The School of Brokenness

The school of brokenness is not a fun place to be. In this school the lessons are hard and the courses are even harder. Lessons learned in this school include, humility, breaking of pride, the systematic dismantling of independence and replacing it with dependence upon the Lord. Other lessons learned include perseverance, faith, and patience. Often these lessons are learned in solitary confinement. They are hard lessons to learn for dreamers who want to catch the vision and get about seeing the end result.

Before the Lord can trust people with big dreams He first has to develop character to match the size of the dreams He gives. This often means enrollment in the school of brokenness. I would not say I am expert in this field but I can assure you I spent more than a decade in that school and it was the hardest, most painful, and yet most rewarding experience of my life as far as what I learned.

Most of you already know my story. From the years of 1987-1991 I saw a good deal of success in youth ministry. We saw many students saved and our groups at two different churches grow. Along with the growing youth ministry was my increasing desire to be the biggest and the best ministry. Suddenly the once thriving youth group I had been in charge of fell apart right before my eyes. From 1991-2005 I saw many things fail. There was a stint in the pastoral ministry in Burke, TX. I left there looking for success as an evangelist but those were harder years in the school of brokenness but also years where my faith was forged. After nearly five years of traveling the country preaching to students and adults the Lord called me to pastor again and this time we attempted to start a church that ended up disbanding after four long years of heavy toil. By the end of all this I was at a breaking point which is exactly where God has been directing me all along.

I could not understand why no matter how hard I prayed or worked things seem to crumble right before my eyes. What I could not see back then was how the Lord was breaking me and shaping me for His greater purposes. All I could see was the pain and the confusion but God had a greater purpose in mind. Some time in the middle of my time in the school of brokenness I read a poem pastor and author Charles Stanley found and included in his book The Blessing of Brokenness by an unknown source.

“When God wants to drill a man, and thrill a man, and skill a man,

to play the noblest part – when He yearns with all of His heart,

To create so great and bold a man – that all the world shall be amazed,

Watch His methods and watch His ways,

How He ruthlessly perfects – whom He royally elects,

How He hammers him and hurts him – with might blows converts him,

Intro trial shapes of clay which only God understands,

While his tortured heart is crying out he lifts beseeching hands!

How he bends but never breaks when his good He undertakes,

How He uses whom He chooses – and with every purpose fuses him,

By every act induces him,

To try His splendor out – God knows what He is about

- author unknown

There have been many times I felt the hammer blows from God’s hands and

His purposeful bending. I have felt the molding of God’s hands shaping me into a vessel for His purpose and design. There were painful experiences and ones I thought would never end. God has His ways. Now in hindsight I can see God was building my character to match His assignment for my life. In fact, He is still doing that.

God took some of his choice servants through the school of brokenness as well. Abraham was given the assignment in [Gen 12:1-3] God worked on His character until [Gen 21:1-2] Moses got the dream in [Exodus 3:1-10] but did not see it come to pass until [Exodus 14:1-31] David got the word to be King in [I Sam 16:1-13] but he did not become king until [II Samuel 3:1] I could go on with the lives of Elijah and Paul and so forth. When God has a great assignment God also must have the character of His servants match the assignment.

Let me offer a few words of wisdom when enduring the school of brokenness. First, learn your lessons quickly. You cannot progress until you learn what the Lord wants to teach you. It took me over a decade to learn some lessons and I kept going through the same things over and over again until I finally submitted

Next, learn to yield and submit to the painful blows. They may feel like blows from a hammer but God has a Sovereign design. He can be trusted. It will hurt and not feel like love now, but if you stay the course you will see what God was doing the whole time.

Third, do not resist the work of God in you. This will only prolong your time in the school of brokenness. Do not harden your life and heart but remain moldable and adaptable to the pressure He puts on your life. It is good pain He inflicts.

Lastly, do not try to hurry in the process in your impatience. God has a predetermined number of days it will take to prepare you for your destiny. Hang in there and gut it out until He graduates and whatever you do, do not take matters into your own hands for you will only make it worse.

There is much to learn in the school in brokenness. If you learn your lessons well and do not drop out, prepared yourself to be used in some profound ways.

Precious Death

These are two words that don’t seem to go together. Take the word death for instance. Death conjures up feelings of heart wrenching sorrow, unbearable grief, unstoppable tears, and loneliness. The word precious on the other hand means valuable, excellent, prized, rare, splendid, glorious, weighty, and noble. So here is the obvious question. How can death be seen as splendid, glorious, prized, rare, and so forth?

The two thoughts do not coincide. I have preached numerous funerals in my twenty-five years of ministry. Since moving to Seminole I have preached or been a part of five funerals in five months. I have watched the heartache of grieving widows and widowers. I will never forget preaching the funeral for a wife who had been married over sixty years. The husband who was in a wheel chair wheeled over to the casket at the end of the service and said, “I will see you baby.” I could not hold back the tears. He told me he had been in love with her since the fourth grade.

I have watched parents have to bury children and visa versa watched brokenhearted children bury elderly parents. I have grieved with families who lost loved ones to cancer, Alzheimer’s, and unexpected tragedy. I don’t think any of those parents, children, husbands or wives would have called the death and sorrow of separation from those they loved precious. In fact, I am pretty sure that would be an offensive statement.

It might be offensive but death is precious depending on what point of view you are looking from. Read Ps 116:15, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones.” From God’s perspective when a person is in a right relationship with Him death is a precious thing. For a true child of God death is the ultimate act of His love and protection. God who created us, who lovingly redeemed us, and who has sustained us through various trials and tribulations, cannot wait to be reunited with us physically. Now He relates to us spiritually but when death comes it is only a pathway to everlasting life with Him. This is good and precious. One moment with Him in eternity and the cares, troubles, and even the joys will fade in light of His splendor and the brilliance of His majesty.

The truth is God more than loves us He also longs for us. God Himself says that the death of His godly ones is precious. The phrase “His godly ones” means those who are devout, holy, faithful, and pious. I don’t see anything in this passage about death being precious to God for those who are avowed enemies because in stubbornness they have never come to repentance. Such people will experience the full force of His fury in judgment. I do not see anything in this passage about death being precious to God for those who were lukewarm in their relationship with the Lord. Such people He spews out His mouth. [Rev 3:15-16]

When a person who has loved God supremely and sought to know Him dies, this is a precious thing to God and for that believer. Imagine the scene. You know someone who has loved the Father more than life itself and they die. They step out of the prison of their body that has kept them from knowing and relating to God on a deeper level. Suddenly they are free to experience all of God not just in a temporary service that will come to an end but for life everlasting. There will always be closer encounters and fuller revelations of the Lord Jesus. This is precious, valuable, splendid, and excellent. From God’s perspective He is finally able to rescue His beloved out of a life filled with temptation, heartache, confusion, and distractions. He finally will have us all to Himself for all time. This is precious.

In awestruck wonder we will worship. I do not mean we will sing songs from rote memory and lackluster affection. We will worship. We will willingly ascribe the worth our Lord deserves. Our eyes will be opened to see the wonder and the mystery of all that our God is. We will be so humbled by His greatness and so fulfilled in Him it will be the most euphoric experience that will last forever.

