Today I sat at my desk with my head buried in my hands in tears crying out to God. I felt the pain in my soul deeply. I wept and cried out to God in anguish. My heart is broken. He alone knows the sorrows and burdens I carry. He alone can bring healing and relief.
Mine is a broken heart. I am not the first to pray in tears. "You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in your bottle, are they not in your book." [Ps 56:8] God notices the tears of His followers. He is aware of every single drop. We are also reminded in [Ps 30:5] "His anger is but for a moment, His favor for a lifetime; weeping may last for a night but a shout of joy comes in the morning."
My soul is heavy. Pained, burdened, sorrowed, and filled with weeping. 2012 has felt like one long year of weeping. Even now I fight them back. It has been one of the hardest years of my life personally. I feel alone, very alone. Mine is a private mental prison where I have marked time. I do believe joy will come in the morning. That might mean tomorrow and that might mean as I step over into eternity. Either way God will not forsake me or abandon me on this pilgrim path. If the shout of joy does not come until Heaven the nights of weeping will come to an end.
I have laid the sources of my sorrows at His feet and found comfort in His word. By faith I declare, "Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me: O Lord, be my helper. You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent, O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever. [Ps 30:10-12]
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Turning Old and Gray
I am not what I used to be. My workout today brought pain to my shoulder. I can barely find a position while sleeping where that shoulder does not bother me. It has bothered me for years. I am not as strong as I used to be. It seems I fall further behind with each passing year. I try to pacify myself by saying not many forty-six year olds are still in the weight room but this provides little comfort as I watch my youth flee away. It seems every month more of my hair turns gray. There are certain foods I can no longer eat at night if I want to sleep well. I had to start wearing reading glasses this year. I use them each Sunday and Wednesday I preach or teach. Speaking of sleep I sleep restlessly. Many nights I get up anywhere between 2:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. Normally I return to bed for a couple of hours but seldom feel caught up on my sleep. Once again last night I did not sleep through the whole night.
While reading in Psalms this morning I came across a verse that brought great comfort to me. "And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come." [Ps 71:18]
I know I am getting older. I feel my mortality more now than ever. When I look into the not too distant future I can see what the future holds. My body will weaken. People I love will die before me. I will cease being as useful as I once was. My world will eventually begin to shrink. My body will become more feeble. I will find myself living on a fixed income at some point unless God sustains my health to remain active in ministry. Yet God will not forsake me. He will sustain me. He will strengthen me to tell my grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren of God's unfailing strength. He will sustain me to tell of His power to the people to come. I will preach as long as God grants me physical and mental health to be of some use. I do not want to stay too long.
When others I love depart for eternity God will remain my closest companion. Just like my great uncle Buddy who is living out his last days now. His beloved wife has already gone on before Him. He knows his time on earth is short. I am taking all my boys to see him one last time tomorrow.
Regardless of where I live out my last days God will continue to meet with me day after day in the pages of His word and through the highway to heaven in prayer. He will not forsake me should my last days be lived out in loneliness. Should my memory and name fade with the passing of time God will still be with me. Should my phone never ring I will still get to commune with the Lord. Though I may live alone I do not have to be lonely even when I am old and gray.
I will have some purpose for living and a ministry among future generations long after I have preached my last sermon and have written my last book. This brings comfort to my aging soul. I hope it will to yours too.
While reading in Psalms this morning I came across a verse that brought great comfort to me. "And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come." [Ps 71:18]
I know I am getting older. I feel my mortality more now than ever. When I look into the not too distant future I can see what the future holds. My body will weaken. People I love will die before me. I will cease being as useful as I once was. My world will eventually begin to shrink. My body will become more feeble. I will find myself living on a fixed income at some point unless God sustains my health to remain active in ministry. Yet God will not forsake me. He will sustain me. He will strengthen me to tell my grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren of God's unfailing strength. He will sustain me to tell of His power to the people to come. I will preach as long as God grants me physical and mental health to be of some use. I do not want to stay too long.
When others I love depart for eternity God will remain my closest companion. Just like my great uncle Buddy who is living out his last days now. His beloved wife has already gone on before Him. He knows his time on earth is short. I am taking all my boys to see him one last time tomorrow.
Regardless of where I live out my last days God will continue to meet with me day after day in the pages of His word and through the highway to heaven in prayer. He will not forsake me should my last days be lived out in loneliness. Should my memory and name fade with the passing of time God will still be with me. Should my phone never ring I will still get to commune with the Lord. Though I may live alone I do not have to be lonely even when I am old and gray.
I will have some purpose for living and a ministry among future generations long after I have preached my last sermon and have written my last book. This brings comfort to my aging soul. I hope it will to yours too.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
A White Christmas and the Tender Mercies of God
The Edwards family enjoyed one of those picture perfect Christmas days. Taylor, Tucker, and Turner woke up at 1:00 a.m. They were so excited just staring at all the brightly colored packages delivered under the tree after they went to bed initially. I got up and told them we were not opening gifts that early. They never went back to bed.
Brenda and I got up at 6:00 a.m. We read from Luke 2 then went around the room praying. The boys prayed some really mature prayers. We then sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. Then the gift opening began. All the guys were so excited to see Brenda open her gifts. She got ear rings, a necklace, and a couple of watches. She also got a Nook tablet.
Later that morning it began to snow and it intensified as the day progressed. We had a couple inches of accumulation. I gathered the boys and told them in my forty-six years of living this was the first white Christmas Day I could remember. I told the boys to remember this day for they may never see it again.
We have a family tradition to go and see a movie on Christmas Day. We debated about going because of the snow but thought if we went to an afternoon movie we could get back home before it got too bad. All went well until we got the city of Rhome. While taking the exit ramp off Highway 287 to Highway 114 I hit ice. The Suburban slid out of control with the backend fishtailing. I took my foot off the breaks and steered the opposite direction of the backend which then began to slide out of control the opposite direction. I repeatedly tried to correct the car but realized I could not get it under control. Brenda began praying out loud and I said, "Jesus, please help us."
We careened off the road into the median where we eventually slid to a stop shaken but unharmed. God showed us tender mercy not only in protecting us from a crash but in our not getting stuck as we drove out of the grass back onto the highway. We decided at that point a movie was not worth the risk of continued driving on the adverse roads.
Nestled in my chair back in the living room I reflect on a great Christmas Day. God in His tender mercies blessed my family all year long and especially during this season. We were able to share Christmas gifts only because God shared His resources abundantly with us. His provision has been humbling. His tender mercies to send us a white Christmas is a memory I will long treasure with the boys. I also thank God for protecting my family in what good have been a far different outcome in our losing control in the vehicle today. God's tender mercies are indeed new every morning and especially on this white Christmas Day.
Brenda and I got up at 6:00 a.m. We read from Luke 2 then went around the room praying. The boys prayed some really mature prayers. We then sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. Then the gift opening began. All the guys were so excited to see Brenda open her gifts. She got ear rings, a necklace, and a couple of watches. She also got a Nook tablet.
Later that morning it began to snow and it intensified as the day progressed. We had a couple inches of accumulation. I gathered the boys and told them in my forty-six years of living this was the first white Christmas Day I could remember. I told the boys to remember this day for they may never see it again.
We have a family tradition to go and see a movie on Christmas Day. We debated about going because of the snow but thought if we went to an afternoon movie we could get back home before it got too bad. All went well until we got the city of Rhome. While taking the exit ramp off Highway 287 to Highway 114 I hit ice. The Suburban slid out of control with the backend fishtailing. I took my foot off the breaks and steered the opposite direction of the backend which then began to slide out of control the opposite direction. I repeatedly tried to correct the car but realized I could not get it under control. Brenda began praying out loud and I said, "Jesus, please help us."
We careened off the road into the median where we eventually slid to a stop shaken but unharmed. God showed us tender mercy not only in protecting us from a crash but in our not getting stuck as we drove out of the grass back onto the highway. We decided at that point a movie was not worth the risk of continued driving on the adverse roads.
Nestled in my chair back in the living room I reflect on a great Christmas Day. God in His tender mercies blessed my family all year long and especially during this season. We were able to share Christmas gifts only because God shared His resources abundantly with us. His provision has been humbling. His tender mercies to send us a white Christmas is a memory I will long treasure with the boys. I also thank God for protecting my family in what good have been a far different outcome in our losing control in the vehicle today. God's tender mercies are indeed new every morning and especially on this white Christmas Day.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Keeping Your Vows
"I will enter Your house with burnt offerings; I will pay You my vows that my lips promised and my mouth spoke during my distress." [Ps 66:13-14]
In times of distress people make all kind of promises to God. They bargain with Him saying if He will deliver them out of their distresses they will do this or that. While most of the time those vows are quickly forgotten by the men and women who made them God takes them more seriously.
Many years ago I preached a youth camp in July of 2001. I had preached several camps that summer and had not been home for some time. I will never forget the vow I made to God on July 28, 2001. I have referred to it often. I made that vow in some degree of distress. Yet that vow has governed my life, family, and ministry for the past twelve years.
I will not go into all the story. On that day I made a vow to God that I would go anywhere to do anything at anytime He called me. That vow has caused me to live my life on the altar of God. Because of that vow people have misunderstood me and my motives. They have not been able to see that my vow to follow God and obey Him regardless of logic or personal sacrifice governs my life. I will pay my vow I made to the Lord in the day of my distress.
