Sitting here this morning many memories swarm my mind. I miss my Papaw. He was like a father to me. I used to lay in bed with him to watch Monday Night Football. Papaw loved sports. I loved them too and him. We shared that together. He bought my first baseball glove, a MacGregor. I played with that glove until all the padding in the palm of the glove wore thin.
When he died ,my sophomore year in high school, I wept and wept. I don't know if I've ever grieved more than I did when he died. The tears would not stop. All I wanted to do was to make him proud of me. I hate that he missed all my high school and college football days. I hate more he never met Brenda nor my children.
My Mamaw had great influence on me. She taught me three things. She was a giver. She loved to give gifts. She bought me my first suit for a Resurrection Sunday service. Who knew back then I spend much of my life in suits and in church houses. She also loved to read. Even when cooking a meal she would have a book in hand and read while she cooked. She did not watch television. She just red and worked. She took me to the Kurth Memorial Library in downtown Lufkin to get my first library card. I was hooked. I still remember walking up and down those aisles with thousands and thousands of books. I could not wait to make my selections. It was a special treat to get to go back time and again. Behind me are bookshelves lined with books. On top of my desk are stacks of new books I have not gotten to yer. Her love for reading lives in me. She introduced me the the Hardy Boys book series. I read nearly all of them. Mamaw also worked hard. She taught me to work hard. I am thankful for it.
I miss Momma. Momma had a hard life. Failed marriages, abuse, and working hard as a single mother to make a way for her children. I recall her working hard to get through nursing school even with children. She studied and eventually became a surgical nurse. She loved it. She also loved my brother, sisters and me. I think of the little things. A picnic at the lake. A trip to the Ellen Trout Zoo. Getting to go to the movies. And how can I forget those special treats to places like Ray's Drive In, Sonic and Burger King. We did not take those things for granted.
Momma died Mother's day weekend in 1998. It just dawned on me Mother's Day weekend is approaching. She died 19 years ago. She never even met Tucker or Turner. That saddens me.
I miss my old home church. Denman Avenue Baptist Church has played a vital role in my life. I can never thank God enough for putting Eli Bernard in my life to share the gospel with me and Charles Roberts to feed my soul from the word of God. Brother Charles supported me, opened doors for me, invested in me, nurtured me, and looked past my youthful ignorance and arrogance at times. He continues to be a role model for me. He gave over three decades of his life to Denman Avenue. My life is the richer because of it. When he baptized me I wondered if was strong enough to get me out of ht water. He assured me he could handle the job.
I took my first communion in that church. I surrendered to the ministry in the old sanctuary that is now converted into the children's area. I still treasure the license to ministry they gave me. It is framed hanging on the wall in my office.
Little memories come flashing back. Like pine straw. I hated to rake it. It fell thick on the ground and roof of the house. I would rake huge piles near the house and turn drudgery into fun as I would jump from the roof of the house into the pine straw. I had more fun doing that than a child on a bounce house. Raking that pine straw took all day. We raked it. Hauled it to a burn pile and burned it.
I recall playing whatever sport was in season with friends down the street. Our favorite teams were the Lufkin Panthers, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Houston Astros. Papaw took me to my first Lufkin High School football game. It felt like a professional game to this wild eyes youngster. I did not know that one day I would wear that purple and gold and shed blood and sweat on that field.
O, but something far more significant happened at Abe Martin Stadium than any football game I ever saw or played there.. I met Jesus there. I have often written about that day. I will not do so again here. Suffice it to say, Jesus sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold of God. Jesus changed my whole life back in October of 1983. He touched me and what joy filled my soul. What a glorious night when Jesus washed my sin away.
I seldom get back home these days. Mainly only for preaching assignments. I don't know why I find myself a little homesick this morning.
As much as I miss Lufkin and the wonderful people that touched my life back there that is not the true essence of my homesickness. I am homesick for heaven. There is a deep yearning in my soul for Beulah Land. I think of the day I get to lay this earthly tent down and be ushered into New Jerusalem. A day when Jesus I will see, when burdens and sorrows will be laid down, and when I will truly experience pure worship.
I am homesick for a place I have never been but only read about and imagined. I am homesick to leave this sin infested planet, to lay down my rotten carnal flesh, and to forever be with Jesus. I am ready when He is ready for me. That day may feel like loss to Brenda and the boys but it will be my gain. Philippians 1:21 (ESV)
21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
While there are joys, pleasant experiences, and blessings down here none of it compares to what lies in store for the saved to experience and enjoy all eternity long. I increasingly long for that day. I know this world is not my home and I am just passing through. I can only imagine what that day will be like. Because of His amazing grace, when the roll is called up yonder I will be there. Until then I'll love to tell the story and spend my days walking in the garden with Him.
One day my eyes will close for the last time. My breath will stop. In that second I will be more alive then than ever before. I will finally be home. I am homesick for that. Until then I am marching to Zion while leaning on His everlasting arms.
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