot afford them in faith. I do not want gouge the reading public with prices that pay for others extravagant lifestyles. At this point of the three books I have written and published I know I have given away far more than I have ever sold. I have a vision of people from all over the world desiring to read the messages God continues to give me and having access to them without cost prohibiting them. That vision includes God using those books and articles to last far beyond my lifetime so that after I am dead people will stumble across those writings and their faith will be ignited and their passion to know and to follow God. I can write but I cannot make those things happen. God holds those keys. So I live with the constant tension between learning to be content in all circumstances, like Paul challenges us to in [Phil 4:11], and yet knowing that God has greater things in store for me having a discontent to see those things become reality by faith. God ultimately holds my future and so I persevere as a prisoner of promise.

Remember the note I referred to at the beginning of this blog? I would like for you to read the last few lines. “What He (God) is about to do is bigger than you think. It is also different than you have ever seen. Pastors will one day be coming to you to get wisdom. Leaders from many places will read your books and seek your counsel. So don’t give up! Stay the course.” It would be easy for me to dismiss all of that except over the course of the last twenty years God has continually reassured me of very similar things. From the first moments He called me into ministry I felt I was a man with a great destiny. I felt I have been in prison for years waiting and at times wondering why I have not seen that destiny fulfilled but the promise has never waned. It is still there and causing me to keep seeking God in prayer.

Earlier this year the Lord instructed me to give myself to writing. I have tried to do this when I have had time. I write for the Lord and out of obedience to Him. I write in faith believing one day someone is going to read my writings who hold the keys to unlock my future in print. I don’t know how or when that will happen but I keep pressing on as a prisoner of promise. I am shackled to these dreams and cannot walk away from them.

What are you a prisoner of promise about? What dreams or visions did God put in your heart and you continue to wait for Him to make become reality? May each of us find a word of encouragement from [Gal 6:9] “Let us not lose heart in doing good for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.”

The Good Book

I left the house before dark this morning and went to one of my favorite breakfast restaurants to enjoy some time alone with the Lord. Once I was ushered to my table I hurriedly busied myself with Bible study and prayer while waiting on my breakfast. I had my Bible opened to Deuteronomy chapter 31 reading and meditating on what I sensed the Lord was telling me. I was so engrossed in my studies I barely noticed when waitress sat my pancakes before me. I did not want to lose my train of thought.

There was an elderly couple seated to my left. Every once in awhile when I would stop and take a bite I could tell the lady was watching me out of my peripheral vision. I did not think much about it because I often catch people staring at me, which comes with the territory of having our worship services televised.

This lady approached my table as she and her husband were leaving and she asked me, “Is that the good book?” She was pointing to my open Bible and maneuvering herself for a closer look. I replied with a smile that it was. She showed me her little New Testament Bible and said she did not know if I was reading the Bible or the Book of Mormon. She then went on to inform me that she was ready to give a word of witness for Christ if I had not been reading the Bible. I told her I was a pastor and she commented that she and her husband were down from Minnesota visiting friends and on their way back home and they were believers.

The “Good Book” is regularly open in front of me. I have read it in hotel lobbies, airports and airplanes, in restaurants, on buses, in vehicles, in my office and home, as well as outside at local parks, on beaches, lakefronts, and up in the mountains. The “Good Book” is a vital part of life. I go to the Bible for direction, counsel, encouragement, inspiration, strength, hope, wisdom, reproof, and nourishment for my soul by seeking the Lord through its pages. We seek to live by the principles of scripture as a family. If you were to walk in my home whether you were in the kitchen, the dining room, living room, walking down the hall or a bedroom, you would see verses from the “The Good Book” all over our walls.

It just so happened that we went out to buy two new Bibles yesterday for two of our boys who needed new ones. As were driving back home they began commenting on some facts about the Bible. It is the best selling book of all time and the book most often shoplifted. People often see the Bible as mystical, mysterious, almost magical. I see it as truth for life.