Sadly if we have lived an unfaithful life our death may not be so precious. We will have to endure the testing by fire as all true believers will[I Cor 3:10-15] and we might come up lacking and suffer loss. If we were found unfaithful we barely make it into Heaven while the faithful will be rewarded on the other hand. There will be great dread and regret on that day if we were not devout and faithful.

It is a rare privilege afforded a pastor to preach the funerals of those faithful saints whom Ps 116:15 refers to. I know preachers can spin the truth and make everyone sound like a saint at a funeral but God knows the truth. No matter what is said or not said about our lives God knows the truth about who were faithful.

I have a friend back in Paradise who used to say something to me over and over again. He loves God and walks closely with the Lord. He told me repeatedly, “I want to God to say to me one day, Randy, we are closer to my house than yours why don’t you come home with Me.” I love that.. For all of us we will one day be closer to God’s house than our own in life’s journey. Death in that moment will be a splendid, precious, and excellent thing for God and for us if we have been faithful. That is why I say precious death.

I do not make light of the fact that death can be so tragic it might be less painful to have your heart ripped savagely out of your chest. To have to live with the sorrow is a huge load to bear. If the one who died by natural causes or by tragedy truly loved and walked with the Lord, let us turn our eyes to their perspective. It might ease our grief a bit and cause us to reprioritize our life. Let me end with the words to an old hymn written by William Featherston. “I’ll love Thee in life – I will love Thee in death, And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath; And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow; If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus ‘tis now.”

Breakfast with My Buddy

The day started before 5:00 a.m. this morning when I groggily drug myself out of bed and into the shower. There was a men’s bible study at 6:00 a.m. There was the Care Center bible study at 10:00 a.m. and a funeral to preach at 1:30 p.m. The highlight of the day though, was the breakfast I shared with a buddy around 7:30 a.m.

My buddy has had his ups and downs with the Lord over the past year. There have been great spurts of growth and maturity intertwined with seasons of going through the motions and having little desire for God. His devotional life has been inconsistent at best. We talked about what the Lord is doing in his life, family, sports, and church.

The breakfast was great: biscuits and gravy, bacon, eggs, and hash browns but the conversation was better. I have known my buddy for well over a decade. We have shared times of laughter, tears, anger, frustration, but most of all love of the deepest nature. I have witnessed him struggle with things most men struggle with. I have seen him at pinnacle moments of success as well as was there to counsel him life’s defeats. He is a strong man, independent, fiercely competitive, but also tender and sensitive. At times I have cautioned him as his focus began to stray from the Lord onto lesser things.

He is the strong silent type. He is content to sit in the background in many conversations. There are times I really wonder what is going on inside of Him. I wonder about the depth of what the Lord is doing in his heart but try not to pry too much. I wonder if when I preach it ever sinks in. He doesn’t say much about it but I was surprised today when he told me he liked to hear me preach. I would have never thought this from my vantage point behind the pulpit watching him seated in a pew.

This guy is one of the most driven men I have ever known. If he sets a goal he knows how to work, sacrifice, and is disciplined to get it done. He has a great work ethic and is not satisfied with just getting the job done but wants to do it right. I admire this guy. In fact, I am not ashamed to say that I actively seek to cheer this guy on in the arena of life.

I wear many hats. Some call me “preacher”, some “brother”, and I even have some who call me “bro.” I am known as pastor, author, volunteer, but one title I cherish above them all is the one my buddy calls me. He calls me daddy. Yes, my buddy is one of my sons. I enjoyed special time with one of them this morning over breakfast. I loved every minute of it and hated to see it come to an end.

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my other sons. We laughed as I admiringly looked deep into his greenish colored eyes. He is gifted, talented, and a leader. He is so cool that if I were his age I would want to be his best friend. I love hanging out with him. Though he is growing I still like putting him in my lap and kissing him on the cheek from time to time. He was the first to run to greet me at the airport when I flew home from a preaching trip. He is my also my buddy.

The week before that, I took one of his brothers to lunch. We laughed, talked, but mostly we enjoyed being together. My face lit up when he walked up to me after class. I beamed as we ate his favorite food and he devoured it. He is so intelligent and witty. He cracks me up as he makes us jokes and riddles from time to time. He is gifted in many areas. It seems nothing comes hard to this kid. I admire him and love him beyond words. I love the bond we share on multiple levels. We drove slowly back to school enjoying our brief retreat.

Now I have another son who craves my one on one attention. I can’t wait to do it. He is the life of the party constantly making me laugh with one liners. He has boundless energy and wants little more than to be seated next to me or in my lap no matter where we are. He brings a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. He along with his tree brothers are all special.

Spending time with my children is a great delight. I am indeed a blessed man. “Behold children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate.” [Ps 127:3-5]

My boys are not inconveniences, in the way, a hindrance, or a nuisance. They are each one blessings. I did not enjoy the kind of childhood my boys are enjoying. I never had a daddy available. I cannot even begin to describe the deep wounds that caused. My children are a gift as are yours. Now, what are we going to do with those gifts?

Sadly some of you have squandered those gifts already. I recently rode on a trip with a man whose children are all grown who told me he made many mistakes and one of them was not giving his children enough individual attention. I still have time as do many of you. I exhort you to make the most of it. Well I need to run. I got so caught up in writing this that I lost track of time. I should have left the office an hour ago. I am off to see my buddies and to enjoy an evening with them while I still have time.

Faith Song

While driving to Lubbock this morning to minister to someone having surgery I heard a phrase in a song that grabbed my attention. The lyrics that stuck out to me were, “When you live life by faith you have a song to sing.” Hence the title “Faith Song.” Those words caused the wheels in my mind to stir. If I were going to write a song to my Lord about what I have experienced with Him through faith, what kind of song would that be? I am no song-writer or a singer but here is my best shot.

