A Hard Day

It is 6:09 a.m. and I seated in my office at the computer after a very hard day. Yesterday, July 3, 2011 I officially resigned as pastor of FBC Seminole to follow God’s call on my life to start the Faith Community Church in Paradise, TX. I did so with many tears.

The day began with my meeting with the chairman of deacons and his wife in my office during Sunday School. After the initial shock he asked if we could pray. The tears flowed freely. It is hard to explain the feeling. I felt a hollow emptiness in my gut that makes you somewhat nauseous. I dreaded facing the church. To buy a little time I watched the beginning of the service from our television room. Even watching the service somewhat removed I began to cry.

The Lord enabled me to get focused as I entered the sanctuary and took a seat on the front row. I choked back tears as we sang. I preached from Heb 11:8-10 about Abraham following God’s call on his life to go to the land that God would show him. As I have done many times in the past two years I challenged the congregation to follow God regardless of the cost. At the end I made the transition to my resignation with these words. “Now God is calling me to live out what I have been preaching.”

I held it together until I tried to communicate how grateful Brenda and I have been for the love, support, generosity, and blessings from FBC Seminole. I cannot even put it all into words. They have prayed for us as much as any church ever has. They have blessed us financially with a great salary. It was through their gifts and generosity we were able to purchase a home. Times without number when we have been out in the community someone has bought our meals. In busy times they have gone the extra mile in bringing meals to us. In short they have loved and supported Brenda and I in every way conceivable. Even as I write this the tears form in my eyes. The last thing I want to do is hurt them.

They could not have treated a pastor and his family any better. To hurt them by leaving grieves me but they know me well enough to know I love Jesus more and I will follow Him even when it hurts those around me. I have pledge to the Lord I will follow Him anywhere to do anything at anytime. It is one thing to say that but a different matter altogether to live it.

After the message and resignation I wanted to run to my office but I could not do that. I had to stand at my familiar station to shake hands and face the people. I could not hold back the tears as one person after the other filed past. Most of you know I am not much of a hugger but hugs were freely given. Most people were shocked. A few knew I had been wrestling with something but most had no inclination I would resign. One lady said, “I knew you would follow God out of Seminole one day I just did not think it would be so soon.”

With each person that came by there were memories of ministry and fellowship. Some of the most difficult were the teenagers. I have invested in them and seeing their hurt pains me even this morning. All of this is hard. After lingering to shake hands I headed for the refuge of my office.

When I rounded the corner of the hallway to my office I was greeted with my children and their friends lined up on both sides weeping. Tucker and Turner did not know we would be moving until that moment I told the rest of the church. I brought them into my office all of us crying. I answered their questions. Turner was the first to ask questions. It is hard uprooting my children from their friends. Turner and Tucker both asked if they could hang out with their friends a lot before we leave. Tucker wanted to know if he could still go to camp with the church. They were comforted knowing God is calling us back to Paradise where they went through this same grieving when they left friends there.

When I got home Brenda and I stayed in the bedroom crying and grieving together for about an hour. We love the people of Seminole. We gave ourselves wholly to this church and community. Neither of us ever dreamed our ministry here would be so short lived. As we sat on the bed face after face flashed across my mind bringing more tears. I love these people. I did not come here to be their preacher but to become their pastor. I have prayed with these people, grieved with them, laughed with them, and trusted God with them. I have no words to explain how hard it is to leave them.

Brenda and I both napped during the afternoon. I planned on laying the whole process of how God had worked in my life to bring about this calling during the evening service. One of our deacons came to me afterward and said, “I can see God is in this.” He will never know how much those words meant to me. FBC Seminole could not have loved and blessed my family any more than they have done. The simple truth is all of this is God calling me to follow Him and my stepping out in faith and obedience.

I am not running from anything. I am not disgruntled. I am not looking for greener pastures. For seven months God has been speaking one resounding message to me through scriptures, songs, books, and sermons, “Follow Me.” It has taken me seven months of wrestling with God in the wee hours of the morning, throughout the day and at times late into the night to discern what, “Follow Me,” meant. I have poured over the pages of scriptures begging God for direction. As God alone knows I have repeatedly told Him I would be willing to stay in Seminole or to go depending on what He has willed.

We are following God to start the Faith Community Church in Paradise, TX. I have no salary. We have no place to live. We have no place to meet. All we have at this point is the call of God on our lives and a dream of a church. At least for the moment the dream is tempered as the Edwards family grieves. It is a deep grieving. The tears have flowed steadily as I wrote this over the past hour.

Many will question why we came to Seminole in the first place. I would answer we followed God here. Some would ask then why leave so soon and go back to the very community God called you to leave in the first place? I would respond that is where God has called me to follow Him.

As a servant of Christ I have no rights over my life and ministry anymore than an enlisted soldier has rights over where they will be called to serve. [I Cor 6:19-20] [Rom 12:1] [Gal 2:20]Christ gives orders and I follow. That is the way it should be for every believer. Christ owns me and I laid my life, family, and ministry on his altar a long time ago.

That does not make it any easier to say goodbye. After sharing our journey in the evening service I went to a scheduled prayer meeting for our upcoming revival. There were only five of us in attendance. Many stayed behind to talk with Brenda. Some did not feel like going to a prayer meeting after such a hard day.

Again I wept as the five of us prayed for revival and the future of FBC Seminole. Like I said in the beginning it was a very hard day. To love as deeply as we have loved people here means the hurt go even deeper. There will be more hard days as we transition to a new ministry. This is part of what Jesus meant when he said, “If anyone wishes to come after me he must first deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.” [Luke 9:23] God is the God of comfort for the Edwards family and for FBC Seminole. God loves this church far more than me. I hate watching them hurt. Yesterday was a hard day.