The “Good Book” in such an important part of my daily life I cannot imagine life without it. I need scripture for my times of devotion, for my writing, for preaching and teaching, relating to my wife, raising my boys, and daily living. I need the Bible when I make decisions or counsel others about decisions they have to make. It is vital to my successful walk with the Lord and service to Him through His church. This does not mean however that the Bible is a sort of good luck charm. It is God’s mind and heart revealed to man. If you want to know God consult the pages of scripture. If you want to know where God stands on different subjects read and study the Bible.

In my office I have eight bookshelves lined from top to bottom with books. Some of those books I have read over and over again while there are some I still have not gotten around to reading yet. There are thousands of them but if you took the collective value of all of them combined they are not worth more to me than my Bible. It is more than a good book. I have read it from cover to cover well over a dozen times in the past fifteen years.

I well recall the old saying, “Show me a Bible that is falling apart and I will show you a life that is not falling apart.” How true that is. Do you crave the word of God? Do you long to get lost in that book? Are you eager to meet with the Author of Salvation in the pages of the “Good Book?” Do you long to see God fulfill the promises He has made in the Bible? It might be the best selling book in history but it is not the most read or heeded book in history.

The Bible is unlike any other book ever written. It was divinely inspired by God and is truth without any mixture of error. “For the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” [Heb 4:12] Some preachers are ashamed to believe it or preach it anymore. Most people are pretty Bible illiterate. Fewer seem willing to live by its principles. That does not make it any less true or less needed than it has ever been. When was the last time you got into the “Good Book” More importantly when was the last time the “Good Book” got into you?

Believer

While preaching Sunday night, my ten-year old son, Tucker, had a whole different encounter with the Lord sitting on the front pew with paper and pencil in hand. Tucker is a leader. He is a boy passionate about sports, reading, and music. He has been taking piano lessons for three years now. He is pretty special kid. He did not want to be on the front row. This is Spring Break and all the children’s activities were cancelled since everyone was out of town. He dutifully took his place and got pad and a pencil. Before I preached I saw him and thought he would be drawing pictures until the end of the service. God has something else in mind.

While sitting on that front pew he wrote a song and entitled it, “Believer.” I’ll let Tucker speak for himself. “I thought faith was only true in fairy tales. It was not for someone like me. I tried to run that’s the way it seems. When I wanted sunshine I got rain. I got faith because I’m a believer and a believer is in my heart. Cause I got faith oh! Now I can’t believe that my one and only God gave me a faith that Satan can’t break or take from me. God I love you and I wrote this song because you gave me the faith that I have. I know I don’t always do what I am supposed to, but you my Father teach me to try to do my best. You gave me a life that some people won’t believe. Lord, help everyone believe in you, in your name amen. “ – Tucker Edwards age 10

Tucker left that on my desk after church and I found it Monday morning. I have read it several times and think about the depth going on in his little heart and mind to write something that profound. God gave Tucker a faith but it sounds like faith has been somewhat of a struggle for him. At times he thought faith was more like magic. He has even been disappointed at times when he asked God for things but did not get them. Through all of that God has given and strengthened Tucker’s faith. Though Satan wants him to doubt God, the Lord continues to strengthen him day by day. Though he strives to succeed there are times he does not and with God’s help he continues trying to do his best. I love that line that says, “You gave me a life that some people won’t believe.”

Tucker is a blessed young man. God has given him unique talents and abilities. Brenda and I have often chuckled watching him assign games or roles in games he was playing even to his older brothers and their friends. He is a leader. I am not sure what the Lord will do with precious boy of mine but it thrills my heart that he is growing and thinking deeply about things like God, faith, and the struggle to maintain faith even in life’s disappointments. Does Tucker believe that he is blessed and that God helps him? Does Tucker believe that other children or adults look at his life now and what he will become in the future and be amazed by the power of the Lord?

He has always loved music. We have often wondered if the Lord would allow Him to lead worship. When he was younger he wanted a guitar so he could sing for Jesus like Chris Tomlin. Tucker has always been bold and willing to try new things. I have rarely seen him back down from a challenge but he gets in and mixes it up in basketball with his two older brothers not fearing to take his shots or even taking the ball strong to the hole. It is God who has given Tucker that confidence.

