As we wake up today none of us really knows what this day will hold. We have our plans. Some will get up soon to go to work. That might mean another day at the office, another day on the construction site, another day in the courtroom, or at the hospital. There are plans for after work to entrain friends or to watch the kids play some sport.
Truth is none of us can know what this day holds. We may have plans but any number of things could change those plans. One of the kids could get sick requiring a visit to the doctor. Our vehicles could malfunction necessitating alternative transportation and a trip to a mechanic. We could catch a virus making us sick and too weak to complete a day of work.
There are so many variables every single day. Like I have already said none us really knows what a day holds. The redeemed may not know what a day holds but we know who holds the day in the palm of His hand. God knows the future. He knows every single day of our future. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance and in Your book they were all written the days that were ordained for me when as yet there was not one of them. [Ps 139:16]
God saw the day of our conception. He was there fashioning us in the womb. He held the day and us when we took our first breath on planet Earth the day we were born. He was there when we first rolled over, learned to crawl, held the bottle for ourselves, and took our first steps. God held the day when we fell and skinned our knees. He was there when we first rode our bikes without training wheels. He was there on our first day of school. He was there when played our first little league game. He was also there at the scout meeting and when we caught our first fish.
He was there when we got our driver's license and took our maiden voyage on our own. He was there when we walked across the stage to graduate. He was there when we fell in love. He was there on the day of our proposal and saying yes. He was there when we stood before the preacher or the judge and promised, "I do." He was there when we had our first child, bought our first house. He was there when we got our dream job. He was there through the mundane days as well as the highlight days and the valleys of sorrows.
God was there when we watched our ailing parents slip from this life into eternity. He was there on the day of the funeral and through heart wrenching days and nights of grief.
He is here for those of us entering our middle adult years. He is already there for those who living out the twilight years of life. He is there as strength fails and as health deteriorates. He was there when joints needed replaced and ligaments needed repaired. He was there when the heart needed surgical work. He was there when the doctor gave that dreaded diagnosis of cancer and the subsequent treatment. He was there when the spouse died before you were ready to let them go.
None of us knows what this day holds. None of us knows the future. Just as certain as there will be a best day or days in our lives there will also be a worst day or days as well. God will be there in both seasons.
As He was there when our lives began He will also be there when our lives come to an end. He knows every single day from the first to the last and all in between. He has recorded those days in His book. He not only knows what will happen today but also tomorrow, next week, next month, next year and even beyond the next decade. These days have been ordained.
I do not know the future anymore than you do. I cannot see what will happen as the sun sneaks over the horizon peaking through the trees. I cannot predict what will happen around the world or around my house. Accidents happen. Tragedies occur. Storms arise. Trials abound. Triumphs come. Victories are won. Successes are enjoyed. Promotions come our way. God knows every single moment of every day and holds each one in His hand. He holds our future.
That is a comforting truth. We do not have to wring our hands in worry about what might or might not happen. God knows. He holds the day and He holds those who have trusted Him for salvation. We do not have to live this day in anxiety or fear. We can wake up today with the confidence and peace that no matter what we have to face we do not face it alone. No matter how uncertain the future looks we can awake to the assurance that God will be refuge for us, strength and a present help in times of trouble. He alone holds the future and that brings great peace in a troubled world like ours.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Hope
On one hand hope is as rock solid as a mountain having its firm foundation in God. On the other hand hope is as fragile as a dandelion blowing in the wind. One swift breeze of hardships and hope can slip right out of our grasp.
A person could live right, plan for the future, save and invest their money wisely only to see hope vanish with one doctor's visit or one tragic phone call. That is the hope fades if the source of that hope is not God.
If hope is built on circumstances then hope will ebb and flow depending on what we are going through. When things are going well then hope will soar like an eagle. When adversity hits then hope craters like a meteor falling from the sky.
True hope can be defined as confident expectation. This confident expectation is not built on our abilities, our resources, or our wisdom. Hope has its foundation in God Himself. As long as God reigns supreme on the throne of this universe, which is forever, there is hope for the child of God.
Today a young husband and father of two tykes buried his young wife way too soon. Where is hope? What kind of hope can God really offer this man? First, there is the hope that his wife, as a lover of Jesus, will live forever in eternity. She is now healed of cancer that ravaged her health and vitality. There is the hope that God will not leave or forsake this grieving husband or his boys. There is the hope that God will be near them in this time of brokenness. There is the hope that day by day and hour by hour God will sustain them. There is the hope that God will lift the burden of grief and sorrow day by day and hour by hour in time. There is also the hope of a great reunion one day.
Hope is as solid as God. Hope is as sure as the promises of God. Hope is as certain as the faithfulness of God through the ages. Hope never fails when God is the source and author.
Many times there will be cause to need hope. Many times things will look dismal. There will be days when it may look utterly hopeless but that is not the truth. As surely as God rules and reigns there is hope. And now Lord for what do I wait? My hope is in You. [Ps 39:7] My soul, waits in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. [Ps 62:5] Rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer. [Rom 12:12]
Rejoice in hope even when it looks hopeless. The cause for rejoicing and the cause for the hope is the faithfulness of God Himself. [I Cor 1:9] The end result of the hope is persevering in tribulations. We press on to hope. The means to gaining and maintaining this hope is being devoted to prayer. With all this in mind hope is not nearly so elusive. Hope is as rock solid as the character of God. We need never be without hope again no matter what we have to face or endure.
A person could live right, plan for the future, save and invest their money wisely only to see hope vanish with one doctor's visit or one tragic phone call. That is the hope fades if the source of that hope is not God.
If hope is built on circumstances then hope will ebb and flow depending on what we are going through. When things are going well then hope will soar like an eagle. When adversity hits then hope craters like a meteor falling from the sky.
True hope can be defined as confident expectation. This confident expectation is not built on our abilities, our resources, or our wisdom. Hope has its foundation in God Himself. As long as God reigns supreme on the throne of this universe, which is forever, there is hope for the child of God.
Today a young husband and father of two tykes buried his young wife way too soon. Where is hope? What kind of hope can God really offer this man? First, there is the hope that his wife, as a lover of Jesus, will live forever in eternity. She is now healed of cancer that ravaged her health and vitality. There is the hope that God will not leave or forsake this grieving husband or his boys. There is the hope that God will be near them in this time of brokenness. There is the hope that day by day and hour by hour God will sustain them. There is the hope that God will lift the burden of grief and sorrow day by day and hour by hour in time. There is also the hope of a great reunion one day.
Hope is as solid as God. Hope is as sure as the promises of God. Hope is as certain as the faithfulness of God through the ages. Hope never fails when God is the source and author.
Many times there will be cause to need hope. Many times things will look dismal. There will be days when it may look utterly hopeless but that is not the truth. As surely as God rules and reigns there is hope. And now Lord for what do I wait? My hope is in You. [Ps 39:7] My soul, waits in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. [Ps 62:5] Rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer. [Rom 12:12]
Rejoice in hope even when it looks hopeless. The cause for rejoicing and the cause for the hope is the faithfulness of God Himself. [I Cor 1:9] The end result of the hope is persevering in tribulations. We press on to hope. The means to gaining and maintaining this hope is being devoted to prayer. With all this in mind hope is not nearly so elusive. Hope is as rock solid as the character of God. We need never be without hope again no matter what we have to face or endure.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Tissue Paper Resistance
Tissue paper has a purpose but will never do when we need something to hold firm. Tissues are paper thin and easily broken through. This might describe the kind of resistance the church at large is giving Satan. For the most part Satan is having his way as he carries out his wicked schemes.
