As I read through the book of Matthew early this morning I came across a verse God has used many times in my life in the past. He saw fit to use it again this morning. I had to ask myself the question, do I really want to go with Jesus? Do I really want to be His disciple and learn from Him? Do I really want to be one of His followers?
Last night Brenda and I went out on a date. As we sat across from each other at dinner I told her I was sorry that our lives and ministry have been so hard. I reflected that I never dreamed our lives would have turned out the way they have. When we were first married I had great dreams. I honestly thought God had destined me to do some great things. Now twenty years later over dinner last night I began musing about the sacrifices and hardships of ministry. There have been many twists and turns. I have often felt like I failed. I can assure you at 46 years old I really thought I would have been further down the road in life and ministry. Going along with Jesus has meant many surprise changes of course I never saw coming.
Many years ago I pledged to follow Jesus anywhere at anytime and do anything. I laid my life, family, and ministry at His feet as an offering. I think this is what every believer should do. I can't say I have always liked where the Lord's leadership has taken us. There have been numerous steps of faith. There have been sacrifices and trials and more blessings than I can count.
Last night over dinner and during the past several days I have done a lot of pondering. I have tried to make sense out of my life. I asked Brenda hard questions about our present and our future. She is a rock. Seldom does she have the extreme mood swings I am prone to. She listens patiently, rebukes gently, and encourages continually. In that context, I came across [Matt 16:24] this morning.
Many people want to follow Jesus as long as things work out well for them. When the blessings come in like a flood it is easy to go along with Jesus. When success increases and the path is smooth it is joy to go with the Jesus. Jesus' words speak more to sacrifice than a life of comfort this morning though. His challenge has hit me strong in the past. It is hitting me strongly again this morning. "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.'" [Matt 16:24]
Part of denying myself is denying my wants and rights to an easy life. Compared to many friends and family my life does not measure up. At 46 I have less than $5,000 in life savings. We do not have anything set back for retirement. Time and time again I continually start over. This is not what I planned as a young idealistic ministry student on the campus of Howard Payne University. Yet, my one desire has always been to follow Jesus.
Brenda asked me last night if personal success had been my ambition. I had to tell her building the kingdom of God has been my driving passion. Building God's kingdom has meant little time or desire to build Matt's Kingdom. I have denied myself the privilege of choosing my own ministry. I have denied myself the right to set my own salary or to make financial compensation a determining factor in where and whether I would go with Jesus. I deserve no credit or applause for this because I believe every child of God should live that way. We should live completely surrendered to the Lord.
Part of living completely surrendered means denying yourself. Truth be known it does not matter what I want. It only matters what He wants. Jesus spoke [Matthew 16:24] to His disciples knowing if they went with Him it would mean suffering and eventually martyrdom for most of them. He still challenged them to follow Him anyway.
We are inundated with the subtle and deceptive message that going along with Jesus means a life of reward and blessing not taking into account that following Jesus also means taking some risks, enduring hardships, facing opposition and sacrifice. If I am truly denying myself it doesn't matter how hard following Jesus gets. I have spent a life time protecting Matt's interests and rights. I am prone to want to avoid the hardships and to embrace the easy life. This morning I am reminded again that I am to utterly renounce every right over my life. How it turns out is out of my hands. Jesus alone has the right to determine my course. There is a sweetness to this surrender. This is familiar ground. Sweetly I surrender my life, my days, and my future to Him.
Jesus challenges His followers to take up their cross. We are not called to take up His cross because we can't. He alone could purchase redemption. That does not mean that you and I may not be called to suffer. This thought flies in the face of the American dream. The cross meant two things back during Jesus day. Death and suffering. I like what Paul wrote in [Galatians 2:20] "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
When I take up my cross I am taking up the crucified life. My life is now Christ's life. A dead man has no rights. It is no longer Matt living, planning and choosing. Jesus gets to call all the shots. If He suffered the cross who am I to think that I get to avoid suffering and hardships at all costs. Staying on the cross helps keeps life in perspective.
Jesus calls us to follow Him. He never says where that might lead. For some following Jesus has led to a life of fame and fortune. For others following Jesus has meant a life of hardship and hazards. We are called to follow regardless of where it leads. Jesus is the leader and we are to fall in behind Him and let Him determine the direction. I assure you, I never dreamed following Him would lead me back to Paradise to start a church. I can question, rationalize and even resist or I can submit and surrender.
The decision has already been made. I may never pastor a large church. I may never author best selling books. I may never get to retire because I have nothing to retire on. I may never have abundance. In the end that does not matter. If I am really surrendered and determined to go with Jesus I must also let Him determine the course. Regardless of where it leads I choose again this morning to go with Jesus.
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