Cultivating Relationships

I just returned from lunch Brenda and I shared with a couple from our church. We have all been meaning to get together but have not done so in over a year. We chuckled about how busy we all are but the conversation turned deeper. We discussed at length our lifestyles and how we do not have or make time to cultivate relationships.

Brenda and I were discussing this very issue on a late night trip home from Lubbock recently. Seminole is a busy place like most of other places in this nation. People are always on the go. There are times we fight as a family just to enjoy eating breakfast or dinner together. Too often we are off to another event or ball game and eat when we can or grab something on the go.

How do you cultivate relationships with people who are living at the same insane pace? Here is my suggestion. We have to find time to get together doing things we have in common. Take for instance ball games. We have used these times to eat with people from our church before or after the games. These are great opportunities to cultivate relationships. We all eat lunch. I know some have more flexible schedules than others but lunches are great times to cultivate relationships.

We can also schedule lunches with people after church Sunday morning or evening. I prefer these settings where people sit back and relax. I prefer gathering in the living room and talking as well as laughing. Have you ever noticed how houses were built many years ago? Many older houses have big front porches. Families would gather on the front porch and often neighbors would drop by to visit on the porch. People might share a cup of coffee or a glass of tea or lemonade. You might wave as people walked by on the sidewalks or they might stop and catch up with one another.

Many newer homes have their large back porches sheltered by fenced in back yards. We do not see people walking by as they did in days gone by. There are places where people do not even know their neighbors. Add with this the emphasis on virtual relationships through facebook, texting, and email. Though we are supposed to be a more connected society the truth is we are more isolated. We spend less time cultivating relationships and our lives are the poorer for it.

When was the last time you had company over at your house that were not family? When did you last sit on a front or back porch and visit with your family or with neighbors and friends? My guess is it has been a long while.

We often sing about the church being the family of God but truth be known we do not really know one another. We seldom let our guards down and let other people in to know the inner secrets of our hearts or our private pains. We are content to relate to people on the surface level alone. Contrast that with scenes from the early church. Those believers related on intimate levels. Read [Acts 2:42-47] “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together, and breaking bread in their homes, the received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”

There are least five references in those verses that allude to those first century believers cultivating relationships with other believers. Here they are:

1. They were devoted to fellowship ( 42)

2. All who believed were together (44)

3. They had all things in common (44)

4. They attended temple together (45)

5. They broke bread in one another’s home. (46)

I think we could learn a few things from that first church. They had no modern conveniences, no fellowship hall, but they still enjoyed being with one another. I for one am making that a higher ambition for this year. I want to cultivate relationships with more people. I want to enjoy people more and to get to know them better. I hope you will join me in this pursuit. Perhaps that might mean our families getting together to enjoy one another. Let’s slow down and cultivate relationships.

A Pastor’s Prayer for 2011

Lord,

None of us knows for sure what lies ahead in the upcoming year. As we prepare to celebrate the new opportunities and put another year into the pages of history, I pray we would be mindful of you. You are steadfast. You have not changed since you said, “Let there be light,” in [Gen 1:3] You have remained on the throne of this universe through the great flood [Gen 6-8]. You kept your promise to Abraham blessing him with not only a son but with the beginning of a new nation of your chosen people. [Gen 12-18] You did not abandon Joseph through his many trials and sufferings but rather used them to preserve your nation Israel. [Gen 37-48]. You saved Moses from death and used him mightily to deliver Israel from bondage to Egypt. [Ex 2-14]

I expect you will be faithful to all of us in 2011 as well. [I Thess 5:24] We do not know what lies before us. There will be trials. Many will face changes. Some will be uprooted, and others will be called to meet you in eternity. I ask you no matter what we face that we would draw closer to you than we have ever before. I ask you to deepen our thirst for you. [Ps 42:1-2] I ask you to increase our appetite for more of you in this dry and weary land. [Ps 63:1]

Please give us the discipline to prioritize our lives. Please help us to focus on you and give you the time necessary to cultivate a real relationship with you. I ask you to give us a new love for your word and for time alone with you. I ask you to give us the wisdom [James 1:5-8] to not clutter our lives with lesser things but to give our best time to you throughout the year.

Please give us discernment to know the things you are calling us to and the other stuff that only adds more clutter to already overcommitted lives. I ask you to set a vision for each of us in the upcoming year. Outline what you want us to believe you for and I ask you to give us the faith to meet the challenge. I also ask you for courage in the face of trials not to shrink away in fear and unbelief. I ask you for the courage to say with Isaiah, “Here am I send me.” [Is 6:8] when you ask who will be willing to go for you. May we give you our “yes” right now before the year even starts officially to follow you. I ask you to give us roots to endure the trials and to be anchored when the storms come as they always do. [Ps 1:2-3]I ask you to give us tenacity to stay firmly in the ground of your word no matter what we are called to face or to endure.

I lift up those who will need your comfort in the coming year. I ask you to prepare them for the sorrows that so often accompany life. I ask you to draw them closer to you and to strengthen them through your word. Please undergird faith to cling to you and to your word for answers and comfort in those times of difficulties.

I lift up those who are waiting on you for something. I pray they would not give up. [Luke 18:1][Gal 6:9] May they not grow weary and fall away. I ask you to move mountains to make dreams come true. [Mark 11:23-24] I ask you to give resolve to work hard to see those dreams come true. I ask you to show all of us your power in ways we have never seen it before. You don’t have to do that to prove you are God. We know that already and you do not have prove anything. We just want more experiences with you to show the world what you can do.

Lastly, I pray you would you receive the gift of our lives on your altar for this year.[Rom 12:1] I pray your people would lay them down willingly. I lay my life and my family before you to do with as you please. We are yours. May people quit holding back and fully surrender their families and their futures to you. You have every right to call us to do anything anywhere at anytime you want. Please give us such love for you that we cannot hold back. You have our “yes.” We will do anything, anywhere, at anytime you call us to in 2011. May you get glory for all of it.

2010 In Our Rearview Mirror

I love the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. It is a time for introspection and a time of reckoning. For many years I have set both personal and professional goals for the upcoming year during this week. It is a time to evaluate how I did on those goals throughout the years and prayerfully set new ones for the upcoming one. Those goals are before me all year long as I seek to prioritize my time and energies.