On that day I made a promise to God. He has taken me up on it and I can tell you it has not always been easy. In fact there have been many times over the past twelve years I have felt like breaking the vow. Yet God has sustained me to keep it. While life in ministry has brought more joy, adventure, blessings, and delight than I could ever put into words, I can say on the other hand, there have been numerous trials, heartaches, sorrows, and heavy burdens also.
A vow is a vow regardless of trials, tragedies, or triumphs. When I stood at the altar and made a vow to Brenda and God on our wedding day that meant when we were young and when we are old. That means when we have abundance or when we live in leans times the vow remains.
So it is with God. Vows made in distress are binding. I wish many times I had a normal life. I wish my kids could of started and graduated in the same school with the same group of friends. I wish Brenda and I could have stayed in one church and in one house for the past twenty-one years of our marriage. Yet the vow to follow God anywhere to do anything at anytime has been binding and has guided all we have done. From leaving east Texas to follow God's call to Paradise, then to Seminole, and back to Paradise to start a church. I no longer take guesses at what the future holds. I obey from day to day knowing God has every right to call me from places of comfort and security to follow Him.
What vows have you made to God? Do they govern your life? We should take our vows to God very seriously. God does.
In times of distress people make all kind of promises to God. They bargain with Him saying if He will deliver them out of their distresses they will do this or that. While most of the time those vows are quickly forgotten by the men and women who made them God takes them more seriously.
Many years ago I preached a youth camp in July of 2001. I had preached several camps that summer and had not been home for some time. I will never forget the vow I made to God on July 28, 2001. I have referred to it often. I made that vow in some degree of distress. Yet that vow has governed my life, family, and ministry for the past twelve years.
I will not go into all the story. On that day I made a vow to God that I would go anywhere to do anything at anytime He called me. That vow has caused me to live my life on the altar of God. Because of that vow people have misunderstood me and my motives. They have not been able to see that my vow to follow God and obey Him regardless of logic or personal sacrifice governs my life. I will pay my vow I made to the Lord in the day of my distress.
On that day I made a promise to God. He has taken me up on it and I can tell you it has not always been easy. In fact there have been many times over the past twelve years I have felt like breaking the vow. Yet God has sustained me to keep it. While life in ministry has brought more joy, adventure, blessings, and delight than I could ever put into words, I can say on the other hand, there have been numerous trials, heartaches, sorrows, and heavy burdens also.
A vow is a vow regardless of trials, tragedies, or triumphs. When I stood at the altar and made a vow to Brenda and God on our wedding day that meant when we were young and when we are old. That means when we have abundance or when we live in leans times the vow remains.
So it is with God. Vows made in distress are binding. I wish many times I had a normal life. I wish my kids could of started and graduated in the same school with the same group of friends. I wish Brenda and I could have stayed in one church and in one house for the past twenty-one years of our marriage. Yet the vow to follow God anywhere to do anything at anytime has been binding and has guided all we have done. From leaving east Texas to follow God's call to Paradise, then to Seminole, and back to Paradise to start a church. I no longer take guesses at what the future holds. I obey from day to day knowing God has every right to call me from places of comfort and security to follow Him.
What vows have you made to God? Do they govern your life? We should take our vows to God very seriously. God does.
Christmas Eve
While I write this Brenda and the boys are still sleeping. They are all night owls but I adhere to the thought, "Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy and wise." It is Christmas Eve. The boys are all more excited about Brenda opening her gifts and than they are to open their own. This excites me. Jesus said it is more blessed to give than to receive. I want my boys to learn and to live this truth.
I have really contemplated the birth of Jesus this Christmas more than most Christmas seasons of the past. I am humbled by His provision for us over the course of the past year. We have been moved to tears over and over again. We are humbled by His continued blessings and expressions of love for the Edwards family. Great is His faithfulness and His mercies are new every morning. His compassion does not fail. All of this I owe to my Savior come to earth in a manger but risen from the dead to purchase my redemption. Hallelujah! Truly this is good news of great joy and I shout with the angels, "Glory to God in the highest."
On this Christmas Eve I will enjoy my Lord and my family. Those are my top priorities. I hope you will do the same. Merry CHRISTmas from the Edwards family.
I have really contemplated the birth of Jesus this Christmas more than most Christmas seasons of the past. I am humbled by His provision for us over the course of the past year. We have been moved to tears over and over again. We are humbled by His continued blessings and expressions of love for the Edwards family. Great is His faithfulness and His mercies are new every morning. His compassion does not fail. All of this I owe to my Savior come to earth in a manger but risen from the dead to purchase my redemption. Hallelujah! Truly this is good news of great joy and I shout with the angels, "Glory to God in the highest."
On this Christmas Eve I will enjoy my Lord and my family. Those are my top priorities. I hope you will do the same. Merry CHRISTmas from the Edwards family.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Blustery Winds
A front blew through last night. When I finished teaching our students and walked outside the wind had stirred up the dust. Tanner and I both commented how we felt like we were back in west Texas. The wind howled all night. I cannot remember a night when I heard the wind blow any harder than last night.
Sure enough the wind blew down several limbs from the trees in the yard. The boys had no sooner got those picked up than others were blown down when they went to school. It is not all that cold today in the mid forties but the windchill makes it feel brutally cold. This is not the kind of day you want to be working outside.
While reading my Bible this morning, as the winds howled, I thought about how often the Holy Spirit is symbolized with wind in the scripture. Ezekiel found himself in a valley of dry bones and God called him to prophesy to the breath from the four winds. God brought that army back to life. [Ez 37:1-10] In many places the churches of living God look like this valley of dry bones. Not only are they dead but they have been dead a long time.
What would happen if God blew the wind of His Spirit into individual lives and the corporate body of Christ? Churches would come back to life like an exceedingly great army. There is power in the wind. In parts of the country wind turbines are used to harness the power of the wind to convert it into energy people can use. Farmers have been using windmills for ages. Sail boats can take the power of the wind and use it to their advantage to power their boats forward.
If we could hoist the sails of our lives and catch the wind of God in our context mighty things would happen. We often spend so much time trying to plan, program, and empower our own lives and ministry we find the progress slow going. God did more when He ushered in the power of the Holy Spirit in Pentecost than could have been accomplished in decades of laboring without the Holy Spirit.
Wind is a force. Going with the wind is a great aid. Going against the wind is formidable obstacle. I have learned this over and over again riding my bike. I want the church of God to go with the wind. I want my life to go with the wind. The more blustery the wind of God becomes the more I want to see the kingdom of God advanced.
Maybe you feel spiritually dead. Maybe you are stuck in a church that is dead and going nowhere. Why not cry out to God today to send the blustery winds of His Spirit to bring you and your church back to life. Why not hoist the sails of your life and catch God's blustery winds and let Him propel you where ever He desires.
Sure enough the wind blew down several limbs from the trees in the yard. The boys had no sooner got those picked up than others were blown down when they went to school. It is not all that cold today in the mid forties but the windchill makes it feel brutally cold. This is not the kind of day you want to be working outside.
While reading my Bible this morning, as the winds howled, I thought about how often the Holy Spirit is symbolized with wind in the scripture. Ezekiel found himself in a valley of dry bones and God called him to prophesy to the breath from the four winds. God brought that army back to life. [Ez 37:1-10] In many places the churches of living God look like this valley of dry bones. Not only are they dead but they have been dead a long time.
What would happen if God blew the wind of His Spirit into individual lives and the corporate body of Christ? Churches would come back to life like an exceedingly great army. There is power in the wind. In parts of the country wind turbines are used to harness the power of the wind to convert it into energy people can use. Farmers have been using windmills for ages. Sail boats can take the power of the wind and use it to their advantage to power their boats forward.
If we could hoist the sails of our lives and catch the wind of God in our context mighty things would happen. We often spend so much time trying to plan, program, and empower our own lives and ministry we find the progress slow going. God did more when He ushered in the power of the Holy Spirit in Pentecost than could have been accomplished in decades of laboring without the Holy Spirit.
Wind is a force. Going with the wind is a great aid. Going against the wind is formidable obstacle. I have learned this over and over again riding my bike. I want the church of God to go with the wind. I want my life to go with the wind. The more blustery the wind of God becomes the more I want to see the kingdom of God advanced.
Maybe you feel spiritually dead. Maybe you are stuck in a church that is dead and going nowhere. Why not cry out to God today to send the blustery winds of His Spirit to bring you and your church back to life. Why not hoist the sails of your life and catch God's blustery winds and let Him propel you where ever He desires.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Open the Word for Me
The parking lot fills as they come for a word from you,
No entertainment, frills, or vain philosophy will do,
They come hungry wanting to study and go deeper,
They are men, women, and children truth seekers,
They cry out, "Open the Word of God help me see,
Closer to God I long to grow more intimately,
They come with Bibles in hand and hearts aglow,
Wanting more truth and wanting continually to grow,
So Lord please open your truth our eyes to behold,
May we ever hunger for truth even as we grow old.
