Wretched Man That I Am

“Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from this body of death?” [Rom 7:24]

My sin is ever before me. I see my wretchedness. I am not the man most people think I am. I am the man God sees and knows I am. I do not even know who I am. There are days I long to fellowship with Christ for hours. There are other days when I choose the path of least resistance and when I become entangled with sin. Which man am I? Am I really the man who loves God and wants to serve Him or am I the man who is a hypocrite who pretends to love God but really prefers a life of sin?

I think I am both men. Today, I feel the wretchedness of my sin all too clearly. I just finished preaching our early service and God’s word convicts me. I want to offer to God this Christmas season a life consecrated to Him but, wretched man that I am, I still struggle with sin. I knelt at the altar in brokenness over my own life. Tears filled my eyes over my sin. I have logs in my own eyes that must be dealt with leaving me no time to look for splinters in others eyes. [Matt 7:3-5]

I live with low- grade anger most of the time. I struggle with resentment. I am sharp tongued. From time to time lust raises its ugly head and penetrates my thoughts. I am impatient. I am inconsistent. I have a temper. There are many things that prevent me from being a good pastor. I often wonder why God chose me. The one thing I am is honest.

I hate pretense. I do not want to be a hypocrite who pretends to be better than he is. I am not the man you desire me to be but I want to be. I still struggle with this flesh and with sin and it is killing me. More often than not I fail. I am shamed by my unfaithfulness. How does God put up with me? O, I know He loves me but that only adds to the remorse in my heart.

I want to be a man who loves Jesus with all my being. I long to be a man who loves Him but hates sin. I yearn to live in purity and holiness not in my efforts but in my abiding. How often do I choose not to abide but I go so far as to shun His presence in my life.

Maybe this makes people uncomfortable. We might prefer the imaginary Matt rather than the real thing. We might prefer not knowing the truth than hearing the honest confessions of a pastor who hates sin in his life and in his flock. I am a wretch.

John Newton got it write when he penned the words, “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, “ back in the late 1700’s. Over three hundred years later the words ring just as true today. I am a wretch. Apart from the grace of God I am destined to God’s wrath. No matter how much education I have, books I have read or written, or how many sermons I have heard and preached myself, I am still a wretch. If given half a chance I will run toward sin and away from God.

There is no pretending here. I am no role model unless my life is crucified and surrendered to Jesus Christ. Despite my wretchedness, I cling to God’s word in desperation. “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” [Rom 8:1] “Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away, behold, new things have come.” [II Cor 5:17] “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.” My only hope and confidence comes from God’s word. I stand on that hope alone for I have none of my own.

I am wretch. There is no denying that fact. The truth is I am a wretch who continues to be forgiven and has been declared righteous by God through Jesus Christ. “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” [II Cor 5:21] With that hope I pull myself up to not only preach another sermon today but to also to live for Him wretched man that I am.