In many ways 2010 was a good year. In other ways it brought sorrows I am still working through. There is no doubt that 2010 took busyness to a whole other level for the Edwards household. With a growing church, the rebirth of No Compromise Ministries, chasing our kids around playing sports, writing,, preaching, and keeping up with the affairs of everyday life we had little spare time. We did manage a three-day get away to Ruidoso, NM in July. We enjoyed stress free days of no schedules, leisure time, and enjoying tourist destinations. We had no idea what would come just around the corner.

We ministered in the midst of a tragedy in the loss of one of young ladies just a few days after our time in New Mexico. To this day her death is still a shock and grieves my heart for her family. She was a devoted wife and mother of two girls. She was only 38. Twelve families were together enjoying a family camp. The shock and grief that were experienced and is still being felt today dampen much of 2010 for me. I still do not know why God took her. I could not believe it when the doctors came out with the news that she did not make it. I know her family grieves in ways the rest of us could never imagine, especially this time of year.

We planned a revival that ended lasting close to the whole month of August only weeks after young lady was taken. It is hard to believe we really met for church twenty-three straight nights without a break. Some of those services lasted two and a half hours. God moved but as suddenly as it began it ended. We were all tired and we thought the war ended only to find out spiritual warfare intensified in the days after the revival. I don’t know if any of us will ever see anything like that again in our lifetimes. I pray we do. Those are not days I took for granted. The burden God put on me defies description. I did not realize how tired I felt until the days after the revival. It took me the better part of two months to recuperate. There are still times when I wonder if I fully recuperated.

I wrote one devotional book and worked on revising another book during the year. My goal was to write and publish two books. The year ended without my publishing any new works. After the revival I really did not have the desire or energy to write. Nearly a month passed before I felt inspired to write anything. Since that time I have written 28 blogs. I have an ambitious project before me in writing a book about the revival but cannot muster the courage to get started on it.

I spent a good deal of time reading over the past year. I have especially read a great deal in December. Each year I set a goal to read a certain number of books. This year I set a goal to read 50. Though I worked to read diligently it looks like I finish 2010 having only read only 42 with 9 of those coming in the month of December.

I also set a goal to memorize two scriptures a week. I failed miserably. I set a goal to write a blog every day. By the end of this year I will have written a total of 190 blogs. This is the most I have ever written but not one every day. I see now that was a bit ambitious. I ended writing a blog on average of about every other day. Every day of the revival in August was captured in blogs.

I did not bench press 400 pounds like I had wanted. My highest max during the year was only 325. I also did not ride my bike for a sixty-mile ride like I had planned. I did work out consistently throughout the year enduring the torture of tractor tire flips, medicine balls, and wall slams just to name a few.

God gave new life and purpose to No Compromise Ministries. We are nearing completion on a remodel project to give a physically challenged teen a new and larger bedroom along with a handicap accessible bathroom. We just need to paint the interior, finish the bathroom and put on siding. Then we can celebrate this completed project for the glory of God. Brian has hoped that he would be able to watch the Super Bowl in that new bedroom. I will do all I can to make that a reality. We still need a great deal of money and volunteers to make this happen. In addition I am in the process of trying to raise $100,000 to build a hospital in Honduras. I will be traveling there in just a few days to gather information. To date we have raised $520 toward this project. I know God will supply until the work gets done. I also was invited to preach another youth camp and youth retreat during the year. These invitations do not come in as often with pastoring a church. I still feel called to preach outside events. In time I trust God will open additional doors. Preaching our revival in the fall whetted my appetite to get to do more of that.

I preached through the books of Philippians and I John as well as on the lives of Abraham, Joseph, and David. I preached many of the miracles of Jesus and have just now settled in for a long journey through Psalms and I Corinthians.

All in all I would say 2010 turned out to be a productive year. I will go back to the prayer closet to seek the Lord for direction in 2011 not only for my life but for the church as well. As 2010 fades into the pages of history I cannot help but contemplate the fact that God proved faithful in the midst of tragedy and the midst of triumph. The Psalmist penned it well; “ The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed and a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” [Ps 9:9-10]Just as God showed Himself faithful in each century starting with Adam and Eve, He will continue to show Himself faithful to you and me as we prepare to embark on a whole new year. Goodbye 2010 and hello 2011.

Mental War

Not long ago I wrote about laboring in the cloud of confusion. Since then I have seen some days when the fog began to lift. I have also seen the fog return time and again. I have warred in my mind about a great many things lately. I am not necessarily talking about evil or wicked thoughts. I am talking about knowing the mind of God. There are so many things I do not know. There are several things I do not understand. There are decisions I do not know which way He wants me to decide.

This mental war has been exhausting. Having the mind of Christ is at times foreign to me. At other times I can proceed with confidence knowing I have heard from Him. This is one of the most frustrating things about my walk with the Lord. I do not always know His mind and there have been numerous times when I thought I did and it turned out I was wrong. This makes me more cautious and hesitant to really believe I know His will or have heard from His clearly on certain issues.

On top of all that there is the clutter of everyday life that combats with clearly discerning God’s mind and thinking those thoughts along with Him. Television is a distraction as well as busyness and the demands of work. Even my children can oppose my knowing the mind of God, even though innocently, as they clamor for my undivided attention.

To be frank, my early morning prayer times and scripture readings have not brought the needed clarity or peace I have sought in recent weeks. My sleep at times has been tormented. Yet the quest to know the mind of God continues. If I can think what He thinks, go where He leads, preach what He reveals, and be reminded of the forgotten ones He remembers, I can minister more effectively. If I can lead where He directs, focus on His priorities, pray for His will to be accomplished, and solve problems with His wisdom I can succeed. If I do not do these things I will crash and burn.

There are no shortcuts or formulas here. This is mental war. Never in my life has the scripture in [II Cor 10:5] been more real to me. “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Countless ideas, plans, and directions flood into my mind on a daily and at times hourly basis. Some are good ideas. That does not necessarily mean they are God ideas though. Every single argument has to be destroyed that does not come from Him. There are arguments the enemy plants in our minds. We begin thinking, carrying on conversations, and rationalizing in the arena of the mind. This is a war we cannot win. The enemy will defeat us every time if we do not get the mind of God. All Satan has to do is to get our minds off course just a little bit and we can wind up shipwrecked in our faith. Every argument from Satan must be destroyed not politely listened to. There is a raging battle taking place and our minds are the battlefield.

Knowledge of God and knowing His mind must be our goal. It is a war. At times I feel a thousand voices shouting in the caverns of my mind. These voices bring confusion and chaos that God does not author. Every single thought must be taken captive. Any thought not brought in alignment with the mind of Christ can impact us emotionally, behaviorally, and spiritually. It is a battle.

