It is hard to put into words what the Lord is doing in me over the course of the last few months as well as right now in this prayer cabin in deep east Texas. This morning I got up early, as is my habit, to spend time with the Lord. As I began in prayer there was desire to go deeper with the Lord.
I had to recognize and confess that I do not always have that desire. Many times I do not want to fully engage my heart with God’s heart. Today was different. As I have been granted these few but valuable hours to seek the Lord in this isolated and sacred prayer cabin before preaching a winter camp over the next three days, I want more of God. In fact I found myself professing to God that I want Him more than any other thing in my life. Do not misread that. I did not say I want more of what He can do for me or give me. I said I want more of Him. I crave more intimacy with God and more close encounters with Him in the secret place when no one else is looking. I know I am in a constant battle with my flesh.
My flesh opposes all the work of God in me. My flesh doesn’t want me to commune with the Lord and if I do take the time to have a quiet time my flesh seeks to make it hard so that I far too easily settle for going through rituals but missing out on the relationship God wants me to enjoy. So at 6:15 this morning I started my quest to meet with God. I sat at this six seat oval shaped dining table with the small three light chandelier overhead. While it was still dark outside I began the quest to press in closer to the heart of God. I was determined to press in and to linger with Him as long as it took.
This began with a time of searching my soul and confessing sin that would keep me from encountering Him. I asked the Lord to blow over the embers of my heart like a hot furnace igniting new love and passion for Him. I set out in prayer like a man on an adventurous quest. As I started the climb up into the glorious reality of God I asked that I would get lost in the immensity of His presence. There is so much more of God to discover and explore. In fact, there are truths and realities about God no mortal man has ever known or experienced.
There is a familiar path where myriads of contented Christians trod in lukewarm fervor and meandering after God. These are the bottom dwellers who day after day and year after year who are perfectly satisfied to walk back and forth on the same old worn our trail of familiarity. I wanted to get off this path and find a new one that leads higher and deeper into the presence of God. I do not want to be half-hearted in my pursuit to know Him. I pleaded with God to take me to new heights in His presence that I have never scaled before. I want fresh revelations of the majesty and splendor of my King. I want to get lost in the presence of the Sovereign Lord. I want to be blinded by the brilliance of His glory shining in every crevice of my soul causing me to become disoriented with life on planet earth. I want to walk deep into the cavern of His holiness and be dwarfed by the size and awe of Him. I desire to stumble ahead until I am standing at the crest of His Sovereign nature and allow that truth to penetrate every cell of my brain and heart. I want to swim in the lake of His love floating in His goodness and mercy and be dried off with the warm towel of His forgiveness. I want to be humbled by the magnitude of His power and to be inspired by the majesty of His mountain peaks. One could spend a whole life getting lost in the panoramic presence of God and not discover all there is to know and experience.
My soul craves more of God. I am not satisfied with yesterday’s devotions and yesteryear’s quiet times. I must have more of Him burning in my heart. Getting lost in His presence so I forget about time, other realities and distractions, and my ever expanding to do list is never easy but always worth it. This little journey deep into the presence of God was not done in a mere fifteen minutes. I do not say this to boast but hours had passed when it ended. I was not aware of time. All I know I was worshipping, exploring, enjoying, and making fresh discoveries in the presence of God. I know the prison of my flesh will fight against me getting lost in His presence again. Still with His Spirit stirring me and inspiring me, I press on to go higher and deeper in Him. I know that God alone can satisfy the deepest longings and cravings of my soul. I continue to yearn for more of Him and not what He can do or give.
I think now I can understand what the Psalmist meant when he wrote, “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?” [Ps 42:1-2] The answer to that question is any time.
We are pretty good at intending to get around to that eventually. Before we know the day is spent and so are we. We have intentions to really connect with the Lord the next day but our overcrowded schedules get in the way again. When we finally do find the time we are usually hurried and our time is rushed and superficial. When was the last time you intentionally stopped and resolved to do more than go through the routine of a devotion time? When did you last determine to get gloriously lost in the presence of God and let your thirsty heart drink deeply from the never-ending reservoir that is our Creator? Our souls crave that. These enriching encounters will never happen by accident. With our craving, desiring, yearning, and searching for more of God He will at times draw us so deep and so high into His presence we lose track of everything else. I live for such times. I think the writer of Psalms forty-two did too.
I hope your appetite is whetted. I hope you are longing for more of Him. If you determinedly seek Him He will not disappoint. It is a wondrous thing to get joyously lost in the presence of God.
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