What once shocked the church has been accepted as the new normal. Gay marriage. Living together outside of marriage. Profane language. Every vile form of sexual immorality. Greed. The list could go on.
Three times Paul exhorts the Ephesian church to stand firm in chapter six. This means to resist and withstand the opposition of the enemy. Where is the withstanding among local congregations. Where is the opposition that Christians consistently give to fight the Devil in God's strength? Much of our resistance is tissue paper thin.
The church in Acts was triumphant. The church of today offers tissue paper resistance to demonic forces. It takes more than another program. It takes what it has always taken. Courage to share the gospel. Faith and resolve to pray. Standing on the truth of scripture to combat our enemy.
While the enemy relentlessly releases flaming missiles like archers releasing arrows in a war to carry out his wicked schemes, the church sleeps like Jonah in the boat while the storm raged around him. We seem unconcerned that mass shootings are nearly a monthly occurrence now. We hardly lift an eyebrow while another homosexual character is introduced on a sitcom. Truth is now considered relative and not God centered or Bible solid.
America is losing her morale moorings and in the past when nations have strayed from God there were huge consequences to pay. When the church quits being light in the darkness and salt in society troublesome times lie ahead.
I think of the resolve and resistance of people like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. in the civil rights movement. There came a time when they dug their heals in and with resolve decided they would stand firm. They offered more resistance than tissue paper. They paid a price. Yet history records and applauds their resolve and resistance.
How long will parents cave into peer pressure instead of standing firm. How long will pastors preach to tickle the ears and draw a crowd rather than to prophetically declare, "This says the Lord!" How long will we judge church success by counting nickels and noses while the enemy pillages and plunders the land right in front us without fear of our retaliation and resistance.
It is time for us to offer more than tissue paper resistance. I am calling all pastors and church leaders to lead a movement in your churches for a continuous twenty-four hour prayer to take place among your people. Start a sign up sheet in fifteen minute increments. Set a goal to have someone in your church and community praying 24 hours a day and 365 days a year to resist Satan and his schemes. They can pray in their own homes or work or school when their schedule allows it. This would do more than offer tissue paper resistance. That is what this country needs.
What once shocked the church has been accepted as the new normal. Gay marriage. Living together outside of marriage. Profane language. Every vile form of sexual immorality. Greed. The list could go on.
Three times Paul exhorts the Ephesian church to stand firm in chapter six. This means to resist and withstand the opposition of the enemy. Where is the withstanding among local congregations. Where is the opposition that Christians consistently give to fight the Devil in God's strength? Much of our resistance is tissue paper thin.
The church in Acts was triumphant. The church of today offers tissue paper resistance to demonic forces. It takes more than another program. It takes what it has always taken. Courage to share the gospel. Faith and resolve to pray. Standing on the truth of scripture to combat our enemy.
While the enemy relentlessly releases flaming missiles like archers releasing arrows in a war to carry out his wicked schemes, the church sleeps like Jonah in the boat while the storm raged around him. We seem unconcerned that mass shootings are nearly a monthly occurrence now. We hardly lift an eyebrow while another homosexual character is introduced on a sitcom. Truth is now considered relative and not God centered or Bible solid.
America is losing her morale moorings and in the past when nations have strayed from God there were huge consequences to pay. When the church quits being light in the darkness and salt in society troublesome times lie ahead.
I think of the resolve and resistance of people like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. in the civil rights movement. There came a time when they dug their heals in and with resolve decided they would stand firm. They offered more resistance than tissue paper. They paid a price. Yet history records and applauds their resolve and resistance.
How long will parents cave into peer pressure instead of standing firm. How long will pastors preach to tickle the ears and draw a crowd rather than to prophetically declare, "This says the Lord!" How long will we judge church success by counting nickels and noses while the enemy pillages and plunders the land right in front us without fear of our retaliation and resistance.
It is time for us to offer more than tissue paper resistance. I am calling all pastors and church leaders to lead a movement in your churches for a continuous twenty-four hour prayer to take place among your people. Start a sign up sheet in fifteen minute increments. Set a goal to have someone in your church and community praying 24 hours a day and 365 days a year to resist Satan and his schemes. They can pray in their own homes or work or school when their schedule allows it. This would do more than offer tissue paper resistance. That is what this country needs.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
We Will Be Okay
"We will be okay." These were the words spoken to me last night in the front yard of a couple from our church. He is near retirement and a seasoned follower of Jesus. God rescued him from a life of sin where he rode in a motorcycle gang in his younger years. He has traveled the world with his job. At the end of his year he is looking forward to retirement.
We talked in his front yard for a long time. Several times he told me, "We will be okay." These words were not spoken against the backdrop of a luxurious life in retirement. They were spoken against the backdrop of learning his wife of multiple decades was diagnosed with two inoperable brain tumors.
He went on to tell me that he might not like the road they are called to walk nor the outcome of that road. In eternity they would be okay. No matter if God chooses to heal his wife or chooses to call her home he trusts God.
His faith inspired me. The peace he had awed me. He and his wife had planned on retirement and relocating near his children in another state. There house here is already on the market. Now those plans might be on hold. The treatment of his wife now taking top priority.
We talked out in his front yard after we had gathered for prayer inside the house. He walked me out and we talked for a long time. I stood like a sponge soaking up water soaking up the words of wisdom he shared. I made the visit to comfort and encourage them. I left the one challenged and encouraged by their faith in a real life crisis.
For the followers of Jesus we will be okay. Many of us will face adversity. There will be battles with cancer, career failures, and countless other heart wrenching trials. Some of us will lose our spouses way before we wanted. Others will make a fortune only to watch it all disappear due to circumstances beyond their control. Others will have their plans for retirement dashed against the harsh rocks of reality. No matter what we face we will be okay. Okay as we traverse the trails of adversity as well as okay in eternity.
How can I write that? Because of the truth of God's word. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. [Rom 8:28] For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ jesus our Lord. [Rom 8:38-39] Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And let the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. [Phil 4:6-7] Call to Me in the day of trouble and I will rescue you and you will honor Me. [Ps 50:15]
There are hundreds and hundreds of other verses assuring us that we will be okay as we follow God. We might not like the road we have to walk. That road may get very hard and test our faith in ways we could never imagine. That will not change the fact that God loves us. It will not change the fact that He offers peace in place of anxiety. It will not change the truth that God works all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to good and gracious purposes.
I am not saying there may not be prayerful times of weeping and countless questions of why. Like my brother exhorted me, "We will be okay." This is more than sentimental sap. This is truth. This is the rock solid foundation you can build your life on. God will sustain us in the day to day grind of life. He will also save us in eternity through the sacrificial death atoning our sins in Jesus. Either way we will be okay.
Those few moments in that brother's front yard were more valuable to me than many of the years I spent in a classroom. I drove the twenty six miles home in silence. No radio or cd player. I drove praying for my brother and his wife. I drove in silent meditation considering all the truth just spoken to me. I reflected on that truth in light of suffering. As I pulled into my driveway I settled the truth that even in the middle of nights of weeping and confusing circumstances, through Jesus we will be okay.
We talked in his front yard for a long time. Several times he told me, "We will be okay." These words were not spoken against the backdrop of a luxurious life in retirement. They were spoken against the backdrop of learning his wife of multiple decades was diagnosed with two inoperable brain tumors.
He went on to tell me that he might not like the road they are called to walk nor the outcome of that road. In eternity they would be okay. No matter if God chooses to heal his wife or chooses to call her home he trusts God.
His faith inspired me. The peace he had awed me. He and his wife had planned on retirement and relocating near his children in another state. There house here is already on the market. Now those plans might be on hold. The treatment of his wife now taking top priority.
