Comforting the Grieving

While out of town at a meeting I talked with a precious friend of mine who is grieving the loss of an immediate family member. This happened several weeks ago but my friend cannot get over it. He has nightmares. He is depressed. He is haunted by fears. In fact, for the first time in fourteen years I witnessed my friend cry.

I mostly listened as he talked me through the labyrinth of emotions he is wrestling through. I could see the heaviness all over his countenance. He is normally a very positive and upbeat person. He seemed heavy and sad all through our meeting. He declined to eat lunch with us and I almost let him go.

I believe the Lord wanted me to talk to him. I followed him outside and our conversation followed. I cannot put into words how much this man means to me. We have walked many miles of rough roads in life together. He has always been one of those men I knew I could count on in every situation. Seeing him hurt makes me hurt.

I participated in that funeral a few weeks ago. The funerals come and go and those of us on the outside come and support our family and friends but our lives move on. Often for the grieving they remain stuck in the miry pit of sadness, remorse, guilt, and depression. I would not have known this if I had not paid close attention in that meeting. We have talked on the phone and things seemed to be normal. He covered up the dark truth inside.

As soon as we started the meeting I could tell something was different. In fact, I asked him about what bothered him during a break. He commented that since the death in his family member he had not been the same and cannot get over it. He has dealt with death before. He is a minister and is around death a great deal. He participated in his own father’s funeral. He is not scared of death itself. I think the process of death is what can be so unsettling.

Seeing my brother in such an emotionally fragile state breaks my heart. When he hurts I hurt. When he rejoices I rejoice. We are connected. Our souls are knit together. We may go weeks without talking but our love remains strong. We may only see each other a handful of times a year but we always pick up right where we left off. He is one of the original members of my inner circle of most trusted friends. This is not a wide circle.

In the end my talk did little to console him. I just did what someone advised me to do years ago when trying to comfort the grieving. Just be there. Be present and listen. Second, pray. Our time was cut short and I wished I had prayed with him on the spot but circumstances did not allow for that. I sent him a prayer in a text later in the day.

There are grieving people all around us. Some get through the grieving process easier than others. Some put the pieces back together and keep moving on. Others can get stuck in the mud and cannot seem to get out and move on. Regardless of where we find grieving people, let us stop and take time to comfort. That may not mean with fanciful words. I have learned over the years I do not have to give the answers. I have found offering love and support go a long way toward healing. Just being there and praying often means more and can do more than us quoting endless Bible passages.

I am no profound theologian. In the end all I an offer my friend is my love and my prayers. I pray those things might be a tool to help him get over the hump.