- ME
- 12-19-12
- Paradise, TX
No entertainment, frills, or vain philosophy will do,
They come hungry wanting to study and go deeper,
They are men, women, and children truth seekers,
They cry out, "Open the Word of God help me see,
Closer to God I long to grow more intimately,
They come with Bibles in hand and hearts aglow,
Wanting more truth and wanting continually to grow,
So Lord please open your truth our eyes to behold,
May we ever hunger for truth even as we grow old.
- ME
- 12-19-12
- Paradise, TX
God Has Not Given Us a Spirit of Fear
What are you afraid of? Really. Everybody is afraid of something. As for me I do not like snakes. They frighten me. When in elementary school a guy from the zoo brought in several snakes to show our class. He walked around with one of them so people could touch it. I had no interest in touching that snake and was glad my chair was the last in the row in the far corner of the room. I watched as boys and girls nervously touched that snake. I knew if I didn't touch it my friends would tease me to no end about being afraid. I willed myself to act calm and collected and touched that snake though everything in me wanted to run the other direction. To this day I make myself go to the snake exhibits when I visit a zoo. I face my fears.
Satan paralyzes people with fear. Some live in fear they will get a terminal disease. Some fear for their children and take every precaution to guard and double guard them. Some fear losing their pensions, others fear losing their jobs. Some fear losing their homes and some fear driving on the highways and byways.
What is it that you fear? Most people fear public speaking. I know many who are fearful about praying in public. Most Christians are afraid of witnessing to the lost or totally surrendering their lives to Christ. Many are fearful of going on a mission trip. There are countless things that scare and intimidate people.
In [II Tim 1:7] read this, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear (timidity) but of power and love and discipline." Hmmmm. If God did not give us a spirit of fear where does fear come from? I think Satan uses fear against the people of God continually. What is the opposite of fear? Courage. God gives us courage as we trust Him.
We all know there are many times we do not trust Him and that is when fear takes over and dominates our thoughts. If I live, think, act, and react in fear then Satan is having his way with me. When I operate in faith courage naturally follows and Satan is defeated.
God does not regenerate us to be cowards. He redeems us to be warriors. Men and women of courage. I am thinking now the of the countless widows I have known who bravely battle through the last years of their lives without their husbands they loved so dearly. They get up each day and get through the day. Many of them seek to be a blessing to others. Many radiate the joy of the Lord though they go to bed each night alone in a dark house and get up to a lonely breakfast. Courageously they continue to love and serve God. On my recent bike ride in west Texas God used two widows to minister to my every need for close to five hours. They served me and the people of Honduras by driving behind me to protect me from traffic and having food and Gatorade when I took some breaks. Those two ladies gave up a whole Saturday to minister to me. They both are filled with life and courage and I love them dearly.
I know many people who courageously serve the Lord despite trying circumstances. They are faithful even when the trials are stacked against them. I know many who give out of sacrifice. None more so than many farmers I love in Seminole, TX. Even when the cotton crops are bad they still give courageously and and sacrificially while they do not give into fear. I thank God for each of them.
God did not give a spirit of fear. He is a God of courage. I urge you today to find courage in Him and live life in trust and not in fear. Let thoughts of faith and trust saturate your mind while working diligently to dismiss thoughts of fear. This is the will of God.
Satan paralyzes people with fear. Some live in fear they will get a terminal disease. Some fear for their children and take every precaution to guard and double guard them. Some fear losing their pensions, others fear losing their jobs. Some fear losing their homes and some fear driving on the highways and byways.
What is it that you fear? Most people fear public speaking. I know many who are fearful about praying in public. Most Christians are afraid of witnessing to the lost or totally surrendering their lives to Christ. Many are fearful of going on a mission trip. There are countless things that scare and intimidate people.
In [II Tim 1:7] read this, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear (timidity) but of power and love and discipline." Hmmmm. If God did not give us a spirit of fear where does fear come from? I think Satan uses fear against the people of God continually. What is the opposite of fear? Courage. God gives us courage as we trust Him.
We all know there are many times we do not trust Him and that is when fear takes over and dominates our thoughts. If I live, think, act, and react in fear then Satan is having his way with me. When I operate in faith courage naturally follows and Satan is defeated.
God does not regenerate us to be cowards. He redeems us to be warriors. Men and women of courage. I am thinking now the of the countless widows I have known who bravely battle through the last years of their lives without their husbands they loved so dearly. They get up each day and get through the day. Many of them seek to be a blessing to others. Many radiate the joy of the Lord though they go to bed each night alone in a dark house and get up to a lonely breakfast. Courageously they continue to love and serve God. On my recent bike ride in west Texas God used two widows to minister to my every need for close to five hours. They served me and the people of Honduras by driving behind me to protect me from traffic and having food and Gatorade when I took some breaks. Those two ladies gave up a whole Saturday to minister to me. They both are filled with life and courage and I love them dearly.
I know many people who courageously serve the Lord despite trying circumstances. They are faithful even when the trials are stacked against them. I know many who give out of sacrifice. None more so than many farmers I love in Seminole, TX. Even when the cotton crops are bad they still give courageously and and sacrificially while they do not give into fear. I thank God for each of them.
God did not give a spirit of fear. He is a God of courage. I urge you today to find courage in Him and live life in trust and not in fear. Let thoughts of faith and trust saturate your mind while working diligently to dismiss thoughts of fear. This is the will of God.
Christmas Past
On a ministry trip recently I found myself back in east Texas in the hometown where I grew up. I turned off the loop to the old Ford Chapel Road and then made a left on Jones Street. I almost stopped at the top of Jones Hill. My friends and I used to race our bikes down that hill. One day we got the bright idea of tying a rope onto a wagon behind one of our bikes. All went well until we tried to make the right hand turn onto Cunningham Street where the passenger in the wagon took a great spill. The end resulted in blood and scrapes. We never tried that again.
Just two houses down on the left after turning onto Cunningham Street is the house where I grew up. I stopped in front and could visualize the brightly lit Christmas tree in our living room. I recalled years and years of gathering in that room and opening gifts. There is my mother all aglow from her favorite time of year. Then my grandfather and grandmother along with my brother and sister. We lost my sister in 1976 in a drowning. She was only four years old. I recall years where I received bikes, football uniforms, a Mr. Quarterback, bb guns, boots and my all time favorite gift of an electric typewriter when I was in high school because I dreamed of being a writer. My dream has come true. I also remember the times I stole away into that living room to read one of my grandmother's hundreds of books. I took a crack at such authors as Charles Dickens and then read the Bible a little off and on.
I spent most of my growing up years in that house. Wonderful memories still fill my mind. As I drove on past the house I drove around the neighborhood where I rode my bike every square mile of the Englewood Subdivision. I saw the evidence of those who decorate their houses. Our whole neighborhood got in on this. People from all over Lufkin drove to our neighborhood to look at the lights. When Brenda and I lived in the area and had children we did the same. We would pile the boys in the car and drive around while they drank hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. This is a tradition we still do today even though Taylor is seventeen, Tanner is fourteen, Tucker is thirteen, and Turner is nine.
I spent less than five hours in my hometown but I am thankful for the memories. There are so many people who touched my life. I am grateful for those who invested in my life spiritually. I am thankful for the people of Denman Avenue Baptist Church who trained me, loved me, believed in me, prayed for me, and ministered to me over the years. I still call that church home. I have not been there in a year and a half but those people mean the world to me. My pastor Charles Roberts did so much for me. All those who taught me Sunday School, Church Training, and special Bible studies. I am grateful for all those who supported me along the years with more prayers and financial gifts as I started out in ministry. You may take this boy out of east Texas but you cannot take the east Texas out of this boy.
There were some sad times in that home. Like the first Christmas without my grandfather after we lost him to leukemia. After I went to college they sold the house and Christmas never seemed the same again. I always remember that house on Cunningham Street and the wonderful memories of Christmas past.
Just two houses down on the left after turning onto Cunningham Street is the house where I grew up. I stopped in front and could visualize the brightly lit Christmas tree in our living room. I recalled years and years of gathering in that room and opening gifts. There is my mother all aglow from her favorite time of year. Then my grandfather and grandmother along with my brother and sister. We lost my sister in 1976 in a drowning. She was only four years old. I recall years where I received bikes, football uniforms, a Mr. Quarterback, bb guns, boots and my all time favorite gift of an electric typewriter when I was in high school because I dreamed of being a writer. My dream has come true. I also remember the times I stole away into that living room to read one of my grandmother's hundreds of books. I took a crack at such authors as Charles Dickens and then read the Bible a little off and on.
I spent most of my growing up years in that house. Wonderful memories still fill my mind. As I drove on past the house I drove around the neighborhood where I rode my bike every square mile of the Englewood Subdivision. I saw the evidence of those who decorate their houses. Our whole neighborhood got in on this. People from all over Lufkin drove to our neighborhood to look at the lights. When Brenda and I lived in the area and had children we did the same. We would pile the boys in the car and drive around while they drank hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. This is a tradition we still do today even though Taylor is seventeen, Tanner is fourteen, Tucker is thirteen, and Turner is nine.