We talked out in his front yard after we had gathered for prayer inside the house. He walked me out and we talked for a long time. I stood like a sponge soaking up water soaking up the words of wisdom he shared. I made the visit to comfort and encourage them. I left the one challenged and encouraged by their faith in a real life crisis.
For the followers of Jesus we will be okay. Many of us will face adversity. There will be battles with cancer, career failures, and countless other heart wrenching trials. Some of us will lose our spouses way before we wanted. Others will make a fortune only to watch it all disappear due to circumstances beyond their control. Others will have their plans for retirement dashed against the harsh rocks of reality. No matter what we face we will be okay. Okay as we traverse the trails of adversity as well as okay in eternity.
How can I write that? Because of the truth of God's word. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. [Rom 8:28] For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ jesus our Lord. [Rom 8:38-39] Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And let the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. [Phil 4:6-7] Call to Me in the day of trouble and I will rescue you and you will honor Me. [Ps 50:15]
There are hundreds and hundreds of other verses assuring us that we will be okay as we follow God. We might not like the road we have to walk. That road may get very hard and test our faith in ways we could never imagine. That will not change the fact that God loves us. It will not change the fact that He offers peace in place of anxiety. It will not change the truth that God works all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to good and gracious purposes.
I am not saying there may not be prayerful times of weeping and countless questions of why. Like my brother exhorted me, "We will be okay." This is more than sentimental sap. This is truth. This is the rock solid foundation you can build your life on. God will sustain us in the day to day grind of life. He will also save us in eternity through the sacrificial death atoning our sins in Jesus. Either way we will be okay.
Those few moments in that brother's front yard were more valuable to me than many of the years I spent in a classroom. I drove the twenty six miles home in silence. No radio or cd player. I drove praying for my brother and his wife. I drove in silent meditation considering all the truth just spoken to me. I reflected on that truth in light of suffering. As I pulled into my driveway I settled the truth that even in the middle of nights of weeping and confusing circumstances, through Jesus we will be okay.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
DROUGHT
My heart rejoiced when I got a message from a friend in West Texas informing me that it rained yesterday. I've prayed with them for some time believing God for rain. Rain never meant so much to me as when we lived in West Texas where it doesn't rain much.
I grew up in East Texas where the rains were plentiful. During my high school years I remember in the month of June it rained for two dozen days straight. The rains did not come all day every day but at least one time a day for close to a month we had rain of some sort. I took rain and water for granted. Truth is at times I resented the rain. Ball games were canceled because of rain. Rain made life inconvenient going from the car to school. I once got caught driving my jeep with the top off when it started pouring raining.
In West Texas rain is not something to take for granted. The drought has taken a toll. Some towns are running out of water. The underground water is running so low some towns are nearly out of water completely. The farmers do not have enough water to irrigate their crops. Many are forced to farm dry land depending completely on the rain to nourish the land.
The drought has lasted so long one farmer told me once that he was so used to living without rain there were times when he even forgot to ask God for it. I have seen plenty of prayer meetings for rain.
Our nation and state live in gross immorality. I often wonder if that has any bearing on why we are in such a drought. We live near a lake that is over twenty five feet down. Boat houses are completely dry with boats suspended in the air and the water as far as 400 yards are more from the boat houses. The drought has impacted the whole state.
Droughts come to an end eventually. History has proven this out. When my friend sent me a video message telling me to listen to the sound of falling rain I rejoiced. I am not saying one rain will put an end to the drought but at least they have hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I have lived in a spiritual drought for the better part of two years. Watching that video seeing and hearing the rain gave me hope. It reminded me of Luke 18:1. Now He was telling them a parable to show them at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart. How many hundreds and maybe millions of prayers were lifted up, especially in West Texas, for rain without one drop of rain falling. It is easy to lose heart. It is easy to lose hope.
The rains came yesterday. A good soaking rain. The prayers were answered in time. The drought is not over but there is hope.
In the same way for every person going through a spiritual drought the dry season will come to an end. God will usher in days of revival again. He will open hearts and minds to see truth and hear His voice. He will renew souls with the fire of His presence. He will send the spiritual rain to nourish our parched souls eventually. Spiritual drought will come to an end just like the drought impacting the land.
I believe the day will come when the drought ravaging our land will come to an end. I personally believe the faster God's people are repentant the faster the drought will end. When God's people get right with Him, quit living lukewarm lives, and embrace holiness while rejecting hypocrisy the rains will come again according to rich mercy of God.
I also believe that the day of spiritual drought will come to an end also. The word will come alive, Our souls will be awakened and revived. The challenge is to keep praying and not lose heart while we are forced to wait. By faith we must believe the drought will come to an end no matter what form the drought takes.
I grew up in East Texas where the rains were plentiful. During my high school years I remember in the month of June it rained for two dozen days straight. The rains did not come all day every day but at least one time a day for close to a month we had rain of some sort. I took rain and water for granted. Truth is at times I resented the rain. Ball games were canceled because of rain. Rain made life inconvenient going from the car to school. I once got caught driving my jeep with the top off when it started pouring raining.
In West Texas rain is not something to take for granted. The drought has taken a toll. Some towns are running out of water. The underground water is running so low some towns are nearly out of water completely. The farmers do not have enough water to irrigate their crops. Many are forced to farm dry land depending completely on the rain to nourish the land.
The drought has lasted so long one farmer told me once that he was so used to living without rain there were times when he even forgot to ask God for it. I have seen plenty of prayer meetings for rain.
Our nation and state live in gross immorality. I often wonder if that has any bearing on why we are in such a drought. We live near a lake that is over twenty five feet down. Boat houses are completely dry with boats suspended in the air and the water as far as 400 yards are more from the boat houses. The drought has impacted the whole state.
Droughts come to an end eventually. History has proven this out. When my friend sent me a video message telling me to listen to the sound of falling rain I rejoiced. I am not saying one rain will put an end to the drought but at least they have hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I have lived in a spiritual drought for the better part of two years. Watching that video seeing and hearing the rain gave me hope. It reminded me of Luke 18:1. Now He was telling them a parable to show them at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart. How many hundreds and maybe millions of prayers were lifted up, especially in West Texas, for rain without one drop of rain falling. It is easy to lose heart. It is easy to lose hope.
The rains came yesterday. A good soaking rain. The prayers were answered in time. The drought is not over but there is hope.
In the same way for every person going through a spiritual drought the dry season will come to an end. God will usher in days of revival again. He will open hearts and minds to see truth and hear His voice. He will renew souls with the fire of His presence. He will send the spiritual rain to nourish our parched souls eventually. Spiritual drought will come to an end just like the drought impacting the land.
I believe the day will come when the drought ravaging our land will come to an end. I personally believe the faster God's people are repentant the faster the drought will end. When God's people get right with Him, quit living lukewarm lives, and embrace holiness while rejecting hypocrisy the rains will come again according to rich mercy of God.
I also believe that the day of spiritual drought will come to an end also. The word will come alive, Our souls will be awakened and revived. The challenge is to keep praying and not lose heart while we are forced to wait. By faith we must believe the drought will come to an end no matter what form the drought takes.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Supper Table
Tonight Brenda, the boys, and me all gathered around the supper table. We ate good food and I cannot remember a time when we laughed more. We told funny stories on one another. Taylor had a crush on one of his childhood babysitters. He told Brenda he thought of her as his girl friend. Tanner tried to impress her when he got potty trained asking her to come watch him. He told us tonight, "I tried my hardest while she watched."
We laughed about stories too funny and too private to be shared here. It was one of those meals where I looked around the table and took a snapshot with my heart. Football season looms when the kids get in late from practices. In two months Taylor will be at Howard Payne, Lord willing, practicing and getting ready for the upcoming season.
