I really do not even know where to begin today. When I think my times with the Lord cannot get any more intense or sweeter He proves me wrong on both accounts. I have been lingering with the Lord for the past several hours and He has chastised me, exhorted me, cast vision for me, spoken to me, and once again loved on me. These experiences are more real than I can put into words. They have become the highlight of my days. I come into His presence like a giddy child to the tree on Christmas morning.
Today God had a clear message and direction for me. In essence it revolved around this issue. Do I trust God to use me in greater ways? He wills to do it but I harbored some deep seated doubts on this matter over the years. In order to clarify this I am going to have back way up and tell you a part of my story I rarely share.
Back in 1991 God began speaking something to me I did not tell many. I can remember the time and place God first spoke to me that He planned to use me in great ways. I was riding with a friend on a four thousand acre ranch outside Weatherford, TX when I shared this with him. Time passed and though I often saw the Lord using me and He accomplished some wonderful things my ministry remained pretty average.
The next time I remember God speaking to me about this issue was at a revival. I went down for the altar call pouring my heart out to God. He spoke the words, "The world will be your pulpit." I came out of that night expecting many things to happen. Not long after that I became a full time evangelist and took my first mission trip outside the country to Cuba. I thought God was making straight His way to fulfill what I sensed Him tell me that night.
During those traveling years God continued to speak to me repeatedly about being used in significant ways for Him. One of the things He spoke me was from [Jer 1:5] On that morning the Lord reassured me He had appointed me to be a prophet to the nations. Not long afterward He spoke to me while on a prayer walk out in the woods at the Pineywoods Baptist Encampment. All He told me had me convinced God would open strategic doors and put me in places to do great things for Him.
Time passed. I saw wonderful moves of God but for the most part I preached in small churches in towns most have never heard of. I was grateful to be used in any capacity but I kept waiting for the Lord to do these things He kept putting in my heart. Many times it seemed no doors opened at all. All around me I saw friends being used to do great things for the Lord and I kept asking the Lord, "What is wrong with me? Why won't you use me to do more for you?"
I left the full time traveling ministry to start a church in 2002. In the end, after four years of praying and labor, the church disbanded. My heart broke and something else broke on the inside of me. I quit believing God would ever use in me in a greater capacity. I came to grips with the fact I was an ordinary man and would have an ordinary ministry. This thought was more deeply engrained when I was turned down by thirty-two different churches to serve as their pastor during that span.
After the church disbanded Brenda and I waited eighteen months before God opened another ministry for us. FBC Paradise was not a large church. They had come on some hard times with attendance less than sixty. I contented myself with the Lord that I would live out my days serving Him and the small flock God had entrusted to me when they extended a call to use to become their pastor. I did not have to have ministry success or pastor a large church. I was grateful to have a place to serve.
While driving to an appointment one day and listening to a message by Bruce Wilkerson the Lord invaded the cab of my truck and it became the meeting place for a Moses like divine encounter. God chastised me for my lack of vision. Once again He let me know His plans to use me were much greater than my own.
Once again time passed. We saw wonderful things at FBC Paradise. Unexpectedly God interrupted our comfortable lives and ministry there and called us to the west Texas town of Seminole. I wrestled with the Lord for months about this. God kept speaking Genesis 12:1-2. In obedience we left the best ministry we had known to that point in our lives where God had worked.
In west Texas at FBC Seminole we enjoyed seeing God do things we had never seen in our ministry. I also had the blessing of getting to preach outside the walls of the church through our television ministry. God provided for us to buy a house. We experienced true revival and many people in that church hungered for the word of God and I mean all of it. I worked with a great staff and then unexpectedly again during December of 2010 the Lord began speaking one message to me over and over again. He kept telling me to follow Him even though I had no idea what following Him meant or where it would lead. This meant God was calling us to give the largest and most influential ministry we had known.
Over those seven months the message became clear. I was to return to Paradise, TX to start what is now Faith Community Church. I left Seminole with no idea what the new church would pay me and with no place to live except in a borrowed RV. It was a step of faith.
Things started fast for the new church. Within three weeks the church had tripled in attendance. We had to move out of the day care we met in our first Sunday due to lack of space. Over the months the newness wore off. Some found starting a church to be a lot more work than they had bargained for. Others drifted to other churches. The church settled into an average attendance much smaller than we experienced that first month.
I became frustrated and entertained the thought that maybe I had gotten it wrong and should have never left Seminole. Adding to our frustrations was the fact that our house had still not sold. It still has not though the Lord did provide someone to lease it.
During all of this I slowly began to resolve that my destiny in life was to be an average pastor and serve a modest sized church. I doubted God would ever use me in the ways He had put in my heart over the years. I thought I had gotten it wrong. The books that I wrote I determined would sell a few hundred or maybe a few thousand copies but I would never become a well known or well read author. It was easier to live this way. For years I had felt like a horse chasing the carrot dangling in front of his face but always out of reach. Eventually I wearied of the chase I began to believe I would never taste my ministry dreams.
That is until this morning. There is no way I can go into all the details but God once again convicted me for doubting His desire and ability to use me. The specifics are not important but the message that God wills and desires to use ordinary people like you and me came through crystal clear. "For consider your calling brethren that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many noble, but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong., and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God." [I Cor 6:26-29]
God has chosen to use weak, flawed, uneducated and very average people in history to do some extraordinary things. Why? God got all the glory for working through such ordinary people. My doubt in believing God is going to use to me to do some extraordinary things was called out. I had to admit my guilt and surrender in repentance.
I know God plans to use me on a broader scale as an author and I think this Forty Days To Shake the City devotional book is part of that plan. My job is to seek Him and grow in Him and let the overflow of that walk with the Lord come out in my books and blogs. It is totally up to God how far and wide that writing ministry goes. All I know is that God desires to use me as a writer so I keep writing.
The other thing I know for certain is God has called me to pastor Faith Community Church. Many have doubted and debated this call but I know for sure this is where God wants me and time will prove it out. This is once again a labor for love for me. God has pulled back the veil on this vision just enough to reinvigorate my love for Him, this flock, and this community.
I know many of you who read these blogs doubt God to use you in mighty ways. I have heard many of you say so with my own ears. You are to be convicted just as I was today. God is not looking for more talent and more ability. He is looking for more submission and more availability. I have given Him that in my life. God and I communed today for hours to settle this. I have come out accepting God's will and plans no matter how long it takes. He desires to use me in greater ways.
Will you trust and submit? Why can God not use you as much as He used other normal people in the past. Maybe you consider yourself below average. Perfect! All the more reason for you to trust in Him and boast in Him when He works through you. As Henry Blackaby has written when you say God cannot use you, you are saying more about what you believe about God and His ability than yourself.
What do I say today. I am the Lord's. I am available for small assignments or larger ones. I will walk in the good works He prepared for me beforehand because I am His workmanship in Christ Jesus. [Eph 2:10] I will love Him and serve Him and trust the results to Him.
Regardless of the assignment God has entrusted to you, whether big or small, God wants our faith and faithfulness. I intend to give Him both in my life. Do not be surprised as you see Faith Community grow in attendance and influence. Do not be surprised when you discover my books in bookstores around world. Those are the things I believe God for and I believe He wills for me.
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