I spent less than five hours in my hometown but I am thankful for the memories. There are so many people who touched my life. I am grateful for those who invested in my life spiritually. I am thankful for the people of Denman Avenue Baptist Church who trained me, loved me, believed in me, prayed for me, and ministered to me over the years. I still call that church home. I have not been there in a year and a half but those people mean the world to me. My pastor Charles Roberts did so much for me. All those who taught me Sunday School, Church Training, and special Bible studies. I am grateful for all those who supported me along the years with more prayers and financial gifts as I started out in ministry. You may take this boy out of east Texas but you cannot take the east Texas out of this boy.
There were some sad times in that home. Like the first Christmas without my grandfather after we lost him to leukemia. After I went to college they sold the house and Christmas never seemed the same again. I always remember that house on Cunningham Street and the wonderful memories of Christmas past.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Listening
I yearn to hear God speak to me. I know many people are content to go about their lives rarely if ever hearing God speak. I want to hear Him speak often if not daily. This has proven to be a great frustration. I cannot even begin to tell you how many hours I have spent in solitude and silence longing to hear a fresh word from God.
I have read scripture. Not just a verse here or there. I have read through the entire Bible nearly twice in a year. That is not to brag. I have been that desperate just to hear God speak. I have knelt before Him in silence and sat before Him in silence for hours on end only to get up disappointed. I have read numerous books hoping God might use something in one of them to speak to me. I have received truth. Yet to know the satisfaction of hearing Him speak to me day in and day out has been a foreign experience of late.
There were times when I have sought Him for direction. There were times when I needed a clear word from Him like right now. Through several circumstances I have wrestled in recent days about going back to seminary through a correspondence school. I have prayed and prayed over this matter. I have sought the counsel of three people. I have gotten mixed answers. What I long for is to hear a clear word from God on this. Not a hint as to His will on this matter.
I have sought the Lord for messages, direction for the church, vision, and many other things. God for the most part has remained silent. He has impressed on me what to preach or teach weekly but this week even that has been a struggle. It is late Friday afternoon and I still do not have any clear direction. I am listening. He has my undivided attention and truthfully all I want to do is hear from Him. It does not matter what He says. My agenda is to do His agenda. Yet so often I walk away from my quiet times still wondering why I can't hear Him speak more clearly.
Most Christians content themselves to rush into God's presence and do all the talking. The most important thing to me is hear what He wants to say to me. For reasons I cannot understand God is choosing to be silent. I want to listen. I want to hear fresh words from Him. I do not know of anything else to do but to keep coming into His presence, reading His word, and listening. Sooner or later He will speak. O how my soul longs for that day. I anticipate it will the greatest longing. Hearing God speak to me brings a joy this world can never reproduce. Until that day I continue listening and want to continue in that habit until my last breath.
I have read scripture. Not just a verse here or there. I have read through the entire Bible nearly twice in a year. That is not to brag. I have been that desperate just to hear God speak. I have knelt before Him in silence and sat before Him in silence for hours on end only to get up disappointed. I have read numerous books hoping God might use something in one of them to speak to me. I have received truth. Yet to know the satisfaction of hearing Him speak to me day in and day out has been a foreign experience of late.
There were times when I have sought Him for direction. There were times when I needed a clear word from Him like right now. Through several circumstances I have wrestled in recent days about going back to seminary through a correspondence school. I have prayed and prayed over this matter. I have sought the counsel of three people. I have gotten mixed answers. What I long for is to hear a clear word from God on this. Not a hint as to His will on this matter.
I have sought the Lord for messages, direction for the church, vision, and many other things. God for the most part has remained silent. He has impressed on me what to preach or teach weekly but this week even that has been a struggle. It is late Friday afternoon and I still do not have any clear direction. I am listening. He has my undivided attention and truthfully all I want to do is hear from Him. It does not matter what He says. My agenda is to do His agenda. Yet so often I walk away from my quiet times still wondering why I can't hear Him speak more clearly.
Most Christians content themselves to rush into God's presence and do all the talking. The most important thing to me is hear what He wants to say to me. For reasons I cannot understand God is choosing to be silent. I want to listen. I want to hear fresh words from Him. I do not know of anything else to do but to keep coming into His presence, reading His word, and listening. Sooner or later He will speak. O how my soul longs for that day. I anticipate it will the greatest longing. Hearing God speak to me brings a joy this world can never reproduce. Until that day I continue listening and want to continue in that habit until my last breath.
Seated at Your Feet
Lord, once I again I find myself seated at your feet,
Waiting - listening - longing again to hear you speak,
Do you have a word - a message directed just for me,
Do you have counsel - direction this my fervent plea,
The hours have passed slowly while I have waited,
I have prayed, read your word, so far all ill fated,
You remain silent through these long dark nights,
When just one word my parched seeking soul delights,
Lord I resolve to remain seated firmly at your feet,
Not contented until a fresh word you finally speak.
- ME
- 12-14-12
- Paradise, TX
Waiting - listening - longing again to hear you speak,
Do you have a word - a message directed just for me,
Do you have counsel - direction this my fervent plea,
The hours have passed slowly while I have waited,
I have prayed, read your word, so far all ill fated,
You remain silent through these long dark nights,
When just one word my parched seeking soul delights,
Lord I resolve to remain seated firmly at your feet,
Not contented until a fresh word you finally speak.
- ME
- 12-14-12
- Paradise, TX
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Life is Good
Yesterday was a busy day. I had several appointments throughout the day leaving me running from one event to the next all day. I had a son want me to bring him lunch for the first time all year. I had two messages to prepare. I needed to squeeze in a work out before church started. As usual I taught our adults first and then taught our students. On top of all this I slept fitfully all night.
Yet, when I woke up on this Thursday morning I did so with an eagerness to start the day. I decided to make homemade biscuits for the boy's breakfast. I eagerly showered and got dressed. When I put my key into the lock of the office door it dawned on me how eager I was to get in and to get started. There are prayers to pray, scripture to study, planning to do, things to write, books to read and I am eager to do all of it.
Somedays I wake up so groggy I feel like I can barely function. Other days I wake up with alertness and ready to attack the day. What makes the difference? I think the answer can be found in [Eccl 2:24] "There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen, that it is from the hand of God."
When I wake up groggy and wanting to pull the covers over my head I usually have lost focus. I can let my schedule or problems dominate my first waking thoughts. This tends to lead me to feeling overwhelmed and reluctant to start the day. I convince myself life is not good but hard and painful.
On the other hand when I woke up this morning at first I felt tired. I thought about crawling back into bed after taking Tucker to his early morning practice. Instead I started making breakfast. I woke the other boys up and we enjoyed the morning together before they went off to school and me to work. Today I enjoyed life. I enjoyed the mixing of the biscuits. I enjoyed the cooking of eggs and sausage. I enjoyed watching the boys eat, (all they left me were two biscuits.) I enjoyed seeing them off to school. The goodness of God surrounded me this morning just like every morning. I have good food to cook and eat with my family. I had a hot shower this morning. I had a choice of many different style of clothes to wear. I opted for jeans and boots. Life is good.
God gave each of us a life. It is my job to enjoy this life to the fullest and to make the most of it. I believe that my labor is not in vain. Not when I taught adults and students last night. Not when I got to talk to two sisters who will be celebrating baptism on January 6th. Not when I visited with adults and teens just getting a little closer to them. I do not labor in vain when I write. I have no idea who will read this and what impact it will have on a life. I write believing it will help someone along the way. Life is good. My work is good.
I get it. I know many of you are going through tough times. You know the things my family has to deal with. None of us has an easy road. We have burdens and concerns that weigh us down. We can still enjoy life. I have the opportunity to walk outside and notice the tree in the front yard. I can see the handiwork of God in that tree and look all around me and see creation and worship God. I can come into this office and could go through the motions or I can thank God for the cushioned chair I sit in. I can thank God for the computer I type these sentences on. I can thank God for the Bible laid open before me and for the bookshelves lined with books I get to read. I can thank God for adults who came to study the word of God last night and I can thank God for multitude of teenagers who come to laugh and learn week after week. Life is good. My work is good. With these I can be satisfied as I go through this day and life.
I can thank God for the meal I enjoyed with my wife at lunch yesterday. I can thank God for the woman I have shared the last twenty-one years of my life with finding a soul mate and a best friend. I can thank God for the recliner I sat in to relax after church last night and the time I had with Tanner watching his favorite NBA team. I can thank God for the workout I enjoyed with Taylor and Tanner after school and thank God for sleeping in a comfortable bed next to my college sweetheart. I can thank God for the hug I received from Turner as he stumbled into the kitchen this morning wrapped in his blanket. Life is good.
God has given so much in life to enjoy. Relationships. Creation. Worship. Bible study. Food. I could go on and on. When I wake up with the wonder of a child to begin a brand new day I know it is a gift of God. My life and labor are good. This makes me eager to start the day.
Yet, when I woke up on this Thursday morning I did so with an eagerness to start the day. I decided to make homemade biscuits for the boy's breakfast. I eagerly showered and got dressed. When I put my key into the lock of the office door it dawned on me how eager I was to get in and to get started. There are prayers to pray, scripture to study, planning to do, things to write, books to read and I am eager to do all of it.
Somedays I wake up so groggy I feel like I can barely function. Other days I wake up with alertness and ready to attack the day. What makes the difference? I think the answer can be found in [Eccl 2:24] "There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen, that it is from the hand of God."