I chuckled when Brenda made the kids eat turnip greens. They may not have enjoyed them but they got through it. Supper time has always been a special time for our family. Maybe we are a little old fashioned. We still try to eat at the table as much as possible. We talk about our day's activities, share the best part of our days, impart instruction, and laugh together. At one point every single member of the family laughed hysterically. Turner had tears in his eyes. Tanner had that huge smile and laugh that keeps us in stitches much of the time. Tucker made us laugh with a reference to a scene from Toy Story. Brenda smiled with that infectious smile with eyes squinted in laughter picking up on Tucker's and Tanner's joke. Taylor, the serious one, could not keep from cracking up too. I sat back and took it all in. Another special memory made and captured.
I know these days will not last forever. The boys are growing up. One by one they will leave the house, grow up, one day get married and have families of their own. There will be a day when it will just be Brenda and I at the table. There could even be a day when one of us is left to eat our meals alone after the other has gone on into eternity.
The supper table is nearly extinct in many homes. People gather around television trays watching movies or some sitcom. Many live so fast paced they order take out and wolf it down with little regard to the supper table.
Though my childhood had a few challenges I do recall with great fondness the supper table. I would play until my mother or someone else would call me home for supper. It was usually close to dark. Most of my growing up years we lived with my maternal grandparents. There were seven of us including my mother, brother, sister, me and two grandparents. We ate fresh vegetables and food cooked from scratch. Those were special times.
Now I have a family of my own. Gathering around the supper table is a highlight of the day for all of us. A lot of ministry takes place around the supper table. Prayers are offered. Counsel is given. Bible instruction is imparted. Burdens are shared. Love is freely given. Memories are made and shared. Food is consumed in large quantity. I would not trade for these special times around the supper table.
If you are alone and do not have family at home anymore you can still enjoy the supper table in two ways. You can invite Jesus to dinner and eat while praying and communing with Him. You can also invite others to share your supper table from time to time. Have them over for dinner. Share some laughter and make a few new memories. Share your heart and life with them.
If you still have family at home do not take them for granted. I know it is unrealistic to eat every meal at the table. People are busy. I still urge you make those times a high priority as often as you can. Sit back. Enjoy the conversation with those you love. Make some memories and imprint them on your heart and mind.
We laughed about stories too funny and too private to be shared here. It was one of those meals where I looked around the table and took a snapshot with my heart. Football season looms when the kids get in late from practices. In two months Taylor will be at Howard Payne, Lord willing, practicing and getting ready for the upcoming season.
I chuckled when Brenda made the kids eat turnip greens. They may not have enjoyed them but they got through it. Supper time has always been a special time for our family. Maybe we are a little old fashioned. We still try to eat at the table as much as possible. We talk about our day's activities, share the best part of our days, impart instruction, and laugh together. At one point every single member of the family laughed hysterically. Turner had tears in his eyes. Tanner had that huge smile and laugh that keeps us in stitches much of the time. Tucker made us laugh with a reference to a scene from Toy Story. Brenda smiled with that infectious smile with eyes squinted in laughter picking up on Tucker's and Tanner's joke. Taylor, the serious one, could not keep from cracking up too. I sat back and took it all in. Another special memory made and captured.
I know these days will not last forever. The boys are growing up. One by one they will leave the house, grow up, one day get married and have families of their own. There will be a day when it will just be Brenda and I at the table. There could even be a day when one of us is left to eat our meals alone after the other has gone on into eternity.
The supper table is nearly extinct in many homes. People gather around television trays watching movies or some sitcom. Many live so fast paced they order take out and wolf it down with little regard to the supper table.
Though my childhood had a few challenges I do recall with great fondness the supper table. I would play until my mother or someone else would call me home for supper. It was usually close to dark. Most of my growing up years we lived with my maternal grandparents. There were seven of us including my mother, brother, sister, me and two grandparents. We ate fresh vegetables and food cooked from scratch. Those were special times.
Now I have a family of my own. Gathering around the supper table is a highlight of the day for all of us. A lot of ministry takes place around the supper table. Prayers are offered. Counsel is given. Bible instruction is imparted. Burdens are shared. Love is freely given. Memories are made and shared. Food is consumed in large quantity. I would not trade for these special times around the supper table.
If you are alone and do not have family at home anymore you can still enjoy the supper table in two ways. You can invite Jesus to dinner and eat while praying and communing with Him. You can also invite others to share your supper table from time to time. Have them over for dinner. Share some laughter and make a few new memories. Share your heart and life with them.
If you still have family at home do not take them for granted. I know it is unrealistic to eat every meal at the table. People are busy. I still urge you make those times a high priority as often as you can. Sit back. Enjoy the conversation with those you love. Make some memories and imprint them on your heart and mind.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Middle Age
I am no longer young without any worldly cares,
Old age is creeping up in the mirror as I stare,
Hair that once shimmered thick and brown,
Now thinner with more grey to be found,
Fanciful dreams from days long gone by,
Have long ago faded and most have died,
I haven't done all I would like to have done,
I have lost as many battles as I have won,
I know I am now a man middle aged in years,
Though I've laughed much I've shed some tears,
I wonder what dreams to cling to and to pursue,
And the ones I should let forever fade from view,
With this greying hair comes much wisdom gained ,
From the bumps, bruises, and all the tears stained,
One thing I have learned and know without a doubt,
God is faithful and His promises are forever stout.
Old age is creeping up in the mirror as I stare,
Hair that once shimmered thick and brown,
Now thinner with more grey to be found,
Fanciful dreams from days long gone by,
Have long ago faded and most have died,
I haven't done all I would like to have done,
I have lost as many battles as I have won,
I know I am now a man middle aged in years,
Though I've laughed much I've shed some tears,
I wonder what dreams to cling to and to pursue,
And the ones I should let forever fade from view,
With this greying hair comes much wisdom gained ,
From the bumps, bruises, and all the tears stained,
One thing I have learned and know without a doubt,
God is faithful and His promises are forever stout.
Shaping Arrows
Some parents see children as a bother and a hassle. They are costly. Demanding. Often unappreciative, self absorbed, and rebel against authority.
Ps 127:3-5 Behold children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them, they shall not be ashamed.
Children are a gift from God. They are a reward. My job as a father is to train them giving them guidance in God and instruction in Bible truth. I am to prepare them to be powerful weapons against the enemy. My job is to put them through spiritual basic training to prepare them for war. A spiritual war more fierce than any world war.
Our enemy is ruthless and relentless. The battle will be life long. My job as a father of four sons is to shape them as arrows to fight for their King Jesus and to give every ounce of their lives for the advancement of the Kingdom of God.
Shaping arrows is not easy. It goes against the grain of how most kids are raised in the United States and sadly in many churches. Instead of merely entertaining them my job is to shape them. This includes teaching. This includes modeling. This is includes leading down the path of servanthood even when it is inconvenient and unpleasant. This means helping them to be be more sober minded than their classmates. This means focusing their lives on a cause greater than themselves. Namely Jesus Christ!
Shaping arrows is not the path of least resistance. It is a hard life. It means saying no to the good in order to say yes to the best. It means filling their hearts and minds with Bible truth for soul nourishment. It means pushing them to endure through the tough times of life and not quit.
Training arrows is the need of the day. It has been the need of every generation. Never any more so than today. So Taylor, Tanner, Tucker, and Turner take your rightful place as arrows in the bow of God and let Him shoot you where He wills. Fight for Jesus to the death.
Ps 127:3-5 Behold children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them, they shall not be ashamed.