You met me years ago in the stands of a battlefield of glory,

At the time I lived for myself – writing a far different story,

You in amazing grace embraced and won my stubborn heart,

And on that fateful day the first words of this song did start,

Little did I know about church and stories found in your book,

Maturity came as page after page I read and began to look,

Who would have thought you would handpick me to proclaim,

Your message so profound – beyond my ability to explain,

I resisted, argued, and like Jonah tried to run the other way,

You overwhelmed me with your call - finally had the last say,

I waved the flag of surrender and answered Your divine call,

To proclaim with your help - a message at home, abroad, to all,

It was hard at first, scared – knees wobbling and visibly knocking,

Limited in understanding –no eloquence it was amusingly shocking,

The more I read and studied – the more my faith began to grow,

The more time spent in secret with you – the more glory you show,

You brought a love to my life, a flower of rare beauty and bloom,

I never knew I could love so deep – a helpmeet from the womb,

Brenda has been my lover, friend - my God ordained soul mate,

You enabled her to endure when dreams were soured by ill fate,

She stood firm next to me when we fought life in the trenches,

She encouraged me when we slowly progressed by only inches,

My quiver if full with a girl and four strong and strapping boys,

Who in different ways have all filled my heart with myriad joys,

A series of test – severe in nature – pressed me down to my knees,

Prayers mixed with tears, desperation in fueled my private pleas,

You stretched me, tested my resolve, shook me more and more,

Confused I wondered why I was wounded by the one I adored,

The climb was steep, the pain was deep, I stumbled and fell,

You taught me like Spafford, with you my soul is always well,

Miracles came, some beyond belief, and then the call to write,

The stories that have been told – I walk by faith and not by sight,

There were failures, blunders, deep regrets at ministries gone by,

Spring Creek, Burke, CentrePointe, and GX failed though I tried,

Then there was Paradise, a true Heaven found on this earth,

Where my faith soared, and hope was revived in a second birth,

The joy of faces that flash across the screen of heart and mind,

Bring surges of delight – greater people would be hard to find,

My love ran like a river for a flock whom had come through disaster,

I worked hard to earn the right to be called the Paradise Pastor,

Our dreams were large, bigger than any of us could have conceived,

And then suddenly God called me out and still our hearts are grieved,

Who can understand the mind of God and comprehend all of His plan,

Paradise was our home, we felt we were already in His Promised Land,

It was hard to leave a people we all had grown to love so intensely,

Hard to leave a beloved community we had invested in so immensely,

By faith we packed our things and lives and followed God out West,

Confused but by faith trusting that following Him is always best,

When at last we bid Paradise farewell – the tears stained our cheeks,

I ached and grieved like death, the future appeared dismally bleak,

We arrived in town the night before school was about to start,

By faith we were obedient but inside we still had broken hearts,

Who knew our move to Seminole was one of God’s Sovereign grace,

God’s ways are good, His plans right and sewn with loving lace,

We hit the ground running and trusting God each step of the way,

Who could not have foreseen His power publicly put on display,

The crowds swelled, the seats became scarce, bewildered by it all,

Forced in the prayer room where in fervent faith I continually call,

You have blessed me with a flock who love us with words and deeds,

They have opened their hearts and pockets to help meet our needs,

You heard our cries and moved the mountain to one of our desires,

Through prayer and faith at last our own home you have acquired,

Praise the God of the Edwards who has not failed in good and bad,

Who has brought eternal joy to one who grew up so hurt and mad,

Praise Jesus who saved my life from the murky miry pit of sin,

Who has brought life, hope, delight, and love to this child again,

Praise the God of Lufkin, Burke, Brownwood, and little old Rochelle,

Praise the God of Weatherford, Paradise, and Seminole who excels,

My faith song is one of a heart brimming with joy and infinite delight,

To One who brought life and redemption out of my darkest woeful night,

Jesus I bow in adoration and cling in wondrous worship to your feet,

With you I am blessed, with you my life is abundant and complete,

This is my feeble attempt to write from my heart a true faith song,

To you forever and forever do my loyalty and all the glory belong,

Spiritual Heroes

Recently while catching a quick meal in Dallas before catching a plane to come back to Seminole I enjoyed some childhood memories. We ate at a sports restaurant with sports memorabilia especially from sports stars who played in the State of Texas. I saw pictures of Roger Staubach, Tony Dorsett, Nolan Ryan, and Emmitt Smith. One picture meant more to me than all the rest. It was a picture of my favorite NFL player as a child, Earl Campbell.

I watched every move he made playing, read every article I could about him, and collected posters and pictures of him in my room. I was a huge Houston Oilers fan. His thighs were so big that looking at them motivated me to do more squats in the weight room along with other exercises to build up my leg muscles. He was my hero.

Over time my heroes have changed. By in large I traded my fascination with sports stars for those who lived for the glory of Christ and lived to impact the world they lived in. The list is long and fairly often I include the names of some of those heroes in my writings and preaching. Through the pages of books I feel I have met many of these heroes. Page after page I have devoured learning about people like Amy Carmichael, Andrew Murray, John Calvin, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, David Brainerd, John Wesley, Robert Murray McCheyne, George Whitfield, Hudson Taylor, Martyn Llody Jones, Watchman Nee, Charles Finney, C.S. Lewis, William and Catherine Booth, and David Brainerd to name a few. There are others. The lives of these people inspire me. There is so much to read and just this one simple lifetime to get it done.

Nobody worked harder at studying scripture than John Calvin, Jonathan Edwards and Martin Luther. Nobody was more effective in prayer than George Mueller, Reese Howells, and John Hyde. Nobody was more zealous for winning souls that D.L. Moody, John Wesley, and George Whitfield. Nobody was more effective preaching than Charles Spurgeon.

The one who has captured my fascination for years is Jonathan Edwards. I just finished a book about his life this past weekend and have started another biography this morning. He lived a purposeful life. He wore the harness of discipline with ease spending up to thirteen hours a day in study. He was a prolific author whose body of work has never gone out of print in three centuries. He preached with a depth and insight that have rarely if ever been equaled in the modern age. He often is most famous for his sermon, “Sinners in the Hands of a Angry God,” and his seventy resolutions by which he sought to live by. He lived to have passionate affections for Christ. I have learned so much from Him, one of them being that I am not Jonathan Edwards.

He inspires me but he also had feet of clay. What I mean by that is that Edwards was a sinner like you and me. He studied too much, visited too little, and often made poor judgments when it came to leading his congregation. He was eventually fired after twenty-three years of faithful service and being used in two spiritual awakenings.

Tragically Edwards’ life was cut short after falling ill when he was fifty-four years old. He left behind a wife and nine children. I am left to wonder what he would have accomplished had he lived another twenty or thirty years.

The purpose of this article is three fold. First, I hope to inspire you to read about the great saints of the past. We have much to learn that could help us not to loiter on our way to eternity. I read these books to not only see how these heroes lived but to see how they died as well. We need to learn how to die courageously and with trust in the Lord all the way to the last breath. Few have ever died more valiantly than the twenty-nine year old David Brainerd who died in Jonathan Edwards home.

My second reason for writing this is remind us to get our noses out of this modern era every so often and look to the lessons of the past. There is much gold in the pages of autobiographies and biographies if we are willing to dig. Let us purpose to walk past the best selling books and authors from time to time to find some books written by saints of old that have stood the test of time. Let us sit at the feet of these spiritual masters who lived to point others to the true Master.

Lastly, who knows whether we have been touted to be someone’s hero. If we ever are it will not be because we are perfect. It could be son or daughter, a grandson or granddaughter, or someone we go to church with who watches us with an admiring eye. This scene was played out for me last summer while on a mission trip in Saskatchewan, Canada. We had a young lady named Lacie giving a devotional for the entire group when she suddenly began affirming another lady on the trip named Leisha. Leisha had a great impact on Lacie. The tears flowed freely and in essence Leisha had without knowing it been a sort of role model for Lacie. We never know who is watching us. What kind of legacy are we leaving?

Turn the television off tonight or this weekend. Find a good book about someone who lived for God and curl up with it. Let the God of their life inspire us to live for His glory. Let our God move and stir our hearts through the pages of history. Even writing this is making me want to get back into my book. I still have study to do for our Wednesday evening study. Before my head hits the pillow I will crack open my book on Jonathan Edwards and let this hero urge me to live more fully devoted to Jesus.

Preaching My Heart Out

I literally just got through preaching my last message for Winter Camp here at Trinity Pines Encampment. As happens so many times I preached my heart out. I stepped down from the stage and sighed a prayer to the Lord, “I gave everything I had. I preached what you wanted me to and I gave my best. I did not hold back.” I then walked to the back of the room to watch the Lord work. I am not sure if much happened at least from what I could see.