If you do not believe me let me give you a little experiment. For the next sixty minutes I want you to focus on taking every thought captive to obey Christ. Work through all your thoughts. If you have a thought that does not honor Christ, take it captive and apprehend it. Refuse to even entertain that thought further and remove it from your mind. Do this over and over again for the next sixty minutes and let me know how you feel afterward. You will feel fatigued. If you are watching television you will find the battle even harder. If you are involved in conversations with others the battle will be taxing. If you just let your mind drift you still find yourself in a battle. This war of the mind takes place every single minute of every day. I even have to be careful with dreams. The enemy can work through our dreams. That is the one thing my boys are aware of before going to bed. Especially Tucker and Turner want us to pray for them not to have bad dreams.

This is what is so difficult for me. I want the mind of God to supersede my mind. I want to dwell on Him and His thoughts whether awake or asleep. I want to stay focused on what He wants me to be focused on. Knowing the mind of God for me as proven to be mental war. It is only when I truly know the mind of Christ that I can precede in confidence and be assured of victory. I know from past experience that every good idea does not necessarily translate into a God inspired idea. I have wasted much time following this course. I also know that I can waste time dwelling on thoughts that did not originate in the mind of God. Some of these thoughts might not be sinful but at the same time they are not productive. They are in essence a waste of time. If the enemy can keep us dwelling on those thoughts, then we will not be productive for the kingdom.

I do not know any easy answers to destroying Satan’s arguments or to taking his thoughts captive either. Like I said from the beginning it is a war and one I will lose time and again if I am not trusting in the power of the risen Christ to do the destroying and the taking captive for me. In Him alone I have peace. Through His revelation alone I will know His mind. The victory in the mind comes as I abide in Him. God, I ask you to win the war of the mind.

Waiting on a Dream

I have often talked about my dreams. There is no bigger dream in my life at this moment than to become a published author on a bigger scale. Hardly a day goes by I am not thinking about this, praying about this, working toward this, or researching this. I have lived with this dream since childhood. I cannot remember a time in my life when I did not feel a desire to write.

Well do I remember the day when in my early twenties God reawakened the dream to write in me. I lived in East Texas where I served my first church as pastor. I had a make shift workstation in our oversized living room. Brenda labored for JC Penney. Late one afternoon seated at my desk,. I felt compelled to write. As the afternoon progressed I found myself furiously writing on a legal pad. I had the sensation I had been born to do that. That was the day I knew God had not only called me to preach but He also called me to write.

I did not fully pursue this dream until after I left that church. As I began a full time traveling ministry I found time to write. I sat down and wrote a little booklet on a yellow legal pad. We printed the book on a copy machine and entitled it Swimming in the Bathtub. We made it available to a group of college students I ministered to. No great success but at least I completed my first book. We sold or gave away several dozen copies.

In hotel rooms, on airplanes, and restaurants I wrote my second book entitled, Only Believe. The book proved to be somewhat autobiographical in nature. I shared my testimony in detail. We trusted God for the money to publish it through a self-publishing company. We only printed five hundred copies. Reviews by readers were favorable. Over the next months I wrote a book which I never published Elijah’s Cry. Soon after that I wrote another book that never made it into print called Hungry Hearts and Thirsty Souls.

The Lord burned another book deep into my heart out of my walk with the Him. Though not a large book, it became very dear to my heart. After much prayer we had enough money to publish it through the same company we published Only Believe through and named it Life on the Altar. We printed one thousand copies of it. To this day I still have a few copies left. The book never had quite the same impact on readers as the other book had. Still the message was dear to my heart.

I wrote others book during these years that either never came into print or lived a short life span. I wrote a devotional called Close Encounters: a 30-Day Journey Toward Intimacy with God. We printed a few copies and gave most of them away. Later I wrote about my first mission trip to the country of Cuba. I recorded that experience and intended to make that available to inspire more people to missions work. I named the booklet Cuba for Christ. I wrote another book I lost on my computer when it crashed named God Will Make a Way.

At this point Brenda and I felt the call to start a church and my writing ministry definitely went to the backseat as I busied myself with trying to get a church up and off the ground. Those four years were four of the hardest of my entire ministry. As most of you know the church did not make it. We found ourselves scrambling financially and myself crashing emotionally. I could not understand why the Lord called us to start a church that He knew from the beginning would fail. I battled severe depression and only worked my way through as I began to write. I did not write a book but short devotional thoughts I posted on a website which has long since been abandoned.

We learned tough lessons on faith in the aftermath of the church start. We saw the Lord provide miraculously over the course of a year and a half when we did not have a salary. Out of that experience I wrote my book titled Behold the Faithfulness of God. That book excited me as I wrote on prayer and included personal illustrations of how God stepped in and saved the day on our parts time after time. I wanted people to know from my experience that prayer works.

God moved us to Paradise, TX where I served as pastor to the First Baptist Church about this time. After the difficulties of starting a church God blessed our ministry in Paradise. He used people in that church to further my dream.

Before I finished the book I began praying for the Lord to make provision to publish it. I waited on God for close to five years to get the book published even before we arrived in Paradise. When God moved people to give He did so dramatically. The money for the book was given after having waited close to five years in less than a week through three different sources. Well over $10,000 was given to publish Behold the Faithfulness of God.

Again I waited as we sent the manuscript, made necessary revisions, went through two versions of the cover, and dealt with shipping issues that delayed my first two book signings. I prayed and waited. It seems God has used waiting in my life to teach me many lessons.

The book finally arrived on a Wednesday night while I taught. I saw the truck pull up through the glass doors at the rear of the sanctuary. God generously provided enough money to publish 5,000 copies of that book. I will never forget opening one of the boxes and holding a copy of my long awaited dream. Even now it is hard to convey into words what I felt two years ago. I have seldom ever felt more contentment than that night.

I held book signings nervously. I held my first book signing in East Texas when we lived there after releasing Life on the Altar. I sold three books the whole afternoon! My great friend Jeff bought one even though I had already given him a copy. The owner of the bookstore bought another copy even though I had already given him one as well. One other person bought a book that day. I felt humiliated.

The thought of having another book signing in Wise County left me feeling unsettled. God blessed though. In all we did two book signings and hundreds of books were sold. Feed back on the book came back favorably. I dedicated all the money received from that book to First Baptist Paradise for their relocation and building fund. To this day, everything we have made on that book has been sent back to Paradise. No matter if we sell five thousand or five million copies of that book, I have pledged to the Lord FBC Paradise gets all of it.

