It is Valentine's Day. A day when many men are scrambling to do something obligatory for their sweethearts. Men scrambling to find some flowers, candy, and a card with little forethought or feeling behind the gesture. Hurried plans to throw together a date night at the last second including dinner and a movie. I applaud you men who do better. I cheer for you men who go the extra mile to make your sweetheart feel special.
Valentine's Day is commercialized. It is a money making proposition for flower shops, greeting card companies, jewelry stores, and candy makers. I get that. Most of the men who need to read this will never read this. Our ladies deserve to be romanced all the years of their marriage.
Men are great at romancing during the courtship years. There are special dates. Slow strolls talking. Picnics. Letters. Special tokens of love. All this done voluntarily to win the woman of their dreams. The girl falls in love and does not realize she is being set up. She thinks she will always be treated this way.
Imagine her surprise when one day she wakes up to a life of working full time, laundry, cooking, doing dishes, running errands, and obligatory sex with a man who does not make her feel appreciated or lend her a helping hand.
There is no more flirting. He spends all his time at the lake, in the woods, on the golf course, or always working. Conversations with him are usually one sided. He never talks anymore but during the dating years there were endless phone conversations.
Many women wake up today to the sad reality that the man of their dreams has turned into the man of her nightmares. How many women are not living the fulfilled marriages they were promised. How many wish their husbands would romance them, make them feel special. Women want to know that as the years go by and her hair changes color and old age takes it toll that her husband will still choose her and not want to trade her in for the newer model.
Many women survive loveless marriages. They feel used. A day like Valentine's Day only serves to remind them that they are not treasured, they are not appreciated, and the marriage of their childhood dreams most likely will never come true.
Men, it is time to step up to the plate. I am thankful that most days I still get to eat lunch with Brenda. I treasure those lunches with just the two of us. We laugh. We talk. We share our hearts. We talk about the kids. We coordinate schedules. Most of all we just enjoy being together. We still have date nights. We still laugh together. Sometimes we sit on the back porch and watch the deer run by. I love when we get in our golf cart (our house included a golf cart) and drive around the community. It really doesn't matter. We just enjoy being together.
Recently she sent me an email devotional she found. It was about an elderly man caring for his aging wife who suffered from Alzheimer Disease. One day the wife became coherent for a brief moment as he cared for her and asked her husband, "Do you still want me?" Brenda asked me that same question at the end of that email. That spoke volumes to me. My wife wanted to know, come sickness and old age will I still want her. Will I still choose her.
Many men stand at the altar on their wedding day and mouth the words, "In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, to death do us part." Divorce courts are filled with men who did not keep their end of this promise. Their are plenty of women who do the same.
Men, can we not get focused long enough to make our wives feel special, not just for one day, but for a lifetime. Can we learn to get the focus off of ourselves and make them feel more special. Can we not take the time to date and romance our wives to the end. That is what they long for. I bet they would take that over a new house or a new car. They just want to feel special. We have room for improvement men in this area.
I am thinking of two or three men right now who excel at this. I will not call them by name but I can tell you they are truly romantics. They get razzed by their friends for it but their wives certainly appreciate it. They buy bottles of perfume during normal days when it is not expected. They give their wives flowers during regular days. They leave love notes around the house. They send flirting texts. They help with cooking and the laundry. They plan special get aways. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes a little imagination but it is worth it.
Women, today I salute you. You serve and serve and then serve some more. You are worth being treated as special. You are worth being told over and over again all your days that you are wanted. Men it is time to step up to the plate. We can do better. Our wives deserve better.
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