Before the service, as I prayed with the worship band, I confessed to them I was not feeling stirred in my heart. In fact, I felt downright lethargic. After our prayer time together we had over an hour before the beginning of the service.

I came back to my hotel room to cry out for God to help me. I pleaded for Him to stir the message in my soul and to empower me to be able to preach it. He answered my prayers giving me more energy and passion to preach. I preached my heart out in the time allotted to me from the Old Testament book Hosea. In the end I left dejected wondering if anybody really got it. The students went into discussion groups to talk about the message so I did not get to hear what the Lord did in response to that message. I started the weekend praying for twenty salvations. The total attendance among students for the weekend was seventy and most of them were church students. I don’t know if there was even one who came to saving faith in Jesus Christ. I left the meeting room to come to my hotel room to be alone and to try to sort out my feelings, which I seem to do best when writing.

I preached on three themes tonight. Returning to the Lord in repentance. The chastisement of God, when we as God’s people, continue to live in sin. The third theme was pressing in to really know God and not to settle for knowing about Him. It sure seemed like this point went over most of the student’s head. I saw adult leaders who seemed to miss this as well as students. Over and over I keep trying to preach at camps and retreats and even at Seminole that a vibrant relationship with Christ is the only hope that we will love God supremely and say “no” to sin and “yes” to His purposes and His ways. I write about this, pray for all of us, me included, to be transformed by this truth. I know many people have quiet times but how many really press in and press on to know the Lord. This message largely seems to come up empty.

There is no way I can put into words what God is doing in me and revealing to me. I try but I fumble for words and I get frustrated that I do not know how to paint portraits with words to communicate the importance of pursuing a relationship with God. My prayer times have been rich, extended, and powerful. I have been meeting with God in my home, office, the prayer room at church, the prayer cabin I love so much outside Palestine, TX , in a mountain home in Ruidoso, NM, and the prayer garden here at Trinity Pines in very profound ways. When I do press in to know God it makes me more passionate about sharing with those I love what He is sharing with me and doing inside of me.

How do I convey passionately enough, fervently enough, and persistently enough that any hope we ever have to be successful in the Christian life comes down to pursuing knowing God relentlessly? Day after day we must take up the pursuit of God again and again. Jonathan Edwards understood this in the mid 1700’s. A. W. Tozer understood this in the mid 1900’s. Why can’t I communicate this truth in a way that God uses to bring about life change in the early 2000’s? Both Edwards and Tozer were largely misunderstood in their lifetimes.

I try. I continually meditate on word pictures and metaphors to communicate and inspire people toward a growing relationship with the Lord. I challenge with truth trusting God every step of the way to impart it through the Holy Spirit. I pray and pray and pray. I have never prayed harder or longer in my life than God has me doing these days and yet other than what He is doing in me I wonder how much impact it has on others.

Still everywhere I go I meet vast majorities of Christians who are not passionate to know God or to follow Him wholeheartedly and seem pretty content, immovable and even calloused to continue life as usual. Preaching does not seem to make much difference and often I find I am fighting battles to have the flames of my heart rekindled and reignited while trusting God to the same in others.

I struggle with sin continually and hate this flesh that robs me of more knowledge of God. At times this walk is lonely. I do not regret that so much of pursuing God must be done in isolation and seclusion. What I regret is how few I have to talk with about the deep things God is doing in me. Moving as much as we have makes it hard to have those deep relationships that make it easier to share the deepest parts of our hearts and souls.

When I preach my heart out on these themes it is so frustrating not to be able to find the right language to communicate it more effectively. There is a burning in my heart that I cannot translate into words. In fact, it probably is something more caught than taught. My heart yearns to walk deeper in God and to climb higher in my knowledge of Him. I weary of so much religious activities. Though I am lonely I often find I prefer to sit alone before the Lord or to walk with Him in some isolated spot in private worship so we can commune. He understands. I love corporate worship as well but find I no longer have to have bands, crowds, sound systems, and etc to really meet with God.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to write or preach effectively on this. No matter how much I want to and try to it seems I come up woefully short. My only consolation is found in the scriptures. “So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the mater for which I sent it.” [Is 55:11]

The Tyranny of the Urgent

As I write this I have successfully made it back home to Seminole. I got home in time last night to watch Taylor play basketball, get up early for Men’s Fraternity this morning, preach at the care center, make some visits, lead a meeting, and make a bunch of decisions. The tyranny of the urgent is all around me.

It was not until later in the afternoon when I pulled away from all the urgency and demands on my schedule to the prayer room to steal some quiet moments with the Lord. I often find myself so busy dealing with urgent matters that I feel boxed in. For the most part this whole day was spent in administration. There is so much to plan, calendar, and to do to keep things running smoothly.

This is a far cry from how I was able to spend so much time walking with God over this past weekend. The challenge for all of us is to fight the tyranny of the urgent so we are not distracted in our pursuits of knowing God. To pursue God requires time and lots of it. We must put forth the effort to carve out time in the midst of learning new computer programs, responding to phone calls and emails, planning and organizing events as well as attending meetings that are all necessary but they also serve to distract our souls from growing in the Lord.

It is so very important that we make time to seclude ourselves from others and to push the tyranny of the urgent aside to sit and linger with the Lord. In those moments we are not wasting time. The truth is that today I began asking God for wisdom about all the various things going on in our church. Our souls wither when we do not wait on the Lord. Soon we find ourselves doing all the right things with the wrong motives. When we get to this point, rest assured we will not produce lasting fruit. [Jn 15:5] We must abide in Him.

I sat at my desk today with mounds of papers, phone messages, and decisions that demand my attention. I have to confront these things. I cannot live in an ivory tower of my books and prayer closet. There are real people living in a real world and I must minister there. That does not mean however that I do these things at the peril of my own spiritual health. That is where my regular time with the Lord reading and feeding on scripture accompanied with offering fervent supplications give my soul the fuel it needs to tame the tyranny of the urgent.

It is a battle most every day. Other things compete for my affections, attention, and my time. The bed hugs me tighter and tighter in the early mornings and the midnight oil burns later than I care for many times. Still, my soul cannot be consumed with the tyranny of the urgent but must be resolute about doing whatever is necessary to walk authentically with the Lord. This is the urgent need of our every day.

Prayer Niche 7

Trinity Pines Conference Center is one of my favorite campgrounds to preach at. It located on Lake Livingston right outside of Trinity, TX and is littered with huge trees all over the camp. There are scenic rolling hills scattered around the facilities with sand volleyball courts, basketball courts, miniature golf course, swimming pool, and canoes. As great as all these things are these are not what makes Trinity Pines one of my favorite campgrounds.

What I love most is the prayer garden. There are trails paved with asphalt that go into the woods. Built off the main trail are seven different prayer niches and a chapel built among the forest. They are located far enough off the main path that one can sit on the benches that form little private sanctuaries where a person can leave the crowds to commune with the Lord.

I spent a fair bit of time in the prayer garden seeking Him for His power and movement during winter camp. I also used that time to seek the Lord for a closer walk with Him. My favorite spot was prayer niche 7. It is the further most point from the camp and the most isolated of all the prayer niches. To get to it you venture off the main trail to the left and walk several yards before the trail curves slightly to the left between a couple of trees. The trees make a canopy overhead blocking out most of the sun. Looking overhead there are several trees bent over as if prostrating themselves in the presence of God. Those trees mirrored my heart as I finally sat down on the green moss covered bench to sit before the Lord and seek His face. There really was no agenda. I just sat and enjoyed God.