While at Paradise I began a new writing ministry I had heard about called blogging. To be honest I did not know that much about it at the time. I felt compelled to keep writing short vignettes and to make them available on the internet. I watched as the number of hits to that blog site started and increased into the hundreds and eventually went over one thousand hits.

Our lives were blessed in Paradise and we felt we would always serve there. Unexpectedly the Lord changed all of that with a new call for us to go to Seminole, TX to serve the First Baptist Church. I blogged through that process and never wept harder in my life than I did in the weeks prior to and during my final message at FBC in August of 2009. I still grieve over leaving those wonderful people.

We created a new blog address when I arrived in Seminole and I kept on writing. We have now seen over fifteen thousand hits to our blog. One person told me how they anxiously await to see what I will write next. One commented at times it seems I sit at the feet of Jesus and write about what He shares with me. That is my prayer. At times I have felt empty and bankrupt with nothing to write about. At other times the ideas flow continuously.

I took several blogs from over the years and turned them into a book titled Sitting with the Savior this year. I submitted it to my publisher and got a contract back eight months ago. Since then I have been in that old familiar game of waiting for God’s provision. It would take $16,000 to publish that book. We have prayed about it as the No Compromise Board of Directors and still do not have clear leadership about what the Lord wants do to.

Instead of sitting around doing nothing, I completed the rough draft of another book called Running Toward Risk. I am very excited about that book but again find myself in the waiting game to get it published. I wrote a devotional book in preparation for our revival last fall I titled 40 Days to Shake the City. We printed it locally to get it in the hands of our people. God empowered me to write that book over the course of three and a half days. I wrote often from 4:00 a.m. with a few short breaks until after midnight during that writing retreat.

Several months ago I began working on a revision and expansion of Only Believe. I must admit I have not been very disciplined with finishing it but I am well over half way done. I won’t to make every effort to complete it early next year.

Months ago I began praying about getting a literary agent. I sent in two different book proposals and once again am playing the waiting game. I determined to go the traditional route toward publication with an agent. Recently God sent a curve ball. One of our church members gave a donation of $1,000 toward publishing of my books. I had not asked for it and it has left me wondering if God wants to publish the same way I published my other books.

Now I am praying about which route God wants me to go. I know I have been commissioned by Him to write. People have reported that God uses my writing. Will God give me an agent who will be used to open doors to publishers? Am I supposed to trust God for the additional money needed to publish Sitting with the Savior? I am forced to wait on Him to make this dream come true once again.

Just because I am waiting does not mean I have given up. I keep praying. I keep writing. I keep researching. I keep the dream before me. I do not write for fame or money. I write because I am called to. It is the dream God put in my heart. I have to write whether my work is read by a few or by many.

I know there are many of you, who like me, have lived with a dream in your heart for years and maybe decades. I would encourage you not to give up on your God given dream. Persevere and He will bring it to pass. I still believe there will be a day when I can walk into bookstores nationally I see copies of the books God inspired me to write. Until that day comes, I will keep praying. I will keep waiting on God to move this mountain. I will also keep writing. If my books do not get published until after I am dead and gone, I will submit to God’s will in this matter.

I continue to wait on God to make His dream in my heart come true. I continue to work at my dream praying along the way. One day, by faith I know my dream will come true with dozens of books published and distributed around the world. Until that day, will you pause and lift up my dream to the Lord and ask Him to move this mountain. I will be glad to return the favor if you share your dream with me. While we wait let us we wait in faith.

Pause – Reflect – Thank God

It is late Sunday afternoon. I am at the church alone. It is quiet except for the sound of passing traffic outside. There is a peaceful calming atmosphere this afternoon. The phone is not ringing. There is no flurry of activity in the other offices. The worshippers have not arrived for the evening service. All is calm.

Earlier I walked through the sanctuary to unlock the backdoor. As I walked back down the aisle I noticed the pulpit, the instruments, and the pews. I paused and turned to look over the whole room. As I did I reflected on the will of God to move my family to serve FBC Seminole over a year ago. This is our second Christmas in Seminole. A swirl of memories passed through my mind from the morning services. I saw many in the congregation moved to tears both young and old alike. I saw the love of God manifested in and through the congregation.

My heart rejoiced when two of our senior saints told me they loved me. These were not passing words. I celebrated that at least for a few I have become much more than a preacher but a PASTOR. Hugs were freely given this morning.

As I stood in the empty sanctuary pausing to reflect on God’s goodness to my family, I could not helped but to be moved with gratitude for the blessings of God to serve this church. We have experienced so much over the past year. We have seen growth. We have been awed by the power of God. We have tasted the river of revival. We have mourned and grieved together. We have taken steps of faith together. We have prayed together. We have studied scripture together. We have given sacrificially to expand God’s Kingdom. We have worshipped, wept, laughed, dreamed, and gathered together. In many ways it seems we have been here way longer than a year.

As I paused in the sanctuary to let all those thoughts sink in, I could not help but thank God for His love, grace, guidance, and blessing. [Ps 16:6] states, “The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places. Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.” Two key words in this passage are the words pleasant and beautiful. The word pleasant means “delightful, sweet, agreeable.” The word pleasant means “to glisten, to be fair.” Put both of those thoughts together and the Psalmist is saying that his lot in life had fallen to delightfully sweet beautifully glistening places.

I know many people who cannot say that. Many people find themselves in hard places. Ugly places. Unpleasant places. Brenda and I are blessed in that God has blessed us with a church who loves us. We do not doubt this. We continually get words of encouragement, have our meals bought at restaurants, and are blessed to have remnant who truly hunger and thirst for righteousness. We are showered with blessings in other ways as well. Do not get me wrong. We are not a perfect church and more than I am a perfect pastor. See the blog “Wretched Man That I Am” to see that is not true. I am not even sure if I could honestly say we are a revived church. We are a blessed church though. The presence of God dwells with us.

It is easy to get so busy and live life in the fast lane so much of the time that we forget to pause and reflect. Doing so today proved to be good for my soul. The longer I paused the more humbled I became that God chose me out of all the pastors in the world to shepherd this flock. Many are better preachers. Most are more educated. Tons are more eloquent and diplomatic. For some strange reason the Lord called me. It is a pleasant and beautiful reality in my life and the rest of the Edwards household.

All too well do I remember that call on our lives to uproot from Paradise and follow the Lord to Seminole. It was a painful and unsettling time for all of us. It took place over the course of five months. In those days the Lord pried my hands away from a flock I loved and still love dearly back in Wise County. I still keep in contact with several people from there.

