One Year Reflections

I have written much about our journey in planting Faith Community Church. If you have kept up with this journey you know there have been some good days as well as some very tough days for us. Today Faith Community celebrated one year of God's faithfulness.

Many people gave testimonies. They talked about how the church started with prayer. One lady talked about how her and her children began praying that God would move us back. While she prayed God began working on my heart out in west Texas.

I went back to Seminole this week. I returned home emotionally drained. I spent time with so many people we love out there. I sat in the sanctuary grieving for a young family who lost their seven year old daughter to a brain tumor. I wept for them during the funeral service and wept wondering why God called me out there to begin with only to release me and call me to the enormous task of starting a church only two years later. I left Seminole with a heavy heart the first time and again this time. I returned to Paradise confused.

I do not nor have I ever doubted God's call for us to start this church. The cost has been high. I have felt more assault from the enemy over the past year than any other year I can remember. I have waged war in my mind to not dwell on what we gave up to come back here. I have fought to dwell on the vision of this new church. There have been many bouts with depression when I questioned God. I have struggled to understand why my family had to give up so much. I have often driven around this community wondering and asking God why others get to live in adequate housing and my family still has to wait on the sale of our house thirteen months later.

I had a hard time driving by our house in Seminole where another family lives as they continue to lease the house from us. I questioned God why the house has not sold. I cannot comprehend the answer. I have questioned God why we went from things being so good to things being a struggle.We went from the pinnacle of our ministry to starting over. God has not answered those questions. He has simply called me to follow Him and to trust Him.

As one person after another gave their testimonies this morning my heart rejoiced over those who trusted Christ as their Savior over the past year. We heard from four of them. I rejoiced as we watched the highlight video from the whole year. We enjoyed scenes from our celebration of baptisms. We saw pictures from our first Sunday in the day care. We relived our days in the junior high and high school cafeterias. In countless ways God has blessed this church.

What started out as a prayer meeting with six people has now grown much larger. We have celebrated baptisms twenty-one times in the last year. We have grown in our faith to remodel and move to our current lease facilities. We have planted roots here for the next two years. We thanked God for the three new families this morning who all stayed to eat with us after the service. We all pulled together to put up tables and reset this chairs for next week. The people cooked above and beyond the call of duty to provide a bountiful feast after church. No Thanksgiving feast could have been more plenteous.

People loved on one another. The fellowship among children, teens, and adults blessed the soul. I am convinced the people of Faith Community really love one another. We have grown together through the trials and hardships. God has given these people a mind to work. We have to work together.

Floods of memories and emotions came over me today. I recall all too well leaving Brenda and the three younger boys behind in Seminole for over a month to start this church. Brenda opened up to me recently and told me the five months we did not get to share a bed together have affected her. She still has a hard time when I go out of town and she has to sleep alone again. I also remember our pleasant reunion when they finally joined Taylor and I here. I shared with the church this morning the pain that stabbed my heart when the school classified us as homeless when we enrolled the boys. That day was one of the all time lows in my life. I walked out of the school trying to be strong for Brenda and the boys but feeling like a failure.

I recall the next five months as she lived in a house of a member and I lived in the RV on the same property. Eventually Turner started coming out to sleep with me. Those days were a challenge for all us  including our host. When the door opened for us to move into a rent house I had mixed emotions. We were ready to be in our own space but that space proved to be very small. I finally relented believing we would only live there a short while. That was nine months ago. I have questioned God. He has given no answers other than for me to trust Him and to keep doing what I am doing.

Over the past year the shine of the dream wore off on me in light of the many trials we faced. In the midst of all of it I felt I had no one to talk to. Seldom have I felt more alone than in the past year and yet God has sustained me. Those quiet times in the RV, local cafe, libraries, and the rent house proved fuel to my weary soul. My times with the Lord in this office strengthen me to keep going after this dream.

In time God brought me out of the pit of despair. Interesting enough this happened at exactly the same time the church began to grow again after a period of decline. It has been slow but for three straight months (summer months mind you when typical church attendance dwindles) Faith Community has seen a steady increase in attendance. Today we had the third highest attendance we have ever had and the highest attendance since we moved into the warehouse.

Over the past year the attitudes of many of those in opposition to this church start have softened. Many of those on the ground floor of Faith Community were accused of following a man rather than God. I realized today it has not been easy for them either. Let God be the judge whether they followed God or a man. I still grieve the loss of some of these relationships. I love them as I always have. I miss them. The bonds of love forged in my heart over the four year period we served here previously have not been cut for me. God will be the judge of whether I really followed Him back here at His bidding to start this church.

In my prayer times as of late I have confessed to the Lord how tired I am. I rejoice with the rest of the church at all God has done in the past year. I have also labored under the strain of emotional confusion, physical exhaustion, and spiritual burn out over the past year. In the past I have always been able to take a prayer retreat when I felt the same way. That has not happened. There has always been something to get in the way. I have willed myself to keep going when what I have really wanted to do at times has been to go away and be renewed and refreshed. I know this will happen in time.

I have experienced moments of near euphoria over the past year and I have been stuck in the miry clay of doubt, confusion, and disillusionment. Through it all I have prayed, preached, and tried to stay the course. I do not doubt this is where God has planted the Edwards family. I have questioned God as to why about many things. He has not given me answers.

In the end I find it best when I simply surrender. I am not in control. I am not in control of what people in the community think about this church. I am not in control of how I am treated. I am not in control of my financial well being. I am not in control of my housing situation. I live in peace when I choose to surrender and trust God with the outcome of all the above.

This past year has been a good year. It has been hard and we have faced some trials as a family and as a church family of faith. We have beheld the power of God on more than one occasion. We have prayed together, dreamed together, and we have at times wept together. We have experienced God. We have labored together. It has been an adventurous ride with many twists and turns.

Our teenagers have met outside, in a small daycare room, in an old gymnasium, at a football stadium, and now in the warehouse. Through it all God has built a dynamic youth group. We also have several children laughing and adding life to our congregation.

What will God do in year two? I know it will be a thrilling ride. God will help us overcome. Many new people will be added to the kingdom as we watch God save and then celebrate their new birth with baptism. Praise the Lord. We are off and running the next leg of this journey. We expect God to do greater things in year number two.