Now, are you and I going to let a ten year old boy live with a stronger faith than we have? He is a believer. He walked into breakfast one Sunday morning about five years ago told me he was going to accept Christ that morning. We talked about it and sure enough that morning after I preached and gave the invitation he walked down to the front of First Baptist Church sanctuary in Paradise and we prayed together. He became a believer. Have you? If you have do you still believe in His faithfulness? Thank you Tucker for challenging all of us to be believers.

Staggering Lostness

I just finished reading an article in a religious newspaper that proved to be very sobering. It was reported that out of 340 million people in North America there are 258 million people without a saving relationship in Jesus Christ. Let that number sink in. 258 million! In some of the western states it is reported as many as 82% of the 92 million people are not Christians. In nine different northeastern states with a population of 55 million people 83% of those residents are not Christians. If you expand this research beyond the boundaries of North America there are 5,845 people groups who have no access to the gospel. That translates into 90% of the world’s population are non-Christians.

As all of that really sinks in I am even more burdened when I find out that the population of the United States has doubled since 1950 and the Southern Baptist Convention has more than 17,000 more churches than were in existence in 1950. Tragically these same churches baptized nearly 34,000 less in 2008 than in 1950. We have more technology, more cutting edge programs, more money and yet we have less evangelistic effectiveness. How could this be.

Strategies and programs have not stemmed the tide of lostness in this nation. I hear a great deal from the experts about this being a post-modern society. When I read Acts 2 I see God at work powerfully saving pagans by the droves. Somewhere we have lost the power of God on our lives and ministries and thought we could do it without Him. Prayer meetings have all but become extinct. The two that I regularly attend seldom ever could boast a dozen people in attendance at either and on many occasions collectively. In Acts people were being saved daily and people were praying daily. [Acts 2:46]

I hear so much about how society has changed and methods being relevant or irrelevant. I don’t hear near as much about God being mighty to save. Right here in Seminole the Community Prayer Room gathers every Thursday for two hours inviting intercessors to cry out to God on behalf of the city, the state, the nation, and beyond. Few come and few seem to have God’s heart for spiritual awakening and revival. Is God big enough to turn the hearts of hard hearted pagans to Jesus the Savior? Is God strong enough to motivate callused hearted Christians to really engage their communities in evangelism? Can the Lord turn cowardly believers into bold warriors in the effort to evangelize? If He is not we are wasting our time. We have no hope.

I have hope because God chooses to hear and answer prayers and God wills to save lost people. [II Pet 3:9] Does His church will this as well? If we could see the church come together one time a week for fervent prayers would we not see a difference. It might take years or just a few days. That is God’s sovereign choice but I believe that if the churches came together to seek God for the souls of their communities we would see a difference. Our excuses about being busy are not excuses. Our flimsy prayer meetings during mid-week services seldom include prayer for the advancement of the kingdom of God. Where is the remnant of God’s people who believe He is still mighty to save? With all my breath, my writing, and my preaching, I want to call people back to God and back to prayer accompanied with old fashioned evangelism. We have far too long trusted in ourselves and our wisdom to grow the church. We have learned how to assemble crowds but we still cannot transform people’s hearts. That is only something God can do and therefore I must pound Heaven for more power and more conviction to fall. God is going to save people. It is His will. Is God less willing to save people today than He was in 1950? I find that hard to grasp.

I also hear a good deal about evangelism strategies. There are dozens of them. Churches are constantly tempted to reinvent themselves to adopt these different strategies. I think it is as simple as building relationships with people, praying for God to soften their hearts and open their eyes and presenting the gospel to them. Then we persevere in prayer until God saves them. I once heard that 9:10 Christians have never talked to anyone about how a person can be saved. This will not do. I will just go ahead and say it; this is cowardly. It is way past time to pray and to share the gospel.

I have seen some of the most shy and timid people you have ever met share their faith boldly empowered by the Holy Spirit. The truth is that the gospel seldom leaves the walls of our churches. We preach in the house of the Lord and then leave tight-lipped and fearful of offending anyone with our religious point of view. I cannot imagine Paul adopting that mentality as he walked the streets of Corinth, Phillipi, Galatia, or Thessanolica. He was bold and saw it as his mission in life to present the gospel to those without a relationship with Christ. [Acts 20:24] What about you and me? When was the last time you presented the gospel to someone outside the walls of your church? I am pretty confident that this would be a big part of the reason why more people were baptized in 1950 in 17,000 fewer churches than in 2008. I bet there were more people praying and more people actively sharing their faith.