I have been using that phrase a great deal lately. I don’t know any other way to communicate what I have been experiencing. I just enjoyed sitting with God telling Him I love Him and wanting to know Him more fully. I enjoyed basking in His presence among the wonder of nature. It was perfectly quiet in that prayer niche with not a sound but the gentle blowing breeze rustling among the leaves and the occasional chirping of a bird. The ground was covered with pine straw newly fallen from the many pine trees. It was an enjoyable experience. I don’t know how long it lasted. I don’t know what took place in the outside world. Breathing in the presence of the Lord and exhaling the pressures and demands of life in ministry was almost intoxicating. I only know among those pines in prayer niche 7 I met with God.

I do not have to wait until I can find a prayer garden and a niche before I will next meet with the Lord. In fact I met with Him this morning in hotel room number one before packing to journey back home. As I write this I am sitting in crowded gate two at Dallas Love Field waiting my flight to depart for Midland. I cannot wait to get home, to see Brenda and the boys, to meet with Men’s Fraternity in the morning, to sit at my desk in my office, and to go about my busy activities. Of all that I will do when I get home nothing will be more important than to continue to meet with the Lord. It might not be in a prayer niche or walking around in a prayer garden. I might not be privileged to enjoy meeting with God on the lakeshore or up in the high elevation of the mountains. Those things are blessings but God waits to meet with me and you right where we are.

Tomorrow you might meet with Him in your living room, on a back porch, out in a park, or locked away in your office. You might even find time to get away to a prayer room or the like. It doesn’t matter where. Please carve out time to commune with the Lord out on your farm, while walking around the walking track, or at a private lunch in a tucked away corner in a little café between you and the Lord. Our souls crave these encounters. Lord, thank you for meeting with me in prayer niche 7. Thank you for warming my heart and allowing me to bask in your presence. Those are blessed experiences and I pray I never take them for granted.

Getting Lost in the Presence of God

It is hard to put into words what the Lord is doing in me over the course of the last few months as well as right now in this prayer cabin in deep east Texas. This morning I got up early, as is my habit, to spend time with the Lord. As I began in prayer there was desire to go deeper with the Lord.

I had to recognize and confess that I do not always have that desire. Many times I do not want to fully engage my heart with God’s heart. Today was different. As I have been granted these few but valuable hours to seek the Lord in this isolated and sacred prayer cabin before preaching a winter camp over the next three days, I want more of God. In fact I found myself professing to God that I want Him more than any other thing in my life. Do not misread that. I did not say I want more of what He can do for me or give me. I said I want more of Him. I crave more intimacy with God and more close encounters with Him in the secret place when no one else is looking. I know I am in a constant battle with my flesh.

My flesh opposes all the work of God in me. My flesh doesn’t want me to commune with the Lord and if I do take the time to have a quiet time my flesh seeks to make it hard so that I far too easily settle for going through rituals but missing out on the relationship God wants me to enjoy. So at 6:15 this morning I started my quest to meet with God. I sat at this six seat oval shaped dining table with the small three light chandelier overhead. While it was still dark outside I began the quest to press in closer to the heart of God. I was determined to press in and to linger with Him as long as it took.

This began with a time of searching my soul and confessing sin that would keep me from encountering Him. I asked the Lord to blow over the embers of my heart like a hot furnace igniting new love and passion for Him. I set out in prayer like a man on an adventurous quest. As I started the climb up into the glorious reality of God I asked that I would get lost in the immensity of His presence. There is so much more of God to discover and explore. In fact, there are truths and realities about God no mortal man has ever known or experienced.

There is a familiar path where myriads of contented Christians trod in lukewarm fervor and meandering after God. These are the bottom dwellers who day after day and year after year who are perfectly satisfied to walk back and forth on the same old worn our trail of familiarity. I wanted to get off this path and find a new one that leads higher and deeper into the presence of God. I do not want to be half-hearted in my pursuit to know Him. I pleaded with God to take me to new heights in His presence that I have never scaled before. I want fresh revelations of the majesty and splendor of my King. I want to get lost in the presence of the Sovereign Lord. I want to be blinded by the brilliance of His glory shining in every crevice of my soul causing me to become disoriented with life on planet earth. I want to walk deep into the cavern of His holiness and be dwarfed by the size and awe of Him. I desire to stumble ahead until I am standing at the crest of His Sovereign nature and allow that truth to penetrate every cell of my brain and heart. I want to swim in the lake of His love floating in His goodness and mercy and be dried off with the warm towel of His forgiveness. I want to be humbled by the magnitude of His power and to be inspired by the majesty of His mountain peaks. One could spend a whole life getting lost in the panoramic presence of God and not discover all there is to know and experience.

My soul craves more of God. I am not satisfied with yesterday’s devotions and yesteryear’s quiet times. I must have more of Him burning in my heart. Getting lost in His presence so I forget about time, other realities and distractions, and my ever expanding to do list is never easy but always worth it. This little journey deep into the presence of God was not done in a mere fifteen minutes. I do not say this to boast but hours had passed when it ended. I was not aware of time. All I know I was worshipping, exploring, enjoying, and making fresh discoveries in the presence of God. I know the prison of my flesh will fight against me getting lost in His presence again. Still with His Spirit stirring me and inspiring me, I press on to go higher and deeper in Him. I know that God alone can satisfy the deepest longings and cravings of my soul. I continue to yearn for more of Him and not what He can do or give.

I think now I can understand what the Psalmist meant when he wrote, “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?” [Ps 42:1-2] The answer to that question is any time.

We are pretty good at intending to get around to that eventually. Before we know the day is spent and so are we. We have intentions to really connect with the Lord the next day but our overcrowded schedules get in the way again. When we finally do find the time we are usually hurried and our time is rushed and superficial. When was the last time you intentionally stopped and resolved to do more than go through the routine of a devotion time? When did you last determine to get gloriously lost in the presence of God and let your thirsty heart drink deeply from the never-ending reservoir that is our Creator? Our souls crave that. These enriching encounters will never happen by accident. With our craving, desiring, yearning, and searching for more of God He will at times draw us so deep and so high into His presence we lose track of everything else. I live for such times. I think the writer of Psalms forty-two did too.

I hope your appetite is whetted. I hope you are longing for more of Him. If you determinedly seek Him He will not disappoint. It is a wondrous thing to get joyously lost in the presence of God.

The Cottage of Intercession

That is just another way of saying prayer cabin. I have written of this place often. I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend some brief time in this sacred place. I have written about this little cabin more times than I can remember. I have been coming here since 1995. I am seated at the same table where I wrote the books Behold the Faithfulness of God, Only Believe, Swimming in the Bath Tub, and Sitting with the Savior. In this rustic cottage I have prayed, wept, interceded, read, walked with the Lord, meditated, studied for messages, quietly listened for the voice of God and been transformed by the many encounters I have with Him here.

Behind me is the chair I have sat in asking God to speak me. At times His voices has pierced the cold and dark places of my soul. In that chair I have heard the Lord give me direction for the future. In that chair I have felt the comfort and warmth of His love and forgiveness. In that chair I have been inspired, challenged, rebuked, consoled, renewed, and refocused.

