Where Did The Time Go

Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday in my mind I taught Taylor to throw and catch a ball in my front yard in east Texas. I walked many miles pulling him his green wagon. He could not get enough. I wrestled with him on the floor and would throw him in the air and catch him. He giggled and said, "One more time dad." We played hundreds of basketball games in the driveway. I would get a big lead to see if he would quit and give up. He never did and if he kept trying I let him win.

I can still see Tanner walking around in overall shorts without a shirt in the middle of the summer in the backyard. His skin tanned a dark shade of brown. He turned around and shook his "Peter Cotton Tail" for me wiggling his hind quarters from side to side. I grin thinking of him laying down in the outfield picking flowers bored with the tee ball game going on in front of him. He often walked into a room with mischievous grin notifying us he had been up to some shenanigans with his brothers. Tanner made money as a child at a high school football game coloring rocks and selling them to earn money for the concession stand. He always made us laugh with his witty comments.

I can see Tucker running around the backyard with his cape and sword. He played the super hero part fighting off the villains on the jungle gym. He directed the scene for his older brothers and neighborhood friends telling each one what part they would play. We called him the "Little General." He walked around the house with his blanket sucking his thumb until nearly kindergarten. Bravely he took that blanket to Brenda and told her it was time to give it up because he was a big boy.

Turner was always a happy baby. He loved to smile and he loved to ask the ladies at church for gum or candy after the worship service. I nicknamed him "Velcro" because he stayed stuck to me. He wanted to sit next to me, sit in my lap, or hold my hand wherever we went. He tried to keep up with  older brothers but they were too fast for him back then. He waddled after them as a baby with pacifier in mouth wanting to fit in. As a child he asked deep questions about God and the Bible.

I got the chance to coach all my boys in one sport or another. We focused on playing for the glory of God and learning fundamentals. All of them have been more successful in sports than I ever achieved in high school or college. I am proud of them and their biggest fans.

Time has flown by. I spent two days with Taylor and Tanner on a special overnight get away. They wanted to go fishing. I just wanted to spend time with them and seek God. We laughed on the drive. We sang songs. I let them pick all the music. We listened to s mixture of Christian rap, country, and love ballads. We swapped stories and laughed some more.

They fished. Each caught a number of bass and catfish. I read and prayed. We ate Mexican food and watched a little preseason football on television late at night. They got up early to fish and the weight of our time together hit me. I may never again have time with just the two of them alone. Taylor leaves for college later today. Tanner leaves tomorrow. Soon the once filled dining table will again have two empty spots. Our supper fellowship will be minus two.

Where did the time go this summer?

Tucker is in football practices going into his senior year. Knee injuries robbed him of his sophomore and junior football seasons. He has worked hard to rehabilitate from two knee surgeries and goes into this season with high hopes. Last night he sat down next to me filling me in about football practices since I had been gone for a couple of days. I looked at him thinking how fast the time has flown for him to be a senior. He still loves super hero movies but no longer wears a cape. He is tough. Funny. Not overly affectionate. He is not the touchy feely type.

Where did the time go?

Turner is also in high school football practice. He is a freshman getting his first taste of two a day football practices. He came home the first night, showered, ate supper, fell asleep on the couch, and then I coaxed him from the couch to his bedroom. He also is recovering from a knee  surgery. He is happy to be able to run again and to play football. He also has worked hard this summer putting on muscle and increasing in strength in all his core lifts. He is no longer "Velcro." He never sits in my lap anymore, since he is as tall as me, and he no longer wants to hold my hand. Sitting by me at a restaurant is no longer  a big deal. He is one of the happiest people I know. He genuinely loves people.

I made those boys a high priority when they were growing up. I did not hunt, fish, and seldom ever played golf. I preferred to give them my time. When I traveled to preach I took one of them with me as often as I could. Precious memories. I poured my life, and more importantly, Jesus into them with relentless devotion.

Now I look and they are all nearly grown. I can see the empty next around the corner. I can say I gave them my time, my attention, my love, my prayers, and my support. I tried not to take raising them for granted. Just the same I sit today and wonder where the time went.

I do not begrudge their growing up. That was the point. God entrusted those boys to Brenda and I to raise them, teach them about Jesus, and encourage them to follow God's plan for each of their lives. I celebrate this. Taylor plans to teach history and coach. Tanner plans to teach english and coach. Tucker and Turner have not figured out their callings yet.

While I do celebrate their growing up I am saddened. I miss them riding on my back and me bucking up and down like a bull eventually bucking them off. I miss them sitting in my lap watching a movie or running out to meet me when I came home from the office or from a preaching trip. I miss playing ball with them in the yard. I miss when they looked at me as their hero. I miss their sweet prayers before a meal and their playing missionaries with their plastic toy soldiers. I miss sitting them in a circle around me and telling them Bible stories and teaching Bible truth to them. I miss when Brenda and I could fix all their hurts with a kiss, hug, or a bandaid. Now their problems are often bigger than we can fix and so we point them to God who can help.

Driving home yesterday Tanner played a country song that touched me deeply. I hid the tears behind my shades. The song was about a daddy and his son. I tried to play it cool not wanting Taylor or Tanner to see my emotions. For them it was a fishing trip. For me it was special time with my oldest boys. The nostalgia of the trip hit me powerfully. I soaked up that time with my boys like a sponge. I took snapshots with my heart noting memories. I regret we did not get one picture of the three of us together.

Where did the time go? I will enjoy them while I can. Soon they will meet the love of their lives, marry, have their own kids and own lives. One day it will just be Brenda and I. That will not be all bad. I will pursue her and enjoy her with renewed vigor. We will eat where WE WANT TO EAT and do what we want to do. That will be a rewarding next chapter in our love relationship.

Still I cannot help but wonder where did the time go.