When I wake up groggy and wanting to pull the covers over my head I usually have lost focus. I can let my schedule or problems dominate my first waking thoughts. This tends to lead me to feeling overwhelmed and reluctant to start the day. I convince myself life is not good but hard and painful.
On the other hand when I woke up this morning at first I felt tired. I thought about crawling back into bed after taking Tucker to his early morning practice. Instead I started making breakfast. I woke the other boys up and we enjoyed the morning together before they went off to school and me to work. Today I enjoyed life. I enjoyed the mixing of the biscuits. I enjoyed the cooking of eggs and sausage. I enjoyed watching the boys eat, (all they left me were two biscuits.) I enjoyed seeing them off to school. The goodness of God surrounded me this morning just like every morning. I have good food to cook and eat with my family. I had a hot shower this morning. I had a choice of many different style of clothes to wear. I opted for jeans and boots. Life is good.
God gave each of us a life. It is my job to enjoy this life to the fullest and to make the most of it. I believe that my labor is not in vain. Not when I taught adults and students last night. Not when I got to talk to two sisters who will be celebrating baptism on January 6th. Not when I visited with adults and teens just getting a little closer to them. I do not labor in vain when I write. I have no idea who will read this and what impact it will have on a life. I write believing it will help someone along the way. Life is good. My work is good.
I get it. I know many of you are going through tough times. You know the things my family has to deal with. None of us has an easy road. We have burdens and concerns that weigh us down. We can still enjoy life. I have the opportunity to walk outside and notice the tree in the front yard. I can see the handiwork of God in that tree and look all around me and see creation and worship God. I can come into this office and could go through the motions or I can thank God for the cushioned chair I sit in. I can thank God for the computer I type these sentences on. I can thank God for the Bible laid open before me and for the bookshelves lined with books I get to read. I can thank God for adults who came to study the word of God last night and I can thank God for multitude of teenagers who come to laugh and learn week after week. Life is good. My work is good. With these I can be satisfied as I go through this day and life.
I can thank God for the meal I enjoyed with my wife at lunch yesterday. I can thank God for the woman I have shared the last twenty-one years of my life with finding a soul mate and a best friend. I can thank God for the recliner I sat in to relax after church last night and the time I had with Tanner watching his favorite NBA team. I can thank God for the workout I enjoyed with Taylor and Tanner after school and thank God for sleeping in a comfortable bed next to my college sweetheart. I can thank God for the hug I received from Turner as he stumbled into the kitchen this morning wrapped in his blanket. Life is good.
God has given so much in life to enjoy. Relationships. Creation. Worship. Bible study. Food. I could go on and on. When I wake up with the wonder of a child to begin a brand new day I know it is a gift of God. My life and labor are good. This makes me eager to start the day.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Help Me Understand
Lord, I ask for you to help me to understand,
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
Sometimes the way is obscure and confusing,
The trials have wounded and left some bruising,
At times the future looks bleak a little unsure,
Leaving me battered and a little bit insecure,
I know you rule, you hold all firmly in control,
And in your word you comfort and you console,
Lord, again I ask for you to help me to understand,
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
I sit here praying - trying to learn lessons to be content,
Determined to follow - never to back down or relent,
You can do all things - you can move every mountain,
You refresh my soul as I drink deep from your fountain,
I may not always see or all your ways not understand,
I do trust you have a purpose and my life you've planned.
- Matt Edwards
- 12-12-12
- Paradise, TX
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
Sometimes the way is obscure and confusing,
The trials have wounded and left some bruising,
At times the future looks bleak a little unsure,
Leaving me battered and a little bit insecure,
I know you rule, you hold all firmly in control,
And in your word you comfort and you console,
Lord, again I ask for you to help me to understand,
What you've purposed and what you've planned,
I sit here praying - trying to learn lessons to be content,
Determined to follow - never to back down or relent,
You can do all things - you can move every mountain,
You refresh my soul as I drink deep from your fountain,
I may not always see or all your ways not understand,
I do trust you have a purpose and my life you've planned.
- Matt Edwards
- 12-12-12
- Paradise, TX
A Higher Purpose
I sat down to finish the last few chapters of the book of Job this morning. Few have ever suffered like Job suffered. He held fast his integrity but at one point he did curse the day he was born and thought it would be better if he had never seen the light of the day. Who can blame him?
Not only did he grieve the loss of a child but the loss of all his children on the same day. On top of that he had to deal with losing his possessions and loyal workers. In a few moments Job lost everything but his wife and health. Not long afterward he lost his health. Yet the Bible is clear that Job did not sin.
He hurt. He felt like God's target of fury. Job knew he had not sinned though others continually made accusations. Job could not understand. Job's purpose was to find relief from the suffering and sorrow. God's purposes were higher.
In the last few chapters of Job God gives a stinging rebuke about His sovereignty. When the Lord finished talking hear what Job said in response in Job 42:2. "I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."
What I often find is that God's purposes and mine are not the same. My purposes include a blessed life, a life of few trials and smooth sailing. I want a life with few trials and fewer hardships. God has a higher purpose. God's ultimate purpose in the universe is to bring more glory to Himself. Sometimes the best way for Him to get glory is when we suffer. I know you don't like reading that anymore than I enjoy writing it but it is true.
God often uses the backdrop of suffering to paint portraits of His power and faithfulness. If God's ultimate purpose is for me to glorify Him by being stretched through hardships that demonstrate how faithful and strong God is then I have to submit to His purpose over mine.
Brenda and I are so humbled over the past twenty-one years we have been married at how often God has used people (common ordinary people) to support us financially. We committed ourselves to living by faith and to obey God no matter where it led or what it cost. It has led to some uncomfortable places and believe me when I say it has cost us plenty. We do not have the luxury of living like many people get to. Yet, I write honestly God is my Provider! He always comes through. I trust Him. He gets the glory for my leaving Seminole totally on faith and a year and a half later I stand to shout God is faithful! He has not abandoned the Edwards family. He has come through over and over again.
When I testify about that guess who gets the glory. It is not Brenda and me. We have often been reduced to needy children crying out to our Heavenly Father for help and rescue in times of trouble. He has come through over and over again. He gets the glory and that is the higher purpose.
Not only did he grieve the loss of a child but the loss of all his children on the same day. On top of that he had to deal with losing his possessions and loyal workers. In a few moments Job lost everything but his wife and health. Not long afterward he lost his health. Yet the Bible is clear that Job did not sin.
He hurt. He felt like God's target of fury. Job knew he had not sinned though others continually made accusations. Job could not understand. Job's purpose was to find relief from the suffering and sorrow. God's purposes were higher.
In the last few chapters of Job God gives a stinging rebuke about His sovereignty. When the Lord finished talking hear what Job said in response in Job 42:2. "I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."
What I often find is that God's purposes and mine are not the same. My purposes include a blessed life, a life of few trials and smooth sailing. I want a life with few trials and fewer hardships. God has a higher purpose. God's ultimate purpose in the universe is to bring more glory to Himself. Sometimes the best way for Him to get glory is when we suffer. I know you don't like reading that anymore than I enjoy writing it but it is true.
God often uses the backdrop of suffering to paint portraits of His power and faithfulness. If God's ultimate purpose is for me to glorify Him by being stretched through hardships that demonstrate how faithful and strong God is then I have to submit to His purpose over mine.
Brenda and I are so humbled over the past twenty-one years we have been married at how often God has used people (common ordinary people) to support us financially. We committed ourselves to living by faith and to obey God no matter where it led or what it cost. It has led to some uncomfortable places and believe me when I say it has cost us plenty. We do not have the luxury of living like many people get to. Yet, I write honestly God is my Provider! He always comes through. I trust Him. He gets the glory for my leaving Seminole totally on faith and a year and a half later I stand to shout God is faithful! He has not abandoned the Edwards family. He has come through over and over again.
When I testify about that guess who gets the glory. It is not Brenda and me. We have often been reduced to needy children crying out to our Heavenly Father for help and rescue in times of trouble. He has come through over and over again. He gets the glory and that is the higher purpose.
Monday, December 10, 2012
I Believe
Lord, I read your promise and choose to believe,
You tell me to ask, seek, knock - then to receive,
For such a long time I chose doubt over you,
I chose unbelief not what you promised to do,
I basked in depression instead of bathing prayer,
I carried my burdens believing you did not care,
That has all changed - my faith you have revived,
By your mercy the trials of faith I have survived,
Now I make a choice of the will - I choose belief,
I've lived far too long in doubt and crushing grief,
You see my need for my family we ask a new home,
Where laugher and joy abide and faith freely roams,
A place of comfort in sorrow and we celebrate joys,
A place where we both abide along with the boys,
I am believing you for a miracle, a home in Paradise,
Though out of our reach to you not a great sacrifice,
Father, today in this sacred moment I choose to believe,
I stand my heart faith filled ready to hear and to receive.
ME
12-10-12
Paradise, TX
You tell me to ask, seek, knock - then to receive,
For such a long time I chose doubt over you,
I chose unbelief not what you promised to do,
I basked in depression instead of bathing prayer,
I carried my burdens believing you did not care,
That has all changed - my faith you have revived,
By your mercy the trials of faith I have survived,
Now I make a choice of the will - I choose belief,
I've lived far too long in doubt and crushing grief,
You see my need for my family we ask a new home,
Where laugher and joy abide and faith freely roams,
A place of comfort in sorrow and we celebrate joys,
A place where we both abide along with the boys,
I am believing you for a miracle, a home in Paradise,
Though out of our reach to you not a great sacrifice,
Father, today in this sacred moment I choose to believe,
I stand my heart faith filled ready to hear and to receive.