We barely scooted into Seminole in late August of 2009 in time for the boys to start school the following morning. We have had to make some adjustments to life in West Texas. We have had to learn to enjoy spending LOTS of time in the car driving! We drove two hours for Tanner’s basketball game last Monday night. Turner played in a league in Lubbock for several weeks.

I am adjusting to life without trees and the process of farming, which fascinates me. I am learning that life in Seminole is busier than life in previous places we have served. Still, my pausing and reflecting have caused me to see how God willed for His plans for my life to fall in the pleasant and beautiful community of Seminole.

Life is good. I am well contented. Thank you Lord for blessing my family in so many ways. If I did not get one gift under the tree this year or the next I still would say You have drawn your lines for us in pleasant and beautiful places.

Now, what about you? You cannot live vicariously through my experiences. Isn’t it time you paused, reflected and gave thanks to God for your life too? If you do, God will show you His goodness in the land of the living. You will see many ways you have been blessed. I trust your heart will be moved to praise as well.

Saturday Morning with Watchman Nee

I got up early this morning and came to the office while the rest of my family lounged around the house on a Saturday morning when, for a change, we had no commitments for the day. After settling into my chair I spent some time in prayer about ministry here in Seminole and other projects the Lord has called me to.

Later I opened my biography on the life of Watchman Nee and began to read. Earlier that morning I had wrestled in prayer about three specific things I need God’s provision for. I felt the temptation to make these needs known to people and to ask for their help in meeting each of them. As I read about Watchman Nee he adopted the same principle about financial matters that Hudson Taylor and George Mueller had adopted for themselves. They never asked people for provision but took their needs to God in prayer trusting Him to provide. Taylor did this for providing for the China Inland Mission and for provision for hundreds of missionaries. Mueller trusted God to house, clothe, and feed thousands of orphans. God proved faithful to both over the course of decades of ministry.

Watchman Nee faced a crisis not long after adopting this principle for his life. He had been asked to preach in a town far away that would require a lengthy boat ride. Normally the boat ride cost $40 and he had only $15. He felt prompted to give $5 of that money away to a co-worker. He did not understand why and questioned God about is leading him give away $5 when he already did not have enough for his trip.

In a step of faith Watchman found the co-worker and gave him the money only saying he would know why at some point. In another step of faith Watchman made his way to the boat with $10 asking God for a miracle. To his amazement a captain of a boat approached Watchman saying, “I only have one spot left on the boat near the stern. I will give it to you for any amount say, $7, and you provide all your own food on the journey.” Watchman jumped at the opportunity rejoicing in God’s faithfulness.

Watchman preached for several days in the city and as it became time to go back home he realized he again did not have money for the boat ride for the return trip. The night before he was scheduled to leave he received an invitation to eat in one of the church member’s home. The man, who had been deeply touched by Nee’s ministry, offered to pay all his traveling expenses for his trip. Instead of Nee accepting the generous offer he found himself rejecting the man’s generosity saying that someone else had made financial arrangements for this travel expense. Of course, Watchman referred in faith to God taking care of this. He left the man’s home confused as to whether God had prompted him to refuse the man’s offer of provision or whether it had been his own pride that had done so.

As Nee made his way to the port he did so pleading with God to help. Before he ever reached the ship a man came running up with a letter. The letter came from the man who had offered to pay for Nee’s travel expenses. In the letter the man wrote that even though someone else had made provision for travel expenses he felt he had to make some contribution to Nee’s ministry. Inside the letter Nee found all the provision he needed for the trip back home. Again he rejoiced over God’s faithfulness.

When he returned home Nee found the co-worker’s wife to whom he had given the $5 to before his trip waiting on him. She filled in the rest of the story behind the $5 gift. Their family had no money. She had prayed for God to provide for them or they would have suffered hunger. Her husband had gone out for a walk to pray for God’s help. It was at that point Nee had given her husband the money. They had lived on that money for the past week while Nee had been away preaching. If Nee had not been obedient her family would literally have had nothing to eat that week.

As I closed my book, I knew it had not been coincidence I had just prayed about three financial matters and been tempted to stand before the church to ask for help. I know God used Watchman Nee to remind me that God owns everything on the face of this earth. [Ps 24:1] God has also promised to be my provider no matter how small or large the need. [Phil 4:19] [Matt 7:7-8] So I take my needs to God and know of His faithfulness to provide for all of His children like He did for Hudson Taylor, George Mueller, and Watchman Nee. I can tell God alone and trust Him to do the rest. He knows my name, my situation, and the needs he has called me to trust Him for. He is perfectly able to get His provision into my hands.

What if we all trusted God to do this? What if we operated as believers and churches this way? I know this is a foreign concept. I still believe it is a biblical principle. Why do I say this? I say it from conviction. Earlier this week, I saw God move someone to give to two of those needs without my ever asking. I simply prayed and left my requests with the Lord. God did the rest and will continue to do the rest until it is done.

I am grateful for a Saturday morning with Watchman Nee. Though he has been dead for over a couple of decades now, God still spoke through Him and his life. I pray one day someone may hear similar stories about my life and be inspired to trust God for His miracle provision. All of this is for God’s glory. When he comes through He gets bragged on. I live to brag on God answering prayer. O dear people do not forget, “for we walk by faith, not by sight.” [II Cor 5:7]

Christmas With a Heavy Heart

The Christmas season is in full swing. Shoppers abound. Children are out of school. Bags are being packed for family gatherings. Red and green clothing abound. Houses have been decorated and the Christmas trees put in place. The days are being counted down. Christmas specials continue to air on television. This is a festive time of year.

I am reminded that this is not a festive time for everyone though. This time of year is melancholy for many. While others are gathering with families there are many who grieve the loss of loved ones with little holiday cheer. Their homes are no longer filled with the pitter-patter of little feet or with soul mates. There are many who endure the holidays with broken and grieving hearts.

This time of year brings back painful memories of loved ones who have passed on before us. This time of year brings a twinge of sadness while others are merry and joyful. Many times over this season I have been reminded of those who lost loved ones over the last year and others who did so years before. My heart is heavy with them and I am mindful that this time of year is not easy for everyone.

It would be insensitive to not think of those persons who forge ahead with heavy hearts. Songs bring back a flood of memories of happier times and joyous times gathered around the tree. The painful reminders of loved ones are numerous. Each reminder is like the painful removal of a scab that has begun to heal. The wound is reopened and the pain increases. People who have grieved for months and some for decades who think they are making progress toward healing, find the pain is still present and the grief still crushing this time of year.

