A Bitter Cup

The Lord extended to me a cup to drink. One smell warned me of a  unpleasant drink. I politely declined and asked for a sweeter drink. He ignored my request and kept the bitter cup before me. A cup I did not wish to drink.

I decided to ignore the bitter cup. If that was my only choice I would not drink. So I ignored the cup for days on end. But I got thirsty. No matter where I looked or where I sought to quench my thirst God met me with the same cup.

Eventually I had no choice. Though the foul odor steaming off the cup sickened my stomach I had no choice. The first sip curled my stomach. If the odor had been foul it paled in comparison to the bitter taste. A pungent unsavory sip that repulsed me to the core. I hated every bit of it. Though only a few seconds that one sip seemed to last for decades. Mind you, it was only a sip. One tiny unpleasant sip.

No matter how thirsty I did not want anymore. I asked God for something else but He only offered the same cup. My tiny sip had practically not emptied the cup at all. The pain in my gut from the one sip proved stronger than my thirst. I decided to forego another sip.

I felt weak, parched, my throat irritated, and my mouth like I chewed on cotton. My thirst grew. I had no energy to do anything. My prayers for drink only brought the same bitter cup from the hand of God. With each passing minute I grew weaker. More desperate. Thirstier.

I pleaded with God for a different cup. I pointed out my need. I reminded Him of His promises to provide and to do good and not harm. I explained the bitterness of the cup He kpt offering me. The only provision was the bitter cup.

In a moment of rage mixed with critical need I reached out for the cup and turned the cup up in my mouth trying to swallow and gulp without tasting. The tasted eventually followed. I writhed in agony on the floor convulsing from the repulsive after taste. If I thought I would die of thirst before after the drink I did not think I would survive the bitter cup. I did not think I would ever get over the pungent taste.

I felt more pain, misery, bitterness, discomfort, sorrow, affliction, and grief than I had ever known all at the same time. Honestly death would have been more welcome than what I felt. Time seemed to stop. I wanted to die. I preferred death to what I felt. Yet death did not come hurriedly.

Then suddenly  the pain subsided instantly. I thought I died. Only I felt alive. Alive on the inside. I could feel the blood pumping through my veins. The pain in my stomach left but I still could taste the bitter aftertaste of the cup. Yet everything felt new.

I drug myself from the floor and drew near to Jehovah. This time He looked at me tenderly with compassion and eyes of pure love. He did not speak. He just handed me a note. Here it what it said.

Romans 5:1-5 (ESV)
¹  Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
²  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
³  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
⁴  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
⁵  and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.