ME
12-10-12
Paradise, TX
The Loss Recapturing and Rebuilding of Faith
When I left Seminole, TX July 22, 2011 my faith was strong. I left without any doubts that starting a new church was God's will for me. I did not understand it. It hurt and still hurts to leave people Brenda and I have grown to love even more. Still, I had faith and entered the task of starting Faith Community Church with passion and confidence.
The challenges began immediately. Many of them you are familiar with if you have kept up with these posts. Some challenges I never saw coming. I attacked them like I always do with persistent prayer. Only this time the answers did not come. They did not come in a month, in six months in a year nor in a year and a half.
Somewhere along the way this supposed great prayer warrior and man of faith lost heart and faith. My prayers took on a different twist. I could pray about seeking God and yearning for Him to speak to me but I could not find faith to pray for miracles. It became increasingly difficult to pray for the church. When I say I lost faith this is no exaggeration. After hour upon hour spent in prayer so many things remain unchanged in and around in my life. I in turn gave up taking on the mentality what's the use praying. God is choosing not to answer.
I began battling severe bouts with depression. I would at times sit in the cafe, library, and eventually my office and stare at the walls. Soon I began mowing. Day in and day out I did my duty but I did not have faith. It felt lost forever. I sunk into deeper fits of depression and Brenda could not pull me out of it. In those days I willed myself to study, to preach, to have devotions and to simply show up each day just do life.
I am sad to report that season in my life lasted for nearly a year. Last week I was sitting in my office reading a book. I had been seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading for months but had no clear word from Him. Something in that book hit me. I can't even remember the line but in my heart something changed. It was like I said, "Okay I have had enough of this. It is time to recommit myself to this task of starting this church and to believe in God through prayer again no matter how long it takes." With that I made a decision to make a fresh start.
Shortly after that I made the hundred mile bike ride in west Texas. While there I had been invited to teach a Bible study to a few people in a living room. I felt impressed to teach from Rom 4:17-21 about the faith Abraham had toward God making him the father of many nations and giving him a child though advanced in age. "yet with respect to the promise of God he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith giving glory to God."[Rom 4:20]
For a year I wavered in unbelief and grew weaker and weaker. In that time God kept providing for Brenda and I in miraculous fashion. God used the loving, generous, and faithful people of Gaines County to send us $29,000 in provision without our ever asking for it. Though my faith proved to be faithless God continued to show Himself faithful. Though I floundered in depression God continued to save the lost. We continued to celebrate baptisms.
In the past week God not only recaptured my faith but has also begun to rebuild that faith. Though my circumstances have not changed I have renewed my dedication to this work. I have refocused my praying for the church asking God to send us people with a mind to work, pray, and to give. I have started praying for a house again in this community. I have resolved that with a son about to be a senior next year I cannot move him again. So God has recaptured my lost faith and begun the process of rebuilding it.
When Brenda asked me what I wanted for Christmas I only had one answer. A house. That might sound far fetched to those of you reading this who enjoy the homes you live in. I have a son who will be graduating in a year and a half. He and I cannot sit down together with the rest of the family and enjoy a meal at the family table because we do not have one in our rent house. There is not room. Our dining table sits in storage where month after month I pay to store it along with our couch and other furniture. This is not acceptable to me. This is not God's destiny for us. Though I struggled for a long while whether God really called me to start this church I have come to settle that He did. Therefore, He wills my family to be here. I also believe He wills my family to live in a bigger house than we do. God owns everything. He owns the house I have in Seminole. He can sell it any moment He wants to. God has all the provision I need to get into a new house. Hundreds and even thousands of dollars are not a problem for Him. They may look like mountains to us but not to Him. So I ask God to do for my family what so many of you have taken for granted. I ask and believe Him for a home where all my family can sit in the living room without someone sitting on the floor. I ask Him for a home where we can all sit at our dining table and enjoy meals and conversation together. I ask Him for a home where we can entertain and use the home for ministry. I ask Him for our third miracle house. I have seen God do it twice before when we had nothing. Now, I am believing Him to do it a third time for His glory. I will testify about it. I will write about it and cast all glory onto the Lord Almighty. I do not know how or when it will happen but just as sure as I sit here writing I believe God has a house for my family.
I also believe God has a plan for Faith Community Church. We should become a church of multiple hundreds impacting Wise County and beyond. Though leaving is easier than staying I recommit myself to this church. Whether I am compensated by the church or not I put my hand to the wheel of this ship and set the course for the future. If I go down I will down with the ship believing God for miracles. Once our home has been secured I will set my sights on land and God's plan for building in the future.
I thank God for recapturing my lost faith and rebuilding it. Starting this church has been hard. God has sustained me in the good times as well as the bad. From the outside looking in you may not get it. You may not see what has been so hard. You may even criticize my lack of faith. I have opened myself up for that to happen and you would be correct. Unbelief and doubt in my book are sins. Sins that have clung to me like shackles and chains. God has unlocked the shackles and I am learning to be free again. Would you continue to join with me and pray with me believing God for a third miracle house and a miracle church? I thank God for recapturing and rebuilding my trust in Him and His goodness.
The challenges began immediately. Many of them you are familiar with if you have kept up with these posts. Some challenges I never saw coming. I attacked them like I always do with persistent prayer. Only this time the answers did not come. They did not come in a month, in six months in a year nor in a year and a half.
Somewhere along the way this supposed great prayer warrior and man of faith lost heart and faith. My prayers took on a different twist. I could pray about seeking God and yearning for Him to speak to me but I could not find faith to pray for miracles. It became increasingly difficult to pray for the church. When I say I lost faith this is no exaggeration. After hour upon hour spent in prayer so many things remain unchanged in and around in my life. I in turn gave up taking on the mentality what's the use praying. God is choosing not to answer.
I began battling severe bouts with depression. I would at times sit in the cafe, library, and eventually my office and stare at the walls. Soon I began mowing. Day in and day out I did my duty but I did not have faith. It felt lost forever. I sunk into deeper fits of depression and Brenda could not pull me out of it. In those days I willed myself to study, to preach, to have devotions and to simply show up each day just do life.
I am sad to report that season in my life lasted for nearly a year. Last week I was sitting in my office reading a book. I had been seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading for months but had no clear word from Him. Something in that book hit me. I can't even remember the line but in my heart something changed. It was like I said, "Okay I have had enough of this. It is time to recommit myself to this task of starting this church and to believe in God through prayer again no matter how long it takes." With that I made a decision to make a fresh start.
Shortly after that I made the hundred mile bike ride in west Texas. While there I had been invited to teach a Bible study to a few people in a living room. I felt impressed to teach from Rom 4:17-21 about the faith Abraham had toward God making him the father of many nations and giving him a child though advanced in age. "yet with respect to the promise of God he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith giving glory to God."[Rom 4:20]
For a year I wavered in unbelief and grew weaker and weaker. In that time God kept providing for Brenda and I in miraculous fashion. God used the loving, generous, and faithful people of Gaines County to send us $29,000 in provision without our ever asking for it. Though my faith proved to be faithless God continued to show Himself faithful. Though I floundered in depression God continued to save the lost. We continued to celebrate baptisms.
In the past week God not only recaptured my faith but has also begun to rebuild that faith. Though my circumstances have not changed I have renewed my dedication to this work. I have refocused my praying for the church asking God to send us people with a mind to work, pray, and to give. I have started praying for a house again in this community. I have resolved that with a son about to be a senior next year I cannot move him again. So God has recaptured my lost faith and begun the process of rebuilding it.
When Brenda asked me what I wanted for Christmas I only had one answer. A house. That might sound far fetched to those of you reading this who enjoy the homes you live in. I have a son who will be graduating in a year and a half. He and I cannot sit down together with the rest of the family and enjoy a meal at the family table because we do not have one in our rent house. There is not room. Our dining table sits in storage where month after month I pay to store it along with our couch and other furniture. This is not acceptable to me. This is not God's destiny for us. Though I struggled for a long while whether God really called me to start this church I have come to settle that He did. Therefore, He wills my family to be here. I also believe He wills my family to live in a bigger house than we do. God owns everything. He owns the house I have in Seminole. He can sell it any moment He wants to. God has all the provision I need to get into a new house. Hundreds and even thousands of dollars are not a problem for Him. They may look like mountains to us but not to Him. So I ask God to do for my family what so many of you have taken for granted. I ask and believe Him for a home where all my family can sit in the living room without someone sitting on the floor. I ask Him for a home where we can all sit at our dining table and enjoy meals and conversation together. I ask Him for a home where we can entertain and use the home for ministry. I ask Him for our third miracle house. I have seen God do it twice before when we had nothing. Now, I am believing Him to do it a third time for His glory. I will testify about it. I will write about it and cast all glory onto the Lord Almighty. I do not know how or when it will happen but just as sure as I sit here writing I believe God has a house for my family.