Many are forgotten this time of year. They will not receive a single Christmas card or a Christmas gift from anyone. Many will never get a phone call or have visitors stop by. While all around others keep the festive spirit alive, others will sink into the depths and darkness of depression.

As I contemplate this today, I wonder where can heavy-hearted people turn in the scripture for comfort and strength. Is there a timely word to help the grieving and heavy-laden to not only endure but to also find a sense of joy?

Holiday greetings and well wishes will not suffice. There must be a clear and compelling word from the Lord for those who endure Christmas with a heavy heart. Millions have found comfort in [Ps 23:4] “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

Several things jump out to me in this verse. First, we are reminded that death is a reality we are going to have to face at some time. It is something we need to think about, talk about, and prepare for in our own lives and in the lives of others. Death is something many people push out of their minds until they are staring it in the face. People die. The mortality rate is one hundred percent. Nobody escapes unless you count Enoch and Elijah. Death is a present reality and at times because it comes so unexpectedly we are not prepared for it. Death is a dark valley in the journey of life.

As a child I faced death multiple times without anyone ever talking me through it. I saw death in my two great grandmothers. I saw death in my father. It hit our family again when my four-year old sister drowned. None of us were prepared for that. Even as an adult as I preached my mother’s funeral and dealt with the death of my maternal grandmother nobody wanted to talk through it. We all just coped best we knew how.

The memories of loved ones need to be remembered. Why are we so afraid to talk about the deceased to those who loved them and knew them best? Death is a valley and sometime it is very deep and very wide. The path to victory on the other side does not always come easily. Talking about it can help.

We can also learn from this verse that God is with us. He does not abandon us in these difficult seasons. He is with us. He accompanies us through the grieving process. While other mourners soon forget and go back to their busy lives God does not. Every tear He sees and stores in a bottle of remembrance. He is there for the grieving and heavy hearted when the sorrow is nearly suffocating. He comforts us through tormented nights of sleeplessness. He gives strength to go about the business of living from day to day. He hears our prayers and endless lists of questions, “Why?”

The other thing I know we can take from this verse is the ministry of comfort the Lord gives to the heavy-hearted. The comfort in this verse means to console or to ease. How many times does the Lord give consolation at the point when you think you cannot endear any longer? He eases the pain just a bit day by day until grief has run its course. Does grief ever fully run its course? Do you ever stop grieving? I don’t know that we ever fully quit grieving but we might learn how to cope with it better as time goes by.

Accompanied with this blog went up a prayer for family, friends, and my own flock who deal with grief with heavy hearts this Christmas season. You are not forgotten and you are not abandoned. God is the comforter of heavy hearts.

Wretched Man That I Am

“Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from this body of death?” [Rom 7:24]

My sin is ever before me. I see my wretchedness. I am not the man most people think I am. I am the man God sees and knows I am. I do not even know who I am. There are days I long to fellowship with Christ for hours. There are other days when I choose the path of least resistance and when I become entangled with sin. Which man am I? Am I really the man who loves God and wants to serve Him or am I the man who is a hypocrite who pretends to love God but really prefers a life of sin?

I think I am both men. Today, I feel the wretchedness of my sin all too clearly. I just finished preaching our early service and God’s word convicts me. I want to offer to God this Christmas season a life consecrated to Him but, wretched man that I am, I still struggle with sin. I knelt at the altar in brokenness over my own life. Tears filled my eyes over my sin. I have logs in my own eyes that must be dealt with leaving me no time to look for splinters in others eyes. [Matt 7:3-5]

I live with low- grade anger most of the time. I struggle with resentment. I am sharp tongued. From time to time lust raises its ugly head and penetrates my thoughts. I am impatient. I am inconsistent. I have a temper. There are many things that prevent me from being a good pastor. I often wonder why God chose me. The one thing I am is honest.

I hate pretense. I do not want to be a hypocrite who pretends to be better than he is. I am not the man you desire me to be but I want to be. I still struggle with this flesh and with sin and it is killing me. More often than not I fail. I am shamed by my unfaithfulness. How does God put up with me? O, I know He loves me but that only adds to the remorse in my heart.

I want to be a man who loves Jesus with all my being. I long to be a man who loves Him but hates sin. I yearn to live in purity and holiness not in my efforts but in my abiding. How often do I choose not to abide but I go so far as to shun His presence in my life.

Maybe this makes people uncomfortable. We might prefer the imaginary Matt rather than the real thing. We might prefer not knowing the truth than hearing the honest confessions of a pastor who hates sin in his life and in his flock. I am a wretch.

John Newton got it write when he penned the words, “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, “ back in the late 1700’s. Over three hundred years later the words ring just as true today. I am a wretch. Apart from the grace of God I am destined to God’s wrath. No matter how much education I have, books I have read or written, or how many sermons I have heard and preached myself, I am still a wretch. If given half a chance I will run toward sin and away from God.

There is no pretending here. I am no role model unless my life is crucified and surrendered to Jesus Christ. Despite my wretchedness, I cling to God’s word in desperation. “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” [Rom 8:1] “Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away, behold, new things have come.” [II Cor 5:17] “Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.” My only hope and confidence comes from God’s word. I stand on that hope alone for I have none of my own.

I am wretch. There is no denying that fact. The truth is I am a wretch who continues to be forgiven and has been declared righteous by God through Jesus Christ. “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” [II Cor 5:21] With that hope I pull myself up to not only preach another sermon today but to also to live for Him wretched man that I am.

Mary’s Run for Freedom

Picture if you can a young lady named “Mary” (not her real name). Her countenance radiates the presence of Christ. She has a sweet smile, an abiding joy, and a thick accent denoting that she originates from another country.

Some few years ago Mary experienced the most thrilling day of her life. She was miraculously and mercifully drawn to salvation through Jesus Christ. God repeats this same scene all over the globe every day. Even as I write this, somebody is being saved somewhere. Each salvation is a miracle story in and of itself.

Mary’s story really just begins there. See, Mary grew up in a Muslim country. When her father found out she had been converted to Christianity, he tried to kill her. I am not talking about killing figuratively. I am talking about literally. She had to run for her life.

