What do you fear?

What do you fear? What are you afraid of? I read those questions in a book recently. I ddi not have to think long before I jotted down my two answers in the margin. I then looked back as far as I could remember in mymind and these same fears have driven me my whole life.

I recall these crippling fears on the playground as a child. They daunted my trail into my teenage years. These fears were hot on my trail as a young adult in college. These fears drove me through most of the early years of my ministry. Into middle age these fears are never far from my mind. NEVER!

What about you? What are you afraid of? I am not talking about things that go bump in the night. I am talking about what makes you afraid? What do you fear? What keeps you awake at night. What haunts your thoughts during the day?

I bet you, like me, have something. What do you fear? 2 Timothy 1:7 (NASB) 
⁷  For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. My fears and your fears are they from God? God gave us power, love, and discipline. God gave us courage. How many lives are ruled by fear instead of faith and the courage that comes from faith. 

People make fear based decisions all the time. People are ruled by fears. If I were to be honest I would have to say fears have governed a large part of the last four decades of my life. O, I tried to hide it. I hid by taking both small and large steps of faith. I hid it behind fearless preaching on a wide range of topics. 

Yesterday that simple question of what do you fear brought me to a standstill. I had to look into the mirror of my soul. I had to face my fears. 

By now you are probably wondering what my fears are. I will not be too proud to tell you. My fears are two fold, in essence, two sides of the same coin. I fear failure. I also fear being seen or remembered as a failure. Those fears run deeper than salaries, homes, vehicles and fashionable clothes. It is the fear that my life did not make a difference for eternity. That haunts me. It is not about trying to earn or deserve salvation. That is impossible. It is about making a difference with whatever time I have left. I live everyday of my life feeling like a failure. Failure as a pastor. Failure as an author. Failure as a revival preacher. And on many days failure as a husband and father. 

Not one time have I ever desired to pastor the largest church nor have I striven after the biggest salary. I just want to make a difference. I want God to use me. I want to see souls saved and churches revived. I also want to walk with God and hear from Him daily. 

Now I have confessed my fears. What about you? What do you fear? Will you face them today?