I also believe God has a plan for Faith Community Church. We should become a church of multiple hundreds impacting Wise County and beyond. Though leaving is easier than staying I recommit myself to this church. Whether I am compensated by the church or not I put my hand to the wheel of this ship and set the course for the future. If I go down I will down with the ship believing God for miracles. Once our home has been secured I will set my sights on land and God's plan for building in the future.
I thank God for recapturing my lost faith and rebuilding it. Starting this church has been hard. God has sustained me in the good times as well as the bad. From the outside looking in you may not get it. You may not see what has been so hard. You may even criticize my lack of faith. I have opened myself up for that to happen and you would be correct. Unbelief and doubt in my book are sins. Sins that have clung to me like shackles and chains. God has unlocked the shackles and I am learning to be free again. Would you continue to join with me and pray with me believing God for a third miracle house and a miracle church? I thank God for recapturing and rebuilding my trust in Him and His goodness.
The Ride for Honduras
The ride started at 7:30 a.m. with temperatures hovering around thirty-six degrees. I rode alone with the exception of car following me to protect me from traffic and carry fluids and food. In the initial hours my hands began to tingle from the cold temperatures. The first leg of the ride was forty-two miles from Seminole to Lamesa. I had hoped to ride faster but cross winds slowed me a ten mile per hour pace.
I ate a sandwich and a banana while downing some gatorade once arriving in Lamesa. Then it was off the small community of Welch. I pedaled thinking of all the people praying for me. I pedaled thinking of the doctors in Honduras and their need to remove the $35,000 debt. I pedaled thinking about my boys and wanting to set an example of being a finisher and not a quitter for them.
My back ached, my bottom ached, my legs began to tighten but with God's help I kept pedaling. At times it did not appear I was making much progress especially after reaching Welch and turning west to head for Loop and Seagraves. At this turn I began riding into a stiff headwind. The winds picked up after about twenty miles to twenty-five miles per hour. When I arrived in Loop for a scheduled rest I began calculating how slow I was riding. I knew I would not finish before the sun went down if I kept riding into the wind. At this point I began to lose heart. I had been about eighty miles and the thought of fighting that wind another twenty miles seemed unbearable.
It was suggested I ride the last twenty miles with the wind at my back. It had not been at my back the whole day. I agreed and turned around. For most of the day I had ridden at a ten mile per hour pace. When I rode the last twenty miles I averaged about eighteen miles per hour. I reached mile one hundred somewhere between Welch and O'Donnell. There were no cheering crowds. It was just the Lord, me, and the two people following me in the truck. That was fitting. I never rode for the applause of people. I rode for the hope we could see the financial mountain of debt left on the hospital removed. I rode for the glory of God. He finished in me!
The whole ride took me nine and a half hours. My back felt every bit of it. Not long after getting off the bike my legs began to tighten and to cramp. I am thankful for great advice I received before hand on how to handle this. I am thankful for nutritional advice received for how to prepare pre ride, during the ride, and post ride. I rode two days ago and thank the Lord I have felt very little pain or soreness even today.
That ride proved to be so much more than a ride. It proved to be an analogy for my life and ministry starting Faith Community Church. God used that ride to refocus me on the task at hand. There were a couple of times I felt tempted to quit the ride especially when facing the adversity of the wind. There have been numerous times when I have contemplated quitting this church but God is calling me to finish.
I got through every mile by praying and continuously pedaling. I just keep turning those pedals over and over mile after mile. I seldom felt winded but my lower back ached. My legs got tired and tightened. My bottom ached being much larger than the small bicycle seat. No matter how I shifted I could not get relief the final sixty miles. It just hurt but plodding ahead and leaning on God for strength we made it.
In the same way I have to keep plodding ahead in planting this church. We have many challenges not the least being lack of finances to keep advancing. Yet, daily God provides for this church and for my family. Monday after Monday, week after week, Sunday after Sunday we press on. We continue to labor. God continues to save the lost especially among students. God continues to draw new people. I continue to pray, study, preach, teach, and lead trusting God for breakthrough. I continue to serve these people and this community one day at a time. I keep seeking God for changes in our housing situation one day at a time. I am determined to see this change.
In the pictures when I finished the ride I found it interesting that in one picture where I have my hands raised there is a yield sign behind me. I do not feel that was coincidence. I feel that was God speaking to me and reminding me to yield to Him. I have to stay the course here for now.
So I got my mind right on the drive back home the next day. I resolved to continue my labor here regardless of financial compensation. Despite the challenges I keep pedaling ahead at Faith Community with prayer, labor, and preaching. Failure is not an option.
To all of you who prayed for me during the ride I thank you. To my two angels who followed me the majority of the ride thank you for your love, words of encouragements and help in keeping me hydrated and nourished. For my hosts for the weekend thank you for your love, service in planning the ride and hospitality but most of all for telling me to ride with the wind to finish. To all who have stood with us prayerfully and financially in the work of starting Faith Community Church I thank you. Please do not cease praying with us now.
It was amazing how the smoothly the last twenty miles of that ride went when I rode with the wind and not against it. That is the primary lesson I am taking from that ride for my life and ministry here. I want to raise the sails of this church and my life and catch the wind of God at my back to ride with Him and not against Him.
For too long I have fought God on remaining here. I don't know how long God will have me here but for this time this is where I am and where I am to remain faithful. I am to labor here to keep pedaling forward in faith. The rest is up to God.
I ate a sandwich and a banana while downing some gatorade once arriving in Lamesa. Then it was off the small community of Welch. I pedaled thinking of all the people praying for me. I pedaled thinking of the doctors in Honduras and their need to remove the $35,000 debt. I pedaled thinking about my boys and wanting to set an example of being a finisher and not a quitter for them.
My back ached, my bottom ached, my legs began to tighten but with God's help I kept pedaling. At times it did not appear I was making much progress especially after reaching Welch and turning west to head for Loop and Seagraves. At this turn I began riding into a stiff headwind. The winds picked up after about twenty miles to twenty-five miles per hour. When I arrived in Loop for a scheduled rest I began calculating how slow I was riding. I knew I would not finish before the sun went down if I kept riding into the wind. At this point I began to lose heart. I had been about eighty miles and the thought of fighting that wind another twenty miles seemed unbearable.
It was suggested I ride the last twenty miles with the wind at my back. It had not been at my back the whole day. I agreed and turned around. For most of the day I had ridden at a ten mile per hour pace. When I rode the last twenty miles I averaged about eighteen miles per hour. I reached mile one hundred somewhere between Welch and O'Donnell. There were no cheering crowds. It was just the Lord, me, and the two people following me in the truck. That was fitting. I never rode for the applause of people. I rode for the hope we could see the financial mountain of debt left on the hospital removed. I rode for the glory of God. He finished in me!
The whole ride took me nine and a half hours. My back felt every bit of it. Not long after getting off the bike my legs began to tighten and to cramp. I am thankful for great advice I received before hand on how to handle this. I am thankful for nutritional advice received for how to prepare pre ride, during the ride, and post ride. I rode two days ago and thank the Lord I have felt very little pain or soreness even today.
That ride proved to be so much more than a ride. It proved to be an analogy for my life and ministry starting Faith Community Church. God used that ride to refocus me on the task at hand. There were a couple of times I felt tempted to quit the ride especially when facing the adversity of the wind. There have been numerous times when I have contemplated quitting this church but God is calling me to finish.
I got through every mile by praying and continuously pedaling. I just keep turning those pedals over and over mile after mile. I seldom felt winded but my lower back ached. My legs got tired and tightened. My bottom ached being much larger than the small bicycle seat. No matter how I shifted I could not get relief the final sixty miles. It just hurt but plodding ahead and leaning on God for strength we made it.
In the same way I have to keep plodding ahead in planting this church. We have many challenges not the least being lack of finances to keep advancing. Yet, daily God provides for this church and for my family. Monday after Monday, week after week, Sunday after Sunday we press on. We continue to labor. God continues to save the lost especially among students. God continues to draw new people. I continue to pray, study, preach, teach, and lead trusting God for breakthrough. I continue to serve these people and this community one day at a time. I keep seeking God for changes in our housing situation one day at a time. I am determined to see this change.
In the pictures when I finished the ride I found it interesting that in one picture where I have my hands raised there is a yield sign behind me. I do not feel that was coincidence. I feel that was God speaking to me and reminding me to yield to Him. I have to stay the course here for now.
So I got my mind right on the drive back home the next day. I resolved to continue my labor here regardless of financial compensation. Despite the challenges I keep pedaling ahead at Faith Community with prayer, labor, and preaching. Failure is not an option.
To all of you who prayed for me during the ride I thank you. To my two angels who followed me the majority of the ride thank you for your love, words of encouragements and help in keeping me hydrated and nourished. For my hosts for the weekend thank you for your love, service in planning the ride and hospitality but most of all for telling me to ride with the wind to finish. To all who have stood with us prayerfully and financially in the work of starting Faith Community Church I thank you. Please do not cease praying with us now.
It was amazing how the smoothly the last twenty miles of that ride went when I rode with the wind and not against it. That is the primary lesson I am taking from that ride for my life and ministry here. I want to raise the sails of this church and my life and catch the wind of God at my back to ride with Him and not against Him.