Think about the horror of being greeted by murderous threats and actions from your father all in response to surrendering your life to Jesus Christ. Think about having no safe place to run. Ponder being in danger everywhere you turn. Paul knew what this felt like. [II Cor 11:26] “I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers from false brethren;”

Mary found herself running for her life. She fled from her father, her family, home, friends, and eventually from her town and country. She now resides in the United States all because she trusted Christ as her Savior. Mary has come to grips with the truth found in [II Tim 3:12], “Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”

We don’t know a great deal about the persecuted church here in the States. We take it for granted to attend church, to fellowship with other Christians, to have access to the Bible, and to openly and freely express our faith to other family members or friends without reservation. We are blessed and do not even realize this.

There are multitudes of believers serving Christ in other cultures who pay a high price for their faith. They live in constant danger and under constant threat of arrest or being killed for their relationship with Jesus. Families are ripped apart as husbands and wives are physically and violently separated. Houses are burned down. Fingernails are plucked out. Burning sticks are pressed against flesh leaving severe burns. Backs and legs are beaten mercilessly. Family members are shot, beheaded, and chased down like wild game. All of this as a result simply for being servants of Jesus Christ.

What do we know about this? We live and serve Christ casually, half- heartedly, and lukewarmly oblivious to the high cost to followers of Jesus around the world like Mary. How we need to remember the freedoms we have in Christ and our persecuted brothers and sisters around the world.

There are thousands upon thousands of persecuted believers around the world. How will God reward their faith? How honored is He when they stand in the midst of intense suffering for Him? In contrast, what does the Lord think when we waffle back and forth in our service? What does He feel when He sees our hypocrisy at worst and our inconsistency at best? Does He ever grieve when we go days on end without giving Him any time for private devotions? The words of Jesus haunt me, “To whom much is given much is required.” Surely this could be applied to the church of the United States.

FBC Seminole is blessed. We have God’s word first and foremost. We have adequate facilities. We have been blessed financially. God has assembled a great ministerial staff here. We have seen growth. What we have seen little of is persecution. The only persecution I have to endure is if someone gets upset because I preached too long or did not operate according to protocol in decision making. I have never been threatened with my life or for the safety of my family.

Mary spends her time now telling her story to those who will listen. She is working hard to establish “safe houses” in a neighboring country to her native land where believers, whether they be individuals or whole families, can find refuge from the persecution and persecutors.

Won’t you take some time to pray for Mary and others like her? Won’t you repent of the sinful attitude we have in our over self-indulgence in far too many churches in this nation.

It pains me that while I have spent so much of my time running to God and enjoying fellowship with Him and the love and support of this congregation, people like Mary have been running toward God and for their lives away from danger. I don’t know that I can help but I must be willing. At the least I can pray. At the most I can go putting myself in harms way as well. Lord, show me what to do.

God Sent You Here

I have never been an easy person to figure out. I know I am odd. I often refer to myself as a weird duck. There are times I love to be around people laughing, relating, and conversing. There are other times I do not want to be around anyone. I would rather be locked away in my prayer closet or in some other secluded space with a good book or nestled with my computer writing a blog or a book.

There are times when my heart is moved with compassion and tears flow easily as I minister to the sick, hurting, and the down trodden. I often feel a lump in my throat as I watch people suffer excruciatingly. There are also times when my heart is moved with righteous anger over sin, abuse, hypocrisy, and complacency in the church. I either have great days or bad days; seldom any days in the middle. I think a lot. I think constantly about life. I think about God and the scriptures and how far we have drifted from each of them.

At times I feel the tender heart of a shepherd loving his flock, nurturing, protecting, and guiding. At other times I feel like a warrior in battle standing up against all odds to fight for the cause of God. It doesn’t take me long to wear my welcome out in most places. My personality type is driven and intense. I am not easy to live with or to befriend. I am by nature untrusting and yet I crave deep relationships with people. I am perplexing to a great many people.

You cannot fit me into a nice neat category. Some people are pastors. Others are evangelist. There are still a few prophets. There are others who teach. A whole other group of persons make up the category of authors, and yet I feel a distinct call on my life to be all of the above. When I preached the Shake the City Revival here for those three weeks, I ministered in the role of prophet and evangelist more than as pastor. When I stand to feed the flock week after week I am a preacher. When I minister in the hospitals and around deathbeds I am the pastor/shepherd. Now I am ministering in my role as an author.

I have never been one to turn my head while winking at sin and hypocrisy. The longer I am in one place the more my glaring weaknesses of my life begin to show and my character flaws begin to surface. I do not make excuses for them. I trust Christ to make me a model of consistency, but honestly in this moment, I am not there. I trust Him to take me there. I do not wink at sin in my own life nor in the lives of others.

I am earnest about the word of God and living out truth before a world of unbelievers. In my job I hear more than I ever wanted to. I know things I wish I had never learned. I see things I wish I had never seen. Despite all of it, I trust God to give me His love for people. I preach hard because we live in hard times. I can see on the faces of many in the congregation Sunday after Sunday, the displeasure and the wish that I might just bounce out the same way I bounced in.

This is not to say that things are bad in Seminole. God continues to work and Brenda and I have been showered with love and blessings from this flock. God continues to save people and new people keep coming here. We continue to see more and more people added to the church through baptism and God has blessed the finances of this church.

It has not always been easy for me to fit into FBC. I have never been a person of wealth or impressed with those who are. I cannot be bought or silenced. I abhor pretense. I see a good deal of it in this church and community. I do not regard power mongering and do not mind when God calls me to upset the apple cart every now and again. I know I preach hard. I desire to preach a balanced Bible but at the core of my being I am a prophet and I preach the hard messages many other preachers shy away from. I do not enjoy preaching them. God alone knows how often I preached from a grieved and broken heart.

All of this leads me to contemplate from time to time my role of being a pastor. Too much of me is not a good thing for most churches. I know we were loved in Paradise but I am no fool either. Many were glad when we drove out of town for the last time. Though I have only been in Seminole a little over a year, after preaching the revival for these people it feels more like two years. I can say without reservation I have never preached harder in any church in my life. There have been times when I have begged God for softer messages. There have been other times when I have cringed to have to preach so hard. My role seems better suited to preach revivals or conferences where the message is proclaimed and I get to move on down the road. At my heart I am a pastor. I know this but I still am called to preach hard. This past Sunday morning was one such time. This is the Christmas season and nobody wants to hear a hard message at Christmas.

I preached on materialism and how our constant buying more for us affects us not giving more to further God’s Kingdom especially in relation to missions giving. I was convicted of how many shoes I have, shirts, ties, pants, suits, televisions and yet I find myself saying, “ I need more.” I do not need anything else. I have more than plenty. I could tell while preaching that message it was not winning me any friends.

