Not in Control

This has been an interesting morning. For the first time in days I am not sitting on a mower. I relished the thought of spending some great time with the Lord this morning. I struggled to stay focused as I laboriously read through Leviticus. Each time I come to this book in my daily reading I dread it. All I can say is I thank God we are no longer under the Law but redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ and declared righteous. [II Cor 5:21] I did not get a word from the Lord during this reading. I determined to read in another place over breakfast.

I went to the cafe and God met with me at my corner table. While sitting there He convicted me that I am not truly surrendered. Those of you who know me and know our circumstances might argue to the contrary but hear me out first. I have committed my life to following the Lord's leadership. We have taken steps of obedience in faith.

I have not been surrendered in the fact that I have resisted our circumstances. I have prayed, whined, believed, doubted, pressed on, fallen into the pit of despair, and battled in my mind for most of the past year. I have asked God why His leadership has meant great hardship to my family. I have followed but at times very reluctantly.

While reading this morning God convicted me that I have wanted to be in control. He showed me this morning I do not have control over anything. Not Faith Community Church, not Brenda, not Taylor, Tanner, Tucker, or Turner, not my house selling in Seminole, not my living situation in Paradise, not the church finances, nor publishing and selling books. I am not in control of anything. God is though.

[Job 42:1-2] "Then Job answered the Lord and said, 'I know that You can do all things, and no purpose  of Yours can be thwarted." God is in control and I am not. God purposed me to leave Seminole. I have asked why hundreds of times. Each trip back there is emotionally painful. I ask God why we had to give up our life, friends, ministry, and home there. I have asked God repeatedly about the Faith Community Church growing (which it is) and about the church finances growing (which they are not.) God has a purpose for all of it and He is in control. Maybe another scripture will shed more light on this subject.

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways." [Rom 11:33] God has a plan and that plan may not make sense to me. Either way I am not in control. If that plan means leading me through hardship all with my kicking and screaming, it is not going to alter God accomplishing His purpose whether I understand or not.

God's reminder to me today is that I am not in control. He is. I am dependent on Him. Faith Community  Church depends on Him. We are fast running out of chairs and I do not even the control to go and purchase more chairs because we do not have the extra money. He does though. I can resist God's purpose in the struggles or I can submit. Either way God is going to to have His way. He is in control and not me.

The longer I sat at that cafe table the more conviction I felt. I also had to come to grips with the fact that God's purpose at times are painful and tough challenges. I bowed my head and heart knowing that to fully trust God I had to give up control that I never had to begin with. I had to give up control over my reputation, over my family, over my finances, and over my future. These things are easy to write but much harder to pray and even more difficult to live. To truly surrender control I have to be willing to endure these momentary trials even when they last longer than I would like. I have remain obedient even when I do not understand.

I have no control. I trust my Sovereign God. I do not understand the challenges. God has a purpose in all of it. In order to truly submit I have to embrace the challenges rather than resent them. God is building a testimony in my family's life as well as in the life of Faith Community Church. Each challenge drives us to rely on God more. Isn't that what He wants in the first place. I am grateful for a gentle reminder today that I am not in control and that God will accomplish His purposes in me and around me. I can resist or I can submit.