For too long I have fought God on remaining here. I don't know how long God will have me here but for this time this is where I am and where I am to remain faithful. I am to labor here to keep pedaling forward in faith. The rest is up to God.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Time to Teach
In just about eight minutes I will step out of this office and make my way to the meeting room where our adults will embark on the last study in our series through the book of I Timothy. It stirs my heart and mind that I have been given this sacred trust to break open the bread of life and to feed the flock God has entrusted to me.
The size of the crowd does not matter. I will most assuredly have taught and preached to more than will assemble tonight. That does not matter. What really matters is that I get to teach the word of God and hopefully help people advance further in the kingdom of God.
I am grateful for God's revelation of truth to me personally so I can in turn share that truth with those who come to feed their souls. It is a sacred trust that I take seriously. I have asked God to reveal truth and to bring about life transformation tonight. I have asked for God's fresh anointing. I relish this opportunity to labor in the word of life.
It is time to teach. Even as I write these final words I can hear the conversations of those who have gathered. I know they come hungry. Their souls are starving for truth and I trust the Lord will not disappoint them. I must go for it is time to teach.
The size of the crowd does not matter. I will most assuredly have taught and preached to more than will assemble tonight. That does not matter. What really matters is that I get to teach the word of God and hopefully help people advance further in the kingdom of God.
I am grateful for God's revelation of truth to me personally so I can in turn share that truth with those who come to feed their souls. It is a sacred trust that I take seriously. I have asked God to reveal truth and to bring about life transformation tonight. I have asked for God's fresh anointing. I relish this opportunity to labor in the word of life.
It is time to teach. Even as I write these final words I can hear the conversations of those who have gathered. I know they come hungry. Their souls are starving for truth and I trust the Lord will not disappoint them. I must go for it is time to teach.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
A New Beginning
Lord, you met with me today seated at this desk table,
Reminding me through prayer and reading you're able,
To wash away the past, the doubts, fears, and the pain,
To let me start over - erasing the past - beginning again,
It has been a difficult journey - a long tumultuous walk,
I have preached faith - I've continually talked the talk,
Now you call me to live in truth and to persevere in belief,
You call me to unload my burdens while enjoying your relief,
This is a new beginning - not built up or based on emotions,
More resolve born out of times sitting with you in devotion,
I want to finish those things you have put deep in my heart,
I want to complete by faith what you have called me to start,
I start over, begin afresh, gain new perspective and beginning,
With faith and joy no longer to fail but pressing on till winning.
- ME
12-4-12
Paradise, TX
Reminding me through prayer and reading you're able,
To wash away the past, the doubts, fears, and the pain,
To let me start over - erasing the past - beginning again,
It has been a difficult journey - a long tumultuous walk,
I have preached faith - I've continually talked the talk,
Now you call me to live in truth and to persevere in belief,
You call me to unload my burdens while enjoying your relief,
This is a new beginning - not built up or based on emotions,
More resolve born out of times sitting with you in devotion,
I want to finish those things you have put deep in my heart,
I want to complete by faith what you have called me to start,
I start over, begin afresh, gain new perspective and beginning,
With faith and joy no longer to fail but pressing on till winning.
- ME
12-4-12
Paradise, TX
A Fresh Start
Today I made several critical decisions all involving a fresh start. One of those is to renew myself in the labor of Faith Community Church. I am unclear if I will labor here for decades or for a few years. What I do know is this is where I am this is where I am to be faithful. This is where I live, serve, preach, teach, love, shepherd, invest, and labor.
I have spent a good deal of time in recent days re-examing my call to start this church. What seemed so absolutely clear and mandated from God at the time has become more obscure and confusing through the lenses of adversity. Regardless I renew myself to this task. I have asked God for clear confirmation but not received it other than He keeps providing for my family and this church when times get lean. I renew myself to the tasks of preaching, prayer, loving, and leading this flock.
I also renewed myself to the hope of getting a new home here in Paradise. I gave up on that dream back in the summer and quit praying about it. I have a son who will be a senior next year. He sleeps in a room with a curtain for a door. God has better for my family than that. I am not rich monetarily but in the past I have been rich in faith. In the past I have bought cars and homes on faith and it is my full ambition to do that again. I am resolved to start this prayer pursuit all over. God has better than where we live for my family. I am convinced of it. He has all the money I will ever need and standing on the promises of Ps 37:4, Heb 11:6 and I Jn 5:14-15 I intend to see this mountain moved. So I renew myself to persevere in prayer not only for my house to sell in Seminole but also for God to provide a way to get into a house here in Paradise.
There is another area I have chosen to get a fresh start in. I am not at liberty to share it at this time but suffice it to say God has stirred something in me that has been dormant for a long while. When I say a long while I am talking about a decade. This is something I am to pursue. I feel His peace about it and set my mind and heart to complete this task.
So today is a day for a fresh start in a lot of ways. It feels good. The air seems fresher. My steps seem lighter. My spirit free. My attitude is filled with hope. My faith has been renewed even I see the journey ahead as long with many trials but with God's help we will prevail.
I have not written about Faith Community Church in some time. We are not growing as much but we have been but we do have a solid group on Sunday mornings. We have the highest consistent numbers in the history of our church. We are having the largest crowds of adults on Wednesday nights we have ever had. We have nearly doubled this group as we study God's word verse by verse. We are just about to conclude our study of I Timothy this Wednesday night. We have between a dozen and two dozen children on Wednesday nights and the largest group of teenagers I have ever personally led. I keep hammering them with God's word and they keep coming in droves. It has been amazing. We rejoice that one week ago God saved four more teenagers. Three weeks ago we celebrated the baptism of three high school boys. All glory to God.
Financially the church has struggled. Money has been very tight. Yet, God has continually provided. He has used people from all over the state of Texas to partner with us in this work. Again all the glory goes to God.
The work is not easy and the challenges remain monumental. God has been and continues to be and will always remain faithful. We persevere with Him. I find great joy in sharing His word. He continues to work through the preaching and teaching ministries. Again all glory goes to God. He sustains me, provides for me, counsels me, renews me, and strengthens me for the work. He is also the one who brought me to a place of fresh start today.
There are no heightened emotions in this decision. It is Tuesday afternoon and while praying and reading I simply made the decision to start afresh in several areas of my life. It is more of a resolve than emotions. A decision born out of necessity and determination. There is work to be done and I intend to be involved in that work. Please continue to pray with us and for us.
I have spent a good deal of time in recent days re-examing my call to start this church. What seemed so absolutely clear and mandated from God at the time has become more obscure and confusing through the lenses of adversity. Regardless I renew myself to this task. I have asked God for clear confirmation but not received it other than He keeps providing for my family and this church when times get lean. I renew myself to the tasks of preaching, prayer, loving, and leading this flock.
I also renewed myself to the hope of getting a new home here in Paradise. I gave up on that dream back in the summer and quit praying about it. I have a son who will be a senior next year. He sleeps in a room with a curtain for a door. God has better for my family than that. I am not rich monetarily but in the past I have been rich in faith. In the past I have bought cars and homes on faith and it is my full ambition to do that again. I am resolved to start this prayer pursuit all over. God has better than where we live for my family. I am convinced of it. He has all the money I will ever need and standing on the promises of Ps 37:4, Heb 11:6 and I Jn 5:14-15 I intend to see this mountain moved. So I renew myself to persevere in prayer not only for my house to sell in Seminole but also for God to provide a way to get into a house here in Paradise.
There is another area I have chosen to get a fresh start in. I am not at liberty to share it at this time but suffice it to say God has stirred something in me that has been dormant for a long while. When I say a long while I am talking about a decade. This is something I am to pursue. I feel His peace about it and set my mind and heart to complete this task.
So today is a day for a fresh start in a lot of ways. It feels good. The air seems fresher. My steps seem lighter. My spirit free. My attitude is filled with hope. My faith has been renewed even I see the journey ahead as long with many trials but with God's help we will prevail.
I have not written about Faith Community Church in some time. We are not growing as much but we have been but we do have a solid group on Sunday mornings. We have the highest consistent numbers in the history of our church. We are having the largest crowds of adults on Wednesday nights we have ever had. We have nearly doubled this group as we study God's word verse by verse. We are just about to conclude our study of I Timothy this Wednesday night. We have between a dozen and two dozen children on Wednesday nights and the largest group of teenagers I have ever personally led. I keep hammering them with God's word and they keep coming in droves. It has been amazing. We rejoice that one week ago God saved four more teenagers. Three weeks ago we celebrated the baptism of three high school boys. All glory to God.
Financially the church has struggled. Money has been very tight. Yet, God has continually provided. He has used people from all over the state of Texas to partner with us in this work. Again all the glory goes to God.
The work is not easy and the challenges remain monumental. God has been and continues to be and will always remain faithful. We persevere with Him. I find great joy in sharing His word. He continues to work through the preaching and teaching ministries. Again all glory goes to God. He sustains me, provides for me, counsels me, renews me, and strengthens me for the work. He is also the one who brought me to a place of fresh start today.
There are no heightened emotions in this decision. It is Tuesday afternoon and while praying and reading I simply made the decision to start afresh in several areas of my life. It is more of a resolve than emotions. A decision born out of necessity and determination. There is work to be done and I intend to be involved in that work. Please continue to pray with us and for us.
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