Children are a gift from God. They are a reward. My job as a father is to train them giving them guidance in God and instruction in Bible truth. I am to prepare them to be powerful weapons against the enemy. My job is to put them through spiritual basic training to prepare them for war. A spiritual war more fierce than any world war.
Our enemy is ruthless and relentless. The battle will be life long. My job as a father of four sons is to shape them as arrows to fight for their King Jesus and to give every ounce of their lives for the advancement of the Kingdom of God.
Shaping arrows is not easy. It goes against the grain of how most kids are raised in the United States and sadly in many churches. Instead of merely entertaining them my job is to shape them. This includes teaching. This includes modeling. This is includes leading down the path of servanthood even when it is inconvenient and unpleasant. This means helping them to be be more sober minded than their classmates. This means focusing their lives on a cause greater than themselves. Namely Jesus Christ!
Shaping arrows is not the path of least resistance. It is a hard life. It means saying no to the good in order to say yes to the best. It means filling their hearts and minds with Bible truth for soul nourishment. It means pushing them to endure through the tough times of life and not quit.
Training arrows is the need of the day. It has been the need of every generation. Never any more so than today. So Taylor, Tanner, Tucker, and Turner take your rightful place as arrows in the bow of God and let Him shoot you where He wills. Fight for Jesus to the death.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
1,000
1,870 days ago I sat down to write my first blog. That was April 30, 2008. I did not even know what I was doing. I wrote the blogs and a friend posted them for me. I could not believe I had the outlet to write and for people to have access to them. When I moved to a new church a year later a different man continued to post my blogs. Eventually he taught me to do it myself and I have been running ever since.
I have gone through some dry spells. During these times I have stared at a blank computer screen for lengthy periods. I have experienced just about every emotion under the sun. I have gone through both personal and corporate revivals and wrote about those experiences every step of the way. I have wept many tears through trials, personal loss, and suffering with others. I have moved several times and wrote about those experiences. As God has spoken to me I have shared that with others if I thought it would serve to help them.
In 2008 I wrote a total of 79 blogs. Each year I have written more and more except for 2011. There were 145 posts in 2009, 198 posts in 2010, and in 2013 I added 218 posts. In 2011 I only wrote 98 posts. This is partially because I moved to start a new church in this time and did not always have access to the internet during that transition. I also battled severe grief from leaving the people of FBC Seminole. I wept for months at even the thought of those precious people.
Over these past 1,870 days I have enjoyed the highest of highs as well as the lowest of lows. I have chronicled the many answers to prayer giving testimony to what God has done. I have tried to spiritually nourish those readers who follow the blog and those who stumble on it surfing the web. Most of the time I have written from my own experiences. As God has ministered to my heart I shared those same things with my readers.
Today is a landmark day. It is honestly a day I never even thought about back in 2008. Back in those days I really only had one goal. I wanted to write to help people. Only God truly knows if that has happened. I don't know if these blogs help people but I do know a few people read them. From time to time I do get a little positive feedback so I keep writing. After a couple of years I dreamed of over 100,000 people visiting the site and reading those blogs. Though that dream has not come true yet we are well on our way with over 69,000 hits to the site so far and counting.
What makes today a land mark day is a goal I did not even set until just a couple of months ago. One day I noticed how many blogs I had written in total. Today marks the 1,000 blog. As I look back over the past six years there are a flood of memories.
Just a few of the highlights are mission trips to Canada and Honduras, everyday life and ministry in Paradise, TX, the painful departure from FBC Paradise, the new transition to FBC Seminole, two awesome years of ministry in West Texas, 23 straight days of revival meetings in Seminole, the difficult goodbye to Seminole, and the trials of starting a church.
So many people have come and gone in our lives. The memories are strong. We have seen many stand with us through thick and thin. We have also seen many people turn on us along the way. Some people have become so endeared to us they feel like spiritual family. What stands out the most is how God has stood with us every step of the way. There were days when I felt anointed to write and empowered to pray for impossible things. There have been other days when I wondered how I would ever get through the trials without giving up.
In that time I have watched Taylor grow up, learn to drive, get his own vehicle, and now graduate from high school. I was blessed to see Tanner make varsity as a sophomore and start on the defensive line all year long next to his older brother. What a treasured memory. Now Tucker is entering high school and more importantly entered the kingdom of God for real on Easter. We celebrate his baptism this coming Wednesday night. Next year Turner will be entering middle school and officially join the youth group. My youngest son is now in the youth group. The time has flown but I make those boys a priority in my life and write about them often. They are subject matter for a great many of these posts.
Most of these posts are autobiographical. A person could start and read through them from 2008 all the way up today and they would learn a lot about me but more importantly more about the God I serve.
It is hard to believe this is blog number 1,000. I know it is not a big deal to most people but it serves as a small sense of accomplishment for me. God called me to write and these blogs are proof that I have done that. How God uses them I will never know and honestly that is not the point. I do not write for the feedback I will get. I write to honor God and help people in every day life.
Sometimes the blogs are brutally honest about my own struggles. I am sure these are tough to read but so are some of the Psalms of David. They are real. They are raw. They are born out of struggle. In many ways writing is therapy for me. While I write I wrestle with my problems and discover new Bible truth about God along the way.
So today I celebrate God. I praise Him for the calling and gifting He put on my life to write as a young child. I praise Him for the ability to write that is as natural to me as breathing. I praise God for His unending inspiration. I praise Him for this outlet. I also praise Him that by His enabling there will be many more blogs to come. Thank God for the milestone 1,000.
I have gone through some dry spells. During these times I have stared at a blank computer screen for lengthy periods. I have experienced just about every emotion under the sun. I have gone through both personal and corporate revivals and wrote about those experiences every step of the way. I have wept many tears through trials, personal loss, and suffering with others. I have moved several times and wrote about those experiences. As God has spoken to me I have shared that with others if I thought it would serve to help them.
In 2008 I wrote a total of 79 blogs. Each year I have written more and more except for 2011. There were 145 posts in 2009, 198 posts in 2010, and in 2013 I added 218 posts. In 2011 I only wrote 98 posts. This is partially because I moved to start a new church in this time and did not always have access to the internet during that transition. I also battled severe grief from leaving the people of FBC Seminole. I wept for months at even the thought of those precious people.
Over these past 1,870 days I have enjoyed the highest of highs as well as the lowest of lows. I have chronicled the many answers to prayer giving testimony to what God has done. I have tried to spiritually nourish those readers who follow the blog and those who stumble on it surfing the web. Most of the time I have written from my own experiences. As God has ministered to my heart I shared those same things with my readers.
Today is a landmark day. It is honestly a day I never even thought about back in 2008. Back in those days I really only had one goal. I wanted to write to help people. Only God truly knows if that has happened. I don't know if these blogs help people but I do know a few people read them. From time to time I do get a little positive feedback so I keep writing. After a couple of years I dreamed of over 100,000 people visiting the site and reading those blogs. Though that dream has not come true yet we are well on our way with over 69,000 hits to the site so far and counting.
What makes today a land mark day is a goal I did not even set until just a couple of months ago. One day I noticed how many blogs I had written in total. Today marks the 1,000 blog. As I look back over the past six years there are a flood of memories.
Just a few of the highlights are mission trips to Canada and Honduras, everyday life and ministry in Paradise, TX, the painful departure from FBC Paradise, the new transition to FBC Seminole, two awesome years of ministry in West Texas, 23 straight days of revival meetings in Seminole, the difficult goodbye to Seminole, and the trials of starting a church.
