Turner sat in my lap as we went through devotions together. He is hungry for God. He is eager to answer the questions in Bible study class. He does not always get the answers right but he is listening and wants to learn. We talked about deep things. We talked about repentance, hypocrisy, resting in and enjoying God. Pretty deep stuff for a kid who just finished third grade.
I recall times in my life when I hungered and yearned for God like that. When I first got saved I had an insatiable appetite for God and His word. I bought my own Bible and took it to class with me. I became so engrossed reading about the crucifixion of Jesus in English class I did not even hear the bell the ring to end class.
I've enjoyed seasons with the Lord when prayers just seemed to flow. Hours past and I had no recollection of time. In those moments my soul became caught up with the Lord and all that mattered to me was seeking Him and hearing from Him. Those encounters with have been so real it seemed God was sitting right next to me.
There have been other seasons in my life when Bible reading and prayer seemed like a chore. There were times I willed myself to do these things but had very little enjoyment in them. There have been numerous times when I did not feel I got anything out of it. I still had devotions but they lost the savor for me. My mind and heart were distracted by other things. God was not the chief ambition of my life in those moments.
O, today I pray for the heart of a little child like Turner. Not being loaded down with burdens and responsibilities I long to simply love Jesus and to remain at His feet. I long for the heart to want to know more about Him, more of Him experientially, and to unashamedly tell others about Him. As we grow up responsibilities increase but often our childlike faith and love for Jesus shrink at the same time.
On this glorious pursuit I long for more of God. Other things I have longed for and chased after have faded. They are not the chief ambitions of my life. This is not fanciful talk or something that looks good in print. In these days the chief ambition of my life is to seek more of God and to serve Him more faithfully.
I spent an entire day mowing. Temperatures peaked at 98 today. Tanner nearly got overheated wearing a black t-shirt. What I would have rather been doing is seeking the presence in the Lord in the solitary confines of my office. I would have rather been lost in the contemplation of a scripture than sitting on a mower. Yet, I found myself praying for the lost and talking to God even as I mowed. His presence never left me. The chair in my office can be a sanctuary as well as the seat on a mower.
David reflected the heart I long for in Ps 63:1-2. "O God you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh yearns for you as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary beholding your power and glory."
I hunger and thirst for more of God. Earnestly I seek more Him. I also want to see more of His power and glory displayed in all the churches and across the land. I will not settle for the cheap imitations of large crowds, cutting edge technology, or well oiled programs. I am not saying God cannot and does not use those things. I just know in my life I have contented myself on those broken cisterns in the past and found in and of themselves they do not hold water. No, I am after something grander. I have the person of God in my sights wanting more of Him poured out fresh in my heart and daily experience.
I have found a sweet satisfaction in this glorious pursuit I have not known in a long time. I have foolishly chased other things. I have chased the American dream, my own dreams, and ministry dreams. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of the only thing that really matters and that is God Himself. He has narrowed my focus.
I can say in this moment I desire nothing more than God. "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire more than you." [Ps 73:25] Not a larger church. Not a larger salary. Not a larger house. I am not saying I never desire those things but in this moment none of those hold greater sway over my heart than more of God. He is my glorious pursuit.
As the glorious pursuit continues I feel like an explorer climbing a mountain. When I finally get high enough to get over one peak it expands my view to see endless ranges and peaks. This glorious pursuit is the endless climb upward in God for eternity. It is my life's ambition. Each day God allows me to see a little more of Him and to experience more of Him. There is a contentment in this. I feel more peace and more settled than I have in a year and a half. For the first time in a long time God is my glorious pursuit. He is the chief object of my affections. Other things that long distracted me have lost their luster. There is nothing I desire on this planet more than God at this moment.
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