I am on my way to preach to some teenagers this weekend but had time for a brief stop over at the cottage of intercession. I am a little frustrated. I wanted to write and write but I left the power cord to the computer sitting on my desk back in Seminole. My battery indicator says I have about five and a half hours of power left before this computer will be dead in the water. Even if I do not get to write that will not stop me from interceding. This is the cottage of intercession.

On this old threadbare dirt colored carpet there are battles I must fight. There are loved ones I must stand in the gap for. There is a church I must plead for God to bless and to empower. There is of course my family who I will entrust to the Lord to protect not only in my presence but also in my absence. There are the souls of my wife and boys to beseech God to set ablaze with love and devotion for Him. There are the souls of three men I have asked God to save over the course of the next year. There are the lost souls of troubled teenagers I will stand before to proclaim the gospel who are desperate to know a Savior.

As I have thought about how I want to use that five and a half hours I began thinking about this place. Some of you have been here with me and you can testify to what a special place this is. Some of the most profound encounters I have ever had with the Lord have taken place inside this two-bedroom cottage. It was in this very room where God gripped my heart with His heart for the nations to be called to Him and made into His disciples. Since that God ordained encounter, He has led me to Portland, OR, Guinness, Cuba, and Humboldt, Saskatchewan.

This is a special place. You would not think so upon driving down from the dirt driveway. The house has been here awhile. It is vacant most weeks of the year. There have been more than one year when I was the only one who stayed here. The lake outside does not attract me. The view does not attract me nor does the wild life. God attracts me here. When I can find a few hours or a few days to come to this cabin most of the time alone, God meets me here.

Don’t get me wrong. God meets me back in Seminole. I met with Him last week in Ruidoso, NM. I meet with Him in my living room, in my office, and in the little prayer room tucked away in the corner of our church. There is still something special about this place. This is my Bethel, where I meet with God and He touches and transforms my life. This is the cottage of intercession. This is my refuge. In this place everything else comes to a grinding halt but God and me. We walk, talk, commune, and enjoy one another in ways I could never describe. I once wrote about this place calling it the prayer cabin. I wrote about it another time saying this place is sacred dirt. Say what you will, this is a special place for parched and pummeled hearts to be revived and recharged.

As I move onto the back porch outside the back window and take my seat in an old rustic rocking chair I can exhale life in the fast lane and inhale the intoxicating presence of God trusting Him to fill my soul. Less than seventy-five yards from the back porch is a ninety-acre scenic lake nestled at the feet of several rolling hills of pasture and timber land.

It is overcast outside with the threat of a good old east Texas gully washer rain slated for the next several days. The lake is perfectly calm with no wind blowing. The surface of the water is like a mirror reflecting the pinnacle like pine trees to my left and the grove of oaks across the other side directly in front of me. There is the faint smell of fish in the air. The pasture is barren brown reflecting this wintry season.

Try as I might to describe this place I cannot describe the presence of God here. That is something you would have to experience for yourself. Everything is perfectly calm with no noise. It is good to sit here in perfect stillness and solitude. It is good to be able to sit before God in the midst of His creation. There are so many life lessons here. Thirty yards in front of me are two trees. One is an evergreen brimming with life, growing, healthy and vibrant. About ten yards to the right there is another tree. It is bigger than the first tree but there is a remarkable difference. The second tree is not barren just because it is winter but because the tree is dead. The limbs are broken, drooping and before long this one stately tree will fall down from the inside rottenness or will eventually be cut down by the owner.

What happened? Once this tree provided shade from the heat. It’s branches danced in the breeze over the years as it grew taller, broader, and the roots went deeper. Now it is a mere shell of what it used to be. It still stands on the outside but is dead on the inside.

How many who sit in our churches have the same experience? On the outside they wear fashionable clothing, ornate jewelry, designer duds, and have the latest hairstyles. They take their seats dutifully and carry their Bibles. On the outside they appear to have fruit and life coming forth. Upon closer examination you may begin to notice something is amiss. The appearance of life can be deceiving though. Out of the mouth the heart speaks. What do these talk about and what fragrance do they give forth in every day life. Are they like a tree of life firmly planted by the waters and bearing fruit in all seasons of life? [Ps 1] Are they like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside but inside contain dead people’s bones?

God help us to be trees of life. Please take our roots deep with you so that we might abide in you and bear fruit that brings you glory. [John 15:1-8] You alone are the source of life. I pray that we will not be people who go through the rituals of religious routines on the outside but have no life or connection with you on the inside. Please help us to abandon form and formality for the sake of abiding in you. You are the life we need. I ask you and trust you for your life giving sap to drip into the spiritual veins of our lives growing us, giving us vitality, and letting us bear the fruit of good works so everyone can see them and glorify you. [Matt 5:16]

It is never easy to find time to come to this place. If it were not for the preaching engagement I have I would not be here today. The sun has now set leaving a blanket of darkness surrounding the cottage of intercession. I will be up for some time to come. I have much to pray about, to seek the Lord for, and much counsel I need for the future. The cottage of intercession will be flooded with the glory of God tonight. The heavens will rumble and my soul will be enthralled at the feet of Jesus. What happens here over these hours will prayerfully be felt for all of eternity. The God, The Sovereign Lord of the cottage of intercession beckons me to come. See you on other side.

Navigating Security

I’m sitting at gate B at the Midland International Airport awaiting my flight to Dallas. I am off on another preaching trip down in Trinity, TX for a youth group out of Houston. I will be gone for the weekend. It has not been an easy time getting to this point.

The first problem occurred when I realized we booked the airline tickets under the name of “Matt” Edwards. That is how most of you know me. Few know my first name is “Jay Madison” Edwards. I was named after my great grand-father who was named “Madison” but was nicknamed and known as “Matt”. Therefore I have had this reoccurring difficulty for most of my adult life. It never dawned on me until yesterday that my flight was booked under the name “Matt” but my driver’s license is under “Jay M.” Edwards.

When I got to the ticket agent I explained my case and got to wait for a good while as they straightened everything out. It went fairly smooth once the ticket agent could get someone on the phone to discuss my case. The name on the ticket was changed on my flight today and the return flight on Monday. From there I strode to the escalator to make my way through security. To hurry the process I had my shoes untied and was prepared to take my computer out of my backpack. Everything went smooth there as I joked with some guys about the Red Raiders and the Horns. It helped my cause that I am a die hard Horns fan. Well I say it helped me until I noticed I had my computer, my shoes and other possessions but I was missing my back-pack. I looked back down the way to notice there was a good deal of discussion going on over my back-pack.

It is a pretty normal back-pack. The contents included my cell phone, mp3 player, Bible, books, and prayer journal. What they found suspicious was the dvd remote control with the taped up back because the boys broke the back cover where the batteries go. It must have fallen off the table near my chair where I keep my back-pack. After some investigation and hearing my story they discovered I was harmless and the remote control was indeed a remote control. I was free to leave.

I am thrilled to know that when my life ends and it comes time to enter eternity it will not be that difficult to get into Heaven. My name will be found in the book of life and entrance into the splendor of Heaven will be far easier than catching a seat on a plane. Jesus died to secure my entrance into eternity and it is all about what He has done. He has declared me righteous [II Cor 5:21] and He has forgiven my sin by dying for me. [Rom 5:8] He wrote my name in the book of life [Rev 20:11-15]. My getting into glory has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Christ my Savior.