So many people have come and gone in our lives. The memories are strong. We have seen many stand with us through thick and thin. We have also seen many people turn on us along the way. Some people have become so endeared to us they feel like spiritual family. What stands out the most is how God has stood with us every step of the way. There were days when I felt anointed to write and empowered to pray for impossible things. There have been other days when I wondered how I would ever get through the trials without giving up.
In that time I have watched Taylor grow up, learn to drive, get his own vehicle, and now graduate from high school. I was blessed to see Tanner make varsity as a sophomore and start on the defensive line all year long next to his older brother. What a treasured memory. Now Tucker is entering high school and more importantly entered the kingdom of God for real on Easter. We celebrate his baptism this coming Wednesday night. Next year Turner will be entering middle school and officially join the youth group. My youngest son is now in the youth group. The time has flown but I make those boys a priority in my life and write about them often. They are subject matter for a great many of these posts.
Most of these posts are autobiographical. A person could start and read through them from 2008 all the way up today and they would learn a lot about me but more importantly more about the God I serve.
It is hard to believe this is blog number 1,000. I know it is not a big deal to most people but it serves as a small sense of accomplishment for me. God called me to write and these blogs are proof that I have done that. How God uses them I will never know and honestly that is not the point. I do not write for the feedback I will get. I write to honor God and help people in every day life.
Sometimes the blogs are brutally honest about my own struggles. I am sure these are tough to read but so are some of the Psalms of David. They are real. They are raw. They are born out of struggle. In many ways writing is therapy for me. While I write I wrestle with my problems and discover new Bible truth about God along the way.
So today I celebrate God. I praise Him for the calling and gifting He put on my life to write as a young child. I praise Him for the ability to write that is as natural to me as breathing. I praise God for His unending inspiration. I praise Him for this outlet. I also praise Him that by His enabling there will be many more blogs to come. Thank God for the milestone 1,000.
Honorary Father
My friend, EddieAlexander, went to be with the Lord just after midnight after Easter day. He served on staff at Faith Community Church for a couple of years. He was anointed worship pastor and many times God used him to minister to my heart. Eddie and Dianna have two boys; Daniel and Andrew.
I have coached both boys in the past and developed a special bond with them. When Eddie died I was honored to be asked to preach part of the service. My heart has remained heavy for the boys. Daniel is Taylor's best friend. He graduated a week ago and it broke my heart his father was not there to share in that experience. I have carried a deep burden for Dianna for weeks as well.
Daniel and Andrew just stopped by to see me. They said they had something they wanted to give me. They handed me an award certificate that reads, HONORARY FATHER - This is to certify that Matt Edwards is hereby knighted HONORARY FATHER FOR DANIEL AND ANDREW - June 15, 2014 - Daniel Alexander - Andrew Alexander.
I was blown away. These two boys claimed me as one of their honorary fathers before Father's Day. They both told me how much I meant to them and each hugged me in turn. They are actually leaving for a mission trip to Honduras tomorrow and wanted me to have this honor before Father's Day.
I am still stunned. I told them that I could never replace their father but I loved them both. I also know what it is like to grow up without a father. God placed several surrogate fathers in my life over time; Eli Bernard, Charles Roberts, David Munden, and my Uncle Buddy "Papa" Ford. I do not have one memory of spending even one Father's Day with my real dad.
The greatest dad of all is God the Father. He more than made up for any lack I had in growing up without an earthly father. I know the pain and emptiness. [Ps 68:5] A father to the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation.
God will be a father for Daniel and Andrew. He is more than an honorary father. He is with them every moment of every day. He will never one time leave them or forsake them. He will always come through for them, have the necessary wisdom for them, and provide for any need they will ever have.
Though humbled to be chosen as their honorary father, I trust God will stand in for their departed earthly father in ways no man ever could.
I have coached both boys in the past and developed a special bond with them. When Eddie died I was honored to be asked to preach part of the service. My heart has remained heavy for the boys. Daniel is Taylor's best friend. He graduated a week ago and it broke my heart his father was not there to share in that experience. I have carried a deep burden for Dianna for weeks as well.
Daniel and Andrew just stopped by to see me. They said they had something they wanted to give me. They handed me an award certificate that reads, HONORARY FATHER - This is to certify that Matt Edwards is hereby knighted HONORARY FATHER FOR DANIEL AND ANDREW - June 15, 2014 - Daniel Alexander - Andrew Alexander.
I was blown away. These two boys claimed me as one of their honorary fathers before Father's Day. They both told me how much I meant to them and each hugged me in turn. They are actually leaving for a mission trip to Honduras tomorrow and wanted me to have this honor before Father's Day.
I am still stunned. I told them that I could never replace their father but I loved them both. I also know what it is like to grow up without a father. God placed several surrogate fathers in my life over time; Eli Bernard, Charles Roberts, David Munden, and my Uncle Buddy "Papa" Ford. I do not have one memory of spending even one Father's Day with my real dad.
The greatest dad of all is God the Father. He more than made up for any lack I had in growing up without an earthly father. I know the pain and emptiness. [Ps 68:5] A father to the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation.
God will be a father for Daniel and Andrew. He is more than an honorary father. He is with them every moment of every day. He will never one time leave them or forsake them. He will always come through for them, have the necessary wisdom for them, and provide for any need they will ever have.
Though humbled to be chosen as their honorary father, I trust God will stand in for their departed earthly father in ways no man ever could.
Trusting During The Daily Grind
Some people have an easier time of life than others. They enjoy all their days in good health and die in their sleep. They have ample money to do what they want. They enjoy moderate success. Life is good. They have their desires.
On the other than their are those who grind for everything. A couple recently shared at church about a time when they were without money. One night all they had in the house to feed their two boys was popcorn. They prayed and God blessed their business the next day with the most lucrative business deal they have made. They had to grind trusting God before the great blessing came.
These men and women do what they have to do to make it. They pray. They work. They sacrifice. They trust God. They grind day in and day out. Life is not necessarily easy but these people do find God faithful. [I Thess 5:24]. They trust God during the daily grind. They trust for endurance to persevere through hard days of labor. They trust God for wisdom when having to make difficult decisions. They trust God for provision when funds run low.I have known both seasons of life. I have lived in seasons of ministry where we were blessed, honored, compensated generously, and served in prestigious positions. I have also seen lean times in ministry when church attendance resembled a Bible Study more than a congregation. I have known what it is like to grind, to work hard to help make ends meet. The truth is God is the same in both seasons of life. He is faithful in both seasons of life. He is good in both seasons of life.
This morning we were on the road by 7:00 a.m. to get started mowing. We spent six hours; me mowing and the bows weed eating. It is hard labor. God continues to give us business by word of mouth. We got a new yard today. We have not advertised. We work hard and try to do a good job for people. One person tells another person who tells someone else. Just this summer we have gotten fiver yards this way. God keeps sending us business. There are many days I feel like a full time business owner and operator and a part time pastor. This is part of the grind now. I recall days when the grind required countless hospital visits, counseling appointments, and preaching funerals and weddings. God is faithful in all seasons.
I don't know what season of life you are in. I don't what kind of grinding you are doing to make ends meet. You do have a choice. Trust God in the grinding.
Today the boys and I saw the faithfulness of God at work. Their was a cool breeze and cloud cover all day while we worked. Things went very smoothly. God added to our business. It was hard work but still an enjoyable day. Don't get me wrong. When God is ready for me to give this season of life up I am ready. I am not called to be a business man but to pastor, preach, and write. If this is what I have to do for now then I trust God in the grind. Day in and day out He sustains us lifting our burdens [Ps 55:22] in the daily grind.
