Real life is filled with drama. There are plot twists, turns, trials, and challenges. There are real life villains and heroes. There are sorrows, setbacks, and at times sufferings. Children of God are not immune. Some of the most righteous people suffered the most. Take for examples Joseph, Job and ultimately Jesus. None is immune.
After getting saved all I wanted to do was to follow Jesus. I never expected following Him would lead me to preach. I also never dreamed following God would lead me here.
Our dream church we planted nearly six years ago is barely hanging on by a thread. Thousands of hours of prayers over the past near six years have turned the downward spiral. For the month of March we took in 25% of what needed in offerings for the month. One Sunday the total offering summed $100. Things look pretty bleak.
After praying for God to move this mountain it only gets bigger. On top o this are the numerous financial tests Brenda and I face on a perusal level. . Just this week we had to put Brenda's car in the shop again. The bill totaled $2,300 dollars. I praise God our mechanic lets us pay it out. We had the vehicle home for one day before it malfunctioned again and needs to be repaired. Over the past several years we have spent over $11,000 keeping Brenda's car running.
Then there are the mounting medical bills mostly from my eye issues. Lazer surgeries, eye injections (25 of them to date), and another surgery have only brought temporary relief. I cannot see well enough to use my old preaching Bible. I had to get a large print edition and at times I even have trouble seeing it. I cannot enjoy reading like I used to because it is difficult to see the print.
I have prayed for my own healing. I have prayed Bible promises and spoken to this mountain. Others have prayed for my healing. The sad non fairy tale ending is my eye sight is getting worse. For His purposes God has not chosen to heal my eyes permanently, at least not yet. I still hope out hope He will choose to do so one day.
This is not the happily ever after I hoped for Brenda and I on our wedding day. Life has been hard. We have seen many people who pledged their love and loyalty turn their baks on us. We have seen churches grow. We have also witnessed the death of one other church plant. That took a huge toll on us. Over the years we have known God's blessing. We have seen our ministries flourish and grow.
In the fairy tale ending I planned on shepherding a great flock. I envisioned Brenda and I entering these years in far different circumstances. My great desire and prayer for years has been to pastor one church for decades and to build something God honoring. Well into middle aged I face the fact that this church plant just might not make it either. Another failure.
We face a far different reality. Nearly six years ago we packed up and left the church and ministry of our dreams in FBC Seminole to follow what we believed to be the call of God to plant a church. We took the initial faith steps. The church grew quickly. Much quicker than any of us anticipated. We worked hard but found joy in the work along with those dreaming our dream. Then like water leaking out of a broken bucket people started leaking out of Faith Community Church. At first, there were just a few. Then dozens left. The non fairy tale ending is I now pastor a flock of two dozen people. That's it. A few hanging on to a faint dream trying to keep the flickering flame alive. The reality is Faith Community Church may not make it. I cannot turn it around. I can't pray it to revival and power. I cannot plan and program a better outcome. We meet and nobody says the non fairy tale ending out loud but it on all our minds just the same. I see it all too well. I see it staring me in the face every single week. A sad reality.
So what am I to make of all this hardship and sadness? Is this just the sad tale of a sad preacher with a few big dreams and a broken heart. Is this all there is?
One great truth trumps all the pain, all the heartache, all the broken dreams, all the suffering, and all the set backs. There is a truth that keeps me going. Every Sunday when I stand before a couple of dozen people I hang onto this truth. One great truth helps me through the pain of failing eye sight and a slowly dying church. One great truth permeates my mind. This world is not my home.
For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. [Phil 1:21] (ESV)
1 Corinthians 2:9 (ESV)
9 But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”
I do love Him. I do not pretend to understand His ways. I know that no matter how bad things get down here it is going to get better in eternity. All of this will be behind me and be worth it thousands of times over to get to bask in His presence. So I press on. That will be greater than any fairly tale ending. That day will be worth all the pain, all the confusion, all the battles of faith, and all the frustrations. Life is not a fairly tale. Eternal life is better than any fairy tale could ever be.
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