There will never be one imposter break into the fortress of Heaven. Only those who are His true children will be granted entrance. Will you pass through the security of Heaven? Will you be granted entrance because your place has been reserved by the blood of Jesus being applied to you for the forgiveness of sins and being declared righteous?

As I finish writing this I am no longer at the airport. I have been given a seat on the plane, lifted off from Midland and touched down in Dallas. I have arrived at my destination. With Jesus as my pilot and seated on the throne of my heart I will also be granted entrance into Heaven with the saints who have gone on before me. He is my ticket. My admission has been paid with His death on the cross. Navigating the security of Heaven is complete not because of me but because of what He has done for and in me. Praise the Lord. Security has successfully been navigated for all eternity.

Jalapeños and the Burning Lips

When I went out for lunch today I saw this dish with jalapenos in it. I like hot and spicy food so I wasn’t too concerned. What I failed to notice was one the peppers were fresh and not cooked and they were sliced very thick. One bite and I was immediately reaching for the glass of tea. You would think a person would learn from their mistakes but a real man cleans his plate even his hotter than fire peppers.

Later on I took the second and third bite of peppers, which sent me over the edge. My tongue became inflamed, my lips began to burn and then become numb. They guys I ate with laughed at me but I have to say they all laughed from a distance because not one of them had peppers on their plate.

My mind works in weird ways. I was just thinking about that meal and the burning lips. I began thinking about how I wish my heart could burn for Christ the way my lips were burning after eating those peppers. That thought began to turn over in my mind and I thought about how many people eat very few if any peppers and seldom have experienced the burning lips I did today. On the other hand I have met those cast iron stomachs that could eat several peppers and never blink an eye. They may have burning lips, hearts, and stomachs. In fact they may be set ablaze in their intestines as well.

What I wish is that I would taste and see that Christ is good allowing Him to warm and burn in my heart like that jalapeno did on my lips today. His burning can be painful too. For Christ to burn in my heart, means that He will do some refining work there. He point out all the areas of my life that keep me from burning. He will one by one remove those things. Some I will not care about but there will be other long engrained patterns of thinking, behavior, and attitudes that will not come out easily. When those things are uprooted by the cleansing and refining work of the Lord it will not be a pleasant experience but the results will be well worth it.

Christ is set before each of us. It kind of like the jalapeno dish I had for lunch. It was there on the plate. I did not have to taste it. I could have pushed it to the side or I could have sliced off a sliver just to barely get a taste. Many people do this with Jesus. They get a little taste at Bible study or Sunday morning worship and that is enough for them. Christ is not given the opportunity to refine and sanctify because sin and compromise are not only tolerated but also preferred. How often do church members push Jesus to the side so they feast on other pleasures?

“O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” [Ps 34:8] Many people walk by Christ like people walk by a dish they do not like in a buffet line. They simply pass it over. We are to not only taste Christ and savor Him in our souls but we are to see that He is good. He is not only necessary but also beneficial to our lives. Apart from Him there is no hope of everlasting life or promise of a full life here. [Jn 10:10] [Jn 14:6] O, I have tasted and I have found Him good and He makes my heart to burn with passions I have never known. At times He burns and it is unpleasant as He refines but in the end I know it is for my good. He is a benevolent Lord, a compassionate Christ and a rewarding God. I have tried and tasted and the risen Christ in my relationship with Him therefore I can testify with the Psalmist that God is good.

Now, Christ, the Everlasting Lord, The Prince of Peace, and the Alpha and Omega is before you. Will you taste and enjoy Him allowing Him to burn in your heart? You have only your carnal desires to lose and the Lord Himself to gain. I have to confess that I will never look at a jalapeno the same way again.

Lord, I know that we are far too easily amused, entertained, and satisfied. I ask that we would feast on your presence in this year and be consumed with your burning in our souls. Please give us distaste for the bland and poor diet of this world. Help us to hunger for you like David did in [Ps 63:1]. “O God , You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” My lips are no longer burning but I pray my heart ever will be.

Finding Time to Rest

Why is it that I feel so guilty for needing rest? Is it because of my driven nature and the fact I always to want to do more for God or is it that I am enslaved to the opinions of people. I don’t think I’m enslaved to the opinions of people. I have never been one to hold my finger to the prevailing winds of people’s opinions to see which they were blowing so I can determine my course based on the path of least resistance.

Yet there is this nagging thing in me that I do not want to be perceived as lazy. In addition to this I love the call of God on my life and find my work enjoyable for the most part. I love leading, preaching, casting vision, teaching, and cultivating relationships with people. I love praying, writing, pondering, and reading. What a great job I have.

Despite all of this I hit a wall yesterday. Let me back up a little. One week ago today Jase and I left after church last Wednesday night to drive to Ruidoso, NM for a two day prayer and staff retreat. We did not get there until 1:00 a.m. and I did some reading before going to bed. Yes, I slept in the car part of the way as Jase drove. So I was refreshed enough to read for another hour. It was 2:00 a.m. before I fell into a deep sleep. I was up early the next morning seeking the heart of God. During the late afternoon I discovered a book on an end table near a sofa that caught my attention. I decided to try to read it before we left at lunch the next day.

This meant I stayed up late again reading and woke up at 4:00 a.m. to push myself to finish the book. I did so around 7:00 a.m. and then it was off to more prayer and seeking God. I drifted in and out of sleep while Jase drove home. This is the curse for any staff member I work with. They drive most of the time and I fall asleep. I kept feeling guilty and tried to fight it. We arrived back in Seminole around 6:00 p.m. The family was glad to see me, which meant a late night.

Saturday was relaxing for the most part but Sunday was different. Once I arrived at the church during the Sunday School hour I did not leave until a meeting after church that night. During that time I preached a passionate message that morning, ministered to traveler who needed some benevolent assistance, attended a meeting to discuss temporary solutions to deal with out overcrowding problem in Sunday morning worship, spent the afternoon finalizing my message for “Vision Night”, preached and cast vision with everything I had in me, and attended a deacon’s meeting. After church I just wanted to go home and sit in my chair and not have to think.

I was early the next morning in prayer and then had a late night traveling to watch Taylor play basketball. Tuesday morning we started the second semester of Men’s Fraternity at 6:00 a.m., which meant dragging my weary body out of bed. On that same day I went and preached at the Care Center nursing facility at mid morning and had a lunch appointment with our Senior Adults after that. The whole day I could barely keep my eyes open. I would fall asleep trying to pray or write something. I therefore, knew reading was out of the question.

Marci kept telling me I needed to go home to rest and that resting is biblical. The beloved twenty-third Psalm reminds us of this truth. “He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; he guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” [Ps 23:2-3] Even Jesus rested, “And there arose a fierce gale of wind and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Jesus Himself was in the stern asleep on the cushion, and they awoke Him….” [Mark 4:37-38a]

If Jesus got tired and needed sleep from time to time why did I find it so hard to heed Marci’s counsel for me to go home and get some rest? I recall telling her that I do not want to be considered a slacker. It was ridiculous though. I was so tired and my mind felt like mush so much I was not accomplishing anything. My body was craving sleep and rest to recharge but my pride would not allow me that blessing. Finally listening to Marci and Brenda who called to back up Marci I left the office early yesterday and went home. At first I could not rest but took care of some things around the house. Brenda took Tanner and Tucker to basketball and I stayed home to cook dinner. After eating and getting the boys off to bed Brenda and I talked some and then I went to bed at 9:00 p.m. It is like a miracle transformation. I fell into a deep sleep and slept soundly through the night. I got the much needed rest my body was so craving.