Lord, please stagger us with the lostness engulfing this nation and the world. I ask you for your burden and for you to call out new laborers to go into the harvest. I ask you to penetrate hard hearts with the gospel and make them open to the hope of the gospel. I plead with you to weigh the lostness of our communities deep on our hearts. Please make us uncomfortable and motivate us to get involved in your will to save people by praying, loving, and sharing the gospel. Please open our eyes to see the ones you are working on. May we never be satisfied to sit on the sidelines hoping someone else is doing the work when you are looking for more laborers to go into the harvest. [Matt 9:37-38] I pray we would cry out like Isaiah and say, “Here am I. Send me.” [Is 6:8]

Proud and Forgetful

I was reading scripture this morning out of the book of Deuteronomy and I was hit right between the eyes with truth. It was staggering for a moment. Let me show you what I read. “Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today, otherwise, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived in them, and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all you have multiplies, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord and your God who brought you out from the land of Egypt, out of the houses of slavery.” [Deut 8:11-14]

Let me tell you why these verses impacted me so deeply. Moses was challenging Israel after wandering in the wilderness for forty years right before they were going into the promise land not to become proud and forget God in light of all of His blessings.

Over the years Brenda and I have known what it was like to struggle and go without. We have known lean years where we lived at the national poverty level. We have known times when we lived day to day from one prayer to the next. We have known what it was like to struggle in ministry pouring our hearts and prayers out for growth and success only to know the agony of death to dreams and death to ministry visions. We have known what it was like to face persecution for our ministry. We have been vilified, falsely accused, the object of rumors, and abandoned by people who supposedly loved us. In the midst of all of that we have never been forsaken by God. We have known His faithfulness and His sustaining power over and over again.

There were days when I thought the trials, the tests, and my mental sufferings would never come to an end. In God’s good pleasure He has blessed me with more than I could ever deserve. I contrast those days of wilderness trials that took up much of the 1990’s and up until about 2005 with the cascade of God’s blessings currently. When I look back over those years of trials they were hard, incredibly hard. They were also rewarding. Life is much easier today but easier can also lead to less dependence on God and more pride in the heart.

Today I am experiencing the other end of the spectrum. The Edwards family is blessed. We have a generous salary that allows us to live comfortably. We are serving a wonderful church where we have been loved, accepted, and affirmed continually by people of all ages. God is blessing our ministry and we have seen success and growth. We have eaten well and been satisfied in abundance. After five years of praying and trusting God we were able to purchase our own home again. Herein lies the danger. In the midst of God’s blessings there is a tendency for people to become proud in their heart.

We televise our services and almost every week I meet someone who tells me they watch me on television. There could be a temptation to think of myself as somewhat of a celebrity. I do not feel this way because I have not forgotten what is was like to be in those small churches that never grew no matter how hard I preached, prayed, or labored. There were wonderful people but I was by far not a celebrity. Twice I have experienced what it was like to minister in services with one person present. ONE PERSON. I know I am where I am because God ordained it, God blessed it, and God has allowed it. I do not ever want to become proud in my heart. We know from [James 4:6] “…God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble.” I do not ever want to be found in opposition with God.

I must remember from where the Lord has brought me. Recently I was working on the revision of a book I published many years ago. One of the chapters is a pretty detailed account of my testimony. It was hard to read and rewrite. When it was all done I sat back in disbelief at what the Lord saved me out of and from where He has placed me today. I don’t ever want to forget and think that by any merit of my own I am where I am. He has done it all. Like the old song says, “Jesus paid it all and all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson debt but He washed it white as snow.” No, I choose to not live proud and forgetful but rather humbled and remembering. I hope you will do the same. May we be more humbled and remember all the more what the Lord has done for us in light of His bountiful blessings.

A Longing Heart

What are you longing for? This is not meant to be a trick question or to get your honest response to only turn around and bash that response. What are you longing for? Today as I sit in my office I am contemplating that question for myself. What is it that I am really longing for?