On the other than their are those who grind for everything. A couple recently shared at church about a time when they were without money. One night all they had in the house to feed their two boys was popcorn. They prayed and God blessed their business the next day with the most lucrative business deal they have made. They had to grind trusting God before the great blessing came.
These men and women do what they have to do to make it. They pray. They work. They sacrifice. They trust God. They grind day in and day out. Life is not necessarily easy but these people do find God faithful. [I Thess 5:24]. They trust God during the daily grind. They trust for endurance to persevere through hard days of labor. They trust God for wisdom when having to make difficult decisions. They trust God for provision when funds run low.I have known both seasons of life. I have lived in seasons of ministry where we were blessed, honored, compensated generously, and served in prestigious positions. I have also seen lean times in ministry when church attendance resembled a Bible Study more than a congregation. I have known what it is like to grind, to work hard to help make ends meet. The truth is God is the same in both seasons of life. He is faithful in both seasons of life. He is good in both seasons of life.
This morning we were on the road by 7:00 a.m. to get started mowing. We spent six hours; me mowing and the bows weed eating. It is hard labor. God continues to give us business by word of mouth. We got a new yard today. We have not advertised. We work hard and try to do a good job for people. One person tells another person who tells someone else. Just this summer we have gotten fiver yards this way. God keeps sending us business. There are many days I feel like a full time business owner and operator and a part time pastor. This is part of the grind now. I recall days when the grind required countless hospital visits, counseling appointments, and preaching funerals and weddings. God is faithful in all seasons.
I don't know what season of life you are in. I don't what kind of grinding you are doing to make ends meet. You do have a choice. Trust God in the grinding.
Today the boys and I saw the faithfulness of God at work. Their was a cool breeze and cloud cover all day while we worked. Things went very smoothly. God added to our business. It was hard work but still an enjoyable day. Don't get me wrong. When God is ready for me to give this season of life up I am ready. I am not called to be a business man but to pastor, preach, and write. If this is what I have to do for now then I trust God in the grind. Day in and day out He sustains us lifting our burdens [Ps 55:22] in the daily grind.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Honest Confession
I have not written in awhile. I have thought about it. Numerous times I have sat down at this computer to write but time and again I exited and walked away concluding I really had nothing to say. That is only partly true. The real truth is I had nothing to say most people would want to read. I did not feel the freedom to be completely honest. I hate pretense and did not have it in me to fake it.
The truth is I feel like I have been in a war. There have been numerous trials and they have taken their toll. The abundant life is foreign to me. Though I continue to read scripture, pray, and seek God with all my heart God remains silent. This has lasted for a long time. The frustration this has brought is beyond my ability to express. I cannot understand why God has not spoken to me in a clear and undeniable way in a long long time.
My back is against the wall more than ever financially. The church is not doing well spiritually, financially, or numerically. The weight of all this has worn me down. Mainly I am worn down because there are seasons when I do not cast the burdens on the Lord. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot turn myself or circumstances around. Only God can and I throw these burdens onto Him.
I feel like a hollow shell of the man I used to be. I feel numb to life. I do not feel those positive emotions of joy and peace enough. Daily I go through the motions of living without feeling. Life feels like I am treading water for survival day in and day out. I have lost more battles lately than I have won. I feel more alone and isolated in this present condition. While I talk to God mostly, I am not gaining victory. Many days I lose ground. The fires are not burning in me with passion like they have in the past. I stand in need of personal revival.
Truth be told I am losing heart. I know myself far too well. I am impulsive. I have struggled with being content in ministry no matter where I have served over the years. I live with MANY past regrets. I sin more and more in actions and attitudes. I feel like a hypocrite much of the time while on the other hand fervently crying out to God for a greater desire for Him and holiness. I repent and plead with God to deliver me from this pit I am not changing. I do not blame that on God. I am the one at fault.
I am not well. I am broken. I have often told Brenda something is broken deep down inside of me I do not know how to fix. Quiet times have not done it. Reading books have done it. Talking to Brenda and a few trusted friends have not brought the long sought for relief. Past prayer retreats have not brought the needed healing. I do not know how to fix me. To this point all attempts have failed.
God has sustained me day by day and month by month for the past three years. When I thought I could not preach another sermon God sustained me. One day I woke up and never felt less like preaching in my whole ministry than that day. God helped me. Many days I have willed myself to go through the day.
Life and ministry have not been easy. I do not ask for specially sympathy. Many have it worse than me. If I am honest though the past three years of starting this church and the controversy surrounding returning to a community we once called home have taken a huge toll. They have been three of the harder years of my life. Three years of extremely trying times. The battles have been fierce and accompanied by a life of faith trials for nearly two decades, I find myself today weary and worn. The abundant life seems out of grasp. I am more defeated than victorious.
For all these reasons I have been unable to write anything. I had no inspiration. Many times I have written to encourage and console others hurting. I am the one hurting and in need of God's gracious touch.
Some of you reading this know me. We have walked a few miles in life and ministry together. If I have ever needed prayer it is now. This is my honest confession.
The truth is I feel like I have been in a war. There have been numerous trials and they have taken their toll. The abundant life is foreign to me. Though I continue to read scripture, pray, and seek God with all my heart God remains silent. This has lasted for a long time. The frustration this has brought is beyond my ability to express. I cannot understand why God has not spoken to me in a clear and undeniable way in a long long time.
My back is against the wall more than ever financially. The church is not doing well spiritually, financially, or numerically. The weight of all this has worn me down. Mainly I am worn down because there are seasons when I do not cast the burdens on the Lord. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot turn myself or circumstances around. Only God can and I throw these burdens onto Him.
I feel like a hollow shell of the man I used to be. I feel numb to life. I do not feel those positive emotions of joy and peace enough. Daily I go through the motions of living without feeling. Life feels like I am treading water for survival day in and day out. I have lost more battles lately than I have won. I feel more alone and isolated in this present condition. While I talk to God mostly, I am not gaining victory. Many days I lose ground. The fires are not burning in me with passion like they have in the past. I stand in need of personal revival.
Truth be told I am losing heart. I know myself far too well. I am impulsive. I have struggled with being content in ministry no matter where I have served over the years. I live with MANY past regrets. I sin more and more in actions and attitudes. I feel like a hypocrite much of the time while on the other hand fervently crying out to God for a greater desire for Him and holiness. I repent and plead with God to deliver me from this pit I am not changing. I do not blame that on God. I am the one at fault.
I am not well. I am broken. I have often told Brenda something is broken deep down inside of me I do not know how to fix. Quiet times have not done it. Reading books have done it. Talking to Brenda and a few trusted friends have not brought the long sought for relief. Past prayer retreats have not brought the needed healing. I do not know how to fix me. To this point all attempts have failed.
God has sustained me day by day and month by month for the past three years. When I thought I could not preach another sermon God sustained me. One day I woke up and never felt less like preaching in my whole ministry than that day. God helped me. Many days I have willed myself to go through the day.
Life and ministry have not been easy. I do not ask for specially sympathy. Many have it worse than me. If I am honest though the past three years of starting this church and the controversy surrounding returning to a community we once called home have taken a huge toll. They have been three of the harder years of my life. Three years of extremely trying times. The battles have been fierce and accompanied by a life of faith trials for nearly two decades, I find myself today weary and worn. The abundant life seems out of grasp. I am more defeated than victorious.
For all these reasons I have been unable to write anything. I had no inspiration. Many times I have written to encourage and console others hurting. I am the one hurting and in need of God's gracious touch.
Some of you reading this know me. We have walked a few miles in life and ministry together. If I have ever needed prayer it is now. This is my honest confession.