I awoke early again this morning but feel energized and ready for the day. I was able to go to the Fitness Center, have my quiet time, cook breakfast, and put up some laundry all before coming into the office today.

If rest doesn’t do anything else it reminds us that we are not God and our bodies cannot handle the stress of working and pushing ourselves more into exhaustion anymore than an engine can handle having the RPMS red lined before it breaks down. God designed us to need rest. [Gen2:2] reminds us after the seventh day God rested from all His work. Was He tired? No! We learn in [Is 40:8] that God never becomes weary or tired. So why did He rest after the seventh day of Creation? To set the example for us. We need it. We must be replenished physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

We are a tired people. Some fall asleep at the wheel while driving. Others fall asleep at their computers or during their morning devotions. I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen people fall asleep in church. I actually saw one person hit their head on the pew in front of them when their face slipped out from being propped up by their hands. I have heard people fall asleep in corporate prayer meetings and I have spent more prayer meetings than I care to count fighting off sleep myself. All of this goes to show that it may not be a spiritual lack of interest more than people just being tired. I am releasing you to rest.

Rest is a blessing from God. Like anything you can take the concept of rest and go too far with it. That kind of thinking turns into laziness. God is not a God of laziness. Rest is to remind us that we still need God and it causes us to slow down and helps to eliminate stress. Rest is a good thing. Many people take power naps after lunch. Whole societies do this. There is nothing sinful about needing rest from time to time.

Lord, I confess that I needed rest and still do today and all the days of my life. Forgive me for my pride getting in the way. Forgive me for abusing my body by neglecting the very rest it needs. Thank you for the refreshment you brought to my mind, body, and spirit by simply resting night. Forgive me for taking rest for granted. I ask you to help me learn this lesson well.

Frigid and Spoiled

Life is filled with challenges as well as blessings. We can often be quick to forget the blessings and be totally consumed with the challenges. Things like colds, mechanical breakdowns, buttons on a shirt, losing something, and I could go on and on. The challenges can come in waves tossing us to and fro. At times we get so focused on the challenges that the blessings of God get crowded out of the picture even though they are still there. God assures us that His blessings and mercies are new every single day. [Lamenations 3:22-23] “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

To top all of this off we in America are downright spoiled. We don’t like waiting in line at the fast food drive thrus, we don’t like standing in line at Walmart or the grocery store. We are impatient when it comes to technical difficulties with the cable or satellite and we can’t watch what we want to when we want to. It frustrates us when the car won’t crank. Life is a series of challenges.

Some time this past weekend we heard a horrific noise coming from the heater. I am no handyman and stood at the door not having a clue what to do. Before long, the heater simply quit working. You would have laughed if you could have seen me working to replace the air filters. It took me forever and a day to figure out how to get the access door open nearly breaking it in the process. Even that did not work. I watched helplessly as the temperature begin to drop. Periodically we would try the heater again but it simply was not working. The noises continued, the fan kept running but no heat was blowing. Degree by degree the temperature dropped mirroring the cold temperature outside.

I checked the temperature throughout the evening Friday night and Saturday and watched it plummet to a frigid fifty-one degrees. It was comical watching us huddle around in the living room; Brenda under two blankets and with her overcoat and gloves on, the boys snuggled up in blankets, and me with a toboggan and gloves on at one point plus a sweat shirt. My attitude though was not laughing. I was frustrated and missing the greater blessing of God providing us with a home and the comfort of knowing we purchased the home warranty and so are in good shape as far as financial concerns.

Last night was down right cold. I slept in a sweat-shirt, with socks on, and under two blankets which never happens. I like it cold but the low fifties in the house was challenging. Even Anna Belle snuggled nose first down underneath the covers toward my knees. I do not know how she kept from suffocating but even she was cold.

Then it dawned on me. There are people who live in those conditions and worse every winter. They do not have even the slightest bit of clothing heavy enough to take away the bitter chill of the blustery winter winds that can cut to the bone. There are people who live in homes so poorly insulated that water in the toilets can freeze over. How many do not have the luxury of hot coffee or a steaming cup of hot tea or hot chocolate to warm the body?

My challenge is temporary. I know it will not last. The repairman is supposed to come today and tonight I can look forward to relaxing in the warmth of my family as well as our home. Why am I so quick to forget the blessings and to complain about the challenges? Isn’t God the Lord over both? I have not truly learned the lesson that Paul learned in [Phil 4:11-12] “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.”

I confess I read those scriptures and my heart sinks because I know that I am not there yet. I know how to be content in my circumstances when everything is going my way but that was not the attitude Paul is proposing. Read again slowly. He says he learned to be content in “whatever circumstances I am.” That means that he took both the blessings and the challenges in stride. He goes on to write, “in any and every circumstance.” He could eat sumptuously and rejoice in the Lord as well as go to bed with hunger pangs and still rejoice in the Lord. He could have abundance all around him and even do without but neither circumstance could add to or subtract from the true joy he had in Jesus Christ. Whether he had to combat poverty or manage prosperity he was still content in Christ.

O how I need to learn this lesson. We have blankets, sleeping bags, sweat shirts, toboggans, gloves, robes, hot food and drink, access to repairmen, and all I could do is sink inwardly into a frustrated and irritable state rather than finding joy in the Lord. I know how much my attitude can affect everyone else in my home. I want to be a person of faith with a Christ like perspective and attitude.

This whole chapter in my life only goes to show me how very very far I am from being the man God wants to me to be. If a little thing like heat can rob my joy how would I deal with the bigger issues of life like cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, or death? I am like a spoiled child and how I must disappoint the Lord. I can rejoice in this one fact, my sin has been revealed, confessed, forgiven, and now I can move on.

Should the repair people not get it fixed today I will turn this frigid night into a learning opportunity for my boys and an adventure. I will pretend we are camping and sleep in the living room in our sleeping bags. I will remind them of the people who often have nothing more than a cardboard box to shield them from the cold while we have warm pajamas and sleeping bags. I will rejoice in the Lord again for the home He has blessed my family with cold or warm. I will rejoice in my salvation and that I will never be cold in Heaven even for a moment.

Jesus, I ask you to forgive me for being such a spoiled brat. I know I must frustrate you at times. I ask you to forgive me for whining about the challenges and not rejoicing in You more for the blessings. I beg of you to give me the heart of Paul so that I can rejoice in you and be content no matter what my circumstances are. Thank you for this firm but gentle reminder. I choose to rejoice no matter what happens today. Help me to learn this lesson in the core of my being. I ask you to renew my attitude and help me be the man who leads my family to celebrate the blessings and learn from challenges rejoicing in You in both. Though I might face the frigid again I beg of you to help me overcome being spoiled. I do not deserve what you have given me but I thank you for this wake up call today. I might be frigid but I choose not to act spoiled.