Admission of Guilt

For weeks the Holy Spirit has turned the spotlight on inside my heart to reveal sin. Much sin. One by one I have admitted my guilt in private prayers. He has revealed sins committed long ago I had totally forgotten about. Just yesterday He reminded me of something I did over two and a half decades ago and He also showed me what I had to do in order to make it right. 

There has been shame. I have been broken. Tears have flowed. Like David I have cried out, "Be gracious to me O God, according to Your lovingkindness. According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgression. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For my transgression and my sin is ever before me." [Ps 51:1-3]

Everyone is a sinner. We work really hard to hide our sins from one another. We often  pretend to appear more holy than we really are. We hide in the shadows our lives of secret sin fearing ever being truthful and discovered for the frauds we really are. David addressed this issue also in [Ps 51:6] "Behold You desire truth in the innermost being and in the hidden parts You will make me to know wisdom. " Who rally wants to ever tell the truth about what is inside their innermost being?

It is not always easy to admit guilt. O we do a pretty good job about the big things in our lives when we are alone with God. It is when He rally turns up the heat to refine us we struggle. When He starts uncovering sins long ago committed and forgotten. When He requires us to make things right and we have to admit guilt to someone we sinned against this forces us to swallow pride. When we had to admit our guilt publicly we feel ashamed. 

It is easy to hide our sins from others. We want people to think the best about us. We want to cover up our flaws and failures. We dress up the outside while covering up the inside. We do the religious things externally while concealing the internal things. God wants to bring those things into the light so as to be forgiven, freed, and delivered. 

Yet week after week churches go on with business as usual. Ever  so often some scandalous sin made public sends shockwaves up and down the pews . Some can't wait to share the juicy gossip. Some pick up stones through social media and heap condemnation. Others shrink back in fear knowing they are guilty of the same things and hope they are never caught. 

Face the facts. Sin is in the church but how many admit their own guilt. In the bride of Christ you can find adultery, homosexuality, alcoholism, pornography, fornication, addiction to drugs, theft, lying, envy, gossip, fits of rage, slander, gluttony, lack of love for Jesus, lukewarmness, apathy, prayerless people, sexual, physical and emotional abuse. 

I am not writing that out of theory. Those are actual sins committed by actual people. The masquerade continues. People, good people, saved people, live in private shame and condemnation. Many are in bondage and cannot find a way out. They live in private pain. They fear ever being exposed for the frauds they are. 

The constant struggle is there. They love God. They want to do right by Him. They hate their sin. Yet, they fall over and over again. Satan whispers, "You will never be free. You will never be delivered. How could you do such things and you call yourself a Christian. God is mad at you." Such people believe these lies and they lurk in the shadows of secrecy of sin nobody knows about. 

Recently during a private Bible study I read a verse that quaked my soul. "Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." [James 5:16] I have quoted this verse thousands of times over the years in my prayers and preaching. Well the truth is I only quoted the last part of the verse. I touted this wonderful promise of prayer while ignoring the first half of it. That early morning God pierced my heart with the truth that we are to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another to be healed. The thought occurred, "When do I ever do that? When do people in the church do that?

I had to admit my guilt. I preferred the masquerade than the truth of my inner being getting exposed. I did not want my sin brought to light before anyone. And then God commanded me to admit my guilt publicly. I confess I wrestled with this nightly. I tried to justify not confessing my trespasses to one another. I rationalized and wrestled with this act of obedience. Finally I knew I had to admit my guilt publicly. I had to surrender and obey God. 

It was not pretty. I tried to talk myself out of it numerous times. Like so many other things in my life it was a step of faith. I did not know how people would react. I publicly confessed sins like gluttony, depression, and bitterness. I even had to confess sexual sins I committed in my youth. 

After one such admission of guilt on so many fronts in a sermon a lady approached me after the service and said, "I know that could not have been easy." She was right. That admission of guilt took more out of me than I thought. After lunch that day I took a nap and slept for over five hours. 

You know what I have discovered since admission of my guilt? A new found freedom. Sins that held me hostage in the past are no longer strangling the spiritual life out of me. I no longer have to wrk in the shadows of secrecy. The masks have come off. 

Sure admission of guilt is uncomfortable and leaves you feeling vulnerable. It can also be the path of liberty. 

Now, let me say this in conclusion. I am just sharing my experience. You may try to throw condemnation on me but I stand of [Rom 8:1] "There is now, therefore, no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." I have admitted my guilt. I have embraced mercy and grace. Based on 1 John 1:9 and II Corinthians 5:21 I know I have been forgiven and declared righteous. I don't deserve this but I need it and so do you. 

I am not asking for anyone to go out in public  and share your private pain accumulated through sin. Sins committed in private can be confessed in private. Sins committed in public can be confessed in public. That is not for me to decide for you. That is between you and the Holy Spirit. 

I would advise caution at this point. I would never publicly admitted my guilt except God forced me to do this. I did so before a flock that has loved me and prayed for me a very long time. I have done so with trusted friends. I certainly would not advise you do this with just anyone. Let God be your guide at this point. 

God required this of me for two reasons. For my deliverance from sins that haunted me for decades. He also required my admission of guilt publicly to show others struggling a way out. 

I often think of the line in a hymn that hits close to home. " Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here is my heart Lord, take and seal it for thy courts above."I need Him to keep me from wandering. Admission of guilt is one way to do that.