Closed Doors

I write this day out of frustration. Doors keep shutting on us. We gt word someone was interested in looking at our house and then the next thing we hear the lookers are going in a different direction. They say the house is too expensive but all we are asking is exactly what we paid for it. This has happened repeatedly over the past seven months. We have not had even one offer on the house in all that time.

I got wind on a bigger rent house available and called to find out about it. I actually heard about it several weeks ago but at the time I thought our house would sell and we did not want to move from this rent house to another rent house only to finally be able to buy a house and then move a third time. We decided to go drive by the rent house (which was four bedrooms) on Saturday. We drove out to take a look at it and liked what we saw from the outside. I found out today somebody moved into the house yesterday. Every house we have really liked here and we thought we could afford has already sold. Rental property is few and far in between. More closed doors.

It is a burden I continually cast on the Lord. I do not understand why He continues to shut doors for us. Month after month we have continued to pay for a house in Seminole we no longer get to enjoy. Only those who have been through similar experiences can relate to the frustration. With each passing month the financial screws tighten a little more as we keep paying for that house. More and more we are having to reach deeper to make the ends meet.

We have prayed and prayed. I cannot even tell you how many hours we have poured into praying for that house to sell as individuals and as a family. With each passing month the frustration mounts. No matter what angle I look at this from I cannot understand why God continues to shut this door.

Paul had doors shut on him. Often he was prevented from going to places he wanted to minister. God had His reasons then as He has His reasons now. Time and time again I have gone back to [Is 55:8-9]. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts and your ways are not My ways. For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."Sometimes you can look back in hindsight and see the reasons why God shut doors. At other times you never discover the reasons and are left to cope with all the why questions.

In the past I felt assured there were two different churches we were going to serve, one in Tyler, TX and the other in Odessa, TX. Both doors were shut. In hindsight both churches had troubled pasts and would have been difficult churches to serve. God shut the doors to both to save us from a lot of heartache. Instead we were led to the Paradise community. In hindsight we saw God closed doors to bring us into something better.

The issue with our housing is more difficult to understand. I do not doubt God called me to follow Him to start Faith Community Church. Therefore I deduce that it was the will of God for my family to move from our house to here and our house had to be sold. For seven months we have been praying along with countless others asking God to bring a buyer. Our salary was cut significantly to start this church yet it was a step we felt and still believe God called us to take. We have not even had anyone make an offer on the house in these seven months. People have offered to rent our house. Many have counseled me not to do this. Our house is in mint condition now and is ready to move in. If I am clearly in the will of God, and we see evidence of that on many fronts, it is hard to discern the reason for the closed doors on selling our home or buying a new one. The more frustrating thing is watching our savings account dwindle we were hoping to use for a down payment on a house every month. Even as I ask these questions I know there are no real answers.

We have no choice but to keep waiting and to keep trusting. We have no choice but to look for the positive in all of this. We have both read and quoted relevant Bible verses. We have prayed and prayed. Others have prayed for us. At the least I am not living in an RV while my family lives under a different roof. God has His reasons for the delay and for keeping the doors shut. I do not understand them. I may never understand why He keeps closing doors on us. I even have doubts about posting this blog. Nobody wants to hear that the man who has preached and written so much about faith struggles from time to time. Truth is as of late it has been harder to preach and to write when you are clinging to hope and faith by a thread.

I am not abandoning hope. I know God can move my mountains and believe me I have asked Him to move them over and over again. Not understanding is the hardest part. I think it would be helpful to know why or to see down the road but His thoughts are higher than mine and His ways are way different than my ways. I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

These are days when you simply have to gut it out. I have to gut it out in my mind and dwell on God and my pursuit of deeper love for Him. I have to gut it out in my faith and keep asking and trusting God to come through no matter how long I have to wait on Him. I have to gut it out in perseverance and serving to live with confident expectation.

For this season God keeps shutting the door but I am reminded of another scripture. This is also a scripture about doors but it is one that gives me hope. "Keep asking and it will be given to you. Keep searching and you will find. Keep knocking and the doors will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." [Matt 7:7-8]

So we keep asking, searching, and knocking. By faith I know the day will come when I write about the answers to all those prayers and when the doors are flung open wide. Until then, more asking, seeking, and knocking.