Battle Against Depression

I have spent the most of the day in my bedroom. I have not felt like being around people. I drift between thoughts of grief, hopelessness, and faith. I feel the icy cold grip of depression trying to put a chokehold on my faith. I hear the voices in my head saying, “You are a fool to leave.” “You will fail.” “Look at all the houses for sale in Seminole. The market is flooded. Your house will not sell.” “You cannot afford to move.” “You cannot afford a house and there are none for rent in Paradise.” Each of these voices in my head all has an element of truth in them.

I am in a battle. A battle to maintain faith against my old nemesis depression. My thoughts are raging all over the place. We have only had two calls from potential buyers on the house. The job lead Brenda had fell through since we cannot move right away. Our lives would be much more comfortable to stay put. Life is good in Seminole. We are loved. We are prayed for. We are supported. We are blessed. It does not make sense to move. Yet God beckons me to follow Him.

While sitting in my recliner this morning I looked out through the French doors to the backyard. I got emotional thinking about leaving. We prayed God would provide us our home for nearly five years before even moving to Seminole. We did not take that home for granted. We thanked God for it and for the people who blessed us to even make it possible. Now we are praying we just break even on the sale since we lived there such a short period. We will not profit.

At forty-five years old I should be in the prime of my career. I should not be starting over at the ground floor. God has spoken and His will is clear though. Following Him is not easy or without hardship. Depression begins to sink in like a fog. At times I see no way out. The mountains look so big.

That is until I made the conscience effort to drag myself from the bedroom and to drive up to the office. At least for a few more days I am afforded the refuge of this office. Here I can let my emotions really be unleashed without upsetting Brenda and the boys. Here I can have a heart to heart talk with the Lord. Here I can cling to His word. It is here the battle over depression is waged and won. As God has done countless times before He spoke to me through His word.

[Joshua 1:9] “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” God knows what we need. He gives to his beloved children in their time of need. Clinging to this verse my faith is revitalized and depression is lifted. Hope is restored and I am strengthened to battle another day.

We are commanded to be strong and courageous just like Joshua. It is more natural to be weak and cowardly when facing trials. Where do we get the strength when our knees begin to shake and where do we find courage when we would rather tuck tail and run from the battle. Our source of strength and courage comes from the comforting truth God is with us wherever we go. He is with Seminole and FBC church as they start the long quest of finding a new pastor. God is with the Edwards family as we take the biggest step of faith God has ever called us to. God is with those who live in fear. God with those who continually come up to edge of faith but cannot bring themselves to take the next step.

God is not just with us in this very hour but will also be with us each step of our journey through life. God is with the soldier on the battlefield. God is with the pastor discouraged after years of a fruitless ministry. God is with the spouse trapped in a loveless marriage. God is with the impoverished. God is with the sick and feeble. God is with the tired and heavy laden. God is with us.

I will not succumb to depression. I face my trials with strength and courage only He can supply trusting Him for the outcome. If I fail I fail. I will still trust and obey. If God brings the victory He gets all the glory. If I succeed beyond my wildest dreams I will humbly be grateful for His blessings. I am called to obey in strength and courage. The outcome is up to Him.

Many of you fight depression as well. I urge you to grasp a promise from the scriptures and to saturate your mind and heart in that truth. Let the truth of scripture be a weapon in your battle against depression.