I know what I want the answer to be. I want to long for God. I want to be like A.W. Tozer who once commented to a friend that He wanted to love God more than anyone in his generation. I don’t think I can truthfully say that. My longings get diverted. When I get honest I can’t think of many material things I want. I have a true soul mate in my wife. My boys are a delight to my soul and I would not trade them for others. I have all the clothes I need and then some. As much as I love books I actually discarded a book catalogue yesterday because I have countless number of books I have not gotten around to reading yet. My shelves are full. I have been blessed with transportation, a house, I have a wonderful job, and I work with people I not only like but, enjoy being around. What I most want to long for though is more of God.

I want to long for private worship experiences with Him that defy explanation. I want to long more and more to pull away from the throngs of people to some secluded place to enjoy God, to sit with Him, converse with Him, abide in Him, and adore Him. I don’t have to have bright lights, television cameras, talented musicians, or a crowded sanctuary. I want to be in the habit of private worship services that are born out of my longing heart. I long to be renewed continually in my inner man so that I am not going through the motions of religious activity void of a true and authentic love for Christ. I do not want to be a preacher or author with all the right words to say or write but no inner experience to back all the preaching and writing up.

In a world of many longings there is one longing that alone should triumph the throne of my heart and that is the longing to know God. I fear that far too many people in church waste their days learning more about God but never coming to a true and intimate knowledge of God. I pray I will never settle for this. I know down deep that He alone can satisfy. Other things may appear to satisfy for a season but soon they wear off. My soul is thirsty for the living water that can only be found in the reservoir of Jesus. It is when I stop long enough to satisfy this intense craving of my soul and drink long and deep from the fountains of His everlasting spring that I am truly alive.

As of late I have been so busy with important but lesser important things. My soul feels somewhat withered and what is the most troubling is that at times it has seemed that my longing heart has weakened. I want the intensity of longing after Christ more than I long for my next meal. I never want to be content to live on spiritual experiences of my past. Today is different. As I have intentionally sought to slow down, to think deeply, to let the deepest longings of my heart resurface, I am finding my soul coming to life again like the dry grass in the fields after a good and soaking rain when they turn green and begin to shoot up.

Maintaining a longing heart in this world is not easy. There are multitudes of things that compete with our affections. Many urges and longings surface that crowd out Christ. One thing I have learned over these twenty plus years of walking with Him, it takes time and effort to go after the life long quest to know God. It is not an easy journey and many times I find myself far too easily amused with the stuff of this earth as C.S. Lewis said. There are days when I do not long to pray, read scripture, or to sit with the Savior. My longing heart is dulled by fatigue, the desire for less demanding pleasures and experiences.

In my mind I know longing for Christ is better but in my flesh I can be distracted and lose focus. A little over a month ago I was enjoying some of the most intimate times with the Lord I had ever known. Prayer was a true joy and hours were spent in the presence of God in worship and intercession. Now I am finding my affections for the Lord dulled and my will to go hard after Him lessened. Mostly it is fatigue and over commitment. I know this is no accident. My adversary would love to keep me distractedly busy and to enter the pulpit the hollow shell of a man of God with nothing to say but the echoes of other men. A true longing heart will lead me to His presence and from His presence I will be able to step in the pulpit not with a sermon but with a message from God.

What are you and I longing for? I want to long for God. I want to long for Him more than a crack addict longs for more drugs or the lover longs to be in the arms of his or her companion. I want to long for Christ more than the businessman longs for the next deal and turning a profit. I want to crave closer communion with Christ more than the athlete desires the championship.

Lord Jesus, I confess that I am far too easily distracted from the deepest longing in my heart for you. Over and over again I feel I am on this spiritual roller coaster with many ups and downs. I long to be eternally attracted to you. I want to devalue all things in light of the surpassing value of knowing you. [Phil 3:8] I ask you to intensify my longing for you day in and day out so much so that lesser longings get crowded out. I want to know the joy of walking with you and the joy of enjoying you through out all my days. I will never be content to know about you but long to know you. May I never be satisfied until you are truly the deepest longing of my heart? Perhaps one day like Tozer I too might say I long to love you more than anyone in my generation. Please intensify my longing heart until that is true all the remaining days of my life.