When the service ended I watched as people nervously or awkwardly walked by me. Some avoided eye contact all together. Others shook my hand and made some small talk. I did not hear many, “Good message pastor. Great sermon preacher.” I am no stranger to this. I have experienced repeatedly at other churches, youth camps, retreats, and revivals.

On Monday I really began to question how long I will be able remain as pastor of any church. I really do love people but I really love God more. I do not preach to make eloquent messages. I preach what I sense God saying to me and I really mean we should alter our lives and live according to the principles of scripture. I cannot tell you how often in my Christian life I have felt alone at this point. This is not a job for me. Jesus is not a topic to talk about. He is my everything.

All of the above only serves as context for the main point I want to make in this writing. With all that wrestling in my head today I went to the care center to preach a message to the senior adult residents there. Wondering, even while walking the halls, how long will it be before people grow weary of me. A nurse came strolling by about that time. Like many before her she commented about hearing me preach. I do not know if she attended the service or watched it on television. What she said next came directly from God.

She said, “I know God sent you here.” With that she continued on to tend to her patients. I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear that. You see, down deep I remember all God did to uproot my wonderful life and ministry in Paradise. I recall the unpleasant pain of informing the church I was resigning. I remember too vividly the gasps of disbelief and the shock on people’s faces as the news sunk in that night. I well remember the hot tears rolling down my pudgy cheeks as I stammered through my resignation.

As tough as that night was the two weeks following were more brutal. There were endless conversations explaining how God had confirmed His call for us to leave. There were many who never accepted our coming to Seminole as the will of God. I, on the other hand, know how God used His word not only in my life but also in Brenda’s life to confirm His leading us to leave Paradise and to follow Him to Seminole.

I needed that gentle and simple reminder today that I am not here by accident. I am not even here by the will of man. God willed and purposed for me to pastor this church and stand in this pulpit and preach to this flock. God sent me here. I have often asked Him why? I do not fit in with the country club mentality or with the sense of entitlement that wealthy people have. I am who I am. I am just as comfortable wearing a tie as a pair of jeans and boots. I do not care to join every club and organization. I honestly prefer company with God than the company of men. Why would God send me here? I still do not fully know the answer to that.

All I know is that nurse, whom I do not even know her name, ministered to my heart today. I do not know the future. I only know God sent me to Seminole. I will seek to serve Him here as long as He wills.

Here is my point. You do not know the condition of the minds and hearts of the people you come into contact with on any given day. Some need a word of encouragement. The nurse only spoke those six words but they were what I needed to hear. The impact of those words equals the weight of a book. I needed to be reminded that God chose me to serve here. God willed me to live here. God purposed me to pastor here. God sent my family to Seminole. That has brought peace and comfort to my heart.

Who else needs comfort and peace? You just might be the mouthpiece of God for a troubled and tormented heart today. Look with eyes of discernment and listen with attentive ears for whom God may want you to touch and for the message God wants you to deliver. Six words can do a soul a world of good.

I Will Follow

I recently prayed one of those prayers that in hindsight will be harder to live out than to pray initially. I committed to the Lord I will follow Him anywhere and do anything He calls me to do. I have submitted to meeting any need He reveals anywhere in this world He calls me to. No matter how big or small. No matter how convenient or uncomfortable I will follow. Thus far that has included building a bedroom and handicapped bathroom for a family in Seminole. I am just now beginning to trust God and ask other people to trust God with me to build a hospital in Copan Ruinas, Honduras which includes raising $100,000.

God’s assurance to me after that prayer burned the truth in my soul, that in the future He will not call me to lesser things but to believe Him for even greater things. [Eph 3:20] There are needs locally, nationally, and globally. I often feel overwhelmed and helpless. Who am I to do anything of significance for the Lord? That is the wrong mindset. The right mindset is that I am to be willing to follow where God leads. When He reveals His path and will I am to obey no questions asked.

Thus far I know God has called my family to follow Him to Seminole and to pastor FBC. I know I am called to write for Him and trust Him to put those writings into print. I also know I am called to meet tangible and physical needs as the Lord leads. I am called to believe God for the impossible. It does not matter how big those needs might be. I trust God to come through and move mountains and provide abundantly to meet those needs. Following is not always easy but it is adventurous.

It is one thing to sit in my office in the comfort of this chair and say I am willing to follow God. It is a different matter to book the plane tickets, to hold the passport, to pack the bags, to say yes and commit your self to go. I cannot help it. From the depths of my heart I want to follow God in obedience. That might mean writing another book. It might mean sharing the gospel with a neighbor or friend. It could also include giving away my last dollar, preaching in far away places, loving the unlovely, trusting God for large amounts of money for His purposes, and to lay my life down on His altar along with my family. [Rom 12:1]

[Matt 16:24] is a clear call that my life is to be yielded to Him as His disciple and to follow where He leads. He might lead me to stand boldly for truth in the midst of fierce opposition. He might call me to blind leaps of faith with no guarantees for safety or success except the precious promises of His word. He might not ever allow me to live in comfort or complacency. I am still compelled to follow Him.

Why? He redeemed me. Jesus purchased my redemption. He suffered for my sin. In adoration and as a continual act of worship I commit my life to follow. I know from past experience that following the Lord can be costly. I have suffered financially, emotionally, and often been misunderstood and maligned but I have continued to follow. Being His vessel is the passion of my soul.

I do not know where all this following will lead except to eternity. I will follow Jesus though. He is my life abundantly and everlasting. He alone is my source of unending joy. He is my peace and hope. He planned my life when I was in my mother’s wound. Why would I not follow? He is trustworthy and dependable. [I Thess 5:24].

There is a new song by Chris Tomlin that has been ministering to my heart in recent days. The chorus says, “ Where you go I’ll go. Where you stay I’ll stay. When you move I’ll move. I will follow you. Who you love I’ll love. How you serve I’ll serve. If this life I lose I will follow you.” That is my heart’s cry.

Jesus I commit my life afresh to follow you. I don’t know where that will lead or what challenges I will face along the way. I only know I love you and want to follow you when others make excuses. You can have my life. Every ounce of it. You can have all my days. My money is your money. I surrender my possessions to do with as you please. I relinquish any rights to call the shots. You are the leader and I am the follower. I lay my life, my family, and ministry on your altar. Lead where you wish and I surrender to do what you will and purpose to be done.