Friday, June 6, 2014
A Tribute To Taylor
It hard to believe how time has flown. When Taylor was born eighteen years ago people repeatedly told me that time would pass faster than I could imagine. I took that advice to heart and made time with him and his brothers a high priority in my life. Tonight Taylor graduates from Paradise High School.
I could have worked more. I could have prayed longer, made more visits, had more meetings, studied longer, and wrote more books. In the end I chose to leave the office earlier and spend more time with my boys. When Taylor asked me to bring him lunch I often rearranged my schedule to make it happen, even if it meant traveling nearly 30 miles round trip because that is the food he wanted. I still do it when asked to this day.
I still remember holding him for the first time. My heart melted in love when I held that precious gift from God in my arms. The love has only grown over the past two decades. My quiver is indeed full because God has given me not one but four sons.
I used to pull Taylor around in a wagon when he was a tyke around the parsonage and the church we served. We spent hours throwing a baseball, football, and playing games of basketball. I don't ever remember a time when he did not love sports. He cried one time when I told him he needed to eliminate a sport. When I asked why he cried he responded he loved all the sports and could not choose to quit playing any of them.
Over the years God added other brothers. My love for Taylor never lessened while it grew for Tanner, Tucker, and Turner. We began a couple of traditions when they were young. From time to time I would take one of the boys and have what we called special time with them. I typically took them out to eat to a place where they chose and we enjoyed quality time. Sometimes that meant taking them to a camp where I would be preaching. Taylor trusted Christ for salvation the morning after the last day of one of those camps.
A second tradition we began was what we call our "Summer Edwards Camp". Every summer for the past ten years we work out during the summer months. In the beginning that meant mainly running a little, playing baseball, or basketball. As they got older the workouts incorporated strength training and agility work along with running. Over the years many have worked out with us for awhile but few have stayed with us. The workouts were too tough. It is a tradition we love. I love it mainly because I get to spend time with them.
No matter how hard we worked Taylor ate it up and wanted more. He developed a relentless work ethic. It has paid off over the years allowing him to enjoy success on the field. He dreamed of becoming a running back and that happened his last three years in high school. He dreamed of playing in college and will do so in the fall at Howard Payne University. He dreamed of going to the state meet for powerlifting and he did. He was not the best there but he told me later he was happy just to have qualified to make the meet.
I have watched Taylor set goals and work toward achieving those goals. He is extremely disciplined and driven. This has served him well in the classroom, when he works mowing yards, and on the field. He is strong. Much stronger than I was at his age.
I am most proud that he still loves Jesus. He was asked to pray at graduation tonight. What an honor. He has stuck to his guns. Others have fallen away from the Lord over the years and Taylor has fought his own battles. I am proud he still loves God. When seeking a career choice he prayed over it and felt God calling him to teach history and coach. He prayed and sought the Lord for where to go to college and play football. He turned down a scholarship for a college to play football in Kansas because he felt God wanted him to attend Howard Payne University. Seeing the peace in his life has given Brenda and I great peace.
I got to enjoy some special time with Taylor this week. He exempted his finals and we got to enjoy a day together. We ate breakfast. We went shopping man style (in and out of two stores in under ten minutes combined.) Later in the day we worked out together. We talked about how when he was younger and I would crawl in the floor he would get down with me and spread my arms open so he could lay in them. We chuckled that he is too big to do that anymore. When I still get in the floor it does not take long for each of them to drift down near me. That is the photo I have on my phone.
Tonight Taylor graduates from high school. I am not sad. I am proud of the man he has become. I know the full weight of his growing up will come the day I drop him off at college. Tears will surely come. I think one reason I am not so sad is I have tried my hardest to make the best of the time I have had with Taylor and his brothers. The only two higher priorities in my life are my relationship with God and my relationship with their mother.
Taylor is no longer a boy. He is a man. He has bigger goals and dreams. I cheer him on in seeing them come true. I celebrate the growth and maturity in my son and thank God for the gift of being chosen as his dad. I love you champ and could not be prouder of the man God is making you.
I could have worked more. I could have prayed longer, made more visits, had more meetings, studied longer, and wrote more books. In the end I chose to leave the office earlier and spend more time with my boys. When Taylor asked me to bring him lunch I often rearranged my schedule to make it happen, even if it meant traveling nearly 30 miles round trip because that is the food he wanted. I still do it when asked to this day.
I still remember holding him for the first time. My heart melted in love when I held that precious gift from God in my arms. The love has only grown over the past two decades. My quiver is indeed full because God has given me not one but four sons.
I used to pull Taylor around in a wagon when he was a tyke around the parsonage and the church we served. We spent hours throwing a baseball, football, and playing games of basketball. I don't ever remember a time when he did not love sports. He cried one time when I told him he needed to eliminate a sport. When I asked why he cried he responded he loved all the sports and could not choose to quit playing any of them.
Over the years God added other brothers. My love for Taylor never lessened while it grew for Tanner, Tucker, and Turner. We began a couple of traditions when they were young. From time to time I would take one of the boys and have what we called special time with them. I typically took them out to eat to a place where they chose and we enjoyed quality time. Sometimes that meant taking them to a camp where I would be preaching. Taylor trusted Christ for salvation the morning after the last day of one of those camps.
A second tradition we began was what we call our "Summer Edwards Camp". Every summer for the past ten years we work out during the summer months. In the beginning that meant mainly running a little, playing baseball, or basketball. As they got older the workouts incorporated strength training and agility work along with running. Over the years many have worked out with us for awhile but few have stayed with us. The workouts were too tough. It is a tradition we love. I love it mainly because I get to spend time with them.
No matter how hard we worked Taylor ate it up and wanted more. He developed a relentless work ethic. It has paid off over the years allowing him to enjoy success on the field. He dreamed of becoming a running back and that happened his last three years in high school. He dreamed of playing in college and will do so in the fall at Howard Payne University. He dreamed of going to the state meet for powerlifting and he did. He was not the best there but he told me later he was happy just to have qualified to make the meet.
I have watched Taylor set goals and work toward achieving those goals. He is extremely disciplined and driven. This has served him well in the classroom, when he works mowing yards, and on the field. He is strong. Much stronger than I was at his age.
I am most proud that he still loves Jesus. He was asked to pray at graduation tonight. What an honor. He has stuck to his guns. Others have fallen away from the Lord over the years and Taylor has fought his own battles. I am proud he still loves God. When seeking a career choice he prayed over it and felt God calling him to teach history and coach. He prayed and sought the Lord for where to go to college and play football. He turned down a scholarship for a college to play football in Kansas because he felt God wanted him to attend Howard Payne University. Seeing the peace in his life has given Brenda and I great peace.
I got to enjoy some special time with Taylor this week. He exempted his finals and we got to enjoy a day together. We ate breakfast. We went shopping man style (in and out of two stores in under ten minutes combined.) Later in the day we worked out together. We talked about how when he was younger and I would crawl in the floor he would get down with me and spread my arms open so he could lay in them. We chuckled that he is too big to do that anymore. When I still get in the floor it does not take long for each of them to drift down near me. That is the photo I have on my phone.
Tonight Taylor graduates from high school. I am not sad. I am proud of the man he has become. I know the full weight of his growing up will come the day I drop him off at college. Tears will surely come. I think one reason I am not so sad is I have tried my hardest to make the best of the time I have had with Taylor and his brothers. The only two higher priorities in my life are my relationship with God and my relationship with their mother.
Taylor is no longer a boy. He is a man. He has bigger goals and dreams. I cheer him on in seeing them come true. I celebrate the growth and maturity in my son and thank God for the gift of being chosen as his dad. I love you champ